is it bad to tell you i miss you?
Id do anything to have you say these words to me again. Id do anything to for one more opportunity to show you my love..
You didn’t love me.
You loved what you thought I could be.
What do you do when you would give up everything, drop your entire life, for someone who barely notices your existence? Your heart aches so much to have them, but you take the stabs quietly. I have never truly realized how hard I fell for you until I didn’t have a chance anymore.
How will I know who you are if I am already in love with who I’ve made you up to be? Will I ever see you clearly? I think one has to know themself first. One must love oneself. And I do, only in the most egotistical ways and none of the ways which would truly benefit me. I am sharper than a knife, I am the smartest person in the room—yet my words always fail me, and in my mind the chorus begins: stupid, stupid, stupid. Why do I speak at all? I suppose that is the effect you have on me. You make me small. I am crushed down, under your thumb, and you don’t even notice. You don’t do it intentionally, and that is somehow far worse. Maybe you’re just a bad person. Maybe I’m just trying to come to terms with knowing you will never love me. I set myself on fire and watch myself burn—do I have your attention now?
—strawberries (excerpt #151)
“And when goodbye eventually comes i hope you know i love you and want you to thrive in life. I want you to achieve every dream and goal you have in life. I want you to make it to New York. I want you to Make it to Paris. I want you to climb the Eiffel Tower and look out on the world and smile and maybe you’ll think of me when you do it. Maybe you’ll just grasp her hand and pull her into a kiss. And maybe just maybe I wont care that its not me anymore.”
Me and you, what’s going on?
I just want someone to talk to…
I was an asshole. I was selfish. I was self-centered. I was hurting and treated the one person, the only person, who ever loved me for me like a piece of trash. I just wish she would of left before this came true. Jenna, i’ll forever be sorry.
photo by me
i think, at these times, i’m a different kind of vulnerable. the type i feel when reading stories. it feels nice
I’m sad. Sad to the point where my chest feels numb and heavy. My eyes have been waterfalls for hours. My limbs seem to bear the weight of the worlds problems. I cant move.
I needed you. But you all left me. You in particular. You knew. You brushed it off. You let me down so many times. The loneliness is consuming.
My stomach is churning. As the realisation hits. I’m going to be alone forever. I’m a burden on you all. What do I have to give back to society? All I do is cause more pain.
it hurts even just to see you but i know you aren’t the one for me…
I was abandoned,
Left alone to find my way.
All these doors opened,