Clock Watcher

The future’s always coming

The past is always going

The present forges straight ahead

And, it will not be slowing

I believe the happiest people are the ones who are too busy chasing their dreams to focus on what anyone else is doing.

Inner Monologue - Two

Everyone seems to be making plans,

Moving on,

Moving forward,

But me? I’m here, stuck in the hole

Trying to claw my way to the top,

Out of the mess I’ve made,

Out of the dark clouds,

Yet, I have no hope. Nothing at all.

I won’t be leaving this place,

Not today,

Not ever.

i am laying in a bed that is not mine

i am with a boy who is not mine

he is touching my boob which is mine

i do not want any of this to be mine

a group of men after a party

walk into the room

and they whisper

his hand is on her tit

i am rolling my eyes

laying away from them

i am scared of the men

i surround myself with

-i never felt safe for one second

Maybe it feels like

so much, so overwhelming,

because it just is.

March 2nd, 2021

Maybe, I was Ikarus all along

Maybe I was Ikarus all along,
I’ve been flying way too close to the sun,
The sky and the stars are where I belong,
Now my wings are burnt.

there’s a fire burning in all of us, it’s only a matter of time before it bursts

Start Over

Why are wards not empty?

And, prison yards so packed?

With no illness & no crime

People could relax

i need someone,

see me vulnerable l,

far away- standing still

getting to know me

as i pour in myself

for them to drink up

and spit it out

as soon as i go

i want them,

spitting me out

not to absorb me

keep me somewhere safe

i need someone

to break my heart-

make me a little less

of the human i am

for being a human

never let me be me

I look around, happiness and smiles

Where were these people when I was a child

I’m the happiest I’ve been in my entire life

The reality is, they are the family of my wife

I can pretend all I want, but a bastard I am

Loneliness is my life, I’m forever damned

It hurts to admit this because I love them so much

I feel wrong for giving them all my trust

My brain tells me not to get too attached

Because it will be heartbreaking if we have to detach

I must admit, my hearts been touched

They always take care of me, even supply the weed to my Dutch

The love doesn’t make us blood, I’m still alone on this side

I’ll never be more than an in law,and this makes me want to cry

I’ll still remain honest and loyal

Because they’ve done nothing but treat me royal

Although we’re not family, they treat me as so

As time passes by, maybe the love and trust will grow

Although we didn’t get along from the start

Blood means nothing, they’re family in my heart.

I look around, happiness and smiles

Where were these people when I was a child

I’m the happiest I’ve been in my entire life

The reality is, they are the family of my wife

I can pretend all I want, but a bastard I am

Loneliness is my life, I’m forever damned

It hurts to admit this because I love them so much

I feel wrong for giving them all my trust

My brain tells me not to get too attached

Because it will be heartbreaking if we have to detach

I must admit, my hearts been touched

They always take care of me, even supply the weed to my Dutch

The love doesn’t make us blood, I’m still alone on this side

I’ll never be more than an in law,and this makes me want to cry

I’ll still remain honest and loyal

Because they’ve done nothing but treat me royal

Although we’re not family, they treat me as so

As time passes by, maybe the love and trust will grow

Although we didn’t get along from the start

Blood means nothing, they’re family in my heart.

it’s just a number,

a couple of syllables,

but it is heavy.

March 1st, 2021

So many claim they can walk in my shoes

Constantly comparing, claiming to have been through my blues

They want so bad to take whats mines

Doubt that they could make it, through my hard times

They known nothing about having nowhere to go

Being broke and hungry, funds always low

Sleeping on ferries and trains, no bed to call mine

Crazy predicaments because my heart was way too kind

People think it’s easy, in this life I call a struggle

My head down low, my tears creating a puddle

Behind this big smile, there’s a story untold

Try to stay positive, in this world so cold

Raped as a child, all messed up in the head

Homicidal thoughts, so many deserve to be dead

Want to get away, so I just get high

My life gets worse, as hard as i try

Trying to keep from breaking down and giving up

I hope with gods will power, my life will be blessed with good luck

Thought she was my baby

But she’s acting shady lately

Hard to believe when she says she loves me

Guess I’ll never be the woman she wants me to be

It ends like this, over something so small

Thought I felt her love, but not at all

The words she spoke to me, were all lies

Nothing is good enough, as hard as I try

Tired of my heart being denied

I hate this feeling, how long do I cry

Can’t take this any longer, when will it get better

It probably won’t, so my goal is to forget her

#Drown

When I’m with you, all I have is drowned thoughts

It’s time we had some storms

I’m swimming ‘til dawn

Con thoughts

Got more withdrawn

But I got more under

Drowning

-UPB