#dicerolls Tumblr posts

  • insanetwocubes
    18.06.2021 - 14 minutes ago

    Feeling actually happy for the first time in forever surprisingly grows your ego and makes you value happiness lol

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    18.06.2021 - 15 minutes ago

    So. Apparently. The solution here is two fold. Either lyke find happiness in the things I already have. Or relish in happiness that because i don't have a certain thing, therefore I cannot cling to it and suffer the feelings of losing it.

    "Relish in happiness" isn't accurate but y'know. I'm trying to translate it to normal actional language.

    The goal of buddhism is to lyke not be attached to anything. So not having a thing kinda saves me the trouble. And I'm assuming the happiness anyway. There's no guarantee. Maybe lyke who knows. Either work would be more annoying that way. Or it will distract me from being present at work. And I don't want to feed my ego y'know. I don't want to form attachments because those are costly.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 4 hours ago

    Hey. I've been wanting a lot. I need help?

    You know what they say about wanting.

    ????

    The wanting. It comes in waves.

    XD Shut up! You're such a nerd.

    Seriously though.

    Seriously... hmm. So you know wanting is the cause of suffering.

    Sure.

    So you gotta appreciate things you already have.

    So.... okay you can't create in one medium. But there are other mediums.

    Hm... maybe.

    I guess there are more mediums.

    Yup.

    Hm... something is missing.

    What's that?

    Hm.

    Honestly? The grind lol it's different when I'm not lyke... doing the work.

    I mean there are other games, love.

    Yeah... I guess.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 14 hours ago

    I still have a lot of trouble with the priorities getting away from me.

    The thing is, priorities are lyke automatically set in a future-mindset. So it's lyke an instant way to get out of present mindset. Which is not what I want.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 14 hours ago

    Speaking of which. I've been thinking right.

    Part of why I wanted to do the detox is because of the skill building. See, inspiration is actually really bad for any type of art you're trying to take seriously.

    And I thought, right. That maybe I can learn new things on the piano in such a way, where I don't necessarily try to hold myself to the accuracy of the official song.

    Because sometimes when I get impatient, I do this thing where I try to play along with an originl recording of the song and I fail and I try really hard until it gets too frusting.

    I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to compare myself to official recordings y'know. I'll still look at tutorials but lyke things that I could compare myself to, that's the fiction I'm trying to avoid.

    And that kinda also means that i can't listen to the recording of a song before I try to learn it. Which I'm hoping would trick me into practicing even if I decide I don't like the song OR learn the song in a unique way that makes actually sound good and unique, too.

    Anyway. For hundreds of hundreds, obviously tutorials are useful or whatever. But when I'm practicing or just doing anything else with the art, I don't want to be bogged down y'know?

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 14 hours ago

    I guess I mean. I know plans don't always work out. And there's a lot of gaps here for good things to happen.

    And I know I just gotta keep chugging. Do whatever as long as it's not nothing. And trust me, I'm not doing nothing.

    And then also do nothing sometimes.

    Idk. I feel like. I unlocked a level, but I'm not stong enough to get to the next area? Y'know? Lyke its open to me and everything.

    But when I try to go there I get lyke insta killed.

    I need armor, I think. To do some grinding here.

    It's okay I guess. Patience and all that.

    I know I'll figure the money thing out. It's just this year that's lyke up my fucking ass.

    I know I can get my routine set up. Or not. But whatever it is, I know the things i do have. It's not lyke I have nothing. And I have plenty of things to grind out and perfect y'know.

    It's just that I'm lyke at the tail end of learning a new skill right before the next one finally clicks and I'm just grinding those 5 xp mobs just to get there.

    It's been a while since I played the piano.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 15 hours ago

    And. I wanna do more than just survive. Like get a new computer XD

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 15 hours ago

    So I'm trying to work. Both the Uber and the creative stuff. Idk, man, it's just not happening. I'm trying to put too much pressure on myself either. But. Like I said....

    This world isn't made for autistics lol you want to survive, you gotta well, work to the bone lol

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 15 hours ago

    What I wouldn't do to drop 3h on a new computer right now lol

    But I don't want to do that quite yet. The stuff with the waver isn't quite out yet. Plus I need to have my car pass the inspection this year. And I don't know what the deal with the tax stuff :/

    And after all that I'm still lyke too.... uncomfortable with where the money is right now.

    To spend anything more than 10$ than planned on anything really.

    I'm trying to work more but they have me down for 37 hours a week man. I can't handle the sensory stuff of cashiering on a good day.

    Anyway. No money, Flare sad, what else is new.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 15 hours ago

    I mean I don't hate kubuntu so far. Haven't hate ubuntu either.

    The impression I seem to get from linux though is that things break often lol. You can get the most stable, supported version, and still have it break on boot. Which would be lyke impossibly frustrating if it was on my main computer lol

    Good thing that's not happening lmao.

    Oof I can't wait to get a fucking new computer.

    This one is lyke.... fucked.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    17.06.2021 - 15 hours ago

    Okay so I'm on kubuntu in vmware and i finally after lyke two days got the screen resolution to fucking work.

    But man, the lag is fucking real. I have to wait minutes for single clicks to register.

    And that's with no apps.

    I wonder if dual booting is gonna be much better lol

    But I don't know if that's even possible.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    Okay. The brain is throwing a tantrum. I feel like I'm going crazy lol

    I think I need to take it down a notch.

    Maybe lyke start with lyke an hour without it a day.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    Ngl this detox stuff is hard. I'm lyke itching really bad all over.

    And I honestly thought about quitting or at least amending the rules. But. I feel like I'm on a role.

    But it feels like I'm so overwhelmed from being underwhelmed.

    Augh. It feels so jittery! Lyke all over!

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    Staring at a black screen wnd not being able to go on tumblr is so stressful. I can't express it lol

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    So. Uhm. Idk. I'm definitely forced to focus more on irl things. But Idk to what extent this is the abstinence or just me hitting the second wave of sleep deprivation lol.

    I am so.... restless.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    So fortunately-unfortunately, I can't get rid of mysic cuz it's my main form of stimming.

    But I am gonna lyke try to quit everything else.

    I wonder this is lyke a "dopamine detox" and if I'm actually needlessly torturing myself lol. Because that's why I'm doing this btw. To intentionally starve the brain off stimuli into lyke staying more present and imaginative. Idk.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    Augh so... do I break my habit so early just because I can't sleep?

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    It's honestly so fucking weird. The idea of abstaining from social media.

    Cuz lyke social media has good things sometimes. It's easy to gain ideas and inspiration. It provides content to get excited about. It provides a community and comfort when you don't know who you are yet.

    But there are bad things, too like the insidious urge to come back. The constant barrage of new information. Sounds and visuals you think you want, but they overwhelm you instead. Others' unwanted opinions and judgements. The waiting for the next hit of that really good story beat.

    The excuse and distraction from your hobbies. And the rest of your life.

    Idk. As much as there are bad things, the good things are irreplaceable.

    Nowhere else are you gonna find such good indy content. No where else are you gonna find inspiration.

    How are you supposed to do anything without inspiration? How are you supposed to make jokes without memes?

    Idk. Maybe you don't need inspiration. Often it's an empty feeling.

    It's been a while since I tried to quit tumblr.

    Idk. Maybe fiction isn't lyke... a great source of entertainment.

    But I'm scared. This is the reason we don't touch our diet. I'm scared of slipping into depression without it.

    I'm so scared, I can't describe it.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    Okay. So Techno's room is ptobably gonna have the ladder as the entry point. The import part is basically the while and spruce log color scheme. He will have a bed to the far left away from the ladder. A windown on the far wall and two? Or one probably on each side. Obviously you can't forget the channel member bell and some book shelves and a desk I guess?

    The floor is....idk. spruce planks I guess. Idk his room isn't much and shouldn't be much. The books and desk are important, though.

    Maybe a little lantern on it, too.

    So I guess... okay. Because of the desk and shelves. It needs to be wall, then shelf then desk then space then chair then the window is the middle point. So the insode is gonna have...

    Also I'm thinking about sticking a balcony or a porch somewhere in there for sexy window manuevers.

    Okay anyway on the inside, it's gonna be... 4.... 9 across. And... let's see, two for the bed, then probably a space between it and the bed. I'm thinking there's gonna be space for a bedside table because the bed is a one space in a 4 space. Or it might be a double bed.

    What color bed?

    Hm...

    Not sure. Red is a p cheap minecraft color. Light blue is pretty royal. Techno seem like a pink sheets kinda guy to me light blue it is.

    So long ways it's gonna be...

    2 for the bed, 3 for the bell, then the ladder.

    At least 6 by 9 on the inside.

    It's weird. Maybe make it 9 by 9 for more room. Then a space for back up armor or something. Or more books. Or a secret.

    Fair. How high should it be?

    What's the standard?

    I think 4 on the inside? Or 5. I made the storage room to standard. We can count that.

    ~Flare

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  • insanetwocubes
    16.06.2021 - 1 day ago

    When the new paradigm doesn't erase your past baggage.

    ~Flare

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