The ache is here, deep inside my chest. Its excruciating presence chokes me away from my sanity, tossing me like worthless chaff. Voices were telling me to scream, but they were louder than mine. I sigh more than I breathe, which makes it easier: it's easier to pretend, to act all sane, and to live like I never thought of death as an escape.
I can't
In search of a home
My silent screams,
Echo of an eternal sea
I try to set myself free
The pain is too much to take in
My happy end feels so close but it's far
I try to open up
I can't.
I listen to the whisper of the sunset
I softly sing
My voice gets lost with the wind
The Blossoming
Ink blot
Blossoms
Appear
On the white
Sheets
In front of me
I blink
And they change
Colors
Before my
Eyes
A
Chromatic
Spectrum
I know
In actuality
That
Those
pages are
Blank
begging for me
To say something
And
I start
To walk Away
Because
I am not
ready
Yet
But
They
Come for
Me
Anyways
Wrapping
Themselves
Around me
And I surrender
Myself
And go where
They take me
opening
Myself
Floating
Spilling
Golden
Ink along
Their
Blank
Faces
I give them
Names
And a heartbeat
I breathe
Them to Life
With a sigh
and then comes
The soft
Smile that follows
release
As I set them
Free
-J.Wool
One day I’ll mostly be writing happier poems The best part will be Me not noticing for a while
i did it again.
i fell back down the same exact
deep dark hole i swore to myself
i’d stop falling down.
because you texted me out of the blue
and i knew exactly what you’d want.
and i know exactly what i want.
i want him, but he’s not mine,
so you’ll have to do.
and we played the same parts
pretended like everything was okay.
like nothing was wrong,
except this is the first time we’ve spoken
in two damn weeks.
but we’ll always avoid the question
of what we’re doing up at two in the morning
with each other
rather than the ones we know
we should be with.
but this was the last time.
and you can call me baby,
or your girl, or whatever makes you happy,
but i’m not yours. i never will be.
--original poem
Day 16 - Our Home.
- Geetanjali Lachke.
Do you think all legends are true?
Do you think you'll say you loved me too if I said I loved you?
Come hold my hand, we'll watch the moon all night under a starry sky that has no limits
And in the morning when your face burns with the sun rays, I'll become your shadow. I'll make you forget all that hurt
Come hold my hand
I know I have moved on and all. I don't feel love towards you, but sometimes when I'm doing the most random things, I wonder how are you.
Do you still stay up till the morning, battling with your demons?
Do you still take pictures of the sunsets and think that red is better than blue?
Do you still record voices of the birds that sing in your yard?
Do you still prefer rain over everything else that's beautiful?
Sometimes I wonder if you remember that somewhere someone knows these random facts about you, and she doesn't know what to do with them.
She doesn't know how to erase them or put them down so she can catch her breath for a while
Because these memories of you she carries with her, they have gotten so much heavier
I wonder if you remember that between all those fake promises you made, there was a waft of truth you didn't even realize you were letting out in the universe
But if I was the only one who heard the truth, it was not true after all, was it?
we run behind the cabin, yellow, weathered paint exposes the wood that built this camp over 50 years ago. smiling and laughing, our skin flushed red from all day in the sun, our clothes cling to our bodies, soaked with the humidity of the day. distant voices from inside the cabin, warn of our possible demise, but we stay. sitting in the cool shade, we watch the sun cascade down past the trees, listening to the gentle hum of the cicadas and crickets. enjoying each other’s company. her golden blonde hair blowing in the breeze. she turns to face me, and gently smiles, her soft hand cups my face, and she leans in to kiss me. her lips are soft, and taste like late nights and summer fruits, i think to myself i must be crazy to feel like this. but i smile back and forget my rationale. i run my fingers through her hair, and it feels like fireflies and freshly mowed grass. she pulls back, and we both smile, i grab her hand, and we run into the cabin, hiding the secrets of our evening. she leans her head on my shoulder, and plays with the yarn and twine knotted on my wrist. my night smells like sunscreen and chlorine and hot rain and damp wood and all the scents that make my summer whole. i feel a brush past my collarbone, and the cross i wear around my neck swings to touch hers; like a soft praise from above.
I try to be excited about things again after all this. I can't. I'm screwed. In many ways. I'm not the same anymore. Life seems to be falling apart each second. I can't do anything about that. I just sit and look at the ceiling. Tears don't come anymore. I'm just existing I guess. This isn't living.
Sometimes
I lose
Myself
Between
The lines
And the words
Sometimes
I am the
Long pauses
In between
That space
That sighs
Sometimes
I sit There
And I just look up
Because I just need
To breathe
To be
-J.Wool, Rest, Soul Whispers
The boy with a thorn in his side/ a soul catcher/ wearing a tiny portrait of my eye around his neck/ I breathe on him/ have my hair in his mouth/ leaving bite marks on his neck / so he can still feel the pressure of my lips all day/ he was like air conditioning and prescription medication at the same time/ when it was our last time / the last second together/ i fell into a thousand pieces
They say beautiful creatures must die/ only i turn into something different to gain control/instead of hiding/ hiding underneath that tiny bed/ the floorboards/ within myself/ in those confined spaces/that folds my muscle mass and bones into smallar pieces/ while tearing and wearing down everything / i bite heads off and spit it out/ purple red stain fingertips/ lick/ lick/ lick/ instead of screaming and choking on my baby teeth / my blood is starting to taste like honey/ angel of despair in the blue armchair/ i float to the ceiling/ the darkness of a punctured shoebox with a shitty childhood inside/ covered in blood/ the moon twists/ a fire burns a smile across the sky/ illuminating my face
I started something ( didn't i ?) I forced you into a zone/ of consciousness in the quivering light of the sun/ i want to tug on your organs/ with my tongue and teeth/ holy you/ holy me/ holy us/ holy fuck/ i want us to devour each other's hearts like roman lovers/ put a white picket fence around our tomb / i was reading on the train tracks and saw kurt cobain with his pale blue eyes/ lingering on / do you think the sky will fall? / do you think it would break into pieces like a mirror or fall like liquid ? / do you mind if i die in your arms ? / if you find a headless angel statue/ don't go looking for her head
Dusk found me clothed in
The night sky, stars concealed
Behind my lashes, rain mixed with
My mascara,
On my knees
Trembling to my own thunder
Repeating a prayer, I sinked in
The river of darkness
When the Heavens whispered
Let there be light
Let there be light...........
I’m there as a distraction
But never anything more
What made you decide
You had to close your door?
We always used to talk
About our problems
But now all I get from you
Is a temporary way to solve ‘em.
We don’t really talk
Like we did before
And I think maybe
You don’t care anymore.
