I feel like going through a friendship “breakup” is similar to having a divorce.
We have SO many mutual friends and acquaintances!!! In addition, because she is dating my brother, I have this tricky situation with my relatives (and those both my sibling and I know) 🤦♀️🤷♀️😔
These two never mention the conflict, and it’s me who is wrong and inadequate. I’m the one gently mentioning that I don’t stay in touch with this couple. She and my brother support each other, but I’m alone trying to keep my face and not to say much because I don’t think people would understand or even care to try to understand. He never apologized, and neither did she.
You know, what? It’s ok. I feel much better. In a way, it’s the law of the conservation of energy! I lost two relationships, and each of them got one. It’s life. We subtract in one place to add to a different one. Things don’t appear out of nowhere.
So, when a mutual friend sent me a picture of him hanging out with these two, I felt almost ok. I ruminated and took my time. I was sad because I still grieve the loss, but I was able to have a conversation and catch up with this guy. I wasn’t passive-aggressive or sarcastic. Anger didn’t consume or suffocate me. I didn’t shut down. It’s okay. It’s not as painful as it used to be. They do look happy in this picture :)
Do I care about my brother enough to want him to be happy? Of course! He had been lonely and wanted to find someone to share his thoughts, feelings, home, and bed with… I’m glad for him.
I do care about my ex-friend. I’m glad she found someone who is truly kind and generous, and she can finally be vulnerable and show that side of her. She used to be cold and distant with most of her partners and “friends”.
The funny thing is, 14 years ago my brother could have relocated with us. I was sitting in the kitchen and suddenly had this thought of him and her being together and moving together. I entertained it for a little bit. (I had thought before they could be a couple. I could clearly see them being together, but she was always in a new relationship, and she did say he was not her type.) Anyway, the thought frightened me. I felt a huge wave of fear. I didn’t want them to end up together and wasn’t sure why… I remember that moment clearly.
I have more time for my local friends now. I don’t organize my free time around Europe’s time zones to be able to catch up with numerous friends and family members. I finally feel free. I have little to no expectations, and it has helped tremendously. I’m letting go of my clinginess and desire to be super-involved. It’s still painful at times, but I feel free. I get to choose more of what I want to do (and not always do what others expect me to do).