I know i hurt you, but my darling you broke me.
Just thought I’d drop by and say I’m in such a depressive episode I finally got myself up to shower and didn’t even wash my hair so I’m spiraling 😀
No soporto el pasar del tiempo, solo despierto para esperar la noche.
why is tumblr more concerned abt my well being more than my own friends lol
I cried again tonight
tears to your name
at the end
you chose him
Something felt different this night
I accepted the reality
I was not worth the shot
even when I gave
everything I am
it didn’t matter
I now want to move on
doubting i am able to
but for the first time
I want to try
after a last tear to your name
I am ready
Und dann verfängt man sich wieder im Gedankenstrudel….der Kopf schreit NEIN und das Herz brüllt JA…
I hope it gets better in the future. I hope future me looks down on current me and says,” I wish I knew then that it would get better.”
I hope that future me is doing great.
I hope there is a future me.
Today is my birthday and f*ck I am so happy and grateful. That’s it. I am happy and this emotion makes me cry so hard.
For my life, for the things that I love and makes me feel alive and for the good people around me. For being loved. For being myself. Even if it’s hard sometimes.
Years ago I was dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts + a lot of shitty stuff. I used to think that I wouldn’t complete 20 years old. And today I am completing 24. I have everything that I though I wouldn’t have, right now I dream about the future when it used to terrify me so much.
I am proud of my journey and the world still scares me, but now… Now I am stronger, I know who I am and I am not going to die without living this life the best way I can.
A hell of a day…a hell of an evening…
Yesterday my husband and I went to his moms house. She talked about wanting another grandkid and how nice being a parent is…
Her words dug deep… we got home and I found the onesie that I posted a while back…i keep putting it away. It makes me sad. I found it while cleaning…I cried myself to sleep. Following day we go to breakfast with his family….I didn’t want to go but its family…His niece just had a baby. I didn’t want to hold the baby. So I got attacked saying I must not like children and I must not want any. I said I would love children. She asked me why we didn’t have any.. we’ve been together for a while. Why dont we have kids yet, if I love them so much. I told her I couldn’t have kids. Which then lead her and her mom and her sister to attack me further about not being able to have them and how I must be doing something wrong and if I was actually trying I would get pregnant. His sister got pissed and mumbled under her breathe about how I always make things about me….I didn’t bring me up until I felt attacked….I should of just kept my mouth shut…..We were done with the meal so I excused myself to go vape with my husband and brother in law.. I dont vape but I needed to get away….I broke down crying and then pulled myself together as they were walking out the restaurant and right to us to start again. They kept it up and my husband tried to rescue me. But everyone else glared.
We have been trying….FOR YEARS…I already feel like a piece of shit women because I am incapable of carrying children. I am incapable of becoming pregnant. I love children. I have raised many family and friends kids because they only cared about getting drunk or high.
I am broken inside…
I am exhausted emotionally…
I am me…
And I hate it so much.
Soni just watched the movie Split by James McAvoy and my advice to y’all is Do Not watch this move at night because it will make you depressed for no reason and then you will stay awake all night thinking about stuff you log forgotten
Or maybe this is just me
When I can’t feel anything,
I fill myself full of food and wine.
I’m so busy wanting not to be sick,
I forget I want to live.
I was at my lowest ever in my entire life…
I was thinking it still had an us
If love was this easy then we would not have depression