Vent in tags oop.
Vent in tags oop.
note to self: stop being me
it's bad for your health
nothing big, I am testing out a antidepressant only 10mg to see if I have any side effects before I take a bigger dose, I hope it helps!
If there’s something I can do to avoid causing someone else to suffer, I’ll do it. Even if we have no future, tell me how i can reassure you and relieve your heart’s burden. I don’t want anyone suffering because of me - lost in the dense forest if their thoughts and self doubt. Allowing someone to frantically search for the path of truth because you’re carelessly avoidant is inhumane. Providing clarity takes only a moment of my time, and could grant someone their life back. Please please please do this for each other.
It's that time of year (when I exchange my fan for a SAD lamp)
What about y'all ?
Suicidal thoughts are full steam ahead tonight boys!
Them: You can do it!
My brain: Ya sure, hun? *The kid on the GIF as my brain*
I feel so drained right now.
What do I even say? My birthday was last Monday and the last couple of years, my birthday isn’t really a fun event. The people in my life make it special but it brings with it this sense of...shame. It reminds me that I’m still not where I want to be and I likely won’t be for a very long time, and that’s morbid and stupid and self-indulgent but it is what it is.
I agreed to start working in our office on my down time to get some office experience so I can hopefully get a new job and get the fuck outta here eventually, and I love it, I really do. I feel like I’m using my brain for the first time in forever, but I also am so horribly depressed that my brain is foggy and I’m exhausted ALL the time and adding more to my plate was maybe not such a great idea, but I did it and I’m not mad that I did and...idk.
My grandma died back in September, and my grandpa finally set a date for a memorial luncheon in November. We’ve been spending a ton of time with him, going through his paperwork, doing financial stuff, and I personally have been responsible for going through her phone and personal stuff and also setting up picture boards for the luncheon, which is also kind of a big undertaking and it’s fucking sad, bro. Going through her phone was really hard because it’s like, here’s everything that mattered to her and that she cared about and now she’s gone. And seeing my grandpa so utterly devastated by this is also extremely hard. idk
I’m also in the worst physical and mental shape of my life and I’m too afraid of the doctor to go do anything about it....also therapy isn’t going the way I want because I keep blocking any progress from happening. So overall things are not very cash money right now, and I’m old, and yeah. That’s it!
And before you say anything
Before you think of an immediate response
Just know that I AM SORRY...
I didn't mean to slowly catch feelings for you everytime we had a conversation.
I didn't want to miss talking to you.
Trust me, I am just suprised as you are.
I still am and honestly I still can't believe it.
I can't believe it is YOU that I've fallen for.
That its you that has me smiling like a fucking idiot when you say something kind out of nowhere.
Maybe it's because I trust you and that's why I feel like this,
I don't care why.
Just know you've kept me sane this past year and I'm sorry for this confession.
I'm so sorry but I thank you for giving me this feeling.
It's finally single degree weather!!!!!
I just want to feel fucking okay!!! Why is that SO FUCKING HARD
I should spend some time off Twitter gp999 stan twt is so toxic
And the topic is still trending so it’s hard to get out of
Probably gonna check for Tears of Themis and vtubers Twitter instead
so i've deduced that drinking a half a bottle of baileys on a mostly empty stomach while running on absolutely no sleep at all for a total of 72hrs (thanks to adhd medication) and simultaneously being on the verge of my monthly menstrual cycle equates to having a disgustingly massive sobbing breakdown that was in fact triggered by the end of act 1/the beginning of act 2 of cyberpunk 2077...... and on that embarrassing note i'm going to read fanfic and then attempt to sleep now and hopefully succeed or else i may simply perish so wish me luck y'all and i'll almost definitely delete this later or perhaps not because i'm tipsy and it's funny also shoutout to my personalized autocorrect for making my typing make sense and be legible lmfao ok byeee
t*xic ass ""friend"": aww do u wanna talk abt your feelings
Me, knowing that they'll turn the conversation into them real quick: ,,,no
Them: okay i dyed my hair red look!!
Me: there it is
Hoping wishing for twisted wonderland and ensemble star international release
(It’s funny to me cause I think of it like they’re gate keeping those games AHAHAHAH since they’re region locked) not only those tho, there’s more games that are region locked TT
I wanna play them
Las noches depresivas duelen de tal manera que llega un punto en el que no me reconozco, como si hubiesen desgarrado mi alma y soy una tercera persona observando el caos de alrededor.
Mis esperanzas se desmoronan mientras la cuchilla pasa una y otra vez dejando marcas cada vez más profundas, siento como el dolor físico empieza a callar todo el embrollo que traigo en mi mente, veo con una extraña mezcla de asco, odio y complacencia como las gotas carmín resbalan por mi piel para despues arremolinarse en el agua. Escucho mis quejidos mientras con esmero curo cada herida mientras sonrío ante la ironía de estar curando lo que yo misma me cause.
Is it weird that i actually never cry even when i do self harm?
I just feel numb
I honestly don't know much about Baldwin to know why so many people disliked him before, but glad most folks are on the same page that this is a fucked up thing to happen for someone on accident. That shit must be traumatizing. Someone check on that man's mental health.