#childhood trauma Tumblr posts

  • nksneha
    27.10.2021 - 1 hour ago

    Asian parents will be like, "romance isn't necessary in life, get a career" but then they'll also be like, "when will you get married?" They'll reject the boy you brought home to introduce to them, but they'll go out of their way to pick a husband for you. They'll tell you, "Don't have sex, you'll get pregnant" but they'll also tell you, "when are you giving us grandchildren?"

    It's like romance and sex in their kids' lives is only acceptable to them when they're the ones controlling it. They refuse to let their kids have autonomy over who to love and who to share the bed with.

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  • c-omplex-memories
    27.10.2021 - 2 hours ago

    I genuinely feel angry when I see my school bullies living their lives normally, while I’m here forever traumatized by how they treated me. I know it’s been years and I can’t do anything about it, but it’s so unfair, too. It’s so unfair that I was the one punished for being mistreated.

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  • the-blxnd-t3l3kxn3txc
    27.10.2021 - 3 hours ago
    #tw death of a loved one #tw death #tw childhood trauma
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  • the-blxnd-t3l3kxn3txc
    27.10.2021 - 3 hours ago
    #tw childhood trauma #tw child abuse #tw jail
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  • f1nntheghosthunter
    27.10.2021 - 8 hours ago

    A little more than three months ago, my little crumbling world fell apart.

    I never thought it would’ve ended like that. I thought I was doomed to suffer in a different way. Isolated. Unable to communicate. A burden, a pathetic excuse for a person. But whatever higher power just kept finding new things to take. And I made the mistake of letting my guard down.

    That fight was worse than all of the others. The screaming got louder and I tried to block it out. I tried, I swear to god, I tried.

    A little more than three months ago, I sat in my sister’s room next to piles of laundry in the dark. That was when I told her what name I wanted her to call me. Now or never, right? It came in waves, the pounding on the door, the screaming like a banshee. I covered my ears and cried a bit. My mother tried to take the door off it’s hinges next.

    My sister tells me we sat in there for hours. That we snuck out once to use the restroom and grab a charger for my nearly-dead phone. Mother must’ve heard us, because I remember the next part clear as day.

    The door being slammed against again and again and again and again. The gap was so wide I could’ve stuck my hands through it, and the sound of the screamed threats still keeps me awake.

    My sister stood outside with me while the police explained everything to someone.

    The next morning, I was back there.

    A little more than three months ago, I had the worst breakdown of my life.

    I guess that’s saying something. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of shitty ones before, but this time was so much worse. I sobbed so hard I couldn’t breathe, I was choking on my own tears while my sister held me, protecting me from that woman. That woman was screaming at me, denying everything, every hit, every insult, every moment just like this. She told me what a good mother she was while I finally understood what crying uncontrollably meant. A little more than three months ago, I left home.

    A little more than three months ago, I walked out the front door with a suitcase, my backpack on my shoulder and tear marks on my face. A week later I came back to help my sister with her stuff.

    A little more than three months ago, I sat in a hotel, wasting my summer clicking through Pinterest and messaging my online friend. Late night drives, long walks and solitude became my closest friends.

    Four months ago, I wanted to die.

    I stood in the shower for hours every day thinking “God, please don’t let this be the rest of my life.” Losing hope, losing myself. The day I planned to do it, we almost got into a horrible accident on the freeway. In that moment of pure fear, I wondered why I was so scared if this is what I had wanted all along. The fighting got worse, I began raking my nails up and down my arms. As though it would somehow make it all better if I could take the blame. If I could make myself bleed, maybe someone would see what they were doing, and they would make it stop.

    Four months ago I sat by the water, wondering if I made the right choice to stay.

    Today, I‘m laying in my bed in a home with people who love me, and who never put a hand on me. Today, I’m surrounded by the most supportive, kind and understanding people I’ve ever had the fortune to meet. Today, I have people who understand me. Right here, right now, I’m planning Halloween stuff and decorations for my new room.

    Things aren’t perfect. She is still around. Still coming up with new ways to hurt me from a distance. I’m still left to pick up the pieces and deal with the trauma, but I don’t have to do it alone.

    Today, I am loved.

    #ah man #fuck that was a long post #tw trauma #Tw child abuse #tw suicidal thoughts #tw self harm #do I put one for yelling? #tw yelling#childhood trauma #tw parents fighting #how tf do you tag #btw I am working through issues and I am in therapy/counseling so yeah just needed to talk #i am away from my mother #my sister and I are living with our dad
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  • revengeraven
    27.10.2021 - 9 hours ago

    Thank you, YouTube, yes, thank you so much, now I too, know that I can own an “Orb of Madness” for the low low price of 20 dollars.

    #shut it ya damn bird #orb of madness #weird ads #if it’s a reference to something I don’t know what it is #I just thought that was a hilarious advertisement #like ‘oh boy! my very own orb of madness(tm)! #almost as good as that one that was about childhood trauma with the tagline ‘must read books until you die’ #anyway I still have too much spamton on the brain and also I am tired but not at the same time #sure you’re all looking in the tags of my orb of madness post for updates on my life #anyway if you’re reading this I am sending you good vibes and also politely requesting some attention from you k thx bye
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  • mailhi
    27.10.2021 - 11 hours ago

    Thinking about the quiet, desperate sadness that never leaves you, years after you've left your abusive household behind: the bruised, broken child inside you always, always wondering why you didn't deserve being saved. Why didn't anyone care enough to see your pain? No one warned us about the bitter, pervasive grief that comes from having to save ourselves. Wondering about holding a funeral for my lost childhood. I don't know what I'll be grieving more: that I never had a childhood to begin with or that the adults around me assumed I didn't want one.

    #Tw: abuse#parental trauma#Grief#Anger#Sadness #Funerals for my childhood #I won but at what cost
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  • undead-venus
    27.10.2021 - 12 hours ago

    People Pleasing

    I feel that my "people pleasing" came from my issues with my biological mother. I think that from a young age I thought "If I can't please her, I should please as many people as I can". And so I did, I pleased as many people as I possibly could. It most definitely took a toll on me, now even if I try it is difficult to say no to people. Difficulty setting boundaries also came from this, I became so caught up with pleasing people that I forgot that I should be my own main priority. Not only did people pleasing mentally drain me but I quickly learned that no matter how much I attempted, I cannot please everyone. Along with this I realize, I also forgive people too easily. I guess it goes with the people pleasing because they could have hurt me a hell ton, and I would still forgive and continue to help them. I guess that is why I get used so often, many times before I have gone back to toxic friendships just to please the other person. I'm so drained, I'm so tired. I want to be able to set boundaries and to be able to just not care so much about pleasing people or worrying what they think of me. It gets to a point where someone asks me a question, my breathing picks up and I almost feel a little dizzy if the question has something that goes against what I am comfortable with, being able to say no becomes incredibly hard. It is something I very much want to work on. I wanna work on being content with myself.

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  • ablednt
    27.10.2021 - 14 hours ago

    The other really fun/s repressed trauma paradox is the conflicting memories like...

    I’ll think “no this never happened, we have no memories of this happening, we didn’t even know this thing existed until we were so much older than when it could have happened” and then we’re like “Wait how come we joked about that constantly though, ‘‘without knowing what it was about’‘, we couldn’t have done that unless we heard about it which we didn’t hear about it, but then how did we know about it-” and that just loops constantly

    #being vague bc i cant be too transparent with my trauma on main anymore #but anyway steel is heavier than feathers/ref energies but it's our childhood common memories
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  • empanado-feliz
    27.10.2021 - 14 hours ago

    the urge to say "go to therapy" as an insult to your parents

    #just bc YOU have childhood trauma that you never dealt with and now you repress all your feelings and deep down hate yourself doesnt mean #a 12 yr old has to. #die #Every Time I Think My Parents Decided To Sympathize With Someone I Am Proven Wrong. why did i let this happen twice today
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  • agir1ukn0w
    26.10.2021 - 17 hours ago

    Love how, thanks to Midnight Mass, about a million more people know what priest robes are called.

    #my family was catholic for part of my childhood and i didn’t even know that’s what they were called #congrats you all know what a chausable is now #we can all add a new word to our collective religious trauma vocabulary #midnight mass netflix #midnight mass spoilers #midnight mass#catholic#chausable #father paul hill #father paul#paul hill #monsignor john pruitt #john pruitt#mike flanagan#hamish linklater#hot priest#hot vampires#vampires #hot vampire priest
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  • evilwifemoji
    26.10.2021 - 18 hours ago

    my dad has decided hes gonna be a millionaire so ig if that works out for him i'll be a class traitor. pinky swear i'll never dress gucci tho

    #like hmm suddenly the childhood trauma is getting hazy... asghjjkjf jkjk just hope he doesn't write me out of the will
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  • pig-face-916
    26.10.2021 - 19 hours ago

    Just remembered that when I was 9 I would listen to girl in the mirror while pacing around to burn calories. If that isn’t super ironic and sad then idk what is

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  • thismaybebubonicplague
    26.10.2021 - 20 hours ago

    I wanted to make a joke about how messed up my whole life was but now I’m crying

    #Vent #I don’t think I have trauma but I get panic attacks thinking about my childhood and early teenage #I’m getting flashbacks of stupid moments and I cry and hyperventilates #Like when I left a party because people were mean with me and I got like one hundred messages insulting me #My mom telling me to stop whinning whenever I told her my problems #Her not lifting her head up frol her phone when I told her I wanted to kill myself
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  • mindfulparentingproject
    26.10.2021 - 21 hours ago

    You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to feel and express your emotions. You are allowed to speak your mind. You are allowed to say what you like and don't like. You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to have needs and desires.

    As abused individuals, we are taught that these basic human things are not allowed. But they are, and they lied to us.

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  • void-galaxy-shenanigans
    26.10.2021 - 21 hours ago

    ¿Where am I at in my healing journey?

    Well. I fell asleep to Citizen Soldier.

    I put these songs ↓ in a playlist...

    ((yes these are the actual titles, they’re all on YouTube, & I think most if not all are available on Spotify & Apple Music))

    Hand-Me-Down, Never Good Enough, Weight Of The World, Bedroom Ceiling, Empty Cup, I’m Not Okay, If These Scars Could Speak, Found, Say Goodbye, In Pieces, Forever Damned, The Cage, Mess Of Me, Always December, Face To Face (← all angst to some degree, not positivity really but understanding), (power songs about overcoming this very dark stuff (abuse, mental illness), & encouragement from the band that it’s worth it at all →) Would Anyone Care, Sacred, Unbreakable, First Blood, Let It Burn, Hallelujah (I’m Not Dead), Stronger Than My Storm, & Thank You For Hating Me

    & it ↑ helped me sleep. Not for five minutes either; for 3 hours. I’ve never been able to nap once it’s light out, & it’s light out. & I slept okay last night.

    I know some people would interpret this as a bad sign. But I’ve been building a self love playlist on YT lately & only listening to positive music, & I’ve made so much progress....I see this as much needed rest.

    When I started this journey, it was all small steps forward, huge steps back. Then medium steps forward, bigger relapses & spirals.

    I’ve now made huge steps forward. I don’t hate myself. So I embrace this little step back & grant myself this time to take a break from healing & growing to just rest, be comfortable, & feel like my pain is understood. No guilt, no regret.

    I’m still making progress, but it’s exhausting to rewire your brain after trauma. So this rest is needed to keep going. I’ll still reach my end goal of functional healing, and keep growing from there. This is not defeat.

    So for anyone else who needs to rest & relapse while you move forward....I see you.

    You are still undefeated. Even the strongest warriors rest between battles.

    You are still healing. You are not defeated.

    ~Nico

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