- Mod S
- Mod S
The way that society tells women that we have to fulfill our ancestral destinies by becoming mothers, and the way that men then punish and humiliate and resent and abandon us for childbearing, taking on almost NONE of the work that comes with loving someone. And the way that a lot of men put this natural course of life “on” women, as if being hardworking and jaded and unattractive after having a child is somehow a choice that they suffer from, that they can find fault with, that personally offends them. Because the universe is greater and broader than them, and they are no longer being served by other’s existences or situations. Like ??
And every time a guy asks me to be with him or marry him, it’s because he wants a sexy lover and a burdened mother and a serving wife all in one, for me to be endlessly working to make sure that he will receive all of those roles from me for my lifetime. What does he have to offer me? Will he be a father to me, a spouse to me, a sexy lover as well, for the rest of eternity? Is he going to be putting in any work to make sure I’m served in the same way that he wants me to be for him?
It’s a performance and they want me to fit their perfect fantasy, their ideal life, and mold myself to whatever shape makes them comfortable. Until one day they look at me and decide that in my efforts to mother them and raise children, I’m no longer sexy enough for them, not stress relieving anymore, they’re no longer free from responsibility in the world or a relationship. They want a mother out of a partner, but without any respect. And they want a daughter out of a partner, without any equality. It’s gross, the relationships in my community, all the desi aunts and uncles. I just cannot believe that the wives willingly let their husbands boss them around like children while using them like they’re their moms and would sacrifice to wipe their asses and feed them in bed. Like literally get out of here with that bullshit.
They act like not getting married is the biggest betrayal to society. But I’d rather stay away from all people if it means I don’t have to have a toddler in a potbellied man’s body whining after me and bossing me around all day. It’s gross as fuck. Partnerships should not be parental and all in favor of one person. I’m not sacrificing my life for anybody who wouldn’t do that for me.
And then being queer? Forget about it. Fuck.
They already tell me I’m abandoning my morals by not being feminine enough, that no one can love an aggressive or dominant woman because she’s too headstrong or whatever… I used to take it as a compliment while ignoring the hopeless foreboding dread that came with it… But now I realize what they meant was that I’m human, and no man wants to partner with a human being, they want someone submissive and obedient enough to boss around, and my nature automatically pushed that concept out before people even got to know my name. What they meant is, if you’re clearly human like all other women secretly are, if you don’t hide the fact that you’re a person and not some feminine performer, cardboard cut out, servant, yes man, then who will take you? I wasn’t different from other women, or strange. I was just not muffling my voice enough to show that I was feminine and complacent. There was nothing different about me. It wasn’t that I was “too” anything for the world. It was that men didn’t want human beings because human beings have agency and anger and assertiveness and they fight for their personal rights. And so in order to get a partner you have to perform, in Desi culture. And I refused at all costs. So they said no one would love me.
Lmao Desi culture is so messed up. Like yeah it’s lovely and beautiful, it’s vibrant. But the foundation of it is rotten, damp and growing mold for centuries. That shit never should have been taught to a child and yet it’s what’s being taught every day to kids. Yeah we can take our culture and transform it, change it, adapt to it, make it ours and celebrate it in the various different ways we can live and be. But we rebelled from something, and were taught it Somewhere. So those values are still being taught and enforced, except it’s at young ages so we get distant from it and hope that our own existences may be better representations of what Desi culture is, can be, and should be. But what does all of that mean if every single human has to find this for themselves and some get lost or sucked in along the way? What does it mean when the foundation remains the same? This shouldn’t be taught or espoused at ALL, at any point in anyone’s lives.
They say change comes slowly especially when it comes to cultural change across generations. But the truth is change doesn’t happen until someone says the unspeakable, until someone forces the truth out and makes everyone face it, risking their own acceptance in the process. Until someone speaks up about the honest truth, to the threat of all society. Until someone risks being seen and punished for saying things that are true but never acknowledged. The things that the culture enables and the powerlessness you have to fight such a collectivist and hierarchical culture– and only those who conform will ever get to higher ranks– means that even when it comes to truths everyone implicitly knows, the one who speaks up will undoubtedly be used as a lesson, will not succeed in changing anything except for the worse, and will be blacklisted because they betray the social order. After all who’s going to speak up except those who disagree and are young enough not to be absolutely complicit? Those whom the system doesn’t benefit?
Anyways. The sexism, abuse, and racism are pretty much the main problems. Sexism, every individual fights against and seems to think it’s an individual problem that shouldn’t be challenged on a social scale. Abuse, everyone has normalized especially in a Collectivist culture that values the stability and preservation of the whole structure over the voices of victims. And the racism– well at least with the racism, it wasn’t just me and my siblings who noticed and started talking about it but also on a wider scale among my cousins. If it was one of us speaking up, the rankings wouldn’t allow for any change, because younger folks have “no right” to challenge or openly disagree with elders or forefathers. We have no power. But a lot of us, and across different families too? And all at once, in agreement? Then, structures and habits and words are Forced to change.
God I just… There’s so much pressure in Desi society. We “have to get married” but can’t ever be seen making a relationship work with anybody, or you’re slutshamed. There’s a real Madonna v Whore complex in Desi society. It’s why I never go for Desi guys. Most of them can’t be arsed to think critically about our society or even consider the human rights of the women in their lives. I literally can’t… The very basic outline of a Desi guy’s foundational beliefs is repulsive, not necessarily their fault in the beginning but something they soon become active in and complicit in, enable and benefit off of, because that’s how the social structure works, that’s how the system works in Desi culture. You’re trained since birth, and at least by the time you start elementary school you still know right from wrong, if you get taught. But once you’re in elementary school, the hair pulling starts, and the beating starts, and the slut shaming starts, and the power dynamics and enforcement starts, the gender policing starts. Very strong sexism and gender expectations and dynamics, shaming and roles, by the time you’re 11. There’s hope for american born Desi guys but tbh, not much hope.
Designer: Ali Xeeshan
the amount of friends who are either taking streams they don’t want to pursue or graduating in streams they hate because “they’re respectable streams” is literally too many and it fucking sucks that brown parents think nothing other than stem subjects can lead to a career
Anyone else remember this song from the movie Scott Pilgrim vs the world?
osman yousefzada spring 2021 rtw
Inbox me 2 lines from a song and I’ll guess it.