Deleting tinder. Come find me in person.
Deleting tinder. Come find me in person.
For everyone following along this young man has pin pointed the exact moment I got hot! Mark it in your calendars
9/16/20 - not dating and early elliptical arrival
Still not dating, just lurking.
I am weirdly flattered by this message on Hinge, but also he’s nerdy and good looking and in IT, and fuck me if I don’t have a type. 🤣
I sure do not look at all like Lara Croft. Haha, but thank you, sexiness.
The elliptical showed up a day early for some reason.
No way in fuck I’m getting that upstairs without taking it out piece by piece. It’s huge… 😭
I just got called “Swoll Anna Kendrick.”
I get called Anna Kendrick all the time and I don’t get it.
And I’ve certainly never been called swoll before.
But I’ll take the compliment.
This shit isn’t cute. Your loss, dumbass, I’m a kinky ass woman, but I don’t take shit from anyone, but especially not from losers like you!
I doubled down and reported it. I don’t care. That is not appropriate behavior, I don’t care if he thinks he was joking, he was being a fucking pig.
Note: I am not actively swiping right or trying to date anyone or on dating apps since I literally just got dumped, but Hinge will show messages sent to you. I got this notification, and I was instantly in a bad mood.
Eat it, bitch.
I literally just spent the last 40 minutes on Hinge desperately trying to actively ‘try’ more since we don’t get any other way to meet new people now…. and I didn’t see a single person I remotely fancied….
What is wrong with me? I am legit going to be single FOREVER….
I downloaded a dating app tonight
And also called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Which is the first thing that comes up on Google
When you search things like
“How much Trazodone is a lethal overdose?”
I don’t think that’s the first thing a potential date wants to hear,
But it’s the first thing I have to offer,
So I suppose I’ll say nothing at all.
I don’t know how to hide what I carry,
But I feel ashamed to show it to strangers,
I feel embarrassed,
I feel crazy.
I feel like I need to do everything I can to not look crazy
In order for someone to love me.
And there I am
Talking crazy again
Because I do have people that love me,
So why am I so unhappy?
What is wrong with me?
I didn’t really call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Because my brain is making it so I can’t talk out loud right now.
Did you know they have an online chat?
Because I’ve used it before.
When I went to the page tonight
I was 68th in line.
I wonder if that’s 68 people in the country
Or 68 people in my area
Because you have to put your zip code in to access the chat.
We asked for people’s zip codes when I worked at an amusement park
To research the demographics of who came to the park.
Maybe they are using the zip codes for research on who uses their services.
I am next in line to talk to someone on the Suicide Prevention Lifeline chat
And I have three unopened messages on Hinge.
Today on Hinge adventures:
Wooo let’s make our racism sound sexy and fuuunnn 😏 yeahhh white guuyyyz 😏
God save me from these fucking idiots. 😒 Why am I surrounded by guys like this?? Like what is WRONG with Colorado Springs?? Why are there so many guys like this here!?
I honestly can’t scream enough
On dating apps, I automatically subtract 2 inches off guys’ reported heights in my head. You say you’re 5’ 9”? You’re totally 5’7”.
getting ghosted literally not even a day after y’all had the conversation that you would rather hurt the other’s feelings telling them the truth than ghosting them? >>>>>>>>>>>>>
“Better Together” Jack Johnson
I matched with Jaden*, and based on his main picture, a professionally taken headshot, I got the feeling this guy was out of my league for sure. I matched with him one time, my opening message being about his eye color, with some adjective I cannot remember, but the 24 hour window expired before he responded. A couple days later I saw him profile again, matching for a second time, my opener this attempt was simply “hello again.” He answered with “Let’s hang out.” I ask him about his intentions and he says no clue, asking me about mine. After explaining myself, he says he is “in the EXACT same boat.”
After that, I tried to get him to fill out the dating application. He refused, despite me telling him essentially I’d be asking the same questions anyway. He said he would rather learn about each other in person, which is fair. Since this is more or less the same time as Allen*, I tell him the same thing regarding waiting to get tested before I go out and meet anyone. He says “that’s nice of you.” I suggest instead a virtual drink and he just replies that he hates these times. I agree but acknowledge that at least I’m trying and once I’m negative we can get drinks in person. He asks when I took the test and I admit that I haven’t taken it yet and am getting it the following day. “At least you’re honest” he tells me. I tell him I don’t see the point of lying, which he says is a “good trait.” I make a joke about him being a realtor and that his job is not lying but putting positive spins on things and he finds that really funny for some reason.
I request that since he wouldn’t take my dating application, if I can at least ask him the most important question. He says “Yes” then “I do not like anal.” I sent him a full line of “haha”s. “Oh wait that wasn’t the question sorry haha” was what he said next. Funny. “That’s a very important answer too… I’m glad” I tell him. Then I asked the actual important question, regarding children, and at first he said “I want kids, couple, not for at least 5 years or so.” I give him a “womp womp” essentially saying, wrong answer. I explain myself and then he says “Lol that’ll probably be my path. [Kids are] too pricy and I want to travel and build my career.” The question with this 180 remains, is that how he really feels or is he trying to appease me? Either way it seems one of the answers was a lie or at least less truth.
After this, I send him five messages, two related to what he said, one saying I like his vibes and want to go out once my test is back, a follow up after he doesn’t reply a day later saying “if you’d like to of course,” and then “officially no rona” two days after the previous message when I got no responses. I figured this dude was bored, but he hadn’t unmatched me yet so I figured I’d still sort of try. He finally responds to that last message with a “yesssssssssss.” He tries to make plans for that afternoon but I tell him I’m working. I ask him about Saturday night, he says he has no plans so far and I say “You do now” with a wink emoji. We plan the night, settling on me cooking dinner and having some drinks at my place. I thank him for motivation/a reason to clean my house. The reason that I chose night, is I actually have a date scheduled as well with another guy for lunch.
He asks me about weed, if I smoke, getting Peter* flashbacks here. In my blurb about my feelings on weed, I specifically tell him “I prefer not on one on one time that someone be high.” He simply says “I dont act like a little stoner but I get it” I ask follow up questions which lead me to finding out he habitually, daily, smokes marijuana. I ask him about how that works during the COVID pandemic, he says that the price has gone up but otherwise it’s the same. I then inquire about what he’s up to that night. No response.
Then it’s past midnight and officially Saturday, the day we are supposed to meet up. I ask “Sooooo gameplan?” No response. I don’t want to keep messaging and messaging, so I just see if he will come back out of the woodwork. The guy that I was supposed to have lunch with messages me around that time saying unfortunately he cannot make lunch anymore, so that’s cancelled. I don’t see the point in telling Jaden* that my afternoon has freed up or anything like that.
When the day comes, my friend invites me to the beach and I say I’ll come since my daydate was cancelled and “I’m pretty sure that I’m being stood up for my nighttime date as well so I don’t care.” As we drive up to the beach, I see that lady and her two kids from when Ethan* and I was at the beach. I’m sure it’s them. I’m weak in my vulnerability so I actually break down and text him, telling him that I spotted them. I do not expect a response. My friend and I had a good time at the beach, but got rained out so our four hour trip turned into only two. It was really hot outside though so we were okay with it being cut short. Still no word at all from Jaden*.
Now when it is 6:30pm, I feel that officially I have been stood up. By this point, I’d already cooked dinner and had finished it, so even if he did magically appear I would tell him too bad. I message him to redeem myself, “Well if you actually wanna meet up let me know. I’m pretty busy so my time is valuable” I also add a stone faced emoji, because I’m sick of this shit, frankly. An hour after that, he messages me “hey!!” I for some reason don’t get the notification, and when I check my phone about 40 minutes later, I just reply “lol hi.” An hour and a half after my response, he gives me his number and asks me to text him. Here’s some screenshots.
My phone rings and it’s him. “Are you in an SUV?” I am and I jump as a figure appears to my left, it is him. The lightning storm going on has transgressed into a full on rain. We quickly hug hello as he escorts me to the door and the safety of no rain.
Once inside, I am greeted by his lab, a really nice pupper that I give lots of pats to. I’m then introduced to his friend. Jaden* offers me a drink, I let him make me a drink with some local rum. It is made way too strong, and I add some of my sparkling juice to the mixture to try and soften it up. It marginally works, but I just slowly sip on it.
Both Jaden* and his friend are outgoing and friendly, we talk about random stuff, shoot the shit. Honestly, thus far I am getting along better with the friend, not in a romantic way, but just a regular way. Jaden* is a little too talkative, occasionally interrupting, and loud. I cannot tell if he is drunk, high, or whatever, but he just seems a little off. Since I have no baseline of what he is like sober, it’s hard to tell. Jaden* brags about me, essentially saying that I was so nice and awesome and was going to make him dinner, which I make a point of adding “oh don’t worry I still made it, I just ate it myself” to be cheeky. He continues talking about miscellaneous other stuff, mostly things I cannot connect to at all, as it relates to other mutual friends the other two have.
He stops at one point and says “oh! You said I have some explaining to do so here you are” and he goes on to say that he went to watch the Barcelona soccer game with friends, and upon them winning, continued the celebration with drinking all day, he repeats a few times, “it’s not a good excuse, but it’s an honest one.” I shrug and say “I mean that’s okay.” He goes on to tell another similar story about when he was in college and skipped hockey practice, again like “it’s not a good excuse but it’s an honest one.”
Then another friend comes by, it’s a female. She is nice and seems to be long time friends with them both. They (meaning the two friends of Jaden*) are discussing plans to go to another bar or something in a little, but they end up sticking around for another hour and a half. Jaden* mentions he’s hungry (munchies??) and upon looking in his fridge, there’s nothing to eat except literally lunch meat. He eats the lunch meat, offers me some, which I decline, and actually goes back a second time to eat the rest of it after 5 minutes. He complains he’s still hungry so I say I’ll look up food options for him. He orders food (McDonald’s) and offers me to get whatever I want, I’m barely hungry so I opt for some small fries and a small frozen coke.
Jaden* has prepared some weed and puts it in a vaporizer, him and the male friend partake, both myself and the other woman decline. He now brings out a guitar and tries to play the beginning of a song, making us all guess what it is. He plays so sloppily and in combination with the guitar being out of tune, I have no clue. He repeats the set of notes like five times before revealing it’s the beginning of “that one Jack Johnson song.” Upon later googling, it was “Better Together.” He asks everyone if anyone knows anything on guitar, I sheepishly go “oh I used to play as a kid, I know like one song.” I take the guitar and play the one song I know by heart on guitar in fast succession, Beethoven’s Fur Elise. They’re all just staring at me blankly, confused that this quiet chill chick just whipped out legitimate guitar skills out of nowhere. I also continue to just strum on the guitar while everyone talks, just to have something to do. Jaden* takes the guitar back to try and tune it with some app on his phone. He complains about how the app doesn’t really work to tune it and that it is still out of tune. The guitar gets put away.
Jaden* now is complaining about how he “ordered his food an hour ago and it’s still not here;” it has been fifteen minutes. His friend believes him; “it has not been an hour” I say so as to not sympathize with him. He is again bragging about me, and talking about how nice I am and that he liked that when we were talking on Bumble. The flattery is something I’m immune to but I thank him. Next he goes into a long winded story about when he partied with Justin Bieber back when he was dating Selena Gomez, “he could have had any girl he wanted at that party” he attested, “but he didn’t and he even went upstairs to talk to her on the phone. Biebs is loyal.” Also don’t really care about Biebs so I was not impressed by this anecdote. We did randomly bond over liking old Adam Sandler movies, specifically my favorite, Little Nicky, and agreed we’d watch that tonight. Randomly his dog jumped up on the couch next to me and I noticed that the dog had a boner, which was awkward and I pushed him away so I wouldn’t get humped.
The friends finally left a little before 1 am, I told Jaden* that I wanted to get going by 2 since I had stuff to do the next day and needed to get back to my dog. He says that’s fine and then gets mad about his food still not being there after at this point long enough to bitch. Now that he’s a little closer to me, I can smell his breath and it is horrid. It smells just like butt. I assume from a mix of the smoke and alcohol he had been drinking all day.
He calls McDonald’s and gets in an argument with the lady. It’s really weird and off putting. On the phone he is saying how he’s worked at restaurants and know how the system works with delivery services, and the fact that they’re “still working on it” means such and such. They claim it’s already been picked up despite the app saying it hasn’t. He says he is just going to order from somewhere else. I’m arguing with him that nowhere he orders food from is going to get there quicker at this point and to just wait. Finally the UberEats updates and it will be there in 10 minutes which calms him down. He remembers he has a cookie and goes to eat it. I do find it pro status that he microwaves the cookie for a little bit. He asks me if I want some, I say sure, but then he tries to spoon feed a piece to me. I go with it; the cookie is actually pretty good. He offers me another piece, again spoon feeding it to me. A little weirdly intimate.
We go back to the couch to finally start Little Nicky. I’ve seen this movie countless times at this point so it’s not super important that I pay attention. He briefly rubs my shoulder and it feels good, I try to convince him to give me a full shoulder rub, and offer one to him as well. He gets his, I successfully break out a knot in his shoulder. When it’s presumably now my turn, I get that same shoulder rubbed for maybe one minute, then he stops. Disappointing. He attempts to kiss me quite a few times, and I unenthusiastically peck/kiss back, but again, his breath is rancid so I’m not trying to get too close to that.
The food finally arrives. There’s no straws so I tried to open the top of my coke and it accidentally splattered on the (brown) couch. I run to the kitchen to get paper towels and come back to clean it. I apologize and he says it’s ok.
He’s eating his food, and is of course to my dismay chewing with his mouth open/smacking his lips, so if it wasn’t already a no go, it now officially was. I stay with my promise to just hang a little longer though. He snarfs down his food, I eat some fries and eat my frozen coke with a spoon. He’s done eating and we go back to spooning to watch the movie. He keeps lighting kind of humping me, which is just super weird, and I ignore that it’s happening. He seems to be completely flaccid which makes it even stranger.
After maybe 15 minutes, I notice that he’s no longer really laughing at the movie or doing anything, I peer back and realize this dude is sleeping. Great. I just lay there and continue to watch the movie. Honestly, I almost drift off to sleep a few times too; it’s late and I’m bored/tired. I check my watch and it’s now 1:58am. I start to get up and say “ok it’s almost 2, I gotta get going.” He awakens and grumbles at me.
He becomes legitimately angry at me for actually following through with what I said I was gonna do. “What the hell I thought we were gonna hang?” I tell him that like I came over but told him we weren’t hooking up so that shouldn’t have been an expectation. “I see, leaving at exactly 2, wow.” I’m just gathering my things and not saying a word. He mumbles at me and I cannot make out half the words he says, but says something like “I don’t think I’m the guy you’re looking for.” I respond, “I can’t really understand you right now, but yeah that’s okay.” It is clear to me this guy is not compatible with me whatsoever.
I’m still trying to be more or less not a total bitch, so I give him a peck on the forehead goodbye. I was holding my open frozen coke, so unfortunately in leaning over I again still had a little of the drink on the sofa. Whereas last time he was calm about it, now he is pissed. “AND YOU JUST KEEP SPILLING SHIT ON MY COUCH! GET IT TOGETHER!” He is being a jerk and I am no longer standing by and being friendly, “I’m gonna fucking clean it up again chill out, damn. You don’t have to be such a fucking asshole” He repeats yelling at me about his couch, that is the same color as the beverage so besides it looking wet, it will not stain. “Whatever” I say. I double check I have all my things, as the last thing I would want to do is have to come back here to get a belonging of mine. He is staring at me as I do this like “hurry up and leave. ”As I have my things and I’m about to head out the door, he randomly becomes nice again, “alright catch you later” “probably not,” I respond as I close the door behind me.
I shake my head to myself as I leave and at least the rain has stopped. I actually even feel tears sort of welling in my eyes. I am tired of having such terrible experiences, getting slack from guys I barely even know, having to put on a smile, some make-up, and put myself out there, just to be treated like shit. I drive home without incident, I think about blocking his number, but I figure that can wait until tomorrow. I get home a little before 2:30am, greet my dog, let her sniff me since I smell like another dog at this point, before changing into my pajamas again.
Later that morning, I get a text from Jaden*:
I have no reason to continue the conversation after that. I figured I would be honest because, why not. If I can at least try and teach him a lesson for the next woman, then my suffering will not be for nothing. Another night I won’t forget, similar to Peter*, but at least he did have a clean apartment before I came along.
“You Need to Calm Down” Taylor Swift
My friend Michael asks me every day if I’m still sad about Ethan* day by day things get better, and whereas I don’t feel like I’m ready to feel again, I think there’s no harm in just swiping and putting feelers back out there, despite the advice from the rest of my friends to take a break from dating.
I had just been on a weekend trip with my same friends I went to the bridal shower with before, but in South Carolina for the bachelorette party. When I get back from that, it’s now been a little over a week since things ended with Ethan*. I find I can get over these kinds of emotional breakups, that were short-lived, by simply moving on.
Allen* “likes” me on Hinge, and I match with him. He isn’t super-duper attractive to me, but enough that maybe it would work. He’s nice and funny but there are multiple times where he says things that are a little bit “jump the gun,” as in being way too romantic too fast. I always will say things like “you’re smothering me” or “yikes” when people are being too much too soon. He asks if I would teach him how to play World of Warcraft so that he can play with me. I inform him that I am happy to show him the game, but that I prefer having separate activities/hobbies because I really value individuality in relationships. He says “damn, just trying to be in your life.” Clinger vibes.
Somehow, we end up discussing that I act like a dude, and he said we would be “two dudes in love” so I asked him if he was going to be gay for me. He said he was, so the conversation was very strange. He almost immediately asked me out to meet up, and truthfully I told him that I had been traveling and wanted to get tested for COVID-19 before seeing anyone in person. He seemed okay with that. I offered him a virtual date in the meantime while I wait for results. He wanted to do it that night and after I get home and get some things done.
We chat still throughout the day and when it comes time to me being more or less free, I message him to ask him if it’s okay if we raincheck since I’m exhausted. This is after all my first day back from my vacation. Again, he is still A-OK with this, very calm and understanding.
Then I level with him and tell him about my dating application/questionnaire. He thinks it’s hilarious and takes it. When I look at his responses, everything is pretty chill except for the question regarding wanting kids, which he says he does want kids. That for me is a pretty much immediate deal breaker for me. In the survey, he said he would like to be told the results via text, and provides his phone number, so I do honor his request.
I have prewritten customizable messages to send out depending on how I feel, accept, deny, or “waitlist,” which is more like a hey I just wanna talk out some of your answers which could be problematic but not a big deal. So I send him the denied template: “Hello _____, Thank you for your interest in dating me. Every application is individually reviewed to ensure a good match. I want to thank you for your time and for humoring me via this survey. Upon inspection of your application, I regret to inform you, your application has been denied 🙁. This is related to your answer to the following question(s): ___________. Unfortunately, your answer(s) do(es) not correlate with the wishes of [my name]. This is referred to as a “deal-breaker.” To further discuss or appeal this decision, please respond and provide references.
Thank you and have a wonderful day!
Best, [my name]
He doesn’t respond for a while, and I shrug off and figure he just was giving me the silent treatment after rejecting him. Finally, maybe 45 minutes later, I get a text back “lol whatever your loss.” I again, shrug it off, nothing really to say to that, so I don’t respond. I go to sleep with my phone on do not disturb mode. When I wake up I have two texts messages and three Hinge messages, all from him. After reading what was said, I blocked his number and unmatched/reported his account on hinge for language or something along those lines.
The new text messages: “Wow.” “You’re gonna be single for a while”
The new Hinge messages: “Just because I want kids doesn’t mean I want them with you.” “LMAO” “Like no one would want kids with you anyway.”
I don’t respond to either, I just do the blocking. That’s what toxic men like this want, they want a rise out of you, they want you to deal with the abuse, they want you somehow after all that to vie for their attention, “oh no I’m sorry! Please take me back!”
Nope. I’ve done the abuse before, I’m done with that and will not stand for nor play along with that behavior.
Not even a bullet, a bazooka, was dodged with that one.
PS. I did end up negative for COVID.
Downloaded some dating apps. Maybe it’ll make me feel like I’ve taken a baby step in the direction of dating, but I’ll wait a while before I try to set anything up.
8/11/20 - Back on the horse
Wish me luck. 😂
London boy date tomorrow 🥰
He’s from England, but has been here in the States about 7 years.