me 4 me
I have no idea what i’m doing…. but i always end up messing up…
Still upset that I had to beg for more intensive treatment for two and a half years, then got promised 6-8 weeks of IP, which was then cut to two and then after a week of begging extended to three. And then they offered me zero help to find a continuation of treatment that would actually help.
Meanwhile all the other girls IP got sent to intensive groups or personal therapy
I feel like nobody on my case ever takes me seriously
So here I am. Again. In the cycle. I swear I’ve done everything in my power to avoid it, but I just can’t fucking stay on track
Still gonna attempt recovery ever day. And I will succeed in varying degrees of success, but I am trying.
i keep getting really bad stomachaches after eating and i’m trying to increase my intake but it’s hard and my body is rejecting it
I HAVE to recover
Weight loss is a SIDE EFFECT of SOME eating disorders! Not a necessity requires for you to deserve help!!!!!!
When I was younger I really wanted to look like Taylor Swift, Paris Hilton, or Eugenia Cooney.
I was a scrawny kid but I remember hearing other kids get made fun of for being chubby, and I remember my mom and my friends moms making self depreciating jokes about their bodies. I remember one moment when an older teenage girl who I thought was literally perfect said “my thighs look like tree trunks” and said she wanted thinner thighs.
I remember girls asking me “does this make my butt look big?”
Now Kim Kardashian is more popular than Paris Hilton, Taylor Swift has been endlessly mocked for her body even when she had an eating disorder and Eugenia Cooney… I’m worried about how long she’ll live.
I literally idolized girls with eating disorders.
But now the trend is to be curvy, but still with a tiny waist. Thicc with three c’s.
I know it’s unhealthy but I secretly still want to be the skinny bitch.
I’m scared of being mocked for being flat, but I’m even more scared of being mocked for being fat.
And here’s the thing: It is hard to become skinny. But it’s even harder to become curvy.
At least for me. My fat does not go to my ass or hips and I don’t have tits. The only way I could get an ass without also getting a fat stomach, would be either by building muscle or getting plastic surgery.
I can’t build muscle. My health is not in good condition and I never will be as capable as a “normal” person because of my spine.
I can’t afford plastic surgery, and even if I could, that’s very dangerous and I don’t think it looks good.
Becoming skinny is hard. But it’s not THAT hard. All I have to do is not eat.
Yes under-eating is dangerous.
But I feel like I have no other option.
repeat after me:
mornings are the best
with food, food, and more food
there’s seriously nothing to highlight about today. i did my workout and then proceeded to do chores for the rest of the morning. overall i felt pretty ok, so it was a good day.
Sometimes I just have to remind myself that adding the fats to my lunch is important and necessary because they fill me up, help me feel satisfied and stop me thinking about food all the time
how far do you guys drive to see ed-specialized dietitians (when you can meet them face-to-face, e.g. pre-covid)? the only dietitian with any ed knowledge within an hour of where i live was really disorganized and unhelpful, and i was not willing to look more than like 45 minutes away tbh. how far is normal?
Today was soooo good!! I managed to lie my way through a 19hour fast - total restriction. And then I only had less than 200 calories for the whole of today (purged everything though) and had a super good run! Feeling tired though cause I also worked a 10hr shift. My body isn’t coping!!
Po każdej restrykcji kalorycznej, kiedy jemy mniej niz potrzebuje organizm ( a potrzebuje tyle samo lub wiecej BMR ) lekko przytyjemy, to zazwyczaj jest 10% jesli była ona krotka. W moim przypadku byłam 15 lat, a moze dluzej bo nie pamietam, i dlatego przytyłam +40 kg. Co tez nie jest wielce dziwne, bo z innej historii okazuje sie ze to normalne. Zwlaszcza ze jadlam zywnosc z alergenami. Teraz jak nie jem tłuszczu, tylko weglowodany to przybyło mi wody. Za kilka tygodnii cialo wroci do procesu zmniejszania. Po recovery 2018, probowalam wiele zaburzonych praktyk, ale koniec koncow cialo walczylo ze mna dla naszego dobra. I dobrze. Dziekuje. Mialam nawroty ED i stosowalam IF, probowalam diety keto, probowalam diety lodowej, sokowej, suchej glodowki i okej waga troche opadla, ale czulam sie źle. Teraz musze odpokutowac cierpliwie, nawet bedac nierozumiana przez srodowisko. Codziennie bede spalac 1000 kalorii na spacerze, ale bede jadlam minimum 3000 kalorii 💖 Owoce, warzywa i odrobina drobiu, indyka itp. Zdrowa dieta niskotluszczowa.
I went to my nanas funeral and I meet all of my step dads sons it was a long and stressful week.
I also cried because I couldn’t fit into the dress I wanted to wear … it was a bad time and I have no idea why I decided to even try it on when I know it wouldn’t fit
But I’m back on track chipping away at weightloss and actually eating properly as since last week I haven’t had a proper meal just weird snack food or a sandwich at breakfast and nothing at all the rest of the day so I need to get back into a routine on eating
Side note I can’t work out if I made myself throw up because I felt terrible about myself or that I felt sick due to anxiety and thought it would help but I’m not going back to bulimia it nearly killed me once I will be talking to my doc about it at the next session tho
Am i the only one that hate exercise or not count calories, or are you normal?