i wonder how my life would be if only i could stay in reality.
i wonder how my life would be if only i could stay in reality.
There's a knock on your door. You open it to see your favorite book character standing there. They say, "I know this may be a lot for you to take in right now, but you have to listen very carefully; You are my favorite book character, I know how your story ends, and I need to change it."
From writing prompts on Reddit, always really gets my daydreaming mind running
Can you imagine that? Fellow daydreamers or writers
when you're daydreaming at 3am and things start to get so incoherent and you have no clue wtf is happening
I hate maladaptive daydreaming. I hate how my paracosm has been polluted by people who I don’t even care about that much. I hate how I develop attachment seemingly at random and then get depressed when I can’t see that person anymore, that person who takes up all my thoughts. And then I just move on to the next. My paras, who I have dedicate time and love to have become crumbled bits of paper, the creased family photographs. Jiho is a ghost, Ashanti is a phantom, August is hanging on by a thread, Anna’s elusive nature keeps her out of my conscious. I would much rather have fictional friends than whatever this shit is tbh.
Is it only me who can not sleep well the night I don't sleep with my beloved in my daydreams?
THIS IS MY THIRD TIME TRYING TO WORD THIS POST RIGHT
But some of my most aggressive and fast paced daydreams when I’m running on nothing but spite and anger are sometimes some of the best outlets for me and I notice I’ve been doing it more recently wHICH IS AN ISSUE bc now I keep spacing out whenever I feel upset which in turn shuts out a lot of people
does anyone else have moments where your internal dialog cuts off suddenly, leaving your brain too quiet?
reading an entire doc abt medicine to know what doctors wore before the invention of latex gloves...
the things we do for madd
ok but. does anyone else have paras that are an idealized version of someone they know irl/online or am i my own special brand of insane 😭😭
its just like having a crush with extra steps. i am in hell
If I ever hear someone I know come up and tell me “omg i found your tumblr blog”, i think I will do exactly this
BECAUSE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THIS MESS??
I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT ANYONE THINKS
MY NAME IS NATALIA, I IDENTIFY AS A CLOUDGENDER NON-BINARY PERSON, I’M ABROROMANTIC AMBIAMOROUS ABROSEXUAL, I USE ANY AND ALL PRONOUNS AND NEOPRONOUNS
I HAVE AUTISM, ADHD, MADD, BPD, AND FACTITIOUS DISORDER, AND I’M FUCKING PROUD
I AM A CHRISTIAN WITCH
I’M MULTIRACIAL AND TRILINGUAL
I HAVE SSHL
I AM A CITIZEN OF TWO COUNTRIES
THIS IS WHO I AM
AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THEN THE ONLY THING LEFT FOR ME TO SAY IS A BIG FAT KISS MY ASS
This was aimed at some people
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk
After getting some real life exposure I realised what those posts about
How being introverted, depressed, anxious,lonely,doing drugs,having disorders is considered cool and how often/easily people use these heavy terms while talking.
Like IT IS NOT COOL OR SOMETHING ATTRACTIVE PLEASEEE
I have felt how anxiety feels and after that I dare not to use that word ever in my convos...like bruh it was horrible experience and I never ever want it again
I have felt that every word by my friends which questions my behaviour in real life and it is stronger than stabbing me with knife for sure.
I have experienced/am experiencing how difficult it is to live with a mental health disorder in the world and it's not FUN or COOL or AMAZING about me.Like something IS WRONG.
I was daydreaming and having a great time until my damn cAT STEPPED ON MY STOMACH
i wish i could watch my daydreams tbh
my daydreams are so much better now than they were in the summer wtffff
How I Cope With My MaDD:
The easiest way I immerse into my daydreams without doing so entirely unintentionally is putting my head under my blanket in utter darkness. It helps keep my mind under control almost. Without the distractions of the outside world confusing and attacking me almost while I’m trying to fight off letting go and submitting into wherever tf my mind is gonna take me, I can instead focus solely into giving myself some kind of control.
Instead of looking for written prompts to give me some ideas and avoid any type of withdrawal when my brain gives up on coming up with shit and I get bored, I instead look at fanart. It can help me better picture my dreams. It just makes it so much easier and satisfying.
Whenever something happens in reality and my brain takes over to recreate it in a daydream and replace the people I’m actually with with the people I most commonly use in my daydreams, I picture and draw a big ❌ through whatever is forming. It helps establish a boundary of some sort. And keeps me in the present.
TW: suicide (in only the following bullet point):
I also use music to keep myself more in control and it just adds to the experience I guess. Also it can help set the tone for whatever daydream is happening. I also have completely gotten rid of any too sad songs. The last thing I need is planning one of my characters s*icide.
But one of the adverse affects of using music would be I can’t listen to music when studying or trying to focus solely on something. Otherwise I will be fighting off slipping away the entire time and end up giving up on whatever I’m trying to do.
I’ve never spoken to anyone else experiencing MaDD, but I’m going to find a discord server or something because relatability is necessary to coping. I highly encourage anyone dealing with MaDD to reach out to someone.
I’ve also been trying to use a safe word of some sorts to try to get myself out. Kinda like saying “you’re okay” when having a panic attack. Something to stabilize myself.
I tend to dream about extremely disturbing things. My brain seems to have an attachment to pain. Experiencing some of my own trauma over and over but to another person I’ve dreamed up in my head. But, I still go through it all over again. And I can’t stop it. Also, sometimes there’s completely new trauma. Some extremely gruesome news story and another dream comes out of it. Just so much pain and suffering and grief. I put my suffering on these people to avoid dealing with it myself. And I don’t know what to do with that. But that’s why I want to work out a safe word.
I also like to surround myself with as many people as possible. To keep me present and focused. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. This has also taught me sadly that I can both be focused on reality and in a daydream with my characters mirroring my every movement. It’s like looking into two worlds at the same time. So, I’m not too sure. But, I’m still working on ways to stay present.
I get lots of second hand embarrassment in general, but especially from my characters. I will physically cringe and change into a bad mood like that. So I’m trying to dream of embarrassing shit more to get used to it, and kind of power through it.
I’ll be updating this more and more. Please let me know how you cope, I really need some help here <3
me after getting too carried away with a weird daydream plot
Trying to look like my parame is something I’m slowly but surely doing, I feel like (at least for me) parames are our ideal selfs (in looks or maybe even personality).
While I don’t see myself magically turning into a cyborg assassin with a affinity for Hawaiian shirts, I do at least see myself wear Hawaiian shirts (which I’m slowly collecting).
Is anyone else starting to mirror the fashion sense or adjust your personality to match your parames or is that just me?