so I had started experiencing severe covid symptoms on the 19th of April, including severe body ache for days on end, high fever, chronic migraine, chills, loss of smell/taste/appetite, & painful wheezing. when my spo2 levels drops below 77, it was scary. my boyfriend & dad spent the entire night pleading at every hospital for a bed/oxygen supply, but unfortunately, there was no vacancy & they were helpless in their own right.
thankfully, due to the guidance of my family doctor who decided to treat me for FREE, I'm much better than before. oxygen canisters could be secured after much toil & a mix of steroids, antibiotics, vitamins, & inhalers led to stabilized O2 levels. however, now I have:
• severe pneumonia, with a rate of 17 out of 25, which can prove to be fatal
• chronic fatigue, occassional difficulty to breathe
• constant hunger, but inability to satiate either the mind or body or soul even after eating nutritious food
• constant brain fog, delirium, abuse-based nightmares which are often difficult to distinguish from reality
• negative ideation, depression, suicidal thoughts, an overwhelming sense of helplessness
despite all the support I've had from my extremely understanding workplace, loved ones, family, things are still incredibly difficult to navigate. time feels unreal, & the world seems to function on a logic I can't quite grasp. although it's ok that my work has paused for a while & I'm getting by somehow financially, the anxiety of missing out is too much. my body feels sapped of critical energy all the time, & my mind is always occupied by shades of emotions I cannot fully process.
these are really tough times. this is literally life & death. so it's ok to take a step back & heal as long as you need to. healing isn't linear, or always upward-spiraling, or easy. sometimes breathing in itself feels like an effort. art fails to comfort the way it used to - it only feels like a vapid commodity sometimes.
take care, people. wishing all of you a speedy recovery. and sending lots of love.