Miserable day. I don’t make it in to work until nearly noon. Everyone seems to understand. My job is no hassle. My world is crashing in around me– but the one thing I know I have control over is my job.
Another snowstorm. Not the blizzard of a couple of weeks ago– but a nice pretty snowfall. Pretty, I guess. Getting off the bus on Wisconsin Avenue, I was hit by a car. Mildly– not even bumped badly. I was crossing an intersection and my Nanook of the North parka eliminates peripheral vision. The car was grinding to a halt anyway. But it ran into me and I stood in the middle of the street wondering– what next?
Lynn and George had me down for dinner again tonight. She knows I am broke and have no food. What a wonderful situation to be in. I love her so much. She makes some strangely exotic version of meatballs swimming in gravy and wild yellow rice. Dessert is brownies and walnut cake. George and I sit in the living room while she fixes dinner and talks about Norman Rockwell and the movie we watched last night and devise a new law prohibiting automatic transmission. I drink my beer and feel at home. Any change that is going to happen will carry me away from these people that I love so much and whom I have relied on for so long. Fuck God in his WISDOM. Wisdom shit. Everything on this planet is fucked up from the word “go.” Prove to me otherwise.
One can tell that I am in a cheery frame of mind.
Even my typing errors seem supernaturally ordained and unjust.
Returning home with my dog through the (I must admit beautiful snowfall) I call Sonja and intend to ask her to move to Florida with me. She is a likely candidate. First of all I can think of no one I would rather share an adventure with– and secondly, her life here, for some time, has not been perfectly ordered. Also, her children spend every summer in Florida with her mother and I do not believe that Sonja has had serious employment in some time here. A move with me to Florida is perfect.
When she answered the phone she started off immediately, without me saying a word of how she was plotting a trip to Florida. The date was within two days of my projected (if it happens at all) date.
She apparently was in the midst of a social situation in her apartment and said that she would call me back in 30 minutes.
I am waiting for her to call.
18 followers away from my first 100 :)
them: you look so innocent
My whole family is leaving for the rest of the week/weekend and idk what to do with myself… any suggestions??
All my makeup it’s over so thank you instagram filters for saving my quarantine days
New Icon :)
I feel like it should be a recent photo seeing as I no longer have the blue hair.
NEW SEASON IS COMING #LUCIFER
Another day floats past me. Sunday. Bright, cold Sunday. I scour the wanted ads for an apartment. Only one lead– a townhouse for $400 a month around DuPont Circle. I call Russ from the office and tell him about it. He is interested and we arrange to see it tomorrow at 12:30. Who knows what will happen to me next. I hate this feeling of limbo. Of not knowing what is going to happen to me next.
Salvation. Lynn calls and has me down for dinner and television. I sit and drink coffee and try to relax with my friends. We laugh at a Burt Reynold’s movie and kid each other and I keep fretfully trying not to think about the fact that very soon I will not have a home. I need to vacate this apartment as soon as possible. I will put my furniture into storage and move in with a friend, temporarily. It seems like such an imposition. Thank God that at least I have that option.
Why has everything fallen apart like this? I can’t understand why instability seems to haunt me. Stability is such a fundamental need for me. How can it be such an impossibility?
God, in less than one year’s time, I have broken my leg, had a ruinous relationship with a roommate, lost my father, had a root canal, worried constantly about money, gotten fat, and spent most of that time lonely and unhappy.
THIS IS NOT MY IDEA OF A HAPPY LIFE.
And the really scary part is that now– amidst the ruins of my current life, I am at a loss for a new dream. I can think of no escape. I feel no energy, no positive energy for change. Stagnation and decay is all I can feel.
a bitch finally got portrait mode
Sex is fun sometimes but you wanna know what’s more fun all of the time?
Lying in a field with a kitty and my boyfriend
Conte’ lo’ día’ pa’ volverte a ver y tu ni sabe’ que’ quiere’ hacer ✨
All my new followers I thank you with more pictures in this shirt ❤️😊. I would take more in other shirts, but I’m in the process of getting more!