I’ve not written in almost two weeks, I apologize. Classes started again and I’ve no energy to do anything. Thinking about dropping out of uni (for the 80th time), but I cannot or else my parent’s money goes down the drain. Also, dropping out of uni means being labeled as “lazy” and I won’t find a good job. I hate that word, lazy. If you don’t do a paper or don’t show up to class you are labeled as “lazy.” If you don’t want to do dishes or simple chores, you are “lazy.” I wish people could understand how depression makes almost everything seem like such a hard task. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s because I simply cannot. As much as I would want to do whatever it is I am supposed to do, I really cannot. I’ve not showered in two days and though I feel filthy, I just don’t have any motivation to shower. I cannot give you a scientific explanation for why this is, but it just is and I wish people would understand that more. Being called “lazy” is an insult to me! I am not lazy! A lazy person can do it but just prefers to not do it, I really can’t do it no matter how hard I try. I just want to lie down here and stare out the window. I’m tired of everything and everyone. I spend my hours staring at the celling and out the window and sleeping to just forget everything, but then reality knocks on my door and reminds me of every painful thing in life. I’ve been very oblivious and just wish I was a person with a happy life; I know no one on this earth is truly happy (except maybe Warren Buffet), but a life without trouble is a happy life to me. Writing this has made me tired, so I’m off to take my second nap of the day.