#demisexuality Tumblr posts

  • i have been questioning this for a while but honestly i’m not sure what my sexuality is- i assumed i was cishet considering the only person i ever liked happened to be male- i only liked one person ever romantically, and they just happened to be someone of the opposite gender, but i don’t know

    i think i’m asexual or demisexual in the way that i don’t feel attraction to anyone?? not even my boyfriend?? don’t get me wrong- i think he’s a beautiful, wonderful, supportive person but i don’t think i have the strong urge to do anything with him aside from just dating in the close?? friendly sort of way

    i’m not trying to take a grab at the label for clout or anything, i just genuinely don’t understand the idea of attraction and i think everyone/everything’s beautiful but strictly from an aesthetic and practical standpoint. i never had the urge to sleep with someone or anything and it’s not like i am disgusted or hate the idea of it, just indifferent.

    i completely understand if this whole thing may just look like i’m trying to insert myself into the community and if there’s anything i said that appears wrong, please inform me about it! i’ve been looking more into asexuality, but it is possible that some of the details that i’ve been relating to can be wrong. i just want to be supportive to the LGBTQ+ community while still being enlightened of the details that make this group incredible without being rude or intrusive. ^^

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  • im reading a book where one of the non-POV characters is a demi lesbian and the way she describes it is exactly how I’ve observed a lot of actual demi lesbians describe themselves: self describing as lesbian to everyone they’re out as not-straight to but the closest friends, and only disclosing the demisexual label with people close to them, like partners who might wonder why the person is only sexually attracted to someone once a decade.

    also this book’s narrator is white and the other white characters are explicitly stated to be such, and there’s a conversation where a black character calls out the narrator for a colorblind-racist thing she did. and the narrator listens, and doesn’t get defensive or demand to be educated. and she starts being more conscious of racial dynamics around her. i like seeing this kind of interaction and character development modeled in fiction.

    this is ramona blue by julie murphy. I’m not finished yet but I’m enjoying it a lot.

    #metapianycist original post #ya books#asexuality#demisexuality
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  • I was happy to tell my mom. 

    “Mom, sometimes I’ll go about my day and see a photo of that guy and feel like I slip on a banana. Is this really how you feel constantly? I don’t know how you manage it.” 

    She just smiled, politely. I didn’t even know what I was trying to say. It took me months to understand it myself. 

    Mom, sometimes I get this feeling that is so much like what everyone describes, and isn’t it funny that I can feel it, too? Isn’t it funny that I can understand a bit better, now? Isn’t it funny that I can be normal?

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  • This analogy has three phases: specific hunger, general hunger, and craving. I personally experience the latter two only. 

    Specific Hunger

    Have you ever been walking down the street and suddenly you smell food grilling or you spot someone eating some ice cream and suddenly you want whatever is being cooked or want to buy some ice cream of your own? When seeing or otherwise noticing something makes you crave that thing, even if you’ve never had it before? It just looks/smells/sounds so good you have to have a bite?

    I think that is what primary sexual attraction is like to people. When they see someone or hear a voice, etc, and are aroused or are able to incorporate that person into fantasies. It doesn’t make sense to me, but this is the best way I’ve come to understand it. 

    General Hunger

    Have you ever been hungry but not wanted anything to eat? Like, you look through your fridge and cabinets, you browse delivery apps, you try to think about food you’ve had in the past or that others have talked about, but nothing says “yes, me! you want me!” Like, you’re hungry, but you could probably just drink some water or maybe eat some old leftovers or crackers and be perfectly satisfied? As long as the food isn’t repulsive, you don’t care what it is. You don’t want to eat anything; you just want the hunger gone.

    I experience this. Sometimes I really want, say, to make out with someone, but I don’t have a specific “someone” in mind. I usually do the lust-equivalent of drinking water and crunching ice to get rid of the feeling or force my focus elsewhere until the feeling passes. When I’m dating, it is both easier and harder. Easier because there is a convenient person to help me deal with the general hunger and harder because how do you explain to someone that you don’t actually want them? And then, when the hunger passes and the idea of eating anything makes your stomach clench, how do you explain that they didn’t do anything wrong?


    A craving is when you want one specific thing. In a way, it is a lot like specific hunger, but generally you only crave things you know either because you know how satisfying it is or because your body needs something and knows that thing has what it needs. There’s a sort of familiarity to cravings. So, like, if you love chocolate chip cookies and then, one day, you smell chocolate on the wind and are suddenly hit with a deep craving for cookies, perhaps even a specific type of cookie. No other food will satisfy. Or you see someone eating ice cream and your head goes ice cream is sweet, cookies are sweet, god I want a cookie. 

    Or (and this is the biggest stretch of the analogy because how do you get to know food without trying it?) maybe you find a recipe for something online. At first you just see the thumbnail and it looks interesting, so you click. You don’t want it yet, but you are interested in learning more. You read through the ridiculous recipe story, but instead of just rolling your eyes like usual, it reminds you of a similar experience you’ve had. You get to the ingredient list and it is full of things you like. The steps aren’t too intimidating. The reviews are good. You go shopping and notice one of the ingredients and it isn’t super pricey. And eventually you start wanting to make and try it. Maybe if the ingredients were too expensive or the steps too complicated, you could push the recipe out of your head, but they aren’t and you don’t and suddenly you have this weird craving for something you’ve never tried before. It took time to build, sure, but now it is there.

    Or maybe you’ve satisfied your general hunger with the same food a few times and you’re surprised when you’re hungry next that you actually want that food specifically rather than just anything.

    This is the hardest bit of demisexuality to explain to people. You say that you have to get to know people to be attracted and they reply “that’s everyone.” And, yeah, I do think everyone can experience this kind of craving, but the important thing to remember is that I separated this kind of craving for the familiar or known from more sudden, specific hungers. And it varies for people what tips them from interest, curiosity, and fondness into hunger. You can love people romantically without ever sexually desiring them. For me, it is trust. When I trust someone I am romantically interested in, desire begins. The problem for me, personally, is that I trust very, very slowly. And, just because I trust someone to be themself, doesn’t mean I trust them with me. I am trying to get better at it. 

    Other people, though, have other definitions for “getting to know” someone and so their desire develops for different reasons and at different paces. 

    I’ve had cravings before, so I know I can have them, but they’re rare. 

    Anyway, that is my hunger analogy for demisexuality. The analogy isn’t perfect, but no analogy is.

    #demisexuality#asexuality #this is based purely on my own experiences #so take with a grain of salt
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  • “Balance of being held”

    Jungkook is lost in this huge city all alone. Namjoon and Yoongi are here to help him find his home.

    Or a story about a boy, who don’t know how important it is to have a pack in your life, that meets Namjoon, an alpha of a small pack, and falls for him like you jump in the water: quick, but deep. And then he meets Yoongi, which is a completely different story.

    Check it out!

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  • So I’m gonna start this new set of posts called “Neptunium’s Midnight Ramblings” and it’s literally just gonna be me typing random ideas and thoughts on my phone at midnight while listening to Westlife.

    So, the subject of this Midnight Rambling is…

    My romantic orientation.

    I know what you’re thinking- “But Neptunium, you said you weren’t gonna worry about that anymore, and we just gonna let whatever happens happen after lockdown, why are you bringing it back up?”

    Well, cause I was watching the 2006 Westlife tour and they did a song called “Addicted to Love” and I was just sat there like “ha, no I’m not”

    Which again brought me back to my thought of “am I demiromantic?”

    There’s a few things I can certainly clean up; I’m not attracted to girls in any sense. Cis girls, MTF trans. If you identify as female, stand under the “non-attraction” sign. If you’re non-binary or genderfluid, please stand under the “I don’t know” sign.

    I don’t know any NB/GF people, so I can’t say at the moment, and I only know one FTM trans person, but I’m not attracted to them. FTM trans as whole though, I’m not sure.

    Identify as male? Please stand under the “maybe has a chance” sign and I’ll be with you shortly to determine what kind of person you are.

    Jokes aside, I’ve only had one boyfriend (I was 11) and one crush (I was 16). I’m gonna ignore the boyfriend thing for now since it didn’t go anywhere and the only people who knew were me and him anyway.

    So the one crush I’ve had, a boy we know here on my blog as Gold. I knew him for five years and he sat next to me in Yr10 English and Yr11 Maths/Physics, so I knew him pretty well.

    How does this fit into my idea of me being demiromantic? I don’t know.

    I knew him for fice years, and now he goes to a different Sixth Form and doesn’t go to the same school as me, I’m no longer attracted to him.

    Blue asked me sometime in November I think, “do you still like Gold?” and I said “I don’t talk to him or see him anymore, so I don’t feel anything towards him anymore, if that makes sense?”

    And he is the only person I’ve had a crush on (save for a few celebrities, but I put those in a different box, we’re talking about reality here, I’m not exactly gonna marry Stoffel Vandoorne, as much as I’d love to), so I am leaning towards me being demiromantic as well as demisexual.

    At the moment I identify as a hetroromantic demisexual, but I may start identifying as a demiromantic demisexual (or a double-demigoddess)

    I’m not too sure at the moment, it’s something I wanna sort out but it’s something I have a feeling will take years since I don’t open up to people that easily.

    So yeah, first edition of Neptunium’s Midnight Ramblings and we haven’t reached a conclusion.

    I have a feeling this might be the only sane MR I’ll do.

    Get ready for a sleep-deprived, stressed Neptunium next time.

    #Neptunium's Midnight Ramblings #LGBTQ+#LGBT#demisexual#demisexuality#demiromantic#demiromanticism#maybe#idk #i have no clue anymore
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  • I just had a slight epiphany…and I think that in the limited capacity for sexual attraction that I possess, I might be exclusively sexually attracted to women.

    I find men attractive aesthetically, romantically and emotionally, but the idea of sex with them is just. No. Even when I was head over heels for a guy, the thought of sex was just not on my mind in any capacity.

    When I had crushes on women, though….not so. And in general, the idea is significantly less unappealing. That’s then the demisexuality comes into view and the scale starts tipping.

    tl:dr: I might be gayer than I thought 😱

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  • Fall in love with a demisexual who was a million pinterest boards but hasn’t actually tried doing a single thing they’ve pinned

    #fall in love #demisexual#pinterest #there is a gap between inspiration and motivation #all those diys will stare at me until its all over #fall in love with a demisexual #demisexuality#panromantic #love is love #lgbtqia+#lgbtq#lgbt#ace pride#ace positivity#acespec#asexual spectrum
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  • I think the worst mistake people made in discussing asexuality was trying to split off demisexuality into its own distinct identity, which… if you ID as demi only, that’s fine, but it’s very much an opt-out thing.

    I’ve seen people claim that aces are fine and LGBT, but that demis aren’t—which is ridiculous, because demis are inherently ace. Again, how you ID is up to you, but acting like demi shouldn’t be under the ace umbrella is… bad.

    an asexual pride banner with grey text reading, Exclusionists I literally did not ask for your worthless opinion.
    #asexuality#demisexuality#ace discourse #hopefully the banner properly conveys how much this issue is not for acephobes #acephobia tw#large text #bold text tw
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  • You are Bisexual. You like men who are bigger than you and covered in hair. You like how it feels to be encapsulated by the large arms of a large man. You like women who are women. You like how pretty they are and how complicated they can be. You like tits.

    You like to have sex. Although you have only had sex with men, you are pretty sure you would also like having sex with a woman.

    You like sex more when you are having it with a familiar being.

    You are Demi-sexual. You find that you would rather have sex with a person you know than a mostly-stranger. You would really like to have sex with your best friend. Both of them. Him and her.

    You are bi-romantic. And hopelessly so. Thus, you have not had sex with your best friend. Either of them. And that kinda sucks. But its okay because at least you can cuddle with them.

    For now.

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  • being demisexual is nuts bc I will go bananas when my favorite characters finally become physically intimate in stories and almost exclusively read fics under the “E” category on AO3 but as soon as someone states intentions of seducing me I’m like?? you want to touch me sexually?? and expect me to get some sort of physical pleasure and emotional satisfaction out of that?? lol wild. anyway, let me tell you about why Shakespearean plays should actually be performed with American accents-

    #demisexual#asexual#demisexuality#asexuality#about me #okay to rb #feel free to make additions #hope some of y'all can relate #my post
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  • My intellectual brain: obviously people have sex and intimacy in and out of relationships for all kinds of reasons, and as long it is consensual I support them.

    My demi brain reading fanfic: why are you worried about if he loves you, you silly poodle? He kissed you. Why would he do that if he wasn’t madly in love with you? You might as well get married now.

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  • 95% of the time I like cutesy things, like hugs and cuddles and forehead kisses and listening to your heartbeat and holding hands and head pats.

    But the other 5% is wearing cat ears, black underwear, thigh highs and a choker/collar and ready to be eaten out by somebody I’m actually mutually attracted to and get along with.

    #honestly 🤷🏻‍♀️#me #get to know me #personal #i guess everyone has their kinks #demisexual#demisexuality#kinks#kitten girl#kitten play #master and kitten #call me your princess
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  • With all due respect, being allosexual must be hard af.

    I was dating a guy before COVID hit, and now he’s texting me all the time with “let’s meet up”, “let’s do s o m e t h i n g”, “come over”…

    Dude, there’s a literal pandemic out there. You’re going to have to offer a little more than sex for me to get out of my house.

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  • The dilemma about not knowing whether people usually are not attracted to you or whether you are irritated by this sex-obsessed society. Or whether you are just gay.

    The assumption that by 31 you must have had at least some experience is so damaging.

    It makes you question if there is something seriously wrong with you.

    If it is so easy/normal for everyone else, what went wrong in your life?

    Or are people just generally more desperate? Or have no boundaries/preferences?

    Or do people just feel so pressured to be in a relationship?

    It is just normal for me to never be with anyone. Sex seems like such an unlikely phenomenon to me.

    Maybe other people just feel entitled to it? Even women?

    Or it is just because I look too exotic… Because I do not fit the “standards”. But that just seems too bizarre to me. Are people really that narrow-minded?

    But I guess that explains why straight women don’t seem to have any standards when it comes to white men, but a man of colour must look a certain way.

    So I guess that is the major thing.

    If I was only 5 feet tall and blonde, my life would be very different. In both good and bad ways.

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  • Tonight on “Demisexual ruminations”:

    Why do people need to have sex so much?

    This is not the same as “Why do people need/want to be in romantic relationships”.

    For me, wanting to be in a relationship is primarily about emotional intimacy. It is not that I would not want to have sex, but it is more of a perk that comes from being in a relationship.

    Why can’t people not have sex?

    It seems like many people really really need to have sex. Like food. Or water. Not just because it seems like a nice idea.

    A part of me sometimes wonders if people just do it because that is what you do as an adult. Not because they want to do it.

    The part of me that feels hurt only feels hurt that I don’t really seem like a romantic option for most people. It is not about sex at all, even though I am aware that for many people sex is basically the primary thing, not the relationship itself.

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  • #eddie#eddie kaspbrak#sexuality headcanons #well i think his asexuality is canon but i digress #it#demisexuality#queer #cw: rape mention #richie#richie tozier#reddie#eddie: meta#stephen king#sexuality #demisexual gay eddie
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