OK BUT angsty thought where I’m with the Doctor during the Pandorica episode and I’m being held back by his enemies and crying/screaming as they drag him into the lock chamber and his heart BREAKS as he hears me calling for him and knowing he’s going to be locked away all at once :’)
#prodigal son#finale#wtf #i have so many emotions #I can't believe FOX would cancel this masterpiece. #I need to know how much emotional whump malcolm suffers in season 3 #i have so many questions #brightwell? #gillica? #jail time? #Martin's survivial? #ainsley? #JT? #Mental breakdown? #I NEED MORE
i hate living in a house where any time i show emotion i’m either annoying people or my mother yells at me to not get upset
#taylor.txt #i was about to start crying about my hair again but she yelled at me so now i’m gonna bottle everything up and hide my emotions #because that’s so healthy #she’s done this my whole life since i was a little kid and then she wonders why i have trouble expressing my emotions #or why i hide when i get suicidal #its because she fucking yells at me
𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐌? » the sarcastic fuckboy who secretly has a heart of gold
Upon first meeting you might seem insufferable, but it's only because you don't have time for what others might think of you. You're independent, confident, and you know what you want. That intimidates people, and you know it. But deep down you know it's all a show. You desire to be loved as much as any other person, but you don't want to get hurt and thus it's difficult for you to appear vulnerable to others. You'll try to mask your feelings with humor and aggressiveness when you feel someone might be getting too close to home. But those who have the patience to endure your cold exterior will be rewarded with the most caring and loyal person in their lives. You're the ride or die kind of type, and once you fall in love, you do it deeply and unconditionally.
tagged by: no one i stole it from cj
tagging: @phantomdream (mia!), @stillaware, @shinylugers, @sanctamater
#⌈ 000. ⌉ » 𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄. #you're....you're not wrong entirely but also chris can't mask his emotions to save his life #definitely more applicable to pre-trauma stars chris tho
Emotional vulnerability has never been a suit I’ve been able to wear comfortably. My mind has waited for this moment for a long time, so long that it now feels like I’m reconnecting with a distant relative. It’s awkward, and at most times, unpleasant. When you’ve spent so long suppressing the parts of yourself that are rebelling against everything you’re trying to ignore; life gets messy quick. And it holds true, because my life is very plain and simply a mess right now.
I had another panic attack today. I’ve never really had these before; except on very rare occasions. Now I have them once or twice a week; and they are on a whole other level from the ones I’ve experienced in the past. I was finally committing to completing a task I’ve been putting off for some time. The simple process of unpacking and starting to organize my new space sent me spiraling. I’m not actually sure where it came from; if it was the unpacking or just some kind of mental dam breaking. Out of nowhere though, I began crying and felt like I was unable to catch my breath. It was a completely crippling moment for me; because I am not a person that handles feeling powerless very well.
Fair to say; I’ve never really had a handle on my emotions in any capacity. In fact the only control I did have over them was my ability to bury them deep inside myself; never to see the light of day again. But instead of letting my emotions define me and make me who I am, something much worse happened. I developed into a person that was so afraid of vulnerability and their own feelings that I turned into a manipulative and self absorbed monster. My need to live each day without feeling the weight or internal cost of my actions turned me into someone that could only pursue momentary happiness and fulfillment. When those moments had passed, however, I was left with a constant feeling of emptiness.
To fill the perceived void in myself, I did everything I could, except for everything I should. I would have nights on end of partying and indulgence, or make impulse buys, or just surround myself with distractions that would only leave me feeling whole for fleeting instants. When I wasn’t able to comfort myself with superficial bullshit; I’d become emotionally destitute and drag myself and those that loved me down into the bowels of my self loathing. Having next to no healthy coping mechanisms meant I was just destined to keep following a path that would lead to an assured destruction of self. As with all things that are inevitable; the inevitable happened.
I was going through life with an attitude that had zero sustainability. How can a person perpetually lack self worth and emotional cognizance, and somehow expect any sort of fulfillment from life. It was a never ending cycle of finding something to pin my happiness on and then having to eventually come to terms with my own lack of internal equilibrium. Now that I have hit rock bottom; I’m left with no choice but to face myself. Because I’ve finally started this journey, I find that I’m now forced to deal with everything all at once. The lock has been smashed off the cage where I kept all the monsters of my own creation locked away.
Staring all my trauma down every day has been the most exhausting thing I’ve ever attempted. Exacerbated by the fact that I am facing new and fresh trauma; I find that it’s all I can do to hold myself together from one minute to the next. My fears have shifted now though. What I find myself most afraid of is regressing to old habits of dealing with things both internally and externally. Unfortunately I’m not perfect and there is no clearly defined path to succeeding in my efforts.
See, I fucked things up again for myself just a few days ago. I got so focused in, on an external situation, that I allowed myself to slip into familiar habits for a brief moment. Luckily I was able to pull myself back from the edge in a relatively timely manner; but not before I had caused some damage to everything I’ve been trying to accomplish. Now I find that I’m paralyzed by fear of the consequences of my actions. I don’t know if what I did has irreparably changed the course of what I’m seeking. All that’s left for me is to hope that myself and those I affected can forgive me for my moment of weakness. If they could see the damage my screwup did to myself as well as them, then I hope they can understand that it is everything I’m trying to move away from.
Trying to balance on this tightrope is something that will take me a lot of practice. Falling means landing back into everything that made me so insufferable to myself and others. Fortunately, so far I have only slipped and been able to find the strength to pull myself back up. The canyon below is deep and perilous; something I’m not sure I could survive the depths of. That makes my only choice to move forward; to reach the other side of this great chasm spanning my psyche.
When you’ve spent so long avoiding anything that wasn’t immediately satisfying, it is easy to not understand your emotions. Navigating through an ocean of feelings that you don’t even properly know how to feel. I find that I am often confused, or even upset, that I can’t decipher what is going on in my head. My traumas, both past and present, are all laid bare in front of me now. Learning the way to proceed against them is challenging. But I feel that somewhere under all this madness and uncertainty is a part of me that is relieved; dare I say, maybe even happy.
I kept so much of myself locked away for so long that I think the part of myself that allowed me to have hope, to feel, and to understand had been imprisoned as well. Turning inward and dealing with one’s own shortcomings in life is a painful but necessary journey. I used to regret and blame everything in my life for making me into this person that I’m trying so hard to leave behind. But now I find that my only regret is that I never started traveling into myself sooner.
Letting go of these regrets has been like an anchor removed from the shackles of my soul. I’m only in the most infantile steps of the process, but I know that each day I find myself feeling a little more at peace in my own mind. I have many more difficulties on the road before me, and I am sure I will stumble again; but I’m learning the depths of my own strength and will. I am now taking a level of comfort in being able to allow myself to truly experience my feelings and what they are trying to tell me. I find that after a break down, before the tears have even dried, that the sun seems to be a little brighter and the air just ever slightly easier to breathe. Maybe this is what true hope feels like. Maybe I’m truly starting to believe in my own power over my emotions, without feeling the need to lock them up.
To those that I’ve affected: please know that I am facing all of this with nothing but sincerity and love. I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt by me along the way. My only hope is that you keep your faith in me, because I will not stop until it is rewarded. And I will press on past that point, because the journey of self is one that never ends. I just need to believe that somewhere along the way, I will not only gain everything that I want, but that I will be truly deserving of it.
Seize control of your mind and emotions. Find yourself on the other side of the pain. Love always,
hi, i’m lucifer, i’m an antagonist writer AND I WILL MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT VILLAINS BECAUSE HEY THAT’S WHAT I DO BEST!
#ooc ; i think therefore watashi wa #i have made people cry for my villain boys and it always makes me feel powerful #because like the villains i love to write are never born that way #they're made #and i gotta peel back everything about them to show that off #but honestly and legit if i can make you care about my characters to the point of actual tears #then that honors me so much because i love to write #i love to explore these characters in such ways #if i can make you feel emotions over them? #then that tells me i'm doing something write #hardy har har--
sobbing uncontrollably over the mr. peabody and sherman movie. I love those little guys.
#the beautiful boy scene unironically makes me feel more emotions than any other piece of media this is not a joke #i never actually watched peabody’s improbable history :/ maybe ill watch some tonight #I know it’s just a segment in rocky and bullwinkle but silly dog and silly boy go brrr so I’m not gonna watch the rest
The entire button room scene with c!Tommy and c!Quackity emotionally hurts me in its entirety, and then c!Wilbur's resigned, tired exclamation of "I just want to...I just want to end it," followed by a weary laugh just, absolutely destroys me every single time. Because at first, you can assume he's talking about the war between Manberg and Pogtopia, or maybe just the concept of L'manberg in general, and nothing else. But then you take into account the TNT scattered across the room itself, and the fact that prior to this line, c!Wilbur had just admit that he was going to die when he pressed the button and had gone into a quiet, solemn state for a little bit, as well as the fact that the line right before this one was c!Tommy asking, "If you blow this up, you're taking yourself with you, is that what you want?" His statement of "wanting to 'end it'" was his response to c!Tommy's question regarding if he was willing to die with the explosion.
And then, after all of that, you slowly realize that, in this quote, c!Wilbur wasn't just talking about Manberg or its destruction.
c!Wilbur's Pogtopia arc continues to make me sadder and sadder every rewatch. It's amazing and amazingly written, but man, ow.
#dream smp#dsmp#wilbur soot #c!wilbur soot #alivebur#tommyinnit #tw implied suicide #tw death mention #tw implied suicidal ideation #anywho y'all should go watch this scene it's really good #it's also literally the closest c!wilbur ever gets to admitting he's Not Okay while in the Pogtopia era because..y'know.. #hiding your emotions is kinda His Thing #but it's just a really good scene and shows you a lot of his different motives for what he does #/rp