#detrans woman Tumblr posts

  • bloodless-lies
    21.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    So I started a conversation on Reddit with one girl about detransitioning, and we agreed on almost everything, and our experiences were similar and it was great, but then a trans woman decided to butt in and start talking about how the stigma of detransition is due to transphobes and terfs (i think this person meant all radfems, but then again terf is a word that's used against all radfems regardless of their stance on dysphoric individuals) and while I agree in that i think the right wing (who I believe this person to be talking about when saying "transphobe") is actively twisting and using detrans stories to further their agenda, and I believe certain radfems are guilty of doing that too, their motives are completely different and just lumping them together is problematic. I also think that TRAs have contributed to the stigma surrounding detransition in that they label seeking out detrans perspectives as "self-harm" when really it's a healthy and good thing to do to seek out differing opinions and is essential to making informed decisions.

    Honestly all of this is to say that the only people who truly care for detrans people are detrans people, and while their might be some overlap in that a detrans person could be either a TRA, a radfem, or a conservative, I think that as whole groups, none of them will ever center detrans people like detrans people do (I'm not saying or implying they have to or should center detrans people, I'm saying that they just don't and that's a fact) (I recognize that these are whole movements that are bigger than any individual person or any individual interest)

    Also fuck that person for derailing a good conversation about detransitioning with TRA bullshit.

    #detransitioning#detrans#detrans woman#detrans lesbian#ftmtf#my posts #this isnt meant to make people made or feel like they have to defend the movements they are a part of #its just an observation and a call out to one person on ge internet
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  • bloodless-lies
    21.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    Yikes I was gonna tell my mom that I'm detransitioning, but events happened and I know I'll never live up to her idea of a woman because I'm not straight and I don't really want kids and she'll try to push her conservative ideals on me, and I really don't want that, i kinda wanna continue transition out of spite because either way I'm disappointing her, and idk I feel like being a gnc lesbian will strain our relationship more

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  • bloodless-lies
    20.06.2021 - 2 days ago

    I really fucked myself over by legally changing my name huh... Like I have to go through a whole second name change just to get my name back legally, it sucks, but at least it's reversible

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  • bloodless-lies
    20.06.2021 - 2 days ago

    I kinda wanna make tiktoks about detransitioning but knowing the political climate of the app I know I would get a lot of hate from the left and a lot of support from the right and I don't want either of those things... I just think we need more detrans representation, especially in places that are like an echo chamber.

    All I see when I go on that app is people identifying as nonbinary because of societal expectations of women, and I wanna be like "you don't have to do that, you can be a woman and hate the societal expectations too, they're not mutually exclusive"

    I feel like I would get banned so fast though...

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  • bloodless-lies
    19.06.2021 - 3 days ago

    I really spent all my teenage years thinking I was trans... Like 13-19 the entire time

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  • violetbain
    19.06.2021 - 3 days ago

    I had sooo many symbolic dreams about like, wearing dresses, and my days back at my women's college, and my childhood female friends, and my grandmother and my mother, and beloved female elementary school teachers, and my childhood home, and dreams where I was literally running away from something, in the weeks leading up to a huge emotional epiphany where I realized I wanted/needed to detransition. These dreams stuck with me and haunted me during the day; they demanded my attention. Dreams are so interesting. Writing them down and reflecting on them was a huge catalyst for my detransition. And it's still really helpful in processing all the feelings I'm having now as I am actively detransitioning.

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  • bloodless-lies
    19.06.2021 - 3 days ago

    Tbh I wish I never had heard about what being trans was

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  • bloodless-lies
    19.06.2021 - 3 days ago

    Is going off T cold turkey bad for you???? Genuine question, I've been on T almost a year in case that matters

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  • bloodless-lies
    18.06.2021 - 4 days ago

    When I think about how I got to this point, from transitioning to detransitioning, i think a lot about my state of mind when I was 12 years old and just joined this app. I was severely depressed and anxious, and I was coming to terms with the fact I was and am same-sex attracted. I think about the people I had in my life and all the things they said and did that affected me deeply. I just wanted to please everyone around me AND be myself but those two things were never going to happen simultaneously. I always heard from "friends" that I was too depressing to be around, i heard from mean girls at school that I wasn't "girl" enough because I didn't fit their standards of femininity, and I heard from my parents that being same-sex attracted was "wrong" and "sinful."

    The truth is is that all of those things pushed me to transition in the first place, and no medical professional even questioned me when I said I was trans, they didn't ask about my life or what made me think that, they just played along. I was a young teenager.

    My parents, for their part, reacted better to me coming out as trans then they did to me coming out as gay. In hindsight I can see it's because me being gay was never on their radar whereas by the time I came out as trans I was shopping exclusively in the men's section. They inadvertently made me feel like being trans was the path of least resistance. Now, that's not to say it's all their fault, but they had their hand in pushing me to be trans, especially because in my brain at the time that meant I was going to be a straight guy, which my parents would like better than me being a gay girl.

    I was in therapy from the time I turned 14 to still being in it now, and my therapist never pushed the subject of gender, even when she should've. Same with my psychiatrist. I feel like they were too focused on being trans-affirming than focusing on my problems as a patient. But it's not all on them, I kept my doubts to myself and pushed them down so much I forgot they existed.

    Not one adult in my life had told me "It's okay to be gay" or even "it's okay to be gender nonconforming," I could've benefitted greatly from hearing even just one of those two phrases.

    What really got me questioning was the fact that I had this drive within me to get top surgery this summer because binding was taking its toll after 6 years. I had to let my parents know, and they were very adamant that it was a mistake and that I should take the time to think about it. So I naturally put off thinking about it critically. And then when I finally did I realized my motivations weren't because I had body dysphoria anymore (I really don't, and I'm not sure I ever did) but because I didn't want to be outed as a female in male spaces. And I thought about it more and I was like, if I only have mild social dysphoria, then I think it's healthier for me to work through that mentally than to transition. And so I made to choice to detransition.

    All this being said, i dont think i could've come to this conclusion sooner, i think i had to go through what I had to go through to reach this point and I don't really regret any of it because it gives me a deeper understanding of the world, and yes it'll be challenging, especially with my voice, but I don't hate myself for what I've done. I became who I needed to be to survive, and I'm glad I survived and have gotten to the point where I can be who I am.

    #detransitioning#detrans lesbian#detrans woman#ftmtf#my posts #just something ive been thinking about lately
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  • bloodless-lies
    18.06.2021 - 4 days ago

    Any other detrans people have a hard time actually thinking of yourself as the right gender, because like I'm a woman, ik that, but I keep thinking of myself as a guy because I lived as one for 6 years and I just want it to stop, it's annoying

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  • violetbain
    17.06.2021 - 5 days ago

    Any other detrans women have throat pain after coming off testosterone? It’s like a periodic tightness and sometimes aching in my larynx. I’m almost a month off T and I can’t tell if it’s from going off of it, or just a coincidence, or just my imagination…

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  • bloodless-lies
    15.06.2021 - 6 days ago

    Yikes, I have to tell my psychiatrist, who wrote my top surgery letter, that I'm not actually getting top surgery, and I'm actually detransitioning oops

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  • violetbain
    13.06.2021 - 1 week ago

    Of all the things that happened to my body from taking testosterone, my voice dropping makes me the saddest. I hated my voice pre-T because it was so high, and I hated that it sounded so girlish and small. I like my voice now, too, but I’m sad that I ever hated it so much that I was willing to just… get rid of it like that. It was a symbol of everything I hated about being female. It breaks my heart now to think of how warped my mind was to make that decision. My voice was fine. I thought I was ready to give it up, I thought I was prepared for it to drop, knowing logically that it would never be the same… but there’s a difference between just knowing and actually experiencing the reality of it. It’ll never go back to the way it was before, and I must accept that.

    Yes, my voice was fine before. But, it’s fine now, too. It’s just different. I still have a voice. It’s deeper than the average woman’s voice, but I can still sing and speak and laugh and everything important.

    I lost most of the vocal agility that I had pre-T, though. I had been singing my whole life, non-professionally, but as a serious hobby, and had developed a lot of skill. I’ve had to work hard to relearn my voice and still am learning. I can barely pitch match anymore — which freaks me out because that was always a skill I took for granted. I just knew my voice so well; now it is somewhat foreign to me. It will take me a long time to get used to it. It’s one of the most jarring things about taking testosterone. I no longer know my own voice. Sometimes I open my mouth, and I’m not sure what will come out. I used to hear a song and know I could sing it, I knew which singers had voices and ranges like mine, I knew how to imitate their styles. Now I struggle to sing along with songs I used to be able to sing perfectly (that is heartbreaking right now). My passaggios are weak and my head voice is breathy and difficult to control. I know I can relearn how to sing again… but it is frustrating at best and sometimes just feels devastating.

    But I listen to old recordings of my singing and I realize my technique was… not really that great to begin with. I suppose it’s a silver lining — my voice changing so much has forced me to take my singing more seriously than ever, and to really work on my technique rather than just trying to sound a certain way. And I don’t want to force myself to sing in a higher register just to sound “like a woman”. Even if my voice might sound more like a man’s, I am a woman, and I still have a woman’s voice — just a deeper-than-average one. I want to sing with the full power of my voice. I don’t want to be ashamed of it anymore for any reason. I want to learn to use it fully and embrace its unique tone.

    I miss singing in a group so much. I used to be a soprano 1, and now I’m at least a tenor if not a baritone (my voice is still settling from all the hormonal chaos, so I’m unsure). I’m sure there’s some female singing group out there who would welcome a female tenor to add richness to the sound, right? I sang in a women’s choir in college and I adored it. We cherished the low-voiced women, too — we only had a couple and our director tried to push them as low as they could go to get a really full sound! So I try to remember that… my voice is unique, and still valuable. I’m trying to be kind to myself. I don’t want to fall into the same trap as I did pre-transition — hating my voice because it “wasn’t correct”. My voice is mine. It’s unusual, maybe. But unusual isn’t bad. I can still sing. I can relearn the skills I lost. There is always hope.

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  • violetbain
    11.06.2021 - 1 week ago

    detransitioning has been really hard emotionally/psychologically etc. so far but also... a huge relief. the further I got into transition, the more I felt like I was complicating my life, and the more unnecessary that began to feel. I felt like I was creating more and more problems for my future self. and over time I just began to realize that my dysphoria didn’t really stem from my ‘gender’ so much as the assumptions that others made about me because of my body. and I realized that a.) that was not/is not my body’s fault, and b.) something I can not control, and c.) would still happen even if I was on hormones and had surgeries. if I am focusing so hard on how I appear to others and drastically changing my body and physical appearance to fit some external idea of what I ‘should look like’, what message am I subconsciously sending to myself? that my body is not good enough — that I am not good enough. how is that really any different from craving plastic surgeries and liposuction and torturing myself with images of skinny ‘perfect’ blonde women like I used to do on tumblr when I was 14? and at that point I could no longer personally justify my transition. I realized that though I had initially set out transitioning to help myself, and it was done with the intention of self-love, I was actually harming myself far more than I was helping myself. my dysphoria, depression, and anxiety were all worse than ever before and getting worse by the day. transition clearly wasn’t doing what I thought it would do.

    detransitioning has been like setting down a burden. I have felt such relief at letting transition go. dysphoria does not control me. I can deal with it in other ways without changing myself & hating myself. I can learn how to accept myself instead — as trite as that sounds, it’s the only way for me. it’s difficult and painful... but I’m grateful for the work I’ve been doing to unpack that pain and digest it. my life doesn’t need to be overly complicated. I am a woman because my body is female and that’s that — simple. I don’t need to be any certain way. me, just as I am, however my body looks, however my personality and mannerisms and quirks are, is just fine. what a relief!!

    #don’t have any eloquent words today just thinkin my little thoughts on a cloudy morning #detrans#detransition#detrans woman#thoughts
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  • bug-casserole
    11.06.2021 - 1 week ago
    #i dont necessarily miss the community bc ive never known another detrans/transitioner/dysphoric woman #what i do miss is how good it felt to be ignorant #i wont go into that #ask#anon
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  • downtohike
    04.06.2021 - 2 weeks ago

    One thing I never considered when I detransitioned was how I would lose a “community”. I have no idea what my sexuality is, which makes me feel so weird. I used to feel like I was part of the LGB(t) community, and now I just stand here, alone and on the side. It’s strange. I don’t want to impose, and at the same time I remember how I felt when I was younger and just wanted to belong somewhere, and the LGB community was so welcoming, and open it just drew me in.

    #I feel like I dont belong anywhere tbh #And as someone with severe identity issues this is terrifying #Detrans#detransition#detrans woman #lgb are all the letters
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  • violetbain
    01.06.2021 - 3 weeks ago

    words I wish someone had told me when being a woman was too painful.

    I woke from a dream that I was following in the footsteps of some female author I knew, in the dream, and I went away to some camp in the woods to be alone, to write, and I was gathering the courage to go alone... I don't remember much but that.

    I woke up today feeling very sore all over. I think I am starting to feel like Me, again. I think even today, just two days after I would have had a shot of testosterone, the estrogen is surging back into my blood. Or it's possible, anyway. I can't explain it, but it feels like my body again. My chemistry. Or perhaps, just my imagination.

    I am feeling lucky this morning, to be a woman. No matter how my voice sounds... I am among good company. Female authors & writers, female thinkers... women with strong opinions and strong feelings. That has always been me. I am glad to return to womanhood and for the first time in my life, truly pleased to call myself a woman. Proud of it. I could never say that pre-transition and really mean it. But having been away from womanhood and distanced from it, I appreciate it now so much more.

    If anyone happens upon this and is considering whether or not to transition, or considering detransition, perhaps agonizing over it -- know that transition is not an inevitability. You have a choice.

    It has taken considerable time and patience and work and healing in order for me to get to this point, yes, considerable pain and tears and anger in order to begin to reconcile with being female and even to occasionally embrace it & enjoy it (I am aiming for just feeling neutral about it most of the time). Transitioning is not the only answer to the question of unhappiness and uneasiness with one's own body. I ask you -- is the problem your body, or the way that society treats you because of it? I can tell you with certainty that there is nothing wrong with your body, nothing at all. I know that, without seeing you or hearing you; there is nothing wrong with your body. Truly. No matter what you might hear, there is no wrong way to be a woman, and no right way, either. Women are just human beings who were born female. How can there be a wrong way to be a human being? There isn't.

    You might be a weird woman, like me, and can't conform to society's expectations even if you try. And I have tried very hard. I never could do it. Maybe you can't, either. That's okay. You can still be a woman and have strong opinions, a strong personality, be masculine, look masculine, love men or love women or both, be loud, be intense, be smart, be independent, be whatever it is you are naturally drawn to be. None of these things mean that womanhood isn't for you. Womanhood is your birthright; humanity is your birthright. You are allowed to be whatever kind of woman you are and simply to exist in that way, to rest in your body however it looks, and that is enough.

    Be kind to yourself. Speak lovingly to yourself as you would to a little girl who is hurting and feels ashamed, excluded and alienated. She needs you to hear her and acknowledge her pain. She needs to know that she is enough, that she always has been. She needs you to forgive her for the crime of having been born female. The crime of having been born female in a world that was, from her first shaky and frightened hours on this earth, intent on finding something to despise her for -- and to make her despise herself -- no matter who she would end up becoming.

    If you despise yourself for being a woman, I understand. I feel your pain. And I'm so, so incredibly sorry that you are hurting.

    Denying the truth of your body and running away from that pain will only ever get you so far. You will keep running for the rest of your life, and that is exhausting. You deserve to rest. You must confront that pain and feel it. You are angry; I know you are. I was, and I am. Take that anger and hold it gently like a wild animal, soothe it. Recognize it is not yours to bear. That anger was directed at you by a world that hates girls and women for daring to be people; it was fed to you like a poison keeping you docile till you got old enough and smart enough to administer it to yourself, when you learned to hate yourself because you had to in order to survive. Forgive yourself. Be angry at a world that begs you to hate yourself. Refuse to hate yourself any longer. Seethe and rage against the injustices which have been done to you in the name of your body which you did not choose and cannot change. That anger does not belong to you. Give it back to those who deserve it. Rage and rage with righteous indignation at those who made it easy to look upon your own body and face and voice with disgust, who encouraged you to hate your parts because they did not come out of a factory for Unimaginably Perfect and Fuckable Women and sweetly praised you as you destroyed yourself for them. You are a real person. You are complex and contradictory and strong and weak and big and small and scared and brave and you are perfect, perfect, perfect just as you are. I promise you that. I don't know you, I will never meet you, and I can promise you that you are perfect.

    These may sound like empty words to you right now. I mean them with 100% genuine love and ardent belief. I believe you are perfectly fine as you are, and I believe you will be okay. I believe you will figure it all out; you wondrous, imperfect, strange woman, you. Me. Us. You have always been enough.

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  • fox-steward
    28.05.2021 - 3 weeks ago
    #this is barely comprehensible #and strongly not worth my time to respond #but a few personal faves: the discovery of the woman essence #apparently transgender people are a hate crime to me #misogyny is a choice but being trans isn’t #detrans#detransition#just talkin#radfem#radical feminism#transgender#gender critical#ftm#asked#answered#anon#anonymous #completely idiot take anon
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  • downtohike
    28.05.2021 - 3 weeks ago

    Okay, my doctor didn’t seem to think this could be Bipolar, and instead she’s going the personality disorder-route instead. It really could be that I guess, I’ve just never really seen myself as a very “moody” person that reacts in very extreme ways, but the more I think about it I probably do - it’s just very internal. I also have some updates on the detrans thing. My doctors there don’t want to give me more help other than voice training and seeing a psychologist for at least 6 months (Because, “what if I change my mind”). As if it’s strange to reconcile with my birth gender and not finally being hyper obsessed with it to the point of it being all my life. One thing I’ve noticed though, which i guess could be the whole personality-thing, is how my mind immediately starts wandering away and I’m like - what is my personality now? What can i latch onto and make my whole persona. It isn’t as dramatic as it sounds of course, it’s more like how i remember thinking when i was a teenager, thinking about what my sexuality is etc. Just general trying to discover who i am. I just feel like its a bit too much

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  • spooky-rad-lukaa
    21.05.2021 - 1 mont ago

    @ dysphoric radfems

    Tips on how to cope better with dysphoria without painful means (like binding, I'm trying not to do that)

    Both top and bottom dysphoria but especially bottom dysphoria

    Trying not to trans out again lmfao

    #radfem#radical feminism #radical feminist community #radical feminists please interact #terf#terf friendly#terf safe #terfs please interact #dysphoria#detrans#detransition#dysphoric radfem#dysphoric woman#reidentified
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