I have been thinking about this post and what exactly to say, but I remember being told its best to speak from the heart.. well type. I reached out to someone who I was very close to when I was 14 because I heard something happened with his family. So I reached out to send my condolences, unfortunately due to a lot of unresolved issues from the past I started to bring up things …which I’m the idiot who shouldn’t have done that. The connection we shared it is complicated it always has been. I’m a very open person when it comes to my feelings and I was open with him always about how I felt about him.. the thing with him though is he would tell me one thing, then say something different around other people we were friends with. Which caused me to have horrible anxiety and be very insecure. This guy had me wrapped around his finger, I would’ve done anything for him. He was a lot of my firsts …He was my first love, but he turned out to be a wolf in sheep clothing. We never dated.. nothing more then hung out together and make out. He would pillow talk me without even getting me into bed.. we never had sex.. nothing. But he took advantage at the fact I was young and he was the first real guy to give me attention. It’s pretty pathetic when I read myself, but I want someone to know the truth. I was afraid of him, but after 10 years he hasn’t changed. We were talking about hooking up again and now he’s trying to emotionally control me … after he apologized about doing that. So now he put me in a position where my head and heart are fighting with each other but you know what I refuse to let him or any man treat me that way.. ever again. I don’t care if he deicides to cut me off.. it’s life… I know he thought about me as much as I did him… but fuck that I refuse to let him come back and put me under his thumb.. fuck you.