…. im so mad at myself anymore… blonde hair i was this size in 2016… black and orange hair/ Green and black hair is me… 2020.. what the fuck happened… i want to be 2016 size again.. its killing me… someone help me keep to my diet help me get to where i want to be… i need motivation.. i dont care what it takes..
You’re like the deep end of a sunset to me, sparkle reflecting in my eyes.
Where deep indigo’s meet specs of shimmering gold.
I wish your heart was as pure as this, and you wouldn’t hurt me so.
But I can’t stop looking, and it never stops hurting.
I wont look away.
I’ll die with the sun and you in my eyes.
- Tyler Christine -
The Ring
“There is so much hurt in this game of searching for a mate, of testing, trying. And you realize suddenly that you forgot it was a game, and turn away in tears.”
[Sylvia Plath]
It hurts.
Having to think long and hard to recall when you were last stable.
And not quite coming up with anything
one thing i’ve learned: he is never going to make you happy in the same way the way that you can make yourself happy.
-ahlwords
of course i’m your best friend! aren’t i everybody’s?
who wouldn’t want to be my friend? the one who puts everybody else first. the one who never talks about herself — it’s not anything anyone wants to hear. it must be rejuvenating to hang out with someone and not feel obligated to ask them how they’re doing. don’t worry, i won’t complain.
who wouldn’t want to be my friend? the one who keeps her feelings in a lock box, always walking on eggshells, using how you feel about me as a reflection of my self-worth. if i give more more more, maybe i’ll be better better better. maybe i’ll value myself after all. maybe not.
who wouldn’t want to be my friend? i’m a shell of a person who doesn’t take any space away from you. feel free to shine, baby, because i haven’t let off that kind of light in years. is it because you radiate the love you receive? is that why it’s pitch black when i’m alone? i wonder when i’ll be able to see again.
of course i’m your best friend! aren’t i everybody’s?
Sometimes, I’m afraid to close my eyes. To see what finds me in that dark. The memories staring back at me from the shadows are not ones I want to see again. That’s not a pain I want to feel again.
