#diary Tumblr posts

  • december is supposed te be my favorite month but instead i might lose my job, i’m more anxious than i’ve been in a decade having panic attacks at work and seriously started googling ways to k*** myself

    #text#diary #i’m actually losing my mind i can’t even breathe #suicide cw
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  • Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers

    OkAy so….i imagine if Simeon was indeed late and Eve ended up stabbing herself…..she’d go to celestial realm for a while (enough to see her deceased spouse and mother…even her murdered child Abel..the very first one among many…she finally finds some peace) as soon as her real identity is known though….The Eve…bearer of the human curse™….she turns into a demon and kicked out of heaven (for the second time in her very very long existance)..shes quite literally sent hurling down to devildom…much like how lucifer and others did before.

    Now however she has all her memory …over 230.000 years (this is a bit blurry….bible or quran dont have a clear date about the crestion of adam and eve) and much of her recent years is all mixed up she does however know celestial war is her fault in a raundabout way which makes her avoid the brothers as much as she can due to ions long guilt.

    So Barbatos meets her where she falls…he was the first one to help when she was kicked out of Eden too….in a way he was always..waiting for this…tbh if season 3 doesnt work w ideas i have for eve ill just consider this canon sksksskskks

    On another note its also weird for her to see her grave decorated with candles and flowers right beside liliths in the underground tomb…along w her paintings hanged above…like..what do u do if u see your own dead body…avoid it i suppose…

    #obey me original character #obey me #barbatos obey me #oc: eve #also...cain is in devildom too since hes barbatos' and eves child and half demon so cant really go to heaven as the first murderer....so #so barbatos b like...k evil family time #not even diavolo knows id reckon #diary
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  • the day i met jesus

    imagine someone asking me what i did today and i’m like, “yeah nothing much, i only talked to jesus today” 

    this guy’s real name is literally jesus lmfao i can’t 😂

    the vibe from the convo was weird. i was trying to be polite with him but then he hit me with “you’re funny” when i didn’t make any jokes . that’s so ruuudeeee wtf  😂

    #diary #i met jesus
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  • My family moved across the country earlier this month. Sold the house we lived in the longest, only place that felt like our home. I stayed here with my bf who leaves me feeling a bit lonely and disconnected sometimes. Hes away all week on a trip with his brother and dad.

    All last night I had nightmares of me just crying. Saying goodbye to my old bedroom. So many fucking memories in that room. So many things we changed in that room.

    All those nights watching house md with my mom and her at the time bf, having drinks and eating pizza from a place thats now closed, my once a week cheat meal where I was starting to look good and gain confidence.

    Watching vampire diaries with my mom. Or gossip girl with my mom and sister. Watching the bachelor with our drinks every Monday.

    A year ago, before stupid ass covid, hitting the bar with my sister every weekend and laughing all night until we argued about something and her falling asleep in the Uber home. The late night wawa runs.

    I miss it all so much. I hate saying goodbye to things. My life has been series of me saying goodbye. I moved states 6 times before I was even in the 7th grade.

    Even our family dog died last week. Another part of my life that’s just a memory now. And I don’t know if I’m happy here. I don’t know how much of the sadness I feel is these changes, seasonal, or if I’m not in the right place.

    The whole last week of them here was chaos. Just stress filled air as they ran around like crazy packing the house, throwing things away, my mom constantly on the phone with someone. The house was damn near empty when I said goodbye. It wasn’t even that great of a house, but I miss the way things were.

    I have been dreaming of moving to San Diego awhile now. But at this point I wonder if ill ever feel happy again. I am so sad. I love to shut down and ignore my feelings, but they’re really making themselves known.

    I love my boyfriend. But he’s always a bit distant and reserved, and I thought the walls would come down, but its been 2 years, and we’ve talked about this, and he says its just who he is but he’s trying. Its hard for me.

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  • me: ok im gonna post a dnp gif for everyday of december

    me the 1st of december: takes my laptop in to be repaired

    #SO .. anjsvsuwcwjsgjssb i guess its not happening😭 #No it will ill just start again on like the 5th or whenever the mans done #Lmao#diary
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    Im not sure ??? Kinda i guess

    #my face #top right one is most similar i think even then nose is too upturned #diary#portraitai
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  • AC Valhalla main theme is just so beautiful dammit

    #ac valhalla#jesper kyd#sarah schachner#einar selvik #this music is touching something inside me #diary#music
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  • Caged in Rosslyn.


    At home alone; Chip is at work, Wendy is in New York for the week. My poverty prevents me from going out tonight. although I’m somewhat relived to have to deal with all that restlessness. Allan and I have been going out quite a bit recently. No romance but much fun. Nights to myself like this have become rare. I’m not sure how much I enjoy them either. I have a tendency to wring my hands when left alone. I am a creature of compulsion and I find little in a house alone to feed my compulsions. My insatiable compulsions.


    My recent breakup with Bob B. (there have been so many that I now have to start speaking of them with their last names– to avoid confusion) has left me (of course) battered (again).


    It occurs to me that I don’t dislike these caged evenings at home alone as much as I suspect I should. Tanya Tucker singing country love songs on the stereo; swilling cold beer and watching smoke curling from my full ashtray. Tanya sings about heart break hotel and I clack away at my typewriter trying to dramatize my life. Yearning for some plot that I can cooperate with. Something to need.

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  • The best fringe is eyebrow length..def. Not going for this almost-terf-bangs again

    #diary #getting longer at least
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    ヾ(@^▽^@)ノ

    #my face#owo #i cant believe its 1 december 2020 #diary
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  • I guess im slowly learning how to become unattached

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  • “May this be the last time you deal with someone who isnt sure about you”

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  • You gonna be all alone so, you need to figure out how to take care of yourself

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  • Den ganzen Tag…

    regnet es schon. Wäre es Sommer oder ich an der Küste, hätte ich damit wahrscheinlich kein Problem. Aber es ist heute gar nicht richtig hell geworden und das macht mich so unglaublich müde.

    Hinzu kommt, dass die Fitnessstudios derzeit geschlossen sind und ich mich dadurch nicht einmal richtig verausgaben kann, was mir auch wieder Glückshormone bescheren würde…

    Vielleicht sollte ich mich die nächsten Wochen wegen Winterdepression krank schreiben lassen und erst wieder rauskommen, wenn Frühling ist ●_●

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  • Made may iron maiden T into a cut off w HELLA big arm holes, got some lace up ‘leather’ pants, one dangle earring and some boots. I am committing to not only being from the 80s, but potentionally a lost boy, I’ll update you on if I kill anyone and drink their blood.

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  • Machiko Kyo “1st December Second-hand bookstore with cats”

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    #diary#books #the year of magical thinking was rlly good I finished it in a day!! #excited to read Toni Morrison for the first time
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    “すてきな人ってのはいるでしょ。

    仲よくしていたいとか、仲よくなりたいとかっていう。

    そういう人たちと、死ぬまでいっしょにいるためにはやっぱ自分がすてきじゃなくっちゃいけないと思うの。”

    すてきな人で死ぬまでいたいなって思いました。

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  • i want star platinum to hold me in its beefy arms 😔

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