Trying my best x Kaz Brekker
Trying my best is a song by Anson Seabra
SoC duology spoilers
I know you think I got it all figured out. ‘Cause I walk around like my head's in the clouds. But I'm just a boy with his heart pourin' out of his head
It’s basically everyone’s pov vs Kaz’s Pov. Everyone’s pov is literally: omg kaz he’ll get us out. He’s the scariest, deadliest bastard of the barrel. And meanwhile most of his pov is : is inej ok? Jordie oml, the harbour, farm, Inej’s freedom, dead bodies, ...
I wish that you could see the pain that I've seen. All of the times I spent being not me. I hope you know that it's not always happy in my head
There are times in the duology when Kaz was debating whether to tell Inej what happened to him, what caused him to be like he is now.
Cause I don't know. The perfect road to go down. But I know. Trying my best. Trying my best to be okay. Trying my best but every day, it's so hard. Holding my breath. Holding my breath 'til I can say. All of the words I want to say from my heart
Remember there are many times Kaz told himself to keep it together? Like the time during the Ice court heist when he saw the bodies and it reminded him of Jordie. Or even the bathroom scene when he was trying to keep it together while bandaging Inej.
If you really wanted, I could let you inside. It's been so long and I've got nothing left to hide. Would you believe me if I told you that I've got flaws? Now it's time to let the curtains unfold. And tell all the stories that I didn't want told. I let it out so I unburden my soul, I won't stop
Back to the bathroom scene when Inej asked him what happened. Tell her everything. He did, with rage. but it is an improvement. He definitely felt more relieved I bet.
*the rest of the song is a repetition*