But you can build a future out of anything. A scrap, a flicker. The desire to go forward, slowly, one foot at a time. You can build an airy city out of ruins.
- Lauren Oliver, Pandemonium
But you can build a future out of anything. A scrap, a flicker. The desire to go forward, slowly, one foot at a time. You can build an airy city out of ruins.
- Lauren Oliver, Pandemonium
amelia shepherd in private practice; season three.
I dyed my hair purple and it smells like artificial grape and its so gross
Reaching out to the beautiful object, Aurora murmured in its ear, “Such a pity I can’t have you for myself”. Silence followed her statement as in a swift move, a crack was heard. The neck of the kneeling beautiful object breaking satisfyingly on Aurora’s knee.
The cleanup was done soon enough. No blood was spilled, Aurora made sure of that. It was only the matter of collecting the body for reaping.
The skin was ripped to make coats, the teeth and nails for ornaments, and the bones as showpieces in wealthy houses. Usable organs like kidneys, heart, lungs, liver, eyes were harvested to be donated to the poor, who could not afford to have them made in a lab, poor them. The carcass of whatever remained was thrown to the dogs, eager for measly human meat.
Aurora knew in some part of her heart that what she did for a living was wrong, immoral even but in that world, at that moment, no one would blame her. ‘Morality is a sin taught by the sufferers to make everyone else guilty for their suffering. It holds us back. We’re not greater than animals! God made sure of that, so why should we create something that prevents us from making full use of ourselves?’, the Leader asked and somehow managed to keep a majority of the public wrapped around his fingers.
They never had to face the consequences of being immoral. They had enough money to get by without hurting anyone, except with words. It was reapers like Aurora who had to live through life miserably. The screams of her first kill still haunted her as she tried to go to sleep one night. It was a child, not unlike herself, only younger by a few years. The Lady wanted needed the child’s bones to make a ring holder. Some sufferers volunteered to be reaped because apparently money was tight. ‘They don’t work hard enough’ Aurora thought, as she reaped the child’s hands. Blood was flowing from the arms. There was nothing that could be done.
Aurora was scolded after her first reap because she was messy. The child bled to death. The mess, the death could have been prevented. It could have been used for something else but due to Aurora’s mistake, it had to be fed to the dogs. She contemplated leaving the job but then there would be nothing to stop her family from becoming sufferers. People lived because she killed. And there was no way around it. No one wanted to be in the reaping business, too afraid of “morality”.
Aurora always feared mortality over morality. She’d reaped so many people, it scared her that if she did not work hard enough, someone like herself could do to her what she did to others.
The short period of time allocated to living by God was what made way for the creation of morality. If they were immortal, who would care what was done?
12:09 PM EDT October 25, 2021:
Caravan - "I Don't Know Its Name (Alias The Word)" From the album In The Land Of Grey And Pink (April 8, 1971)
Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm
File under: Canterbury
The Freedom of Expression: First Niconama live broadcast (Halloween) First free half, 24th Oct 2021
Part 2 (To part 1)
J: I'm just what you see. A clown. Even on this show one time, we went to the tacoyaki restaurant and I was bigging it up even though it had no octopus in it. So, in line with the truth, I thought I should dress as a clown.
T: Haha, 'Swindler'
K: They are writing 'swindler' in the comments.
J: Swindler? Don't write that! Im a clown, a clown! Be more positive!
T: Write swindler more, everyone!
J: Haha. Yes, someone realised, 'Do your shoes have mops?' Yes, I bought the shoes seperately from the clown set. I can clean with them. Aren't these good? Don't write swindler!
K: They show your love.
T: Yeh, yeh.
J: Yeh, love at my feet, swindler Joe. This might start trending. Please stop this, Im 53.
T: Haha, it says, 'Joe is stylish'
J: Thank you. One thing about this, its pretty hard to go to the toilet in. I had to take it all off when I went to the toilet before. ??? Its like, 'What are you doing?!'
T: Haha, thats funny.
J: I had to say its for a party. Happy Halloween! Ok, so we've looked at the costumes. Next, as for the type of thing you want us to do on this niconama TFOE, we'll take some of your requests and try some of them out. For example, making original merchandise for the show..what do you think, Leader?
K: Would we sell anything?
J: Yeah, I think so!
T: Lets make something as Sweeny Todd, Clown, and Jaiko.
J: What should we make?
K: Hmmm..shūmai (dumplings)
J: Shūmai? Competition for the gyōza.
T: Thats a good idea.
J: It would be a bare rival. Too obvious.
T: Everyone 's saying they would buy stuff.
J: They'd buy them if we made shūmai?
K: We have stickers though.
J: Oh yeh, from when we were on the radio. There's still tonnes left.
K: Yeah, there's loads.
J: Oh, 'calling channel members on the phone'. I see. Ah, 'Birthday videos'.
T: What are they?
J: Its like a broadcast when members' birthdays arrive. I reckon that might be possible live. It could be interesting. There's also the ideas of going on location more. There's lots we coud try, including these. Everyone, if there's anything you'd like us to do, please write it in the comments. Ok, next, well this is a live broadcast on niconama, but if you are reading the comments you can see this kind of to and fro between the viewers and us. So, here, we can enjoy the best of niconama, a niconama game! Lets try a game. Is that ok?
T: Its high tech.
J: It is. As to what we can do, well there are a few games, but we are gonna try a statues game (Daruma ga koronda), viewers vs. show participants!
T: So, the viewers and...who?
J: Kaoru will do it. How will they do it? Yes, I'll explain. Kaoru will be the Oni and the viewers will be the opponents. You need to press the 'take part' button which will appear on screen in order to participate. The screen will change in a min, so you'll understand then, but press the 'take part' button. If you don't you won't be able to play. You also might not be able to play if the number of players is already too high, so please understand. So the rules are the same as a basic statues game. While the Oni, Kaoru is looking away, you hold down the 'go forward' button. When the Oni randomly turns around, anyone who is moving will be out. Its a niconama version of the statues game. When the time on the screen runs out, anyone remaining will be out. It even one viewer passes the finish line, the viewers will win. You may not understand everything just with this explanation, but just try it. Oh, look, the instructions are there on the screen.
T: Someone wrote, 'I wanna be caught by Oni-Kaoru!' Haha
K: Ok, everyone press the 'take part' button. Oh, there it is! You have ten seconds to press it! Oh, 5 seconds now!
T: Press it!
J: Ok, time up. Kaoru, are you ready?
J: Ok, lets get started. Remember the rules from before. Oh, we're off!
T: Ah, look how many people there are!
J: Is this how many joined? Ahh, look at them!
K: This is fun.
J: Is it?
T: Da Ru Ma Sa N Ga Ko Ro N Da...Uaghh! Ah, there is one left! Oh, they died.
J: Is it difficult. We in a different spot now.
T: Ah, the one in the middle is so close!
J: Yeah, turn 4 now. It
T: Guys, you're all getting killed by Kaoru. How is it?
J: Ahh, Yui san won!
K: Ah, they beat me.
J: Well done!
Kami: Well done!
J: Eh? Did you just hear a voice?
Kami: Ah, it wasn't a fake, its me, Kami.
Kami: I made it.
T: Kami! Are you well?
Kami: Yes, but its a bit different, isn't it? Im under a lot of pressure here. I've got the boss sat on one side and a manager sat on the other telling me what to say.
T: Oh, thats tough, Kami.
Kami: They're telling me to say boring things.
K: Haha, boring things?
T: Hang on Kami, there's a cat in the upper right corner.
Kami: Oh, thats me.
T: Thats you?! Really?
Kami: Thats my look for today, I have my cute side too.
K: Weren't you gonna be some other god or something?
Kami: Ah, I said I wanted to be Hades from Million God, but the boss said no-one can see me, so there's no point.
K: Well, thats true.
T: ???? A cat god, haha. Thats not fair kami! I had to be Christine Gouda.
J: Well, he's under pressure from the side. The pressure from the boss must be pretty bad.
Kami: Yeah. Well Done to Yui san.
T: Thank you.
J: Kami please join us again in the niconama version.
T: To explain to people who are watching for the first time, Kami always drops into our broadcasts, he's like our 4th member. For any newcomers, he's a god, not a cat.
J: Yeah, he's a god with a part time job, haha.
K: We usually hear Kami's voice in earphones, right? Thats quite stressful for me.
J, T: Haha
T: You're being honest.
K: Just being able to hear it freely in the room, is zero stress.
J: Yeah, with earphones, its so close to the eardrum, ???
Kami: Don't be mean.
J: Isn't ok to call you a swindler?
T: Lots of laughing about stress in the comments.
J: Well, Kami can join us without causing us stress here.
T: But how was the statue game, Kaoru?
K: Yeah, well, you'll get caught eventually. But it was fun. There were so many people coming forward, it was kinda scary.
J: Yeah, right.
T: Ah, someone said they want to play it again.
J: Should we play it again?
T: Should we, are we spoiling it?
J: We could. We are thinking about doing a game again in the second half. There are other niconama games apart from this. So it might be a different one, or it might be the statue one again, but anyhow, we'll do another game between Kaoru and the viewers in the second half.
T: Yeah, if enough people say they want to do it. Eh? Not many people want to?
J: No, there's a bit of a delay, people have to listen to what we say before they can type. Oh, look there. They want to.
T: Oh, lots of people want to! Well, you can look forward to being killed by Kaoru in the second half.
J: That choice of words..being killed by Kaoru. So, yes, in this sense we'll have games, but also other content in the second half, so please do sign up using this blue link at the top of the screen, ah, there it is.
T: Yes, sign up for the channel, everyone who wants to be killed by Kaoru.
Kami: I wanna join the statues game.
J: Kami too?!
T: Look, the cat appeared, haha. Cute!
J: Kami, you'd have to play with only your voice.
J: Like Kaoru did before, but with your voice only.
J: There's comnents saying, 'I wanna be killed!'
T: Kami is cute, isn't he?
Kami: Thank you.
J: So, everyone, have you registered as members? We are just about to finished the first half. It went quickly. Well, its about 20:30 already.
K: Oh, yeh.
J: Yeah, its been 30mins since we started. We are finishing the first half with no problems. And we'll get some revenge with the niconama game in the second half. We'll pick up more of your comments...plus, before we had a comment asking us to stand up to show off our costumes, so lets get full body shots in the second half.
T: Oh no, please. Lets just do that for Kaoru.
K: No, no, they wanna see yours, haha.
J: We'll have to so that Kaoru can too.
T: Well, yeh..Ah! We also have the Tokyo Sports gyōza. Thats the main item really.
K: Yeah, lets make that the main item.
J: Also, Niconama have prepared various Halloween accessories, so Kaoru MIGHT put on some of those too. Jaiko might too. We MIGHT change our look a bit in the second half.
T: And also a toast.
J: Yes, so we'd love it if you could enjoy the second half too. Ok, so is that it? Are we ready for the switch over?
K: Yes, lets do it.
J: Ok, Kaoru, on your cue, we'll switch.
K: What should I say?
J: Its on page 7. You were looking at page 6, Kaoru.
K: I've been looking at page 6 this whole time.
J: Yes, I thought you were, even though we had moved onto page 7.
K: Oh yeh, now I see, haha. I wasn't looking at any of this.
J: Haha, yeh, we are on page 7. Kaoru, read out the last part.
K: Yes, so we'll take a short break here, but when the screen changes we'll move into the members only content, so members just wait there. Ok, see you soon.
To top page To part 1
The Freedom of Expression: First Niconico live broadcast (Halloween) - First free half, 24th Oct 2021.
K: Welcome. We are starting our Niconico channel with this live broadcast tonight....Uh..Oh, yeh, Im Dir en grey's Kaoru. Its quite sudden, but Im wearing a different outfit than usual. I thought I might try wearing a costume, as its Halloween. What do you think? Ok, I'd better explain what we are going to do here. First of all, this show is The Freedom of Expression, usually broadcast on Youtube, but we are trying a live broadcast on Niconico this time. We will continue with the Youtube version, but we'll have a week off from it this week, and resume next Wednesday. This niconico channel will have an irregular scedule, but I'd like to do more live broadcasts here from now on, and try out lots of ideas we could do live. Well, Im the only one talking, but if I don't get help, we can't move forward, so I'll introduce the others now. Uh, the usual two. Ok, first..
J: Hello, Im Mr Kuidaore, happy to be here. At 53 years old, ????, but graduated from (Waseda?) University, yes, I'm Joe.
T: Next, I'm Tasai from Tokyo Sports, thanks for having me.
J: Tasai is embarrassed!
T: Well, yeh, but its Halloween, so lets do this.
J: Yeah, well, its a live broadcast, the atmosphere is a little different. The set has changed too, right?
K: Yeah, its not the place with that mysterios white wall we always have. We've come to the studio..theres a lot of stuff back there (behind the camera).
J: Yeah, there's a lot of equipment and specialist staff, its great.
T: Did we make it big?
J: Did we? Does this mean we made it?
T: It does, right?
J: That comment says 'The three of you outdid my expectations'. It looks as if this is going down well with everyone. Everyone, write what you think!
T: Yeah, write more.
J: Look, look, 'Great costumes'. We'll pick up more of your comments, so keep them coming.
T: Joe, you do niconama a lot, don't you?
J: Yeah, actually, Im doing another show for niconama on the weekend of the 31st as a totally different character. But today im going with this.
K: This is the real one.
J: This is the real one? I wonder which one is, haha. But I'm in a lot of niconama shows, so I'll be able to help in that regard today. Oh, yeh, so we are dressed up, right? Dir en grey have a live concert next week, don't they? Zepp Haneda on the 26th and 27th
K: Yeh, the day after tomorrow plus the following day.
J: You know, its close to Halloween..I was thinking about stopping by too, I was even thinking about going in costume.
J: And I thought how fun it would be if everyone wore a costume. What do you think, Leader? The world is a pretty dark place at the moment, right? The State of Emergency has lifted though, and we're allowed to have a little more fun now, so I've been wanting something to look forward to. So how about everyone going to see Dir in costume? What do you reckon? Its just an idea.
K: Yeah, thats ok.
J: Ohh, its ok?!
K: Well, there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
J: Oh! Tasai, you come wearing that too.
K: Joe, you have to wear this.
T: Joe, if go outside like that you'll be caught, haha.
J: Ahh, my worry is, if there is a disaster or an earthquake or something and we have to run outside like this. Its not actually Halloween today, the streets will be normal, right?If we went out like this, it would attract attention.
T: Ah, yeh.
K: Well, yeh, now it would. We're a bit early, aren't we?
J: Yes, very. Well, the 26th is a bit early, but everyone if you can..Leader says its ok to wear costume.
T: Oh, im excited.
J: Yeah, at the concert it would be fun.
K: Well, I'll tell the other members. Um, there's a few things that need explaining about today, so Joe, could you..?
J: Yes, I'll start with registering to the channel. Anyone can watch this first half of this for free. But! The second half is for members only. If you want to watch to the end, you will need to register as a member of the channel. If you register, you will be able to watch this live broadcast in the archive for one whole year.
T: Eh? It will be in the archive?
J: Yes, it will.
T: It will?! Oh no!
J: Yeh, if you search for 'Tokyo Sports' Tasai', this will come up.
T: Please, everyone, do not register!
J, K: Hahaha
K: People wanna keep watching this for the next year, right?
J: Yes, and aditionally, we will have special videos for members only.
J: Yes, if you aren't a member, you definitely can't see those, so..there is the one year archive, the second half for members only, and, as I just said, special videos for members only, so please do register, everyone. If you look at the top of the screen now, you can become a member by clicking on the blue link that has appeared.
K: Oh yeh, there it is.
J: Yes, please join. For those of you that do click this link, we will now show a sample screen of what happens. If you click, a screen will appear asking you to choose your payment method. Choose your prefered method, credit card, paypal etc, and then press the button to enter your payment details.
T: I'd like to read out some comments related to the theme, so please use the hashtag #TFOE .
J: Kaoru, what do you think of the comments?
K: Im looking at them, but it feels like you guys are saying all the stuff I have to say.
J: Yeh, there are a whole lot of comments coming. The comments help raise the tension for us. We can also get hints from the comments about new ideas to try, so please, everyone, send us your thoughts in the comments.
T: So we are also taking messages for the theme of 'first times'..funny or embarrassing stories, or first encounters with famous people...anything is ok, anything you'd want written in Tokyo Sports, so please send in your messages.
J: Anecdotes related to 'first time', right?
T: Oh, actually, I brought you two a souvenir today. Tokyo Sports is in the news recently..
J: Why? For fake news again?
T: No, not for fake news. For gyōza.
T: Tokyo Sports gyōza.
K: Haha, gyōza. What?...How?
T: Well, we thought about selling gyōza or tacoyaki or something, from now on. Haha
J: Where do gyōza fit in with a sports newspaper?
T: Well, this has gotten quite a good reaction on tv and in magazines etc, it seems quite popular. So, we are cooking some of them now, and I thought we could try them out in the second half of the show.
J: Oh, great. There are loads of gyōza emojis coming up in the comments.
T: Yeh, gyōza emojis.
J: Do they taste good though?
T: Well, we'll find out... Ah, the comments 'Tokyo Sports are branching out'..
J: 'I saw it, I saw it'
T: 'Much more garlic'. Ah, thats great, there are already people who've bought them.
J: There are? Were they good? We're gonna try them for the first time here, right?
K: Yeah, and beer. With gyōza, you need beer.
T: Can we drink beer? I wonder if we will?
K: It looks as if we probably will.
J, T: Ohhh!
J: Really? Can I drink it too?
K: Hm,maybe not you Joe.
J: Haha, yeh, its dangerous if I have it. But after we start the limited contents, I've a feeling I might be forgiven if i get carried away.
K: I get you.
T: Everyone's saying we should drink beer. Everyone watching should get beer ready too.
J: Yeah, someone wrote, 'Im drinking while watching', ahh, please do.
T: We could all do a toast together.
J: Yeah, lets do that in the second half.
T: It says, 'I wanna see Joe getting drunk', and 'I love tipsy Kaoru'.
J: Ah, yeah, they wanna see Kaoru get a bit drunk.
K: Haha. Well, it doesn't have to be beer, someone said they can't drink beer.
J: Oh, yes. Everyone just get a drink ready for the toast.
K: Well, ok, we've started The Freedom of Expression on niconama, but if we take another look at our surroundings, we can see its Halloween, right? The decor is cute.
J: Yeah, it is.
T: Have we had anything like this before?
K: We havn't! We've just been talking in front of that wall.
J: Even just this lifts the mood. Theres a curtain behind us too.
K: Its different, even just with this screen behind us its different.
J: Well, yeah, thats Niconama for you.
T: They are great.
J: Well, we are wearing costumes, so lets take turns to face the camera and explain our outfits. Lets start with our host, Kaoru. Tell us about your costume.
K: Well, its Sweeny Todd...well, what else can I say? I don't know.
T: Why did you want to do Sweeny Todd?
K: Well, as for doing some serious, outrageous costume...well, I don't want to give out spoilers, but we've just been on location before this, haven't we? So there wasn't much time, and I thought this would something I could pull off and still be scary.
J: I see. 'Is Kaoru Johnny Depp?'
T: Ah, it says 'lets have a close up of Kaoru!'
J: Cameraman, come closer. Wehhy, service shot! haha.
T:We got it!
J:We'll need a close up of Tasai too, in that case.
T: Oh, im sorry.
J: The comments are saying, 'Aghhh!'...So, it was what you could do in the time?
K: Yes. We really were just in time.
J: Yeah, we came in about 2 mins before going on air. Are there any details about your costume you could tell us?
K: Well, I ordered the clothes from the person who normally makes my clothes, and had them made.
J: You had them made?
T: Ehh? To size?
K: Yeah, well, they know.
T: Ah, it says 'It suits you'
K: And then I just put on white make up, and got my hair done by a pro.
K: It worked out somehow.
J: Well, yeh. It says, 'Kaoru is wonderful'
T: Someone wrote you should do Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
K: I'd probably need a wig for that, to get that smooth hair. I bet my head would get itchy. I did consider it.
T: Realistic, haha.
J: Oh, you considered it?
K: Well, yeah, something in that area. I watched a few Tim Burton movies.
T: Ah, cool.
J: Ok, next, Tasai, tell us about your costume. By the way, what is your costume?
T: What do you think this is, everyone? I wanna see the comments.
J: Strugging manga artist? Ah yeh
T: Manga artist, thats it!
T: Yes, its a Christine Goda/Jaiko costume.
K: Its the hair.
T: Yes, Jaiko has hair like this.
J: It will encourage ???
T: Yeh, but when I aimed for Jaiko, it kinda turned into Yasei Bakudan.
J: Ahh, I see.
T: Its supposed to be Jaiko.
J: But why the tracksuit?
T: Well, I had a lot of thoughts, but the outcome is Jaiko. At first I thought about Squid Game, so I bought the tracksuit, but that didn't seem very interesting. So I went with Jaiko.
J: People are noticing Shimokitazawa. Do you live there, Tasai?
T: Well, nearby. Haha. Well, thats me, what about you, Joe?
To top page To Part 2
For ace awareness week, I wanted to draw something self indulgent. Like my own personal awkward ace couple. 🖤🤍💜
Hope you all have a fantastic week!
guys help me out is it weird to find the occasional grey hair at 17 because my friends say yes but I've been finding them since I was four
Just finished dawn of the clans and holy shit that whole arc is so good. All the characters are so dynamic (especially for a warrior cats book) and I felt like each of them changed dramatically by the arcs end
There’s this big emphasis on the bittersweetness of life that I love, of them going through so much pain but finding reasons to keep not only living, but enjoying it
Grey Wing’s entire story was wonderful and I couldn’t help but cry when he had that realization about how much he truly loved everybody in his life while he was laying there dying. It’s just so wonderful. The way he fully adopted Turtle Tail’s kits and Thunder as his own was also wonderful, and I appreciate the series actually acknowledged that instead of the horror that was the way the handled it in po3.
Clear Sky owning up to his mistakes and being forced to live with them was also v good and while he will always be an asshole, I liked the way he finally finally at the end managed to fully own up to his mistakes without trying to excuse himself, and that made him a better person and leader
All in all it was just very good
Me when the rest of the station 19 crew started calling Ben Dad: Does that make Bailey their mom then?
Alright, have no fear. The Human Torch is here. What do we got? Doom, bank robbery, end of the world, Jean Grey's time of the month?
Your sister wants a word with you.
Just gonna pick up some milk real quick!
the grey-sloan we wanted vs. the grey-sloan we got.