What a journey.
What a journey.
no one asked, but my peach sorbet turned out really good! gonna try ice cream next :eyes:
ok so some of y’all might be a little confused about my blog name. dont attack me abt this but up until a month ago i kinda used to think that fan fics were stupid (lame mistake) but i just didn’t understand why people would read them. I’ve always loved the uswnt and kinda want to play NWSL when I get older (ambitious ik). also ive always been like the biggest preath shipper lol I never liked following celebrity ”relationships” until I saw the chemistry they had on and off the field … I was and still am obsessed (literally my iOS 14 homescreen is just christen press 😍) anyways, I clicked a link from a cute preath pic on Pinterest and it brought me to Tumblr…. Specifically @cbfj1s. I was hooked on their page and eventually found a link to fanfics that they wrote on Ao3. I decided to read one bc why not it’s summer break let’s see what all the hype is about. let me just tell you I READ NONSTOP FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS TO FINISH THE THINK . omfg I’ve never even read an actual book that was that good. I can’t recommend anything I have ever read more, these ladies are seriously talented. The fic in question is a 25-30 chapter long (sry I can’t remember the exact amount) book about an AU where Tobin has a kid named Scottie (hence the blog name) and they meet Christen. They have one completed book right now, “Been Waitin For You…” and currently have two chapters out in the new book in the series, “Home with You”. please please please support them it would mean the world to me.
heres the link to book numero uno: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31070909
Christen could feel eyes on her as she tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed, hands clasped together on her lap. Nobody had blamed her, nobody had said anything that even mildly put the blame on her.
But she felt it.
The pressure had been on her, and she had let the side down.
They hadn't said she'd let them down, nobody had, they'd even dismissed her numerous attempts at apologies, but their willingness to forgive and insist no blame lied with her only intensified the feelings of guilt.
She'd sat on her own on the bus back to the hotel, their final trip back that Olympic cycle. She'd seen people eye up the seat next to her, considering if she would appreciate their company but each time a subtle shake of the head from Tobin sat just in front of her caused them to keep walking down the isle seeking solace in somebody else.
She was thankful for her girlfriend's silent comforting presence, her laidback nature coming in handy. They didn't need to talk to each other, didn't need to sit next to each other, not yet. Tobin knew that she needed some space, some time and silence to absorb the moment, accept what had happened, and then when they were alone she would fall into her arms.
When they were finally in private she would accept the unyielding comfort she got from being wrapped tightly in her strong arms. Tucked away from everyone, lost in their own world, where mistakes made on the pitch mean nothing as long as they are both okay.
Now on her own she could finally feel all the pain and guilt bubbling up, emotions she had been weighing down slowly coming to the surface.
It was silent tears at first, slowly rolling down her face before she wiped them away with the back of her hand, trying to deny the undeniable emotions running through her.
Tobin took in the devastated look on her scrunched up face and decided she could hold back from comforting her no longer. She sat down on the bed next to her wrapping her arm around her waist and pulling her into her side, she deserved to be comforted and cared about even if she didn't realize that herself.
"Let it out," Tobin encouraged as Christen rested her head on her shoulder. The gentle sound of Tobin's beating heart next to her ear and the comforting tone of her voice opened up the floodgates. Her body shook and chest heaved as sobs overtook her, comfortable feeling weak and vulnerable only because of the other woman's presence. Whispered words of comfort spoken into her hair and soft patterns drawn on her back making sure she knew she was there, knew she was supported and loved.
"I'm sorry," She apologized through deep breaths. Tobin immediately shook her head, the pain in her girlfriend's voice evident and striking, pulling at her heartstrings. "Chris it's not your fault," Tobin insisted knowing it wouldn't make an ounce of difference, she could say it as many times as she wanted but Christen wouldn't believe her. All she can do is be there for her.
"It's not your fault, nobody, absolutely nobody here blames you, we win as a team and we lose as a team." She felt Christen nod against her chest, tears pooling under her chin as her rapid breathing leveling out slowly and she pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.
"I love you so much and I am so proud of you and nothing will ever change that." Tobin insisted. "I love you too."
The guilt was still there, the pain, and the sadness still present. But with Tobin's comforting laid back presence, and the security her adoring girlfriend provided her with she felt better.
She would come back better next time.
Okay so first chapter with 2016 done, I'll get the next chapter with the pk from this year up soon :)
Please send in any requests you have and let me know what you think as this my first USWNT fic and I want opinions and suggestions :)
one of these days im going to go to the hairdresser with an image of fluffy hair dean and if she recognizes it i will die on the spot
ATTENTION FELLOW WOMENS SOCCER FANS
in lieu of the olympic soccer coming to an end, it would be super dope if you guys would send or link your favorite soccer matches (does NOT have to be uswnt ALL TEAMS WELCOME) to keep me busy for a while
but also don't forget to tune in to the nwsl season (go thorns!)
EDIT: I've been told the premier league start soon so tune in to that too!
Can we just take a moment to address toxic positivity and how harmful it is to everyone but mainly to people struggling with mental illnesses?
⚠️Tw: mental illnesses; feelings of hopelessness; just something I felt like saying and some people might not agree, including me in three days or less. Some "language".
As someone struggling with my mental health, the times people just straight up came to me and were like "just smile more", "you just need to be more positive", "good things will come your way, eventually. You just need to be more optimistic", "you're anxious because you think too much, just stop thinking for a while" or the traditional "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" made me feel like shit because I thought I was too broken to even see whatever beauty in life others see. I feel lost. Like, how can people just "be more positive" and how the hell can they think that it's that easy for someone dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc to see the bright side of things just like that? Like some magical shit or miracle is gonna happen all of a sudden and light the way. I too, as well as many other people suffering from these and other mental illnesses wish that we could turn this off and go on with our lives. "But no one is happy 100% of the time". Yeah. That's true. But we don't feel just sad, Beatrice. We feel hopeless, depressed, worthless, scared, anxious, either numb or broken... Perhaps both. We feel like something's wrong but we can't get a hold of what it exactly is. We might know the main problem, the cause of all the trauma but from that we get triggered by random things sometimes. Talking from my experience. Of course everyone's experience is different.
That said, some people get really offended when I react when they say shit like "if I can do it, you can do it too." Okay, dear. Carry on with that bullshit.
Anyway. I'm just too tired of this kind of positivity. Positivity is necessary, but it has its limits. Sorry for the vent. Hope it makes some sense.
To all the people suffering from this kind of "positivity pollution", I'm so sorry. Don't listen to this whole "and the world feels like a Disney movie" shit. Take your time to heal. It's okay not to be okay and it's okay to not be where others are. It's also okay to ask for help when needed. The kind of help free from judgment, rush and that "the world will become a fairytale" narrative. I hope it gets better for you. There will be highs and lows but that's the way it is. I just hope you get good days more often than bad ones.
My dms are open to whomever needs to talk/vent.
⚠️ I'm not a professional. Just someone going through some shit.
Much love, Mar ❤
they are always close 😍
𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑜 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓁𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉.
No one asked but what I love about Preath is that they have known each other for years, they played against each other in college and rose up to the USWNT and are now gay soccer icons. This is the kinda rivals to friends to lovers trope I live for.
Day 217 - 05.08.2021
Today I'm proud of myself for not beating myself up about the backslide.
I had a good day yesterday, anxiety-wise. I even had a good most of today. Then all of a sudden it came back full force, the exact same worries fueled by a new source. I've done my best to deal with them, but it is annoying to think I've got to essentially start over with this issue. Still, I'm trying to keep positive, as what I did obviously worked a bit, so I've just got to keep at it, and hope nothing else triggers another panic response. I know I'll be ok, but it's still tough in the here and now.
I look forward to tomorrow 🌅