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  • (TW: medical, burns, electric shocks, brief abuse/punishment)

    (Cross-posted from Reddit)

    After my last post about how long Jeremy and Rich’s recovery time would’ve been to recover based on how long it would’ve taken for Jake’s legs to heal*, I got to thinking about how exactly the SQUIP could’ve hospitalised Jeremy and possibly the others. (If you’re a fan of Game Theory/Film Theory, this level of thought might seem familiar to you. Yes, this is what I’m putting my university education towards).

    Firstly, it’s doubtful the rest of the SQUIPped cast was in the hospital for as long as Jeremy, if at all. People apparently thought that it was either all part of the play (according to Michael) or that they’d all taken ecstasy (according to Chloe). If we go with the ecstasy angle because they would’ve had to have noticed the ambulances, they probably just assumed that Jeremy had taken more and/or had a worse reaction to it than the others, especially since he was the one acting the most erratically. Doesn’t wholly explain why he was down and out for so long, but I don’t need to explain that because, as we know, that’s not what happened.

    What did happen? Short answer - electrocution, similar to being struck by lightning. Long answer below the cut:

    Keep reading

    #be more chill #jeremy heere#rich goranski#the squip#electricity #be more chill meta #be more chill analysis #this was extremely long #idk how many people would be willing to read/understand it #i'm not matpat #though i would actually love a bmc-themed film/game theory episode #film theory#game theory#tw abuse#tw medical#tw burns#tw electrocution
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  • My quarantine coping mechanism has been putting The Game Theorists’ FNAF theories on in the background of everything I do

    #I guess it’s like a podcast? #the game theorists #game theory#matpat#film theory#shitpost#quarantine 2020
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  • Post #42

    8/4/2020

    Next up is 1958′s The Light in the Forest

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    • Enjoyment : [1]
      • Watching this movie feels like pissing blood. Watching it actively gave me a throbbing headache I was so furious with it. There is almost nothing enjoyable about this garbage and I actively think lesser of people who defend it. The issue is that the entire premise of the movie is racist and hateful so you can never get on board with the story unless you are also racist and hateful. The story is about a boy named True Son who was adopted by a tribe of Native Americans. Due to a treaty he is forced to return to his biological family where is then tortured and brainwashed until he finally acts ‘white enough’ for their approval. Even if True Son is ethnically white, he was raised by a loving Native family and this movie acts like none of that matters. From the first frame the moral of this movie is “The Races don’t mix, stay with your own kind” and it boils my brain to try and think why Disney thought this was ok.
    • Quality : [1]
      • The filmmaking is fine. Camera, lighting, sets, costumes, it probably would have gotten a 4 if the plot was anything other than the shit show it turned out to be. Because the writing is so unbelievably hateful this movie gets a 1. The reason this devalues the quality of the movie as a whole, is that the way scenes are structured is now fundamentally flawed. The writing tries to frame the racist white cultists as villains, but then also does nothing to refute them. The racist villains say something racist, True Son looks sad, and the film moves on like there is nothing else to be said. You can’t possibly write likable character when they are just awful from start to finish. Besides some musical stings, there is nothing behind the camera to display that these racists are wrong, if anything I think the framing supports their arguments and it ends up ruining everything.
    • Hold up : [0]
      • The second ever 0 given on this blog, and boy does this movie deserve it. I have already gone over how hateful the core premise is. A ‘respectable white family’ tries to ‘tame a savage native’ because ‘this is where he belongs!’ It is lazy, stupid and spiteful writing. However, what makes this movie truly awful is the ‘both sides!’ angle it tries to push and utterly fails at. The opening scene has the Native chieftain arguing with a British general. The Chieftain says that the British troops have been raping and killing men, women and children that were not part of any war party, to which the general snaps “Yeah but they only killed the civilians because they were scared of facing your savage warriors.” and then they just moves on like that was a fair answer to those accusations. You cannot compare the violence the Natives committed against the Pioneers to the violence the Pioneers committed against the Natives. One side was an invading army and the other was made up of civilians defending their home. Whenever a scene tries to ‘both-sides’ the argument it just sounds like “Why do the people we keep killing say they don’t want us to kill them? That’s so rude of them!” Fuck off movie this is pathetic and you know it.
        This movie is also truly horrible in its depiction of adoptive families. Despite the fact that True Sons Native family knew him most of his life and provided nothing but stability, the movie frames his racist, abusive biological family as his ‘true family’ since being related by blood trumps everything else. Like honestly fuck that, adopted families ARE real families regardless of race. 
        On a final absurd note, as if this movie couldn’t get any worse, the final conflict revolves around True Son fighting his uncle, who has been shown to not only be a racist murderer, but also an attempted rapist. And yet, True Son explicitly states he is going to fight his Uncle not because he is evil, but because “he wants to prove his is a white man and wants to earn his respect.”
        Yeah I am sure the respect of a monster like that is really that important to True Son. Go rot in hell Disney.
    • Risk : [2]
      • This movie is once again drenched in the sloppy discharge of American Exceptionalism and Manifest Destiny. I have already gone into detail about how horrible the ‘both-sides’ argument is since it paints the past as an inevitable conflict where the genocide of the Natives was just an unfortunate side effect. The only reason this movie doesn’t get a lower score in terms of risk, is that there WAS actually some attempt to humanize the Natives. They are shown to have complex inner lives and for the most part True Son remains steadfast in his refusal to give up his upbringing. He still ends up ‘turning white’ by the end but his determination made him the only likable character. Even though it was handled poorly, this movie actually acknowledged the existence of the Native genocide rather than painting over it like Westward Ho, The Wagons! did.
    • Extra Credit : [2]
      • There was one scene that actually was fun to watch. After True Son has been pushed around by his awful family for most of the movie, he is reunited with one of his Native cousins and it is genuinely joyful. The two wrestle and run around laughing, just happy to be in each others company. It made me smile and I hate that it didn’t lead into True Son going home to be with the family that actually loves him. If this movie had the balls to pick a side, this could have been a really wonderful moment, but spoilers: It wasn’t.

    Final thoughts:

    • This is easily the worst movie on this list so far. Worse than the true life documentaries and worse than Peter Pan. It has been a long since I sat through a movie that I could describe as ‘genuinely hateful.’ You get the feeling that the people who made this movie actually hated Native Americans and set out to intentionally demonize another race. I didn’t even get around to talking about the bland love interest who ‘fixes’ True Son with love because as we all know the best way to cure racism is good old fashioned heterosexual marriage. The best way to sum up this movie is with this simple fact. The main characters name is True Son, but his biological parents want to call him “Johnny” The scene were he meets his biological mother for the first time, instead of hugging, or getting to know each other, the mother simply says. “Your name is Johnny, you won’t leave this room until you say your name and act like a civilized gentleman.”
      Her concerns are not about True Sons mental wellbeing or safety, she just wants him to act ‘white’ so SHE is comfortable. There is ZERO love between them and yet the movie frames this like a heartfelt reunion between long lost family. After this scene, no one calls him True Son anymore, not even his love interest. They all call him Johnny and it has the same vibe as a someone getting dead-named over and over until they finally submit. I hate this movie and what is worse, I don’t think this will be the worst movie I’ll watch by the end of this project.
      God help me, this movie took years off my life. If I have to watch something this bad again I will dig up Walt myself and beat his zombie ass senseless. 

    Total Score: 6/50

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    Edit: I would like to make a minor note about this movie. It is implied through dialogue that True Son was not adopted by kidnapped by the Native Americans. Which does make his biological families desire to bring him home understandable… HOWEVER: The way the movie is shot and written, it is clear that True Son is happy and treated as an equal while in the tribe, and he is emotionally abused the moment he is brought into the white town. 
    While he was not adopted in the text of the movie, it is clear that the movie frames and interprets True Son as an adopted child being ‘saved’ by his biological family. Either way Disney did a crappy job with this movie.

    #The light in the forest #Disney #every disney movie #I watched Every Disney Movie #reviewing every Disney movie #bad movie#tw: racism #tw: hate speech #tw: genocide#tw: abuse #tw: emotional manipulation #tw: cult #just all the trigger warnings this movie deals 10 points of mental damage upon viewing #movie review#Movie Reviews #live action movie #movie theory#Film Theory#movie ranking #late stage disney #late stage capitalism #capitalism#western movie#Rey Rapids #I hate this movie.
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  • Post #41

    8/3/2020

    Next up is 1957′s Old Yeller

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    • Enjoyment : [6]
      • I was very torn on giving this movie any more than a 5. While this movie is engrossing, it is also very placid. It isn’t boring, but the exciting scenes are spaced out just enough that it threatened to get boring a few too many times for my comfort. Once it is all said and done though, this movie engages you enough to see it through to the end, and there is enough effort put into the acting and writing that it isn’t without value. I think it deserves most of the praise it has gotten over the years, it was certainly one of the best Disney movies I have seen in months.
    • Quality : [5]
      • There isn’t much to write home about in terms of the nitty gritty film making. Some shots are reused to save time and I assume, to keep the animals safe. The camera does a decent job showing the action when moments get tense, and the music accents important moments. There isn’t anything glaringly wrong with the craft behind this movie, and the way the story is structured is actually rather smooth once you look at the theming. However I just can’t find any exceptional and so it just sorta lingers comfortably in the ‘average’ category.
    • Hold up : [4]
      • There isn’t anything terribly offensive about this movie overall, which is a huge relief. There is a very tiny moment towards the end where the father gives the younger son an Indian feathered headdress and he runs around with a tomahawk making whopping noises, but it is like 2 seconds and right at the very end. There is a noticeable softness to this movie, and I think this is 100% due to the core cast being a mother and two very young sons. There are barely any men around to strut around and make toxic comments and it ends up making the movie a real refreshing experience when compared to some of the other machismo movies on this list. The violence towards animals is lighter this time around? There are several scene where Old Yeller is clearly actually fighting a bear, pig, bull and finally a wolf. They actually let the animals like, fight and smack each other around and it really felt uncomfortable. However from what I can find most of the animals were trained and there is at the very least some editing trickery to keep the animals safe for more risky shots. Still, you are on thin fucking ice Disney I have seen too many animals die in your movies to trust you anymore.
    • Risk : [6]
      • I think the reason Old Yeller stands the test of time, is that it has a clear thesis from the start that all other scenes exist to support. It is honestly a little jarring to see a Disney movie actually have a structure and a basic narrative, since 90% of the movies on this list just meander about aimlessly and then end. The entire movie centers around Travis being without his father for the first time in his life, the expectations to be the ‘man of the house’ and his fear of the larger world. It is a coming of age story, and his relationship with Old Yeller is a microcosm of his acceptance of adulthood. He is shown to be hostile to others mostly out of fear, and when he opens up, even a troublesome mutt like Old Yeller can be a friend and ally. Old Yeller having to be put down at the end is a big narrative risk, and it actually serves a purpose for Travis as a character. This movie had a tiny nugget of a risk and it really paid off, and it even got me to feel something for the briefest moment. 
    • Extra Credit : [3]
      • The movie is very charming in places, and the episodic nature of Travis and Yeller running around the farm solving and/or causing problems is rather fun. I liked that a lot of narrative questions are answered by the movie, and there is decent set up and pay off for certain element like the hydrophobia or the boar catching. I felt tension in some scenes and the movie ultimately works as a small little slice of growing up in the wild west and the everyday hardships of pioneers. 

    Final thoughts:

    • Good on ya Disney, you made a decent film. I think this movie is one of the better live action movies I have seen on this list, I still like 20,000 leagues and Treasure Island due to their larger scale and more bombastic storytelling, but for a small intimate movie about a boy and his dog this is perfectly fine. I feel like all those crappy westerns I had to slog through were practice for this. A smaller cast and a smaller setting was just what they needed. Old Yeller dying is a sad scene to be sure, but it only works because of how much we get to know all the little nuances of this dog throughout the film and how much he matters to Travis’s character arc. Old Yeller is more lovable as a dog since he bites and barks and knocks stuff over and steals food. He isn’t trying to be adorable all the time, he is a dumb flawed animal and learning to love others in spite of, or because of their flaws is a lesson Travis needs to learn as he grows up. I feel like Old Yeller is a perfect movie to show to kids when you need an introduction to darker and more mature media. It is a fun movie about hijinx on a farm, but it doesn’t really sugar coat anything the way you’d expect from Disney and I think that is why so many people remember this movie and were so effect by the final few scenes. I don’t think this movie earns a *diamond in the rough* award but it is still worth watching if you haven’t seen it before. It is perfectly fine.

    Total Score: 24/50

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    #old yeller#Disney #every disney movie #I watched Every Disney Movie #reviewing every Disney movie #movie ranking#movie review #live action movie #movie theory #tw: animal death #tw: animal abuse #western movie#Film Theory#Movie Reviews #late stage disney #late stage capitalism #capitalism#Rey Rapids#dogs#puppies
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  • Post #40

    8/3/2020

    Next up is 1957′s Perri

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    • Enjoyment : [4]
      • Want to know if you have made a bad animal documentary? When the moments where there are no animals on screen are the best parts. This movie can actually be really lovely when it focuses on the scenery and the melancholy score. The scenes with the animals are hard to enjoy when they keep blatantly murdering the animals on screen over and over again. There is a layer of separation since they dropped the whole ‘documentary’ angle and just outright state that this is a fictional account using real life footage. I feel like this is probably the best of the ‘true life adventures’ but it is still boring and uncomfortable to watch as a whole.
    • Quality : [4]
      • This movie is rather sloppy. You can really easily see the seems where they slow down or even reverse footage to stretch out the run time. There is a really pathetic moment in the middle where they have a half animated ‘dream sequence’ that is 200% nothing but a time waster to stretch out the movie. They don’t try to teach us anything and the new fictional narrative aspect is very flimsy. For example, the narrator is waxing about how Perri is so in love with her new mate when the footage being shown is obviously two squirrels fighting. You can’t fool me Disney I grew up in a swamp I know what it looks like when two squirrels fight. The biggest issue with this movie is that I can no longer guess if this movie was filmed first and narrated second, or narrated first and then they went out and manufactured those shots to make the narration true.
    • Hold up : [3]
      • Narrator tiny dick returns yet again and he is only creepily projecting once or twice throughout the film so I guess that is an improvement. We see animals die on screen, and because of Disney’s meddling I guarantee you that none of the on screen deaths were incidental. To keep the movie ‘thrilling’ they obviously manufactured animal fights. During one scene I counted the same squirrel dying a minimum of four times on screen being switched out with a new squirrel between shots. The best way I can convey this, is that at one point Perri falls off a tree, and there is a 20+ second shot of Perri falling to the ground. It is not slowed down and clearly a real squirrel. There is an abrupt cut and suddenly a very visually different looking squirrel is thrown into a pile of leaves and the narrator says “Luckily Perri landed without a scratch.”
        Yeah a lot of animals were killed to make these shots, even more so that any previous ‘true life adventure’.
    • Risk : [2]
      • I have to say this movie is very low effort and very cheap. The narrative aspect feels more like a crutch than an artistic choice. I almost wonder if Disney chose to add the Perri plot line because their documentaries were already so hollow and plastic. Killing dozens of animals just to make a boring slog of a movie is actually kinda cowardly. There was also a minor moment that actively made me shout in disgust when it happened. It wasn’t actually that bad it just caught me off guard with its stupidity. For a split second a deer appears on camera, and in the deadest monotone possible the narrator says “Oh hey look kids, its Bambi here to pay us a visit.” I can’t really convey it through text alone but it is so jarring and like, lazily pandering it almost made me laugh. It felt like the first real attempt since Saludos Amigos Disney has made to push its brand in any movie so far. Just a limp and unemotional “hey kids look it’s that thing you like, but in another movie! That means you like this movie too right?” 
    • Extra Credit : [1]
      • I like that SOME tension was built with the footage they had on hand, but its not much of a saving grace. I was actually more worried about the physical animals Disney put in danger instead of the ‘characters’ they were trying to create. Try harder next time Disney.

    Final thoughts:

    • This movie kinda sucks. It is the most watchable of the ‘true life adventures’ but thats only because it isn’t horribly racist and the music is kinda nice. I feel like Bambi is actually a better documentary than this, since way less animals died while making it, and it conveys emotion far better through way more impactful framing. It actually gets kids to sympathize with everyday animals while keeping them simple animals. there is no possible way to get invested in the narrative of Perri since even a layman can see that the squirrel changes color, size and age in nearly every shot. You know from frame one that this is not the same squirrel and this is all just a transparent attempt to edit together unrelated footage into something that can trick audiences enough to steal their money. Skip this one and don’t ever give it a second thought.

    Total Score: 14/50

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    #Perri#Disney #every disney movie #I watched Every Disney Movie #reviewing every Disney movie #movie review#Movie Reviews #live action movie #movie theory#documentary#Nature documentary #tw: animal abuse #tw: animal death #Film Theory #late stage disney #capitalism #late stage capitalism #Rey Rapids#live action
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    Redraw time!!

    Apparently the 4 year anniversary of the supercut was July 30th so I decided to redraw one of my favorite pieces

    For context the I made the original (right) back in February so I think I improved a lot in 5 months

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  • Post #39

    8/2/2020

    Next up is 1957′s Johnny Tremain

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    • Enjoyment : [4]
      • I feel like this movie is almost passable in a ‘put it on for the students while the teacher is sick’ sorta way. It is basically just the historical events of the Boston tea party told from the perspective of a spunky teen and thats all there is to it. This movie can be divided into two halves, the parts where it fleshes Johnny out as a character, and the halves where it retells historical events with Johnny as a minor player. I feel like it doesn’t really succeed at either, since Johnnys goal of finding his family is dropped about halfway through, and then Johnny is just sorta in the background for most of the historical scenes. In the end this movie is interesting enough but it didn’t really grab me in any meaningful way. 
    • Quality : [3]
      • This movie is pretty basic. Not a lot of visual storytelling takes place, and the action scenes are oddly subdued. The Boston tea party is so civil it might as well be an actual tea party compared to the full on riot it historically was. There isn’t any interesting camera choice until the very final few scenes, and the dialogue is pretty average. There is also a very placid tone to how most character deliver dialogue, where everyone speaks like they KNOW they are going to be quoted in history textbooks and that is really uninteresting to watch. Some of the sets and costumes look decent enough but nothing really stands out as great.
    • Hold up : [3]
      • Hey look more of that gross ‘American Exceptionalism’ that old Uncle Walt loves so much. Before the opening credits even ended, I asked myself “I wonder if they will even bother to address slavery in this movie” and boy they do NOT. This movie puffs up its chest and brags about freedom and equality while not even entertaining the idea of racial equality. We see two slaves really early in the beginning but it is never addressed directly. This movie treats the founding fathers like flawless gods whom we much worship and emulate to be good patriots. I think a movie about the principles of. the American revolution should at least acknowledge the suffering of the Natives and the African slave population. By all means make movies about Paul Revere and John Adams, but don’t pretend slavery didn’t happen, thats a path only cowards walk.
        Also I know the Boston tea party members dressing up as Native Americans is historically accurate but they didn’t even try to tone it down and it was pretty bad on film.
    • Risk : [3]
      • Like I said, this movie really loves the founding fathers and it really loves America, and not much else. Another big issue is how the loyalists and British soldiers are portrayed. Historically they were not good people, but there is a noticeable ugliness to how the filmmakers frame them. All the patriots are clean cut, handsome, and wear sensible clothes, while the loyalists are fat, ugly, loud and will go out of their way to spit on people just because they so full of hate. It is honestly cartoonish how black and white this movie makes the two sides. America good, Britain bad, thats all there is to it. This is done more to paint America as a land where everything was awesome from day one to modern day. You can really tell what a narrow comfort zone Walt has and it keeps popping up over and over again. Its actually kinda sad and more importantly it keeps the movies from having any sort of complexity since nothing ever challenges the characters in any meaningful way.
    • Extra Credit : [2]
      • Some moments almost established a fun vibe, and the ending battle scene feels like a halfway decent reenactment of Lexington and Concord. There was a tiny amount of effort put into the movie but it really didn’t rise above even average when you come down to it.

    Final thoughts:

    • This movie is a serviceable entry to the events of the Boston Tea Party and the opening battles of the American Revolutionary War. However, there isn’t really anything else to this movie. Johnny has an interesting story arc where he is injured and cannot find work, and seeks help from a long lost relative. The relative doesn’t believe him and Johnny has to prove his true heritage. This plot wraps up and then plays no real larger part in the second half of the movie. I honestly feel like that plot could have carried a whole movie by itself if they wrote some sort of ending to it beyond, “The relative moves away and Johnnys hand gets better.” 
      I just feel like this movie just wanted to glorify the found fathers and it tacked on the story of Johnny Tremain to get to the good stuff as fast as possible. This is a brutally simple movie where consequences end without Johnny learning any lesson, the good guys win BECAUSE they are good guys and the bad guys lose BECAUSE they are bad guys. this might be fine for very young children but I doubt anyone familiar with better historical fiction will ever give this movie a second thought.
      Just go watch 1776 its is a million times better and actually humanizes the found fathers by making them flawed individuals.

    Total Score: 15/50

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    #Disney #every disney movie #I watched Every Disney Movie #reviewing every Disney movie #movie ranking #late stage disney #Johnny Tremain#historical fiction#live action #live action movie #boston tea party #Lexington and Concord #american revolution#tw: war#historical revisionism#movie review#Movie Reviews#movie theory#Film Theory#Rey Rapids
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  • My sister: I hope MatPat doesn’t make a theory video about Hamilton.

    Me: It’s historical! You can’t make a FILM theory about something historical!

    My sister: A theory about what if someone else WAS in the room where it happens! There!

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  • (`・∀・´)

    Video: GTLive - Escape FNAF’s Scariest Location! | FNAF Broken Dreams (Five Nights At Freddy’s Fan Game)

    Time stamp: 30:02

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  • Why the hell did filmtheory make ANOTHER golden ticket theory. I havnt watched it yet I just saw the thumbnail while scrolling my feed on youtube. My first thought was “wait, didn’t i already watch all the charley and the chocolate factory filmtheory videos?” Then I saw it was posted two hours ago so now I’m here making this stupid post for no reason. Should I watch the rigged ticket theory video?

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  • Hey genuine question did MatPat ever do anything Genuienly Wrong

    He says some goofy shit in his theories but like that’s kind of part of the job and y’all love clowning on him for giving the pope undertale but the other people who met the pope have given him a car, a motorcycle, an expresso machine and an nyc id with his face on it. Like Mat has a REASON why he gave it to him- it might have been a wierd or bad reason in some people’s minds but he put more thought into it than some other people have clearly. He got death threats over him wasting his chance to meet the pope but he gave what he thought symbolized something and besides that I don’t know if he’s ever done anything genuinely bad???? If he has inform me but why do y’all hate him so much he makes goofy theories about video games they don’t have to be AMAZING theories but he clearly puts time into them I just like. Are y’all good did I miss something

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    A series of stressed confusion

    Video: GTLive - The Scariest “P.T.” Game Ever? | Potato Thriller (Scary Game)

    Time stamp: 30:45

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  • had a dream where me, Wine (fellswap gold sans), and Champagne (the white wine version of Wine) went to see Batman v Superman please note i have never actually seen this movie also Escher and Stux who are different variants of Fresh!Error showed up
    so we exited the movie theater and this happened 

    Champagne: *stares at me thinking if he should or shouldent* 
    Me: *hums the when he looks at me and i look at him thing* 
    Champagne: do you bleed
    Me: we could go find out
    Wine: *looks of utter concern for our well being* 
    Me: i mean im human so i probably do
    Stux: BUT THATS JUST A THEORY
    Me Escher and Wine at the same time
    Me: A GAME THEORY
    Escher: A FILM THEORY
    Wine: A FOOD THEORY
    Champagne: *doesnt understand* wouldnt that be a health theory?

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  • Post #36

    7/27/2020

    Next up is 1956′s The Secrets of Life

    This movie is the reason for such a big gap in reviews. It took a lot of digging to track down a copy.

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    • Enjoyment : [3]
      • Gods this movie is boring. Even for a documentary there is no narrative to follow. A good example of how much this movie sucks, is that the narrator just sorta… stops talking for upwards of 10 minutes and THAT is the most interesting part of the movie. Some of the nature shots they show are actually rather pretty, especially the time-lapsed flowers blooming. That being said, so little of this movie matters on any level. Even more so than some of the previous ‘True Life Adventures’ this feels like 100% B-roll. This movie is all plants and insects, which I have to assume was rather easy to film when compared to say, the African Lions of the last documentary.
    • Quality : [3]
      • The camera does almost nothing to further the information presented. Like I said, the time-lapse segment was visually pretty, but that’s about it. Once again the fake tunnels make an appearance, showing the lazy seams of the project just like last time. When the subject matter is photosynthesis and pollination, there isn’t any ‘bloody’ footage to get so these asshats didn’t bring their A-game in terms of cinematography. The whole thing feels phoned in and I retained pretty much nothing. There isn’t even a build up in terms of subject matter. We see plants, we see trees, we see ants, then the movie ends.
    • Hold up : [3]
      • The narrator had to really struggle to make flowers and ants hateful this time around. Some of the trademark projection returns, with the narrator placing gendered roles on animals just sitting around doing nothing. Because the filmmakers couldn’t force flowers to murder each other, most of this movie is pretty tame. However, the second they get to the ant colony you can almost smell the bottled up bloodlust finally squirting out all over the screen. The ants tear each other apart and there is a rather disturbing scene with a snake eating ant eggs that happens out of nowhere. I have to reiterate, these are not ‘violent moments’ captured in nature, these happened on a controlled soundstage against the animals will. These filmmakers threw animals in a box together and poked them with sticks until they attacked one another. Even if its just insects it comes across as needlessly cruel and artistically lazy.
    • Risk : [1]
      • Gonna give this one a big fat ‘nope’ in the effort department. Many of the time-lapse shots probably took a long time to set up, but there is no attempt to make any shot flow together and the tunnel set was clearly re-used from the Living Desert documentary. I bet this movie was edited together in a handful of months and probably cost less than the amount of coins Walt lost in a single couch. The fact that none of the factual information provided in the documentary stuck me with is tribute to how little they succeeded in making it accessible to audiences.
    • Extra Credit : [1]
      • I have to give my customary free point for making educational material. However, I can’t give it anything else, cuz it sucks and was made by bloodthirsty asshats who probably killed many more animals off screen.

    Final thoughts:

    • Boy oh boy do I hate these ‘True Life Adventures!” They aren’t fun to watch, they don’t teach much and they make you sick to your stomach once you realize how much of it is staged. I really have to stress that large chunks of this movie have absolutely no narration because they A: didn’t care, and B: couldn’t think of anything to say or add. I don’t think this one is the worst of the bunch since the only animals that die are ants and only at the end. However, that is a LOW bar to clear. “They only brutally killed insects this time” is not an endorsement. I am actually kinda glad this movie was so hard to track down, no one deserves to sit through trash like this.

    Total Score: 11/50

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  • Post #35

    7/16/2020

    Next up is 1956′s Davy Crockett And The River Pirates,

    And technically the first sequel on this list!

    image
    • Enjoyment : [4]
      • I am not if sure how I feel about this movie. Parts of it are genuinely fun and it feels like the prototype for a lot of better movies down the line. Over and over, this movie threatens to be interesting, then retreats back into boring mush. It runs good plot points into the ground and glosses over potential character development in favor of overly silly gags. This movie is less grounded historical fiction and more ‘Live action looney tunes episode.’ In my notes I pointed out that this movie ‘This has more jokes that the first movie, but the same amount of laughs.”
    • Quality : [4]
      • This movie looks fine. There are a lot more practical effects to set up the visual humor, and they actually raced around on real enough looking boats. A lot of the stuns were impressive and there was some very good physical acting for the most part. The movie is flatly shot and while there are many different locations, those locations are mostly just rivers, caves and generic forests. Once again this is a movie was initially several TV episodes edited together for theatrical release. This damages the overall structure since they say heartfelt goodbyes to a certain character, only to have that same character to reappear moments later. You can almost feel the commercial breaks and that drags down the pacing.
    • Hold up : [3]
      • This movie is still very hostile towards Native Americans, but it is SLIGHTLY better than the first movie. In the last movie, Davy Crockett waxed poetically about the suffering of Natives, only to turn around and murder twenty of them without any visible remorse. In this movie, he is actively trying to help a tribe of Natives prove their innocence when they are framed for robbery. The Native Americans are still portrayed as ‘savages’ but there is tiny amount of effort put in to frame them as sympathetic. Once again the gross stench of ‘Manifest Destiny’ is soaked into the bones of this movie, but it is a much milder stink than the first movie. Davy is just trying to sell some furs this time, not participating in a genocide and I hate that this counts as progress for Disney.
    • Risk : [5]
      • I will give the movie this: It took a risk. Davy is less of a magical flawless mountain man this time around. He has a rival who challenges him and makes question his own skill. He is shown struggling against the mighty Mike Fink, and that builds tension. I mentioned that this movie was way more cartoony than the first movie, and while I didn’t personally like that choice, it DID give the movie more of an identity and I can respect that. I think the shift from gritty realism to slapstick comedy helped me buy into the tone of the movie more. I wasn’t watching historical revisionism, I was watching a wacky adventure down the river with some fun goofy guys. While the silly tone didn’t feel like an artistic decision, it DID end up with some positive results. Accidental risk still counts as a risk.
    • Extra Credit : [2]
      • I liked that the villains were shown to be using harmful myths about Native Americans for their own benefit. It ALMOST felt like commentary on how pioneers used ‘savage’ rumors to hide the violence they committed against Native Americans. It was almost clever.

    Final thoughts:

    • This movie isn’t good, but darn it tries. The previous movie was a lot more somber, which fit since in that movie Davy deals with his wife’s death, and later his own. This movie is a fun wacky adventure, and it doesn’t try to be anything more. Did I enjoy this movie more? I think I did. There were more memorable gags, fights and character moments. There wasn’t really any notable increases in quality, but they were more memorable and thats about all I can give it. I actually really liked the character of Mike Fink, since he was a chaotic neutral to Davy’s chaotic good. Having an interplay between characters who force each other to grow is a million times more interesting than Davy just winning at everything forever with no obstacles like the first movie.

    Total Score: 18/50
    Previous Installment: 15/50

    Is this movie better than the previous installment?: YES

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