My counselor asked me today if I wanted to be happy outside of the ED.
I really wanted to say no.
And I was scared to because I didn’t want him to stop talking with me because I’m not good at letting people I’m attached to go. 😭
You didn’t deserve it.
Why Halloween has some kids feeling a ‘temporary rise to power’
#Halloween #kids #feeling #children #families #family #holidays #cultures #celebrations #CBC @CBC #CBCCrossCountryCheckup @asadonbrown
My counselor just told me something that will piss off a lot of people on Tumblr. Things can be triggering for your trauma without you having PTSD. A lot of people on here seem to think you can’t use the word trigger or be triggered without having PTSD, you can.
my last 3 sessions have been canceled by my counselor, literally 5 minuts before my phone sessions itself
no explination just
“sorry please reschedule”
it was fine the first time
but after alreayd struggling with my mental health, loosing my entire paycheck 3 days before my brithday, hating myself and not wanting to celebrate my brithday, drinking consitently daily since october, burning myself so I could feel something, getting into a big argument with my husband for him lying to my face again,
trying to convince myself not to watch 13 reasons why so I don’t romanizie suicide again, hearing my neighbors fight downstaris and not being able to sleep because of the screaming and crying that sounds boarderline domestic violence,
then waking up early morning 4 days later to find out it was domestic violence becaus eshe screamed for help and I had to run downstairs in my underwear by myself because my husband wouldnt wake up, only to run past my neighbors husband to see her on the ground bleeding crying she tried to choke me to death.
did I mention ive been drinking 1-2 drinks daily because I can’t sleep because I have chronic hip pain and ostioarthritis?
then later after talking with her for 3 hours I find out he is 51/50, an army veteran just like me but also was a former prison inmate who may not actually be racist but has a white supremacism tattoo so who knows?
now here I am the first person to help his wife and I may or may not be his most hated person for saving his wife from him because not only am I the nosy woman upstairs who keeps a lookout and works with the police but I am a black woman who know has seen first hand that he choked his wife.
also forgot to mention that I an involuntarily lucid dreaming/astral projecting again and I can tell that when I become lucid I go somehwere else and the moment I become conscious in my dreams the entity that has been tormenting me all my life is breaking the 4th wall in my mind by speaking with me and trapping me in my own head when I try to lucidly wake myself up from a dream.
I don’t like it and the last time I had a dream involving this entity it had me stuck in my head for what felt like years and when I told myself “Your sleeping just wake up you can wake up its all just a dream! I am in control we are in my head!”
it said “ You and I both know you are not in control, and you know very well this is not dream. It will all be easier when you just let go”
and on that fucked up note of new information that I will clarify: I lucid dream all my life, I have had dreams that predicted the future that scared me and I haven’t told much people, I frequently used to go to a psychic when I was younger to have my energies grounded as I was told
1. my soul is not attached to my body and never has been since I was born.
2 I leave my body in my sleep. and
3. I should learn how to ground myself so I don’t become a target
Well I never learned how to ground myself and the last time I had myself grounded was when I was 18years old.
In short note, I really wish there were spiritual therapist, or psychic psychiatrics that existed. struggling with mental health and being a spiritual person who believes and interacts with ghosts, energies, lucid dreaming. It really sucks not being able to open up about that kind of stuff because when I did as a kid I was listed as almost psychosis so I learned to shut up about my lucid dreaming and keep it to myself.
I have to believe too.
I’m trying to find a new therapist, has anyone tried any of the online services like better help?