#haha Tumblr posts

  • So, first of all, thank you for reading this haha. I expect only people who care a little will read this fully, and it makes me feel nice. Then : panic attacks. I’ve had them for a while now, and anyone who had one one day can agree with me I think : it’s fuckin’ awful haha. Anxiety attack, you can sort of control. You can sort of know when it’s gonna hit you. I’ve had those, it’s ok even when you’re alone. But panic attacks ? It really sucks when you’re on your own (which I always am lately…), it’s hard to know how to stop it, how to calm down, It just jumps on you out of nowhere and doesn’t wanna let you go. I’ve had a lot of rather “violent” ones at school lately (the only time I leave my house hahahaha), that scared peeps and resulted in a few trip to the ER. I just realize I’m making this sound much worst than it is…I’m sorry if I sound like I’m whining, as well, it’s all a bit difficult to explain in words. It’s nothing bad, it’s actually really just my mind playing tricks on my body, but tricks that work so well that my body reacts as if it’s going to shut down, if I make sense ? It’s bad on the moment, but except on the mind, there is no long lasting effects. 

    So continuing from the panic attack subject : I’ve had quite a few of those lately because I just started therapy and for some reason it stresses me out a lot, and I’ve been getting even worst and isolating myself more than ever (to the point I’m pretty sure I only talked to the people at the hospital………and online haha my only anchor to reality !)…BUT, as odd as it might sound, I view this as a positive thing. I have a lot of friends and family members who went through really tough time mental health wise, and they all say there’s a rather big “crash” before you get better. The good ol’ “it’s gonna get much worst, until it gets better”, if that makes sense ? Maybe it doesn’t…But yes. I’m not losing hope or anything, “after the rain, the sun comes out” or something like that haha. Also there’s always ups and downs, that’s just, unfortunately, how any mental health issue go. I was very excited and happy last week, and this week was just a little harder, but I think it’ll be ok. 

    So now last topic : story update. I haven’t had time to write at all, given the circumstances, but I have a few stories that are almost done. I am truly hoping I’ll get time soon, probably around Christmas vacation, to just post a bunch of stuffs :). To give you a number, I have about a dozen story almost ready to be posted (I always write more than one at a time). Ok. Bear with me guys, I’m getting there…Thanks for anyone who sticks around even when I don’t really update and just sometimes post some Batfam headcanon, I’m sorry, and see you soon. Thank you. Again. Truly means a lot. Sorry for this personal boring ramble, last time I’ll post something about it. I just thought…Yeah. That a little update couldn’t hurt, and…ok. I’m going to go hide away in my bed now. I must admit I’m a little ashamed about this update, for diverse reasons, but I still felt like it was…something I should post ? I don’t know. Ok. See you.

    #(this ended up #being much longer than I planned..) #I had to rewrite this post four times to find the right words #haha #to try and not #sound too dramatic #while still saying the truth #because I know the people #who donated to my GoFundMe are #around and I wanna keep them updated #but also because that's something I always did #keep y'all updated about #posting times #maybe I didn't talk about my personal life as much #but unfortunately lately mentally wise it has been quite a ride #so I had to give #a few words #sorry...Last time I talk about it #ok done...
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  • #Trippy.Tube I Think I’ve Got This With Chip Chapley - Episode 10 “A Case For Space”

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