headcanon dump; luke crain
slowly, as luke grows up and into his addiction. luke tends to pull away from his siblings touches. it took a while for anyone to notice, as they weren’t a huge hugging family, at least, not after they got older. hugs started to become rare, if someone was hurt / hurting, a congratulation thing. it got noticed when he pulled away from a hug offered by nell. that was three months before he dropped out of college.
i’ve touched on luke being sensitive with smells, but i also see him being sensitive to ghost in general. before he even saw a ghost, he felt the house was bad. he didn’t like the house, something felt off. nell said it was loud, theo said it was cold. it was after his initial awe of the big house that they were staying at, that the bad feelings started to sink in.
then, out of them all, luke was the one who saw the most ghost - even outside of hill house. he saw ghost more clearly then others, almost like they were drawn to him. before hill house, he actually had an imaginary friend, who just so happened to be a ghost who lived in that house. which is how he knew abigial wasn’t imaginary despite his parents and siblings saying otherwise. his other imaginary friend he only saw in the house, were as with abigail he saw her outside of the house.
ghost just give him this horrible feeling inside.
if you don;t think luke’s new years wish/resolution, his christmas wish or his birthday wish after his mother died was to have his mother again YOU ARE WRONG. that was all he wanted, he only wanted his mother, and that is all he would ask for when asked.
luke is a codependent person. whether it be with a person, or a substance. he’s someone who needs someone or something as a comfort
luke never does blame shirley for kicking him out of nell’s wedding, because he would have told nell that he tried to go, but shirley said that she didn’t want him there. he doesn’t blame shirley at all because he was high, he didn’t want to ruin nell’s day ( he just wanted to be there for her ), but how he’d end up wasn’t predictable either - especially when he was high. and because his siblings ( especially nell ) would be worried about him because they all know the tell tale signs that he’s high
while luke loves(/d) his father as a child, he wasn’t that close with his father. he was closer to his mother. he just didn’t have the same interest hugh had in building and helping like steve did.
luke’s friends growing up, especially after hill house were more nell’s friends then they were his. he wasn’t the best at socialising, he was a quiet kid, nell wasn’t. that was just who they were, essentially a package deal. if you friend nell, you friend luke. but, they weren’t overall his friends. he noticed it more as he got older, the small looks they’d give him when nell wasn’t looking after she said luke wold come too. it honestly got to the point where luke just stopped going whenever plans popped up. claiming he was tired, or he had homework. just something so he doesn’t feel like he isn’t wanted by those he is ‘suppose’ to call friends.
he never told nell of this, that this is why he stopped hanging out with her friends.
he was maybe fourteen when he did finally make his own friend, they were solid, and it felt great to have a friend again, because his last true friend was abigail - but not even before the christmas holidays started up two years later, did she die because she fell very ill. and it was from there on that luke felt that he really didn’t deserve friends, not like his siblings did. that his friends are destined to die.
so, it wasn’t until he was THIRTY TWO YEARS old, that he found himself opening himself up to having a friend again (joey), and then he loses her while he was trying to help her
luke and nell shared a room up until steve left because janet’s house didn’t have enough rooms for them all to have one separate, and they couldn’t afford to move out.
including olivia, hugh, nell. and adding allie, jayden & kevin & leigh and arthur
luke drawing a memory from shirley’s wedding & giving it to her, same with steve. and then when theo does, when her and trish are back from their honeymoon they come home to a drawing from him.
luke using drawing again to help process his emotions.
him drawing anything his niece(s) and nephew ask of him
nell dies in october, then a few months later it’s christmas and a month later, it’s luke and nell’s birthday. those months all are the hardest for luke. the days that are the worst are nell’s death date, christmas & their birthday and the days leading up to it & after it (three days)
2018 is the first year luke has spent sober in over ten years. if was he in a centre, he’d escape a few days before christmas because it was too much.
his first stint in rehab started on the 4th jan
luke’s first christmas sober & without nell was hell. it was a time he very badly needed his siblings, because they had not long ago lost her ( and then their father ). he just needed them to be there, to confine in that he is feeling tempted, him asking them to sit or talk with him until the temptation goes. it happens a lot, a different siblings each time. maybe going to kevin one time or leigh. or just striking up a conversation with jayden and allie, anything to distract himself from the feeling. maybe even asking to go to a meeting, and having one of his siblings take him.
on his birthday the next month, he asks if he can be around at least one of his siblings for most of the day.
luke very rarley calls shirley, shirley. it’s almost always shirl as it stuck as a kid.
luke seeing his siblings helping him buy getting him to rehab, or money for something, as them still caring about him, so when they tell him they’re going to stop. it hurts him, because he feels like they don’t care anymore.
luke is a smart person, much like the rest of his family. it is just there are certain things that it takes him a while understand. sometimes it’s things in class, sometimes it’s events.
luke spent his twenty third birthday in rehab, thank you for coming to my talk
EXPANSION ON: luke was a teenager, when he fully recognised what their mother did (suicide), up until that point he just didn’t quite get that she had killed herself, so him ‘knowing’ how a suicide can ruin a family wasn’t as processed in his mind as it was everyone else, and it never really got to fully process due to the drinking and drug use he started.
EXPANSION: he didn’t realise until the first time he tried to get sober, he recognised that his drug habit become his coping mechanism for dealing with her death (and ultimately that night). and that is when he at a feeling of how a suicide can ruin a family, it made him think about how he felt his siblings and father had changed from their time in hill house / olivia’s death. this did of course not stop his own suicidal thoughts, it played a bit into his first relapse / first flee of a centre
don’t you dare think for one minute that luke knows nothing about them * shirley & kev’s kids ). he knows more then what his siblings (minus nell) think about his niece and nephew. he might have kept his distance because of shirley & they are kids, and he doesn’t want them near his addiction, but nell tells him stories. keeps him up to date so that when he ever did get sober - he won’t have to jump over so many hurdles to get to know them.
Luke for the longest time wanting to get a tattoo in remberance of his mother… but never doing so, not because he couldn’t afford it, but because every time he walked into a tattoo parlour it smelled too much for him. The chemicals used to keep the place clean, the ink. Was always too much. So, when he is sober, he asks one of his siblings so he can get one in honour of everyone he’s lost, including Abigail
luke feeling like he disappointing everyone, including the trained professionals when he flees, yes, yes he does
before his last rehab, luke tries to get clean WITHOUT a centre to help him - it doesn’t work as well
for nearly a year after losing his mother, luke didn’t like hugs from anyone but nellie. because they just didn’t feel right, but this is also why he hugs his siblings now when he can to make up for it.
luke doesn’t remember as much as his older siblings, but what he does remember of his mother - he down plays it to not remembering much about her, because then maybe he doesn’t have to talk much about her. and this is because he feels like if he talks about her, he has to come face to face with THAT NIGHT, and that isn’t something he can do.
uke & jayden & allie. while having lived in shirley’s place for a while, has never really meet her kids. he knows their names, knows how old they are. always smiled at them when he’s seen them (or given the best that he could).
it was a bit of both shirley and him not wanting them to be near drugs, and the effects they can have on a person. he would never want to subject her kids to seeing someone like he was in those states. and when he did stay there, it was more like a place to sleep then to live most days
luke never really ‘comes out’. the only person’s whose opinion he does care about, and value the most is nellie’s, and i feel that once in high school, luke got this crush on a kid in their grade, and nellie could sense something up with her brother - and doing the sibling thing - annoyed him until he admitted to a crush. but, he never said who and like she named off all the girls she could think of, until she ran out.
and being the sheepish scared boy that he is deep inside, looked away from his sister. and nellie is quick to catch on that it isn’t a girl and she hugs him and he is filled with so much relief. he still though never tells her who.
getting sober, luke does find himself going to meetings often. it helps him, he’s figured them out for himself which was something he struggled with each time he tried to get sober before this. he’s learnt to tell his story, even if it may sound ‘crazy’.
he generally goes to these alone, but when it comes close to the date of nell’s death, or his and her’s birthday, he would try and take one of his siblings (or even one of their partners if they weren’t available)
luke counts to seven as a coping mechanism. he discovered this helped calm him down when he was 4 years old. he would do it when he found something scary, or he had to do something that gave him an anxiety like feeling. it just helped him, and he didn’t mind sharing it with nell, his twin because she would understand him the most and understand it the most. and probably wouldn’t judge him for it.
you know what luke loves? hugs, cuddles and soft touches & caresses. softly planted kisses on the top of his head. fingers being run through his hair.
luke getting his heart broken in like high school and going to maybe one of his siblings and just laying his down and putting his head in their lap. him just crawling back into his six year old self and wanting someone to hold him, but not too so just maybe running their fingers through his hair. and maybe it becomes a habit and he does it a lot when he’s feeling down, he’d maybe go to a different one every time. but when he starts to drink, he stops. he stops doing it as often, and when he starts doing drugs, it stops completely.
luke knows how to drive… BUT DOES NOT have a license
luke upon realising he is dead apologises to olivia for many reasons. he wasn’t clear minded, just saw a needle in his arm and thinks it would be heroin that took him. he apologise that is the way he went, with a needle in his arm. he is apologising for falling onto the path of an addict, for not telling anyone about what was going on in his mind. for not being as brave as nell with dealing with their trauma. for doing his siblings wrong, for disappointing her because he did all of this. he’s sorry for not finding a love in something or someone like his siblings, for losing his love for art in the process of becoming reliant on heroin. for not being a god son or brother.
Luke & Nell are mini versions of Olivia ( Olivia Split in two ) semi expanded
Luke is Olivia’s fears and feeling scared, her burst of colours and her wild imagination, he is her insecurities and kind hearted nature. he is her flight risk behaviour.
One time Luke didn’t make it to a month in rehab because someone had recognised him as a Crain from the Hill House book Steve wrote. Luke never read the book, didn’t want too. Nor did he really want to be asked questions about things in the book because no one believed him then, no one believes him now and he didn’t want to hear about it so after deflecting questions he realised it wouldn’t be too long before it was unavoidable and the memories the drugs he used to get rid of were loud and vivid. He needed to go.
because of olivia dying luke become very close with aunt janet. she was like a lifeline that he could hold onto to keep a hold of the happy and loving image he had of his mother. he would often ask her for stories about his mother. of when they were younger, of really anything.
for a period of time after the funeral he relied on her telling him a story (or one of his siblings) about their mother before bed. it made him sleep better, and kept most nightmares at bay.
when living in shirley’s guest house, there was a notebook and pen that luke found on the small table shirley had in there. this was the only time when he he was still using (he was doing his best to hide it, and doing so away from the house and the kids), that he drew. he filled that notebook because he felt safe inside the home of his older sister.
drinking and doing drugs did not take away luke’s suicidal thoughts, they just numbed them like they numbed the memories from his past that he wanted to forget. he, from the age of 17 had been ‘knocking’ on the door, whether due to reckless behaviour, drinking too much or, at 20, doing drugs.
luke was a teenager, when he fully recognised what their mother did (suicide), up until that point he just didn’t quite get that she had killed herself, so him ‘knowing’ how a suicide can ruin a family wasn’t as processed in his mind as it was everyone else, and it never really got to fully process due to the drinking and drug use he started.
as people do drugs, they build up an immunity to the drugs - so the higher does they take, and we know luke’s been taking drugs for at least ten years, and this helped him survive as long as he did before steve came into the house with the rat poison in him. but, he did die and was saved by ALL his siblings. nell pulled him back to his body, steve & shirl doing cpr, and theo & shirl taking him to the hospital. they all saved him, and that made him want to stick to sobriety, because they wouldn’t save him if they still didn’t care and he wanted to be back in their lives and not be the disappointment anymore.
luke was a mama’s boy and y’all can fite me on it!
luke totally had as a teen notebooks filled with drawings of his mother, of his siblings that he kept hidden. he doesn’t know where it’s went. and in those ones were also images of the dudley’s and of abigail
when drawing his family, he would always draw them smiling or happy, because that is what he loved about them. he loved his families smiles
luke started to become very suicidal in his thoughts as a teenager. thinking that dying would make all those nightmares go away because ‘they aren’t real’ ‘big boys know the difference between what’s real’ ‘they’re just nightmares’ ‘monsters aren’t real’ and it’s those thoughts that got him to keep those nightmares to himself, and the thoughts of getting rid of them away.
his thoughts were just getting worse and the more he thought about it, the more he was contemplating doing it. then he found alcohol which took away the nightmares, at least for a while and then becoming dependent on a substance to get rid of the nightmares is what happened.
luke in his teenager years liked to draw faces, that was the most common thing he would draw. be it a classmate (which often, if female, got mistaken as a crush - it never was), his siblings or the faces from his nightmares.
he never really drew when high, never having the equipment to draw, so when in rehab is when he drew. he would draw random things. sometimes it was the outline of hill house, or little bits and pieces from hill house (in his first stint) which caused him to skip out and relapse because the house was ‘haunting’ him again.
and then it would just be random things he would see around the room or out the window. like the truck passing by (or parked near by)
Luke is a smart kid, he got good grades and excelled in art. he just, made bad decisions is all.
luke could never say he was high to his siblings, it was always a varation of it. ‘ i need to get well before i better ‘ ‘ i am level ‘, he hated using the word high, especially in front of his siblings because he knows that it disappointed them so he would use a different word
tea, of any kind makes luke feel sick and that is just smelling it. drinking it makes him physically sick.
sick people have a certain smell, and luke could tell his siblings were getting sick before the could.
Luke was going to burn the house down even if it took him down too. He didn’t care so long as the house that took away the mother he loved was gone, so long as the house that tormented his sister to the point of dying was gone, so long as the house that gave him the nightmares that filled him so much he had to inject himself with a poison to make them go away goes down in flames. If he went down with the house at least it couldn’t HURT anyone else he loved and his family would be safe from it’s harm - even if that meant he went with it too.
nell’s wedding is the only wedding of his siblings that he didn’t attend. and he hates that fact, it eats at him that he couldn’t be sober for her wedding day
They were six when their mother died, that doesn’t mean they don’t remember much about her. Luke remembers the good things, he clings to the good things because those help repress that last night. the one memory that comes to him as clear as day. because the memory that is so vivid of his mother is of the worst night of his life - and he’s six years old, he doesn’t know the difference between his mother and ‘possession’.
his first birthday without nell is one of the hardest he has to live with, because he knows she isn’t ‘alive’ anymore, that she won’t be there for him to celebrate his first sober birthday in ten years with him. it’s a day that he needs his siblings / his support system the most.
Luke out of all five children was told that most of his things were not real. And Luke actually saw the most out of the kids.
Ghost have a certain smell, and with how many where in the house, it made Luke’s senses overload. But he couldn’t figure out why, just that he didn’t want to be ‘in’ the house which is why he went to the treehouse
Luke’s eye sight actually got better, as he got older. THIS CAN HAPPEN. His eye sight as a kid wasn’t the best, but when he was in his teens, Aunt Janet got him to get retested and it showed that his eye sight improved to the point where he only really needs glasses when reading or watching tv / movies for extended periods of time.
now, though he has lost his glasses and just walks around like his eye sight is perfect, and this causes him to take breaks often when writing / reading / watching tv / movies.
needing quite when he counts to seven. luke covered his ears in the car. it drowned out everyone’s screaming and crying as he tried to keep calm and like a ‘prayer’ for his mother to be safe. for them all to be safe
getting a simple a tattoo’d and stars (7 to be exact) next to each other, is more likely then you THINK
luke injects in his foot, and preferred to do drugs that were injected over mouth / snorting.
he couldn’t stand people wearing too much perfume / body spray as it effected his nose / sense of smell and would overwhelm him.
the tall bowler hat guy turned into olivia because deep down, who he was scared of changed. but, he couldn’t cope with the fact that he was scared of his mother (&what she had become / done), so he turned her into the ghost that he could put a figure too.
luke has extra sensitive smell, he always had, but hill house enhanced it. much like nell has sensitive hearing (saying the house was loud) and theo with touch.
Luke had starting using heroin in college, in high school he’d get drunk more often then not, maybe get high on weed but picked the alcohol more times over smoking.
Smoking cigarettes is something he’s done since he was sixteen.
Luke wanted to be a comic book artist, that is what he was going to college for before he dropped out due to his drug use. His essay about Abigail was the outline for a comic idea he had. Or even a children’s book author, where he did the writing and drawing.
Luke, never was scared of his mother until that night, but even then - he didn’t know that he was scared of her until years later and the ghost that scared him the most as a kid turned out to be her. He loved his mother, and buried the fact that she tried to kill him and his sister, while successfully killing his friend, who everyone believed to be imaginary.
The only people to know that Abigail is (or was) a real person is Nell, Luke & Hugh, and possibly Theo, but Luke doesn’t know that Theo might know. So, he never speaks of Abigail again, just writes about her.
Luke was close with Nell, no doubt about that, and I feel that outside of her, he would have been closest to Theo. It’s why she would have cut the ties of harder and faster then Steve and Shirley. And it’s why, he can only ‘bullshit her’ if he’s got to, or he’s got it. Because they were closer, then him and Shirl and of course he could never bullshit Nell due to the twin thing.
luke while naive and young when olivia tried to poison him, nell, abigail and herself, he remembers that night. remember abigail foam at the mouth and choking & coughing like she couldn’t breathe. remembers their father coming in and smashing the teapot set and how their father throw their mother against the wall.
their father never told them that their mother tried to kill them, that was her intent. that that is what she meant by ‘waking you up’. but, as luke got older, the memories of that night came back. he remember that their mother tried to kill them, so he started to turn to alcohol before it slowly become heroin and then he was addicted to the stuff.
he used the drugs to forget about what happened in that house, and it worked. it was why he relapsed a couple of times, because the memories, they came back and he couldn’t take it, and counting to seven wasn’t working any more.
Luke Job Choices:
Comic Artist. Graphic Novelist. Tattoo Artist. Artist.
Luke’s Memories / Nightmares:
The Cellar Ghost Attack
Abigail Foaming at the Mouth
The Last Night At Hill House
The Tea Party
Bowler Hat / Tall Ghost