sometimes you fall in love with someone you shouldn’t fall in love with #empty #station #waiting #noone #heartache
FA,
I fell in love with the way you never let the passage of time or absence of contact make us any less close or our conversations any less fun or meaningful.
- MD
i can't fucking believe you really did that. i thought we could work through this but you didn't even want to try, or even care. i still love you, as much as it hurts to know you don't feel the same. did you ever? how long were you lying to me? you didn't even want to talk about it, you just changed the topic and hardly acknowledged it. you said you want to be friends, but i know you'd ghost me if you could and if i wasn't so clingy. i bet ill see you with your "friend" next week. i was so damn vulnerable with you and you knew it. you used me. people keep telling me you're manipulative, and im not sure if they're wrong. you don't know nearly as much about me as you think you do because you never bothered learning. did you get bored of me? i still care about you and i hate it. almost as much as i hate myself for letting myself trust you and get close to you. i know that if you wanted to, you could get me to forget. i don't want this to become a cycle, but at the same time, i don't feel complete without you.
"Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones that I did not."
Donna Tartt, The Secret History.
Frankie I trusted you. You said you wouldn't leave and you'd wait and you'd make sure I got out of this house. You promised, and I fucking trusted you and I was even shocked when I saw for myself that you had left like you promised you wouldn't have. I'm trapped now. This is probably the only thing that's allowing me to speak my mind freely but I don't think I'm ever going to get out of here and im bitter with you about it. I do love you though. I have a playlist full of songs that make me think of you and that's keeping me pretty sane. Forever hits differently now. I wish I could talk to you more but if you could see me you'd understand how bad that would be for me. I miss you. I miss you so much you don't even understand. I'm still having dreams about you and I still say that proves just how special you are to me. I wish there was a way for me to be with you, I wish I had just told you to take me back to your house and said screw getting my things. I wish I was all yours again. I want to be yours, please just remember that ok. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this ever again, but I just need you to know I love you, ok Frankie?
I want to love you. I want you. The good, the ugly, the unimaginable (whatever that may entail). I want all of you simply because it means that I get to love you.
Loving you is a privilege that I never want to lose. I want you to grow on your own, but I’d also love to be a safety net.
So whenever you’re ready, please fall.
I've been alone my whole life excluding my mom. It hasn't always been the best but it's ok. But seeing other people around me happy and building a life with someone they love is breaking my heart. I try so hard to find someone that will love me for who I am. Maybe that's the problem though, I try too hard. Or maybe it's that I love too hard. Probably both. I lost my father half a year ago and I'm terrified to lose my mom. Because without her I will truly be alone. Who will I call when she goes? Who will be there for me? I won't be able to do it on my own. I love being alone, I truly do. But I just wish I had someone to be alone with. Someone to hold at night when I go to bed. Someone who loves me. I'm starting to think it will never happen. Maybe i should just focus on myself
i hate myself for still being here, still thinking of you, still loving you. i’m not in love with you anymore; someone else has taken that spot and i’m better for it. but though i can’t recall your face, i’ve still got love for you. i’ll always worry about you, darling. you’re not okay and we both know it. sometimes i still hope you’ll reach out one day, just to tell me you’re alright... but we both know you never will, don’t we. i still pray for you. be good, be well.
Guys I'm so sad and depressed. My relationship with my daddy completely crumbled and it caused my mental health to drop so badly. He moved in with me in January and just took a plane home today. I dont really have anyone to talk to and I'm desperate because I've talked to him every single day for almost 3 years and now I dont have that. Does anyone want to be friends? I havent regressed since maybe August due to stress but I really want to again because it helps so much. I dont know what to do with myself 😭😭
Mosaic Broken Hearts
When you look at me I know that you only see a single entity
But what if I told you that you've broken a million hearts that belong to just one body
What if I collected all the powder that's covered my floor from every heart of mine that you've broken
And what if I've healed and restored them each and every time
Tinkering them back together with a new design, making sure they embodied what the last one didn't
They always seem to end up back in the same place, discarded next to the last one
If I collected all of the fragments to weave a new mosaic of my heart, would you recognize the old colors?
What if I took the spark you ignited in me and burned my skin so all the unwanted pieces would melt away
What if I let the light shine down on all the scars you gave me with that dagger between your lips
What if the golden sparkles danced around everything you thought was wrong with me, and pointed someone else to see all the things you didn't
They'd have a sense of direction that you never had, and a purpose when they touched my body
You taught me to look at you with a critical eye, so now I pick you a part too
Inspecting every little thing I wish you'd be for me
We let other lovers mend our hands that are full of cuts from sifting through our fragmented past
The wounds are still fresh, and I know they burn when you touch her
Your blood is leaving marks all over her skin
Maybe you'll enjoy that shade of red better on her
Did you ever think that if you just let me be, I'd shine the brightest I could ever be?
It might've been the greatest thing you've ever seen
Now we'll never know because there's crevices where I used to be whole
And maybe now I'll be just bright enough to catch the gaze of someone who loves all my vivid patterns and shades exactly how they are
i missed you so much today. i can’t bring myself to be angry with you, even after everything you did. do you think of me, still? do you understand the weight of what you did to me?
it's like... im not just losing you. you're not just losing me. we're losing the little house and the little yellow kitchen we'd talked about for so long. we're losing the cats we were going to adopt. it's so much more.
im just. so surprised. i didn't expect us to end like that. and i know you want to try to fix things, and i would like to, but i don't know that we can or should. it might just happen again. give us time?
For the love that could've been:
It's okay, you and I were just too perfect to be true.
– gstxb
The things I'd tell you if I could, the things that hurt. But I know if I tell you, you'll either change nothing, or change them ingenuinely. And I'd rather just not.
The 30th
6 months to the day but it feels like just yesterday,
6 months to the day but here I am still in pain,
I’ve often thought about this day and all the things I would like to say,
But tonight as you stood there finally right in front of me,
I looked for words but they evaded me, I was completely paralysed then again that always happened every time your eyes met mine,
A brief moment It faded way too fast, I wish I could go back in time and tell you so many things and that you’ve never once left my mind...
-M.B
