#especially hoops Tumblr posts

  • And, as with anything else in my current identity, it’s been a long road in figuring that out. Despite the fact that there were symptoms visible since I was a child, I only got anywhere near a diagnosis this year, as an adult. Some people around me doubt my diagnosis- as do I, sometimes- and I was thinking, just now, about why it is that they do. 

    People ask me why I suddenly seem “more autistic”- I don’t, and I’m not. I’m just as autistic as I was when I was five, or twelve, or sixteen. I’m just showing my symptoms differently- and embracing my symptoms differently. 

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    #echo spambles #something to be said about progress #long post #this went on for wayyyyyy longer than I intended it to #I just have a lot of Thoughts yknow #tumblr is the closest thing I'll ever have to a journal so I put a lot of personal thoughts on my blog #just to be able to read back later whenever I feel the need to know what was going on in my head at any given moment in my life #abuse mention#depression mention#actuallyautistic #look at me embracing my ability to use that tag #I was always too scared to before because I was too scared to self-diagnose #but honestly? self-diagnosis can be *really* important for some people #especially those who don't have the money or time or general ability to jump through all the bullshit hoops of the medical system #It's self-diagnosis that led me to nearly every diagnosis I currently have #Me thinking 'I might have this' and eventually going to a doctor to confirm it #And there have been times where I was wrong too #but the self-diagnosis and exploration of those symptoms led me to *other* diagnoses I did have #me telling a doctor that I thought I might be agoraphobic led to an eventual anxiety disorder diagnosis #I knew I was ADHD for years before getting diagnosed for *that* #(and nowadays wonder if I do have ADHD at all or if it was just autism or if I have both. Still need to work that out)
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    “A good face fuck sounds like it could be fun…”

    #Kemuri Fujiki#Hiddeninmist#dash commentary #though I kinda had to jump through some hoops to find the context for this cause my dash has been a fucking graveyard all day every day #especially since unfollowing phantom and some others
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  • Finally got to talk to my advisor and mentor about the grad school hunt this week and I’m not sure its made me feel all that much better? In the moment they each helped and definitely had good advice, but all the advice I’ve been getting this whole time has been conflicting. X.x

    Still really hoping the one top choice pans out. Need to think about what kind of project proposals I could come up with for that one, since I’m trying to get involved with a lab/researcher, not with an existing project.

    Now I’m searching projects, which I apparently was supposed to be doing this whole time, and I’m so late to the game that most things are already past their deadlines. X.x There’s a cool arapaima study, but its for PhD students and I can’t decide if I should try for that. I was interested in a straight to PhD route, potentially, but I don’t know if I’d want to do that for a study that’s more removed from my career goals. A lot to think about, and not much time to do it.

    #stressfullllll #really disappointed that my school doesnt have more accessible resources for this #i think if i contacted people from career services i might be able to find the right people to talk to #but i also think theyd try to schedule me a regular career advice appointment and then id have to go from there #too many hoops #nothing available online #nothing to make accessing the right people easy #frustrating #especially as a first generation college student #really dont know what im doing here
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