Harley: how did you guys even find me?
Tony & Peter: we followed the explosion
Harley: how did you guys even find me?
Tony & Peter: we followed the explosion
Peter: I'm going to call it "Love"!
Harley: Did you just bite me?!
Harley: You bit me!
Harley: You fucking bit me!
Peter: THIS IS LOVE!
Now that I am a bit caught up with fics I would like to remind people that I am still doing the bingo prompts so don't be afraid to send in request from the following cards that are linked below!
Harley on tinder after matching with someone who said speaking French is a plus
Tinder bro: sup, what're you up to today?
Harley: Hola, Estudio por universidad - Y tu?
Harley: oh fuck that was Spanish
Harley: je parle francaise aussi
Loki: You know, the only one of your siblings I actually like is Morgan.
Peter: What's your problem with the others?
Loki: well, Harley, for starters, always threatens me with a potato gun whenever he visits.
Loki: Those robots, Dum-E and Butterfingers, I'm fairly sertain, are planning my painful death.
Loki: That sentient cloak is way too protective of you whenever it's around me.
Loki: And Nebula is just overall scary.
Peter: Okay, that's fair
Read on ao3
It started about a month ago. At least that was when she first noticed it. Peter had come home for dinner, actually using the front door, which was weird enough already. What made it worse was that when she asked about his after school Spider-Manning, which she always did, he froze up before responding like normal. May tried to ignore his reaction. She figured if it was something important, he would talk to her about it eventually.
As they ate, she noticed that he also didn’t seem to want to talk about himself at all, which was a tad suspicious. He then practically ran to his bedroom as soon as they finished eating. At first she had written it off as a bad day and tried to ignore it, but then it started to be a reoccurring problem.
Needless to say, May was beginning to worry quite a bit. Ever since that day, every time she would ask Peter about Spider-Man, he would immediately become extremely awkward and stutter through a response before attempting to change the subject completely. The weird part was that other than that, Peter seemed to be happier than she had seen him in years.
She really didn’t want to do anything to jinx this streak of happiness, Peter certainly deserved a break from the pain and suffering he has gone through, but clearly there was something going on that he wasn’t telling her. That something also clearly was related to Spider-Man somehow. The only problem was how she was going to figure out what it was. Peter had made it fairly clear that he wasn’t going to tell her. She had tried to push him on the subject a few times with no luck. He somehow always managed to successfully change the subject.
At one point, she decided to try looking in other places for information. She pulled up several news sites that she recalled mentioning Spider-Man before in the hopes that maybe there would be something useful there. Unfortunately, there had been no recent mentions of him at all recently.
Finally one day while Peter was at school, she had an idea. If it was superhero related, who would Peter be most likely to talk to about it? Tony Stark, and she just so happened to have his phone number. Quickly, she pulled her cell phone out and pushed the call button. It rang a few times before he picked up.
“May!” Tony’s surprised voice rang through the speakers on her phone, “What’s going on, you never call me.”
“I wanted to ask you about Peter,” She responded. She paused for a moment, not entirely sure how to explain the situation to him. In hindsight, she probably should’ve thought about that before calling.
“Is Peter okay?” Tony asked, his voice suddenly filled with concern. It made May happy to hear how much he clearly cared about her nephew, even if he wouldn’t admit it in those words.
“Actually, I was hoping you could tell me,” May began, hoping she wasn’t wasting her time. “He keeps dodging the subject every time I mention Spider-Man. I don’t suppose you would know of any reason why he would be doing that.” Okay, maybe that last sentence came out a bit more accusatory than she had intended, but she was worried, and getting increasingly frustrated about the situation. If there was something that they were hiding from her, she had a right to be upset about it.
“Not that I can think of, to be honest I haven’t seen the kid in a while. I can pull up the stats from his suit and make sure he hasn’t been hiding any injuries or something though, if that’ll make you feel better.” May immediately agreed. She wasn’t sure if she should be happy that Tony wasn’t helping Peter hide something, or even more frustrated again because he didn’t know what was going on with her kid either. After a few moments of silence, where May assumed he was looking up whatever he needed to, she heard his voice again.
“That can’t be right,” Tony said quietly, sounding extremely confused. Before May could ask what he meant, he spoke again. “May how often would you say Peter had been going on patrol, in, let’s say the past month?”
“Almost every day, why?” She asked, confused as to where this was going. Briefly, she heard Tony curse under his breath. What was wrong?
“FRI, please tell the lovely May here what you just told me.”
“According to Karen’s reports, Mr. Parker has only put on the Spider-Man suit a total of two times in the past 30 days.” The slightly robotic voice calmly stated. May was not happy to hear that information. If he hasn’t been wearing his suit, then what the hell has he been doing when she thinks he’s out as Spider-Man.
“Well that’s just great,” She exclaimed, now pacing around the living room. “He’s not dodging my questions about Spider-Man because something happened that I should be worried about, he’s dodging my questions because he’s lying to me about where he’s been going.” Tony had the audacity to laugh at her anger. “Don’t you laugh about this Stark.”
“I’m sorry,” He said, clearly still laughing. “Just ask him where he’s really been going. I mean, it’s gotta be something he enjoys more than Spider-Man, which I wasn’t aware was possible. Maybe the kids got a girlfriend?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, he would tell me about something like that.” Wouldn’t he?
“Oh, because he tells you everything?” Tony teased, and she just hung up. She got the information she needed from him, she didn’t need to listen to his sarcasm. Checking the time, she realized that it wasn’t too long before Peter usually came home. As soon as he got back, she would confront him about where he’s really been going after school and on the weekends.
Peter apparently had other plans. At first she wasn’t too concerned about that, because it was a Friday night. If there was any day that it was normal for him to be a tad late coming home, it was Friday. Even so, it was a couple hours after he usually arrived back when he finally walked through the door. He wasn’t technically out past curfew, but any later and he would have been. Clearly he hadn’t seen her right away and was quickly walking towards his bedroom as soon as he was inside. If she didn’t know any better, she would say it looked like he was trying to sneak in, but if that was the case, he would’ve gone in through his window.
“Not so fast there buddy.” May said, standing there with her arms crossed, causing Peter to jump.
“Hey May,” He started, his hand moving to scratch at his neck nervously, adjusting the collar of his shirt slightly as he did so. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Mmhmm. How was patrol?” She asked pointedly, hoping he would notice her tone, and realize that she knew. It would save him a lot of trouble.
“Oh, it was good, nothing too interesting.”
“Oh really?” She asked incredulously. He was clearly starting to get nervous.
“Yep.” He answered quickly. He shifted awkwardly, causing the collar of his shirt to move from where he had adjusted it before and that was when she saw it. There was a decently sized bruise covering the part of his neck where it met his shoulder. Maybe Tony had been right about hiding a girlfriend from them. She pretended not to notice it at first.
“Any injuries at all I need to worry about?”
“Really? Then what’s that on your neck?” Immediately, Peter’s face began to turn red. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, with no words coming out. She let him stand there stuttering awkwardly for a moment before talking again as a form of minor revenge for making her worry so much.
“Except I know that can’t be from your Spider-Manning because I had a wonderful conversation with our good friend Tony Stark earlier, and he told me that you’ve only been out twice in the past month.” Peter honestly looked absolutely terrified. “Tony seems to think you’ve got a girlfriend, which seemed ridiculous at the time, but seeing that thing on your neck, I’m not so sure it is. So I’m gonna ask you this one time Peter, and I want the truth. Where have you been going?” Of all of the reactions she had been expecting, it hadn’t been this. As soon as she finished talking, Peter started crying and began to repeatedly apologize.
“I’m so sorry May, I know I should’ve told you, but I was scared, which is stupid, but I just don’t know how you’re going to react. I really didn’t mean to lie to you for so long, and I am so so sorry. I know I should’ve told you what was going on sooner, and I know you won’t be that mad but it still scares me and…” “Peter, I need you to tell me what’s going on.” May interrupted, realizing that Peter was starting to talk in circles and wasn’t really getting anywhere. She pulled him down to sit next to her on the couch. “Just tell me, whatever it…”
“I was with my boyfriend.” Peter suddenly blurted out, interrupting her sentence. As soon as he said it, his hand flew up to cover his mouth, and he seemed to feel about as surprised at his own words as May did. She stared at him for a few moments, blinking as she processed what he had just said.
“Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?” May asked him after a few seconds.
“I’m sorry, I know I should have, it’s just, I never really told you that I wasn’t straight, and I didn’t know how you would react. I know it’s stupid, because obviously you don’t have a problem with it. I just didn’t know how to tell you, and I kept getting too nervous at the last second any time I wanted to bring it up.” She let him ramble for a second before pulling him into a hug, which he immediately accepted. Pulling away, she looked at him for a moment, thankful he had stopped crying.
“So tell me about this boyfriend.” When Peter didn’t respond right away, she decided to ask something more specific. “What’s his name?” “Harley.” Peter responded quietly, looking down at his hands.
“That’s a nice name. You got a picture of this Harley kid?” Peter smiled and pulled out his phone. As soon as he turned the screen on she saw the picture. It was a selfie of two boys smiling happily at the camera. One of them was obviously Peter, who seemed to be the one taking the photo. The other was a slightly taller, blonde boy, who had his arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulder. As she was looking at the photo that was clearly Peter’s lockscreen, a text notification came through, and she saw a glimpse of it.
Harles <3: Did you make it home okay? Usually you text me by now…
There must have been more than that, but that was all she could see in the brief notification that popped up. Peter pulled his phone back and typed something, probably in response to his boyfriend, before putting his phone away.
“You two look cute together.” She said looking at her nephew with a small smile. He looked so happy. Peter blushed slightly at her statement. “Obviously he makes you happy, and he’s clearly worried for your safety, so I can almost forgive him for that.” She finished, pointing at the now obvious hickey that was on Peter’s neck. He blushed even deeper as his hand quickly flew up to cover his neck.
May laughed at his reaction as she walked out of the room to go to bed. She felt much better now that she knew what was going on, and she couldn’t say she blamed him for not telling her right away. Sure, she was still a bit upset that he had lied about where he was, but she also understood how hard coming out like that was for him.
A few days later, May hadn’t been thinking much about the whole situation anymore. Briefly, she thought about how it might be a good idea to tell Tony what had happened, since she had pulled him into this mess. He might like to know that there was nothing to worry about. She walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, but froze dead in her tracks at what she heard as she passed Peter’s bedroom.
“I think I’m gonna tell Harley about Spider-Man.” What? She knew Peter had been pretty happy with this Harley boy, but she hadn’t realized that the relationship was already that serious.
“I’m serious Ned, I love him. I don’t just wanna keep lying about it.” Okay. Definitely that serious. Without thinking that much, she burst into Peter’s room, causing him to jump and almost drop his phone.
“I want to meet Harley.” She stated before he got a chance to say anything.
“I gotta go, I’ll call you back.” He said into the phone before setting it down, and turning his full attention to May. “What?”
“Harley. Your boyfriend. Clearly it’s a pretty serious relationship, so I want to meet him.” Peter stared at her for a few moments.
“Okay?” He answered, still looking a bit startled by her sudden entrance.
“Invite him over for dinner this weekend.” She finished before walking out of the room. Now seemed as good a time as any to call Tony back, while she was still thinking about it. She got the glass of water she had originally come out to get before going back to her room and selecting the contact. As usual, it rang a couple times.
“Hey May.” Tony began. “You figure out what’s going on with Peter yet?”
“Yes I did. You were almost right. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, but he does have a boyfriend.” Tony was silent on the other end for a while so she added. “Kid came home the other night with a massive hickey on his neck too. Made the conversation slightly awkward.” At that, Tony started to laugh.
“Really?” He asked, still laughing. “Way to call the poor kid out.”
“He shouldn’t have lied to me.” May said, chuckling slightly as well. “I’m meeting the boy this weekend so hopefully that goes well. Just thought you might like to know what was going on after our last talk.”
“I do appreciate this information, thank you.” She hung up the phone after that. Now she just had to wait for this weekend and she could meet this Harley kid who had stolen her nephews heart.
morgan: i apologize for the inconvenience, but i'm afraid we are no longer taking reservations
harley:...did you just uninvite me from your birthday party because i wouldn't get you a juice box??
Ok but was this not a gay love story about Peter Parker and Harley Keener ??
Harley: I’m sick of holding this phone to my ear I think I’m gonna buy a headset
Peter: Just tape it to your head
Peter: That also works for carrying a baby
Peter: Tape it to your head and you can go play golf
Tony: Am I having a stroke?
Harley: We’ve been friends for 21 years
Tony: That’s not possible
Harley: It is, I count in dog years cos Peter’s a bitch
“Are you implying something, Mister Osborn?” Ross asked, straightening his back against the hard material of his chair.
“I’m not implying anything.” Harry said sweetly.
“Wonderful, gentlemen -.” Kathy smiled a tight lipped smile between the three of them - Fisk silent but leering and Ross fuming.
“I’m stating a fact. My father had bribed you and god knows how many other members of the cabinet to turn the other way while he was running unsanctioned tests on human subjects without FDA approval. But,” Harry tilted his head, his artfully styled hair barely moving from it’s seat on top of his head, golden in the studio lights. “I’m sure you and Mayor Fisk have a little deal like that too.”
Irondad prompt :
Kind of related to another prompt of mine, which I'll link if I remember to.
Basically, the kids got dusted and Tony grew older. When they're back, people are like "oh how nice of your grandpa to take you out" and Tony's like "fucking ouch", you know? Erm. Yeah that's all I got. I figure Harley would make fun of him, Peter'd try to comfort him and Morgan would just childishly tell the people off for being wrong. Tony though, no idea.
Harley: I’m a reverse hypochondriac I just ignore everything, and hope it’ll go way eventually.
Peter: Yeah, me too. One time I went blind for two minutes after the rhino body slams me into a brick building and I said nothing
Stephen: I’m sorry, you did what?!?!?!