#focus Tumblr posts

too many thoughts, gotta vent-

I know I put up a very good ‘tough young person with disability’ front, but it is a poorly made facade at best. Yes, I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation, but being in pain all the time is so very hard. Being in pain all the time, always being aware of its presence in your body, is scary. My joints haven’t gotten particularly worse in two years but they hurt all the time. I can’t bend forward too suddenly without it hurting, can’t move my right shoulder without it cracking, wore down my retainer so my jaw is clicking again. It’s very difficult for me to be warm but so incredibly easy for my body to get cold. Walking hurts a lot of the time too.

I don’t talk about the details of my illness frequently because I know most people don’t have any clue there’s anything wrong with my body. I didn’t even tell my job I had shingles, I worked through it. But I know I can’t take it back once I tell any of the supervisors, and I don’t want them to start treating me differently. I don’t want anyone to start treating me differently. And I especially don’t want to be pitied, it wounds me whenever I notice people starting to view me as a pitiful creature and it makes me feel incredibly pathetic.

I rarely say this out loud. But I hate being disabled. A lot.

hi these dogs are so beautiful im going to weep more stunning pics in source

i feel like i need to rewatch all of voy (up to where i’m at on the second season) because i forget literally all of it and it’s SO GOOD, i don’t want to forget

*casually eating chicken drumsticks off-camera while my lecture explains everything there is to know about the anatomy of a penis*

Ok, let me say this, I am not really surprised but still surprised. Ok, here is my receipt, I think there was a time I told someone on here (can't remember but pretty sure it's my bae @jade-marie ) that I find Mae thanking Reno for the face masks a bit shady. The way she phrased her post had seemed extremely shady. That was when they were still filming season 4 and I have had my eyes and ears out for her since then. But then I thought, maybe it's nothing, maybe I am just overreacting but turns out I wasn't. Not a good situation but I still feel good about being right.

I just hope Manny doesn't say a word.

Instead of working on a project that’s due soon I made this 👅

- Me, walking past a Candidate with a future Flux Rifle: "Pls don't. I'm just trying to farm for Protea's last BP."

- RNG, eyes going big: "You REJECT Sister? You IGNORE her like the bag of trash? Oh, oh! Stronger temptation for Tenno! STRONGER temptation by a thousandfold!"

- The Sister in the run right after:

however i will say i wish there was more explicit bisexuality in the series from ppl other than just kaede and maybe robara bc well.....the "all consuming bisexual" trope is a thing. i mean inari also fits the archetype but she has no interest in anybody so that balances it out a little i guess

Kind of want a new url, I mean when I created this blog just using her name was actually only supposed to be a placeholder until I thought of something better anyways but I have no idea what else would make sense

I can't write anymore because I can't be alone with myself long enough to create anything worthwhile

I get frustrated and immediately spiral into self loathing

#focus (at 犬山駅) https://www.instagram.com/p/CR0hI8RAK4x/?utm_medium=tumblr

I know so much about Starscream’s bounty hunters now because I’ve done so much research for my AU,,, and,,, hhh Shadelock... is kinda nice to look at... 

ANYWAY I like thinking about how when my s/i shows up and they board the ship, Starscream orders his crew “alright leave us in peace now” bc he’s gotta make up for like seven years of lost time and he can’t be out here lookin VULNERABLE and teary-eyed in front of these other Cons,,, but they just kind of stand there staring because. whoa. that’s the keri? that’s the human?? the one they’ve been searching for this wholeass time?? so cybertron’s legend was true, all those years ago this one little plain-looking organic with spots on her skin is the one who conquered the hearts of all autobots AND decepticons including the infamous leader, lord megatron himself??? what the frag there’s nothing special about her--

so they just keep staring at her while starscream’s back is turned and he’s muttering “I don’t hear the door opening...” and without looking up he calls “I’m going to count to three, and if you’re still there when I turn around, I’ll gut you like I would gut an Autobot. One. Two--” and the crew scatters and immediately leaves. Starscream’s tough attitude drops entirely when the door shuts and he just sighs into Keri’s shoulder and hugs her tighter and mumbles “it’s their first time seeing a human up close, they’ll get used to it. now please hold me i’ve missed you so much”

but I am fond of the idea of the bounty hunters just kind of standing afar, in other scenes, staring at her. and she just turns her head and smiles at them real bright and they’re like “huh.” and bumblebee pulls her aside and says “no keri. please stop romancing every single robot you lay your eyes upon. these are bad guys. i know you have a soft spot for the bad guys but this is dangerous” too late babe she’s already got roughedge’s comm link number in her cell phone ✨

me: im gonna try to do this stupid video and work hard and be productive

me not even a min later:

Tonight we cry about not doing enough and then tomorrow we pretend it never happened

I have Many Thoughts yet my head is somehow still Empty

every time i try to figure out what the hell dave york does, i just get more confused and i’m not sure watching the movie in full is gonna help it bc i’ve read about thirty summaries and about twenty character wikis 

I dont know very much about va.rric's books yet I wanna curl up with him and follow along while he reads them to me

it's not my fault if I fall asleep though, his voice is too relaxing

i love only having access to only my consciousness. *i* get to be the main character. *i* get to have stupid monologues in my head all the time.