this is Pan and his boy friend Gyle!
they may looks like just friend but these guys are so lovely couple
especially in night :)
It’s not often that Gary can’t sleep- or at least not without something else contributing besides general insomnia. Kyle’s sicknesses are a far more common cause- half out of solidarity, half because he can’t sleep through the other constantly having to blow his nose and shifting for comfort. The other man dragged that second reason out of Gary once. Apparently just wanting to help the stubborn saint take care of himself wasn’t good enough reason alone. Nevertheless, that isn’t now. Now, Gary is laying in the dark, face half buried in the mess of curls that he was personally so fond of. Pressed as close as he can reasonably get without just piling on top of the other. Feeling just a tiny little bit of heartache.
Amanda, bless her soul, had done
everything in her power to keep in contact with him. Which at first,
wasn’t much. Eleven year olds didn’t have much power. Granted, two
eleven year olds fared a little better. Ike would help ferry letters
between the two of them before they were able to figure out better. And
they did in time. As soon as she turned fifteen, Ams found herself a job
and got a pay-as-you-go phone that she kept carefully hidden from their
Their parents. Ah, right. That was probably why he wasn’t sleeping right now. The rest of his family. His other three siblings who had stopped talking to him. (He had no idea what Mark thought what with him having moved back to Salt Lake, Jenny had been the nastiest about it out of anyone, and Dave had seemed… mostly reluctant and confused.) And his parents who had been shocked and disappointed and had tried to talk him out of ‘pursuing it’. But armed with the knowledge that Kyle liked him back, with the money that was originally supposed to go to things like his mission and college under his full control, Gary had gone through with 'it’ anyway. Their response was every bit the nightmare he’d feared it would be. Tossed out. Disowned. Excommunicated.
Gary nuzzled further into Kyle’s hair, choking down the sound that threatened to disrupted the night’s peace. He was capable of handling this alone. Also, perhaps, was the fact that he didn’t particularly feel like crying. Whether it was justified or not, he didn’t want to cry. Deep breaths. He’d made the right decision. God was on his side and one day the rest of the Church would see that too.
Unless of course, he was completely wrong. Unless he’d been given some challenge to overcome and failed spectacularly based purely on his own hubris. Unless that feeling of clarity he’d gotten at first as he untangled his thoughts was fake. Bait he’d taken hook line and sinker and… He dug his fingers into Kyle’s nightshirt, trying to buckle down and clear his head. He’d come to this conclusion so carefully and slowly. Spent months mulling it over, weighing every single option and idea. Studying scripture as hard as he ever had, talking to people online in anonymity at the library, and just… observing the world around him. His entire high school career dating Annie. A very short time dating Neleh, a woman who had very firmly convinced him that his parents had no idea what made a good partner. Or perhaps that they didn’t care, so long as he was with a Mormon woman. And then now, years dating Kyle and being genuinely happy and comfortable.
Yes, he was stretching the rules right now. Living with him was… Unwise. Okay, he was being soft on himself. This was breaking the rules- but he had every intention of marrying Kyle. When Kyle was ready. At least they weren’t having unwed sex. The idea of sex with him though… pleasant distraction. Shame he couldn’t risk indulging himself when he was already indulging himself in other categories. God was forgiving and Gary was usually quite good. Mostly. Gary figured the occasional sin was just a part of being human. He wasn’t going to let himself get lax with the rules purely because there wasn’t anyone looking over his shoulder anymore however. No more than he’d ever been anyway.
Gary loosened his grip quickly when Kyle stirred, trying to think if he’d done anything to wake the other man up. Although… Nothing came to mind. He didn’t even end up fulling waking anyway, grumbling nonsense and turning around to press himself against Gary’s chest and tangle their legs together. The blond waits until he’s sure he isn’t going to wake up his red headed boyfriend before he runs his hand over his hair. Not through. As much as he enjoyed that, it was too easy to cause tangles doing that. …And also get his hand caught in said tangles. Which would be very counter-intuitive to his mission of not waking Kyle up.
It’s a matter of being considerate. Kyle would likely cheer him up immensely if they were to talk. He’s sweet, fiery, stubborn. Quick and very dry witted. They’ve gone over all of this already. Repeatedly. Except for the marriage thing anyway. Back to the point, Kyle always managed to reassure Gary that he’d in no way made any kind of mistake. He deserved to be happy, God would want him to be happy. Life was not just about sitting there and being miserable and doing 'God’s will’. His family should have supported him like Amanda supported him. Like the Broflovskis as a whole supported him. They weren’t his birth family, but they were his family. Sheila in particular made absolutely sure that Gary was aware of that. Ike was every bit his little brother as Amanda was his little sister. If anything did come between he and Kyle (good heavens he hoped that would never come to pass), they would still be his family to some degree.
man had this way of making him feel like there was nothing to be afraid
of sometimes. Like he had when he was young and far more sure of himself
than he was now. Kyle is real too, strangely real under his hands. In
his ears and eyes. It’s hard to explain properly how much more whole he
feels in his presence. The presence of a saint. His saint.
Gary has no idea how. Despite the sheer number of people out there in the same situation he’s in, he feels like a pioneer. No maps, no roads, no clear set of rules. Just an idea, a place. The place. He knows in his heart they’re going to get to Heaven. He will put in whatever effort it might take to get them there.
It’s not exactly something he had planned. Or, maybe not exactly like this, exactly.
got the SUV for getting a predictably amazing score on his SATs. It’s
the cherry on top of his incredible grades that could take him basically
anywhere. He celebrated with his friends first. He didn’t want to talk
about it though, when Gary asked. So he didn’t press. He did however
think it was fitting to invite Kyle out for what would hopefully be a
Finding a drive-in theater had proved to be a pain, and maybe it’d been a stupid idea when the spring chill had yet to let up. But they’d worked it out anyway. Never let it be said that the two young men weren’t stubborn.
Only for Gary to find himself too distracted to watch the movie.
situation is insanely cozy. Dark but not totally; they’re piled in with
plenty of blankets and pillows. And darn it all to heck, but Kyle is
stunning. Gary can just barely catch flashes of the dark green of Kyle’s
eyes (left one specifically but that’s semantics) when the movie screen
gets bright. He feels warm and safe and… in private.
“Can I kiss you?”
question slips out like water through loose fingers. Naturally, but the
blond is frozen stiff after. Terrified of a dozen different things at
Rejection. Acceptance. Questions. Sinning. Isolation. The future. The present. His parents. Himself. Kyle. Other people overhearing. Never being able to open his mouth again.
Seconds pass so he has plenty of time to messily overthink everything.
Kyle stares in the time he wastes not responding. “Huh?”
“I- I’m sorry,” he rushes out, “I shouldn’t have-”
“You’re- you want to-?”
“No! No, of course-”
Gary feels himself blink. “…Wait, what?”
“Yeah. You can kiss me.” Kyle sits up on his elbow, expression setting into stone as he leaned in.
Gary’s eyes flick back and forth between Kyle’s determined eyes and his relaxed lips.
Up, down, up, down, down. Down.
He licks his lips. “Yes. Alright.”
the LDS teen leans close, his heart is pounding. It would be a lie to
say he hasn’t thought about this. Dreamt about it. Prayed for answers he
didn’t entirely believe when he got them. That gentle familiar warmth
of ‘right’ that he’d gotten as familiar with as possible since he turned
It was a sin to lie.
He’d been doing a lot of lying, he thinks.
only closes his eyes when he’s sure he hasn’t missed, but Kyle isn’t so
hesitant. It’s a magical sight, watching them slide closed. Gary hopes
he’s got it committed to memory by the time he let’s his sight go dark
Kyle’s lips are warm. Mostly soft. A little dry. A little sticky from the movie snacks they bought. Also sweet. They don’t kiss hard but Gary let’s it drag on and on. The dialogue of the movie does spoil the 'Time has Stopped’ effect, but it still has those overtones. It’s a… what did Ams call it? A mood.
that he chases after the other teen like a needy dog when he starts
pulling back, Gary does at least restrain himself from climbing on top
of the other man. That’s definitely a sin and, far worse yet, likely
pushing Kyle past his comfort zone.
laughs quietly, keeping him close with his hands fisted onto his jean
jacket’s lapels. “Uh, you’re cool. …Where’d that come from?”
He opens his mouth before processing the question. “O-Oh. You mean the
kiss? Right.” Gary chewed his lip for a few minutes. It was actually a
complicated question. Did the other only mean now? Or the cumulative
things leading up to this moment?
you want to kiss me all of the sudden?” Kyle presses with an eager
little smile. Gary doesn’t actually mind the impatience. It’s better
that he not be allowed to run circles in his head, this being one of the
only subjects that he couldn’t just shut down with willpower.
It wasn’t all of the sudden,” Gary says casually. This voice doesn’t
match how heavy the confession makes his heart feel. How real his
situation is becoming.
“Really? …How long have you wanted to do that?” They’ve both forgotten the movie now.
That’s… not a simple question either.
“I… It’s hard to say? Longer than I was honestly… aware of, probably?”
of Kyle’s brows raise. The look is settled somewhere between curious
and a touch judgemental. “Okay, how did you figure it out then?”
heavens. There is no one exact moment, in Gary’s humble opinion. Steps
both forward and backward. He tries to pinpoint a breaking point though.
“It was… a couple… no, a month ago. Less maybe? I just realized that everything I was doing… Every decision I’ve been making has been revolving around you.”
“Like what?” He can
feel Kyle’s finger tracing his collarbones. The curly haired teen looks
smitten. It’s the first time he’s worn that look when he knew Gary was
“…Like wearing cologne anytime I
know I’ll see you. Dressing up more cause it makes you look at me more.
Like putting up with Stan.”
Kyle snorts, “That’s cute dude.”
“Thanks.” Gary presses into his space again, pressing a kiss on his jaw. Purely to feel warmth on his lips again.
The recipient hums and Gary can feel it down to his flipping toes. “So… What now?”
Don’t know.” His heart is going to explode, and he’s starting to
breathe a bit fast. The blond tries to pull away but Kyle keeps him
“Why? …You’re not with Annie anymore so can’t we-?”
my parents find out… Christ above preserve me, I don’t know what’s
going to happen. …I want to think nothing.” He can’t meet Kyle’s eyes,
so he looks at the big screen out the trunk door. It’s a cruddy view
laying on his side like this.
“Oh.” The disappointment is there but the anger is greater. It would be. “That’s bullshit Gary.”
“It’s not that simple Kyle.”
“Is too. You’re their kid. They should back you up no matter what they think.”
we talk about this more another time? I want to- but I’m not… I’m not
really ready yet.” He thinks about pulling further away. Kyle’s grip
isn’t so tight anymore so he probably will let him. Yet… Yet it’s sort
of more comforting nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Dizzying, but
nothing is perfect here.
Kyle pouts, he barely sees it as he dives in. After about a minute, Gary can feel him nodding.
“…Is this okay?” He’s blushing and sick, but he doesn’t want to move.
“Yeah. If you’re okay.” The guy responds hesitantly. But he still wiggles in closer, squeezes his arm around the wider pair of shoulders. Head seated firmly on top of Gary’s.
He can feel the curls. Darn, he’s on the
verge of having a heart attack, though he’s happy. Under the shallow,
human panic. This is freaking comfortable.
Maybe it’s not possible. There’s just enough evidence on each side that Gary really isn’t sure he can be sure for once. By the will of their Heavenly Father above though…. He wants to take Kyle with him to Heaven.
It’s not that Kyle doesn’t enjoy watching TV with Gary. He does and always has- since they started hanging out in high school anyway. They’ve got a few series they’ve both binged start to finish. Mainly medical and crime dramas that Stan didn’t happen to ever watch to watch with him.
But he’d seen this episode before, obviously. They both had. Yet Gary was just sitting there all enraptured when they could’ve been doing literally anything else! Kyle starts simple. A poke here, a quiet, annoyed ‘Gary’ there. Then more: small pushes, hand squeezing, fussing with his perfectly done hair. That last one obviously got on Gary’s nerves. His eyes squinted every time Kyle was doing it, but Kyle was allowed to get away with it as always. Besides a scowl though, Gary ignored everything. Kyle could feel a scowl of his own forming.
Last ditch attempt came as the commercials ended for the third time. Throwing his leg over the other’s, Kyle straddled Gary’s meticulously ironed tan slacks.
Light brown eyes went wide with surprise for a grand total of two seconds before Gary switched over to looking annoyed. “Kyle?! Temperance is about to find out what happened to her mother!!”
“We already know what happened Gary,“ Kyle groaned back, leaning forward to catch his boyfriend’s lips.
The hand that got placed over his mouth, while also soft, was not what the young man had wanted at all. Kyle felt his eyebrows stitch together and he let out a muffled, “What the fuck?!“
Gary jerked his hand back again, brows jumping up and eyes getting wide all over again. “Oh gosh, Kyle I- I- Oh I’m so sorry, I just-“
He was still peeved. They’d been at this for years now. But Gary still had… moments and days where his knee jerk response could get even a little hostile. Hostile for Gary anyway, which mostly involved isolating himself and brutal snipping. He couldn’t be honestly pissed with the cause behind that in mind. So Kyle feels his shoulders drop and he huffs through his nose. “Do you want me off?“ he asks, cutting Gary off.
“No!“ Gary’s hands shoot up to his arms, holding the other in place despite the fact that the red head hadn’t tried to move at all.
His lip twitched up but he wasn’t going to act like some spoiled kid who’d just gotten their way. “’Kay. Am I just gonna sit here then or…?“
“Art typically does.“ A sheepish smile creeps over Gary’s face. The smile is almost instinctive even now. Gary still throws it on in place of irritation, confusion, panic, even sadness sometimes. This is one of the third type- twitchy and crooked and wide eyed.
“I didn’t realize a guy could get so rough with art.” Kyle smirks, hoping offhandedly that he isn’t being stupid by pressing and flirting.
Gary turns scarlet in an instant and laughs like a squeaky toy. “Right yeah, well uhm… You’re obviously an interactive piece.”
Kyle leans just a little closer again, “Your favorite piece?“
“Heaven’s above! Of course you are!“ Gary’s hands take both sides of Kyle’s face. Thumbs stroking his jaw and cheeks. “What kind of a question is that?“
“The ‘I wanted to hear you say it’ kind.“
Gary laughs again but this time it’s softer. A good match to the way his eyes have turned into melted caramel. “You’re absolutely my favorite, my beautiful saint.“
I’m coloring Gyle’s establishing page today. Who’s Gyle, you ask?
Let me just say I can already hear all you homos screaming PLEASE STEP ON ME and RIP MY GAY ASS
His name may still be changed, but got another ref down
Red letter day
It’s been a while since I’ve written in this, which we all know isn’t good for my stress. That’s the whole reason I got this stupid thing, right? Not just because your classmates were keeping diaries and you wanted to fit in? Right? Right.
So what’s been going on? Well, aside from the abysmal winter semester dragging on for what felt like ages, and mom and dad getting increasingly bolder about their nosiness into my life, I’ve managed to scrape together a number of competent and not-terrible-looking pieces for my assignments. They’re functional, well-constructed (according to my thesis adviser), and I’d go so far as to say, pretty damned impressive considering how many setbacks I’ve had this year. That having been said, finals are upon us and I am FREAKING OUT.
Kahapon, nanlibre si gile ng sine kase nga nagbday sya kaya yun nalate ang librehan ng ilang days hahahahahahaha edi yun nga umuna nako sa sm nun kahapon kase maaga rin ako pinalabas. Di umuwi muna ako para magbihis nagpaganda char nagpamango at lahat lahat. So yun maaga nga ako sa sm kaya nagpunta muna ako sa quantum para maglaro nung mga fish naubos php50 ko e. Hahahahahahha tapos yun nasa sm na daw sila. Pinuntahan nila ako sa quantum. Pagpunta nya nakita kong suot nya rin yung damit nyang binili n may design na letter G. Eh pinabili nya rin ako ng ganon para daw couple kame. Hahahahahahha kahit sa damit man lang couple. Lols tas yun nakita ko na sya nun kaso nagkunwari akong d ko napansin. Napangiti pko nun bgla kase parehas nga namen suot yung damit hahahahahahahah mejo nhhya pako tumabi lols. Tas yun 4 nagstart yung movie n paper towns hahahahahha so yun, tabi kame tas hati kame sa popcorn. As usual. Pang agaw lage sa mga cheese n popcorn hahahahha tas yun masaya naman kahit nakakainis yung movie . Bitin tapos d man lang nagkatuluyan hahahahahaha bah yan. D ko rn naman nabasa ang book nun kaya hnd ko alam n ganon mangyayare hahahahahaha tas yun maaga natapos movie kaya uli uli sa sm. larong basketball. N talo naman ako. Kaurat hahahahahah hnd nako nanalo sa taong yun hahahahahahha tas yun sbe ko sakanila nga ako tutulog kase gusto ko makabawi at nung mga nakaraang araw ay puro away , ayaw ko naman n ganon kme. Syempre hahahahahah basta tas yun hays. Feeling ko magdamag ata ako naka hug sakanyan HAHAHAHAHAHAH d ko matandaan e. Ang init nya pa. D ko alam kng bakit hahahahahaha tas yun sarap lang sa pakiramdam pag ganon. Tas yun sabay kame nagpabatangas kanina kase may training sya at paschool dn ako para sa thesis namen, tas basta. Ang sarap ikwento lahat ng nangyare kaso mahaba naman hahahahahahahahahha sobrang saya ko lang. Namiss ko to
DOUBTFUL AS DOUBLE
This is our parody of One Direction’s One Way or Another for our bestfriend, Gyle. We chose to make this because it was her 17th birthday last April 30 and she’s a big fan of One Direction. So guys, hope you like :)
By the way, I’m also a fan of 1D. Haha just sharin’ :))