validation, a long an complicated word.
Validation a noun, and it’s one thing i desperately crave but ultimately never receive .
i don’t like me, it’s that simple. I don’t think there really was a time ever in my life where i liked me. I always found flaws in the way i act, my humor, the way i talk, my personality, everything. So i find ways to fill the crater in my chest that lacks self love. Validation to me is being skinnier than the girl who offended me, or being the smallest in the room, being cold in a hot room, everything that just describes a person as sick.
People’s words used to help me, i used to love being showered with them. Beautiful words graciously falling upon me leaving me with a grin on my face. My mind has gotten much darker than then
I don’t even accept compliments anymore when people give me one. Of course i say thank you but my mind summersaults around and turns it into an insult. “oh you look so pretty today” sounds a lot like “wow you actually tried to look halfway decent today, too bad you don’t do it the other 6 days of the week.” this is because every comment i get is just a backhanded compliment in my head.