-felt good about myself
-tried on clothes
-felt physically sick looking at myself
-made myself physically sick because I looked at myself
in 2020 I will …
☆ get skinny and stay skinny
★ work out at least 3 times a week
☆ drink at least 1 litre of water everyday
★ eat healthy and treat my body with respect
☆ save lots of $$$ - at least 50% of my pay checks
★ stay away from junk food
☆ be kind to everyone I meet
★ read lots of books
☆ study and be on top of all my classes
★ focus on my art and give it more of my attention
☆ be organised
★ be in control
☆ be the best version of myself
Being tiny must be nice, hopefully I’ll get there one day lolllll. One disgusting body check from this morning:)
I got back down to 146lbs after my weekend of binging, but now I’ve been stuck at the same weight for like a week and it’s driving me absolutely crazy.
It’s awful because I know I’ve lost weight, the scale says so, my clothes say so, even the mirror lowkey says so, but now that the scale isn’t budging anymore I feel like I might as well be back at my highest weight.
I was thinking of why the question ‘how are you doing’ or ‘how have you been’ is so hard. And i think its because i try to look for a way to say ‘ive been wanting to kill myself lately and havent been able to eat’ in a way that doesnt quite say that. Now i could say ‘oh im fine. Doing good. How about you’. But icant seem to manage to lie that bad with a straight face. And even if i do, it is followed up by ‘what have you been up to lately?’ And again, idont know what to answer. Because really; ive been sleeping, crying, starving, roaming the streets to get more steps in and trying to make myself sick. How about you.
Why does hurting myself feel so good ?
i just wanna take one of those wires that potters use to cut their clay off the table and just cut up the disgusting parts of me i dont want
When you’re so used to b/ping that you try to give your boyfriend a blowjob but your body is like OH? YOU’RE TRYING TO PURGE?? OK! And luckily you pull off in time but you fucking get stomach acid on his dick lmao
stay safe x
october vs december
ive slimmed down a bit. sometimes im a little proud of myself and then my brain says “well fatty you don’t look like the thinspo on your feed so keep at it” so its like :) but :(
This was the first post I made on my old ED blog which was @venusisblue but since that was terminated I figured I’ll give it another shot since I am seriously lacking in friends to relate to. So if you have an ED too and just need someone who you can talk to openly feel free to like/reblog and message me! ☺️
Disclaimer: I DO NOT SUPPORT EATING DISORDERS THIS IS FOR ME! If you fear you may be developing a disorder please seek help immediately. Please do not report my account, this is my safe space.
my problem is i eat when i’m bored, or when i’m sad. today i tried fasting and it was all going well until i got home, where i had nothing to do and no one to talk to. that’s when i decided i’d get a small snack, only a snack. that was obviously a lie because i ate more than a snack. tomorrow will be different.
my parents: come downstairs and eat
me, frantically, 23 hours into my 32 hour fast:
My body: waTER
Me: Diet Coke :)
My body: foOd
Me: iced coffee :)
My body: No We NeEd SustEnAnCe
Me: vodka, take it or leave it >:(
Tw - Self harm - Weight - Binge Purge etc
I relapsed this morning - if it wasn’t for the box of blades being empty I’d be in the hospital, my boyfriend eventually woke up,
They’re not bad not nearly as bad as I could normally do but for a dull blade they’re pretty decent although people have done worse with shittier stuff, I didn’t eat untill a few hours ago and I regret it so badly
I’m snacking on sunflower seeds and trying to do homework but I can’t focus
I’m scared to step on my scale……
Someone explain why I have to deal with the uncontrollable urge to vomit after I eat anything but I also have to pretend like I am excited to eat when my friends order us food. Y?!?
Just wish this disorder wasn’t so damn lonley all the time.
i love that i make a post saying i want friends but i dont reply to anybody cause im scared lmfao 🥰✌️ srsly im sorry i feel bad but i am a … chicken woman