RUN BTS! 2021 -Ep.142 [Weverse]
Jimin oneshot ANGST/SAD
warnings: alcohol(not bad just tipsy), car crash, loss of sight, negative thoughts, character death, suicide
Lying in a hospital bed makes you feel more sick than healthier. You have no choice because you were in a car crash a week ago. It’s the fact that you have no choice that makes you sick. You feel tempted to tear back the sheets and climb out the window to escape. You feel strong enough to, but you know you can’t.
You’re a dreamer in every way. You don’t show all your feelings, but whole galaxies and worlds spin in your head. You love to move and explore. You’ve seen some of the most beautiful sights in the world. Beautiful woods with golden green light streaming through. Caves open to the sky with crystal clear water that somehow sparkles blue. Tops of mountains, clouds below you rosy pink in the morning. Deserts flaming red and orange at sunset. Open places, far from people where stars float in masses overhead. You’ve seen similar feeling lights below you, as you look out a window onto a city, the lights beckoning you to explore. You love the shiny-ness of pristine marble floors in museums, depicting the histories of the world. Sunshine bouncing off the wares of a busy market. The many colors swirling under chandeliers on elaborate dresses. The warm firelight flickering as you curl up with your hot cocoa. You worked hard for every moment you experienced, and though tiring, it was rewarding. You feel fulfilled in your life, well-almost.
At first you were a little lonely, finding it hard to open up to people. You’d dream of your own charming soulmate, someone who had lights in their own eyes and was willing to feel everything with you. You didn’t think you were very demanding. You just wanted someone you’d naturally love and trust. Of course it would be best if the feelings were mutual. You wanted someone to share your life without them trying to mess with it, you wouldn’t mess with theirs either. It would be nice if they supplied you with chocolate, and cuddles every once in a while and occasionally went on adventures together. You were quite surprised when you found that people of that sort are on short supply.
It took a long lonely time, during which you explored every other part of your heart. You were quite happily yourself, but that aching hole in your heart stayed empty. You found the cure in him.
It was like everything became brighter and more colorful when you fell in love. He’s seen you at your best and at your worst. The first time you opened your heart to him he smiled at the ocean and sky reflecting in your eyes. Then he’d wordlessly wrapped his arms around you and you’d never felt happier. He liked cuddling, and you were more than happy to snuggle into his side on relaxed days. He had his own dreams that he followed with all the passion in his heart and you loved watching him. His expression when he was following his dreams was just like yours. You could practically see his life and energy and love for his dreams pulsing through his body. It made you content, knowing that he was truly happy.
On one of your favourite dates was when you’d gone to see the cherry blossoms together. It had started off calm, the two of you just enjoying the scenery. But a couple alcoholic drinks later, you were both slightly tipsy. This prompted Jimin to start singing, loudly and outrageously off key. Of course he had a beautiful voice and was perfectly capable of sounding like a professional singer. He was teasing you, so you gave him a playful push in retaliation. However, intoxicated you didn't have the greatest judgement. Somehow Jimin ended up in a stream. You felt so bad and went to help him out, but Jimin had other ideas. The second he grabbed your hand he tugged hard, pulling you in with him. It was a rather chaotic afternoon. Suffice to say, you both went home in an Uber, soaking wet and covered in pink petals.
You were lying in your hospital bed thinking of him. Just the thought of him and his fluffy hair calmed you. His cheeks were adorably squishable. He was beautiful to you. He always seemed to have this soft glow. Sometimes that glow got too bright, and he’d leave you hot and sweating. Those times he wasn’t as cute… though still insanely attractive.
He was out of the country when you’d gotten in the accident and he hadn’t been able to come home yet. You had talked to him a little bit on the phone. But you had a concussion and the nurse holding the phone would end the call long before either of you felt like stopping talking. Jimin was distraught. He’d been the first person you called when you got the chance and you could tell from his voice that he was practically crazy with worry. His friend had butted in for a bit to calm him down, which you appreciated. You hated making him feel that way, so you calmly told him you were ok, which was of course a lie. You did a fairly good job making everyone but Jimin believe it. Unsurprisingly he saw right through it.
You hated how trapped you felt, how the scratchy hospital sheets grated against your skin, the way the hospital echoed with eerie sounds, and you hated that Jimin wasn’t there. There was so much more that you hated, but you did your best to ignore it. The problem was you couldn’t really ignore it, and the fear was practically eating away at you.
The hours felt like they stretched into years as you lay in the hospital bed. And a few days felt like eternity. Your brain was filled with a dull fog. No light pushed its way through.
A gentle hand on your forehead woke you from your stupor. Relief rushed through you, and you grabbed it. You pulled it to your cheek.
“Hi” Jimin murmured. His voice was shaky, like he was about to cry. You desperately tried to sit up, throwing your arms haphazardly around to hug him. “Shh, I imagine you hate it, but lie still sweetheart.” The bed sank a little bit beneath him as he lay down beside you. He wrapped his arms around you and you curled into his warmth. You buried your nose in his chest, his smell familiar and comforting. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get here sooner”
“I understand, don’t worry.” You whispered softly. Jimin pressed a kiss to your forehead and built up tension began releasing your body. For the most part that was good. But you also began losing control over the tight bands constricting in your chest. Their loosening allowed a gasp to break out of your mouth. Jimin’s hand rubbing your back was slowly unraveling all the knots holding your feelings in. You gripped the front of his shirt with tightly clenched hands as waves of emotions swept through you. You felt like you were choking on your own breath.
“I got you don’t worry.” Jimin quietly said. Your eyes burned and you felt the tears building up. But they never touched your cheeks.
The tears soaked into the heavy bandage wrapped around your eyes.
Jimin’s hand on your head absentmindedly played with the edge of the bandage.
“You know I’ll always love you. I’ll help you get through this.” His own voice trembled, listening to you sob. “I know how much being able to see and explore meant to you. But I promise you will always have me. I won’t ever leave you.”
Jimin’s words hurt. You knew they were meant to be comforting, and you felt you loved him all the more. But behind your bandages were your ruined eyes. You’d knew you’d never see more than different shades of grey. Even in the darkness you could see Jimin in your mind’s eye perfectly. He was getting older, mature and handsome. He’d given up his dreams and his life to help you trapped in your darkness. And as he stayed by you, all his light was fading away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was months later and Jimin was digging through the hotel buffet. He was able to make you smile if he found something you really liked the taste of. With all the different expensive foods he was determined to find one that would make you forget our blindness for a bit.
5 floors up, it was a different story. You were in an extremely expensive hotel, and though the bed was one of the comfiest you’d ever been in, you could feel yourself crumbling to pieces. Jimin had dragged you up into the arctic circle. He’d always been good at describing places in a way that you could almost see them, and you’d always wanted to see the northern lights. He was determined to fill you in on every sight. The air was nice, and the muffled sounds of snow and water were nice. The cold bit at your cheeks and sort of woke you up. But it wasn’t right. Jimin was fantastic at describing everything, he sounded like a poet. But you were beginning to forget what things looked like. He talked about a red sled. Red? What did that look like again? The longer you could not see, the more you forgot. Your imagination was shriveling up along with your memories. Voices in the hallway interrupted your thoughts.
“Hey did you see? the Aurora Borealis are showing”
You quickly fumbled your way out of bed and felt along the wall until you found the lightswitch. You turned the lights off so the greyness turned into black. You unsteadily whirled around to where you thought the windows might be. Sure enough, in your dark vision, facing one way lifted the darkness slightly. You kept your hands outstretched in the middle of the unfamiliar room.
You stumbled over something and fell forward to your knees. Reaching out to touch it you found the rough canvas of your bag. You sighed and stood up before continuing toward the windows. After what felt like years, your fingertips met cold glass. You fumbled around to open the windows. For all you knew the glass was tinted and blocked some light. You found the handle, and began pulling at it randomly. You were beginning to get frustrated when you heard it slide open. You were startled when cold air met your feet. A bit of tentative poking with your foot told you that it was in fact a sliding glass door. You then carefully shuffled your way out onto the balcony outside. You had no shoes and your socks were instantly soaked in the freezing snow. The cold sank through your thin sweater and stabbed at your stomach. You turned your head upwards and your eyes were met with possible lighter greyness than before. A few rooms down and to the side you could hear people talking as they watched the lights from their own balcony.
“Woah, look at that” someone was saying, voice in awe.
“I like the purplish tint over there”
“See, over there”
You imagined the person pointing, the other one looking around.
“Oh I see it, wow that's beautiful.”
You swiveled your head in vain. All the greys looked no different than any other grey. You couldn’t even imagine it. All the pictures you’d ever looked at of the northern lights and you couldn’t remember one. The group were pointing out all sorts of details to each other and you simply had no idea what they would look like. Maybe Jimin could describe it to you, then again he’d been describing things the entire trip and it hadn’t helped. You tried to picture him pointing out the lights to you and your heart stopped.
You couldn’t picture his face. No matter how you wracked your brains you just couldn’t remember what the love of your life looked like. His hair was fluffy, and he had soft lips. But what was the color of his hair? What did colors look like? You knew you’d loved looking at his eyes, but no image of them sprung to mind. You knew he was the most adorable and handsome person you’d ever met… but what did he look like? You were just shivering, your socks wet, and your heart as empty as your eyes.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jimin was making his way through the lobby, several food containers under his arm. He’d been forced to argue a bit with the buffet staff who didn’t like that he was apparently just walking off with boxes of food. He had the night planned out. He’d bundle you both up, then eat outside while he showed you the lights through his words. He knew everything about you was crumbling. He could see it in your expressions. In a way this was his ultimate effort. He was going to show you that you could enjoy some of the same things still and new things as well. The whole ordeal was taking its toll on him and he knew it must be worse for you. He was exhausted every day, and almost every night he would lay by your side, eyes wedged open by frightening thoughts. He was glad in a way, that you couldn’t see his sad face every time you felt bad. He knew you hated being the cause of his worry, to be honest he was missing following his dreams, but you were more important. But he was going to fix some of that. He was going to convince you and himself that you were going to get through this together.
He stepped out of the elevator and continued down the carpeted hallway, feet padding quietly. A swipe of his key card, and the door opened with a beep. He stepped into the small hallway at the entrance. It was pitch dark and he fumbled forward. Underneath his feet something crinkled and he picked it up. It was a small piece of paper. He was about to turn on the lights and inspect it when he noticed the chill air seeping through the small hallway. Some unnameable fear crawled into his guts and settled there like a weight. He swiftly moved forward into the room and his heart lurched when he looked around. Dim light coming from the open glass doors illuminated the deserted room.
“No… please” words tumbled out of his mouth, he was unsure what he was even afraid of. Or maybe that wasn’t the best way to describe it, he knew what he was afraid of but it couldn’t be possible. There was just no way it would ever happen. It felt like a fever dream as his feet stumbingly carried him out to the balcony. Cold air rushed through his hair and heart. The balcony was just as deserted. All sorts of scenarios loomed in his head. His imagination was running wild, he told himself. You’d just gone for a walk in the hotel or something. Your absence meant nothing sinister, neither did the open windows. “Blind, in an unfamiliar place, with the windows left open?” A nasty voice in his head asked. Looking for something, anything to ground himself he looked down at the piece of paper in his hand, the swirling lights giving just enough light for him to see. The sloppily scrawled words immediately jumped at him.
Follow your dreams. I love you.
It was written with a trembling hand, many of the letters overlapping, like the writer was writing with their eyes closed. Jimin's knees shook and gave out. He sank into the snow, it’s just the cold he told himself, this pain in his whole body, it was just the cold.
If it had been brighter, perhaps he would have noticed the crumpled silhouette in the snow, far, far below. Instead, he looked upwards. The northern lights were flashing overhead, bright colors swirling about like some wavering path to another world.
note: I hope you enjoyed this(not sure if that’s the way I should phrase it). I’m hoping I made someone cry? Though if you did, please don’t allow yourself to remain sad. Please go watch run bts 84 or something(one of my fav episodes). Crying can be good, just not for extended amounts of time. I‘m not 100% sure I know what I’m doing so I would love feedback. Maybe to make people successfully emotional I should have more buildup? Also I’m very stuck with Somewhere I can breathe, so sorry about that. Anyway this is what my mind feels like working on at the moment.
Finally caught up on strictly come dancing launch show. Can't believe they danced to PTD 😭😭
park jimin (BTS) moodboard
♡ ˒ tan pronto yo te vi, no pude descubrir
actually it's rly annoying how there are SO many interesting and fun kpop groups that experiment w their sound/fashion/mvs etc n push the boundaries of kpop but they'll never get half the attention bts and bp get for putting out the same generic songs over and over
like or reblog if you save.
RUN BTS! 2021 -Ep.141 [Weverse]
RUN BTS! 2021 -Ep.141 [Weverse]
RUN BTS! 2021 -Ep.141 [Weverse]
What makes you happy?
𖥧 ະ 𝗡𝖤𝖶 𝗣𝖮𝖲𝖳 ! 🍶 ๋ ♡̶ 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴 ࣪˖ 🦜 ♡︎-♥︎ 🍂 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗺𝗲 🍰 ✉ 𝗉𝗌𝖽: @i2golden
RUN BTS! 2021 -Ep.140 [Weverse]