So I finished Crime and Punishment just now and I have just one thing to say:
𝘞𝘩𝘺?
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21/01/21
Somewhat nervous about this one. Our household is currently in isolation (thankfully everyone is relatively well), which means plenty of time to tackle my tbr pile. No excuses for me! I’m enjoying TBK so far, and look forward to seeing how the brothers interact as the story progresses, as well as how their individual and shared characteristics affect the way it unfolds.
8Raskolnikov: Listen if you don’t shut up and stop tormenting me I will fucking murder you
Any older man he’s speaking to: Murder me! Heh heh heh! But that’s no way for a young man like yourself to speak! Heh heh! But what even is it to murder oneself? I mean to say, is it not as it were an act of violence against oneself which goes against the general nature of things? Heh heh heh! If it were not in the nature of ones being to do such things is it still conceivable that the order of nature would still be right? You look so pale! Sit down and have some tea or a drink!?
2…that unhappiness is just as necessary to man as happiness.
Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Possessed (The Devils).
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Aynı yazarın bir başka kitabından alıntı:
“Çok tuhaftı ağlayamadım. Ama ruhum paramparça olmuştu.”
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Verkhovensky: Pretty cool, huh Stavrogin? [Turns around to see that Stavrogin has left] Oh.
Erkel: I thought it was cool.
Verkhovensky: I don’t give a fuck what you think, Erkel.
12You sure have been in that territory; the realm of guilt. You go there whenever there is a mismatch between your idealistic self and your true one. The air in it is heavy and toxic. You hurry up to get out but you cannot control it. A part of you may be happy to be there because it means something. I do not know what it means, but it is surely not something trivial. You are terrified and your soul may be shaken if you discovered that the toxic air is not bothering you anymore. However, if you are touched with evil, it will be a priceless relief.
Dostoevsky once said that people are happy when others condemn them for the mistakes they made. People like it when they are tormented by the memory of their horrible mistakes, and why shouldn’t they be?! Don’t we feel good when we see others upset when we drift away from our path? I know I do. I think it has something to do with our desire for attention. If those around us are triggered by our wrong doings, then we are getting attention. So, they are equally rewarding; the good and the bad; wither ways we get the attention we crave.
The idea that we have multiple persons within us, is so profound. Upon thinking, I concluded there are three people inside each of us*; the sinner, the real and the ideal. Now, the ideal is the most interesting because it is the one who holds the real one when it’s heading towards inevitable self-destruction. But what does this ideal consist of? Where does it come from?
It is complex. Some may have an idea composed of religious values, some from societal norms and traditions, some through independent thought process. However we put it, the ideal is a powerful figure because, as it may help us reach beyond our personal limits, it can also lead us to resentment and self-loathing. Every time our actions aren’t aligned with the ideal, we beat ourselves for messing up; here is where we enter the realm of guilt. The idea is everything we ever hoped for; every skill we wish we had and everything we ever wanted from ourselves. I believe that whenever we admire someone, this admiration is a projection of our own ideals. We see parts of our perfect-self in that person and therefore we cling to them, and maybe even idolize them. Jordan Peterson puts it neatly; the ideal-self is the judge, and it’s a harsh one.
In conclusion, if you had no picture of the perfect state of being, you won’t know when you made a mistake. You wouldn’t enter the realm of guilt so frequently. If you are living in the moment and not hoping for anything in the future, you wouldn’t care if your car got stolen unless you wanted it right at that moment. If you knew how valuable guilt is, you would wish that the toxic air kills you every time you got near it. Say you went into the realm and felt overly comfortable, that my friend should make your blood runs cold.
The few people whom I told about this idea thought I am crazy, so if you thought that too, you are not alone my friend.
<<IBAL>>
0- Nastasya Filippovna: Enough. I am doing what I like for the first time in my life, I'm getting out of here, I will not be sold off to someone who doesn't even love me and will probably kill me right after I marry him.
- The general Epanchin: Why would she leave us?? She is crazy??? Is it the fever???? Ehhh??
4“Sonya, being of a timid disposition, had been aware long before now that her good name could be more easily destroyed than most people’s, and that anyone who cared to could wound her practically without fear of retribution. Yet even so, right up until this very moment, she had imagined that it might somehow be possible for her to avoid disaster - by being meek and cautious, and obedient to all and sundry. Great, therefore, was her disillusionment.”
- Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
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