Is it weird that I miss someone that I never knew? I dream of people that died before I was born. I never knew them but still my heart hurts for them. I feel love for them, even when I never heard their voices. I hope someday I’ll get to meet them.
We were exactly the same you and I. We both wanted each other but we were both too hurt to let one another in. So we pushed each other away. Made one another hurt more. Then we both stayed awake at night, wondering why the other didn’t want us.
https://open.spotify.com/track/2C1OU4tDuqj0sMQoQOLyl2?si=jBXaL5j8R5Gb7RlpJkiTKg Pretty much how I’m feeling
Journal Entry 43
January 24th, 2021
Song of the Day: feel again by Jovan Perez
My dad is still being an asshole so that’s great. I can expect him to be like this for at least the next couple of days. It makes me so angry how self-centered he gets and how the littlest things can set him off. I bet thats how he felt being with me. I can understand why he left.
I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up over and over again. I had another dream about him, but I can’t remember what it was about. I don’t understand why they’re coming back now when I haven’t had them in a while. On the weekends I get paranoid I guess because he could be out doing anything. I’m worried he’s going to start drinking more often than he should because he’s never really drank before in his life. I know his friends are taking good care of him though. Alexis will make him happy.
Sometimes I still can’t believe that the last time I saw him was THAT night. It really does make me feel sometimes like he finally got what he wanted and dipped. His personality and character don’t reflect that, but a part of me still definitely feels that way.
Anyways, I have homework to do. Ive felt really lonely lately. I miss my siblings and my mom and dad.
Ive been rewatching parts of AOT with my brother… the newest episode comes out today and I’m screaming I’m so excited!
I need to do Bible study.
Yes I have the same song of the day as yesterday. No I do not take criticism. its very well produced and the vocals are immaculate, plus its sad just like me.
Update:
unbelievable. My father is unbelievable. He just told my step mom that he doesn’t love her anymore and that he doesn’t care about this family. It’s one thing after another that just keeps happening. I feel horrible for her. She’s so kind and caring and the BEST influence on him ever and he’s letting her go because of his own insecurities and doubts. I very heavily dislike how similar my dad and I are in that aspect. I know how it hurts everyone around me when I do that cause I’ve experienced first-hand, yet I haven’t figured out a way to stop doing it. Frustrating as hell.
Do not rely on people and you will eventually become independent. The least you will expect from people, the more you will be happy. Expectations lead to hurt breaks.
i’m thinking ‘bout how i wanna be with you
