Some Cullen Personal Finance Headcanons for Tax Day
Because I am the kind of nerd who writes fic about tax preparation, after all.
Carlisle keeps a budget. It's a really big budget but he keeps a budget. If the water bill is high and he doesn't know why, he investigates.
He does not like paying more than something is worth. He is particularly sensitive about this when it comes to real estate, especially because Esme prefers total gut jobs of houses. He will haggle on a dilapidated house even though $500,000 is a meaningless amount of money for him.
Every member of the household has fuck you money. A lot of it. Personally, I love the hilarity of the idea of everyone having to ask Carlisle for money. It makes me laugh to imagine. But while it's really funny, it doesn't strike me as true. Carlisle would have set every single member of his household up to just utterly disappear if they need to. He feels guilt over having created his family, and he's created the financial resources that, should any one of them decide they no longer want the relationship the family offers, they can choose freely.
Rosalie and Renesmee are the most fiscally responsible Cullens. Edward is the most profligate, followed by Alice, but she mostly just spends money on clothes. Edward spends it on everything.
All of the Cullen men enjoy spending money on their women. Every single Cullen man has at least one inordinately expensive watch that his wife bought. (Also hello I've held that headcanon forever and it was validated in Midnight Sun.)
Emmett is the most uncomfortable with the Cullen wealth. Rosalie spends money to show that she can, because Carlisle makes her upset. Emmett still feels like he needs to do an honest day's work to earn a living, and the idea of money earning money gets under his skin. He loves spending money on Rose, but for anything else, it feels weird to him if he didn't earn it. He doesn't spend much as a result.
SM claims "Alice loves the stock market" but Carlisle and Esme are not actually down with that. She gets to do what she wants with her money, but Carlisle keeps his sense of propriety clean. He's not interested in getting dragged in for an SEC violation. His portfolio is actually very conservative and mostly held in index funds.
It is Esme's work which allows C.E.E. to operate. Judicious accounting for her architectural and engineering work allows them to launder money to a certain extent. It makes Carlisle nervous.
Esme holds the patent for the technology underpinning Tyvek. Rosalie holds the patents on several engine sealings. Between them, they earn a lot more than Carlisle does.
There are over 30 fake Cullens who file taxes to keep the overall family wealth profile under the radar.
They try to keep the offshore, tax evasion money to a minimum, again because it offends Carlisle's sense of propriety. But every year, the percentage of their wealth that has to be laundered increases because otherwise they'd show up as rivaling the biggest names in tech. This causes Carlisle no end of distress.
Carlisle and Esme have an understanding about when spending money becomes a joint decision and not just a gift (about at $1M, currently). Bella discovers this about ten years into her marriage to Edward and he definitely gets put on blast.
oooh and adding post at least one reblog: The Cullens are big givers. But within that, Carlisle is absolutely religious (hah) about tithing. He doesn't force anyone else in the family to tithe, and not all of them do, but he and Esme have fully joint finances and so a clean 10% of gross of everything they earn as a couple is given away without question, before they even decide whether they will give away more of the money that's left.