I feel I wanna just pour my heart and talk about so many things I wish I could do but it’s all the same thing in the end: wishing I was not depressed. I think there was a time in my life I was a regular kid, but I can’t remember it.
The first time I was on therapy as a kid I think it was more to learn how to cope with things that were happening.
But I don’t remember how I was. I have small glimpses, moments, some hours sometimes, where I can just breath, but then the heaviness just takes over again.
These days whenever I hug my boyfriend it feels like a heavy thing is leaving me, when I go to church I still feel the things but I also feel that God is soothing all my pains. Then I arrive home and I look in the mirror and when I see myself it all comes back. When I’m with my mom there are many good moments but all I wanna do mostly is hug her and cry, but I don’t wanna give her more to worry about.
I just feel I’ve become a monster whos’s always vulnerable, afraid of everything and deeply sad.