I’m a mental mess and idk if therapy is going to be enough…. Kinda wish I could go to the unit for a bit or have intensive therapy… Something….
I can’t handle what’s inside my head anymore. I can’t handle my body. My situation.
And I am just exhausted and hopeless.
Fml
The past months have made me reflect and appreciate my friends and family a lot. I love them so much 💙
However, I really wish I knew more Queer Latinx people because its difficult fitting into the narratives of Latinx culture and history and being able to be 100% myself.
So if you are Queer or Latinx or both or neither, I’d love to expand my social circle
Do you ever feel kind of sad because you feel like your interests aren’t really your interests anymore and everything you enjoy you only half enjoy, and you used to be so excited about everything but now everything just feels kind of muted and toned down, and you lost your identity somewhere along the way and now everything about you just feels like something half baked that you probably stole from the internet?
Or is this just my brain at 1 am
I just wrote a post on fb about how awesome this new book club is that I joined recently, and today joined for the first time for a really phenomenal discussion. I felt really welcomed, and among people who were thoughtful and clever. I posted it, and then struggled with some additional feelings so I wrote a comment, and then I panicked and didn’t post the comment because coming out is a process and it’s something I haven’t done in a while, and definitely haven’t shared with my future in-laws, who I am friends with on fb and might have seen the comment, and I am afraid to come out to them for various reasons. One of those reasons is that I am a cisgender bisexual female who is about to marry a cisgender straight man. I wouldn’t say I’m in the closet, but I sort of am again, just because I pass as straight and constantly coming out is exhausting and that part of my identity is sort of irrelevant at this point in my life. Isn’t it?
So I feel like I am misrepresenting myself with this book club group because it’s specifically a group for queer female and nb people, and I feel like my queerness is always suspect now that my partner for life is a straight cis male, and fear that once they find out about him I won’t be welcome anymore. Disourse might say that queerness isn’t innately sexual, but it’s certainly tied up in sex and gender identity, and if you plan to never date anyone of the same gender again because you feel secure in your female identity, are monogamous, and have committed to a cisgender person of a different identity than you, are you still queer? This question legitimately sometimes keeps me up at night.
I think part of it relates to context. I am one person on the facebooks, and more open here on tumblr where I feel more anonymous and safe, and I’m someone else when I’m among other lgbtqia+ people which I very rarely am unless I’ve met them through another interest because I don’t feel like I belong in queer spaces because I never feel queer enough, ever, to be welcome. I felt like an impostor, even before meeting my partner, and now it’s even worse.
Reconstructed ‘Dark Age’ House, Maelmin Heritage Trail, Milfield, nr. Wooler, Northumberland.
Can you have tulpas and/or soulbonds, but not identify as or consider yourself to be “plural”?
posting stuff from my instagram (it’s a private profile tho so I’m not sharing my posts from the instagram app to tumblr)
“We are usually not mindful of the fleeting nature of our existence, this shifting kaleidoscope of thoughts, feelings, and experiences that make up our identity. When you practice mindfulness meditation, you are provided with an opportunity to experience just how impermanent these thoughts and feelings, and therefore your identity, can be.”
- Sameer M. Kumar PH. D., grieving mindfully.
if you notice a lack of me mentioning
“ ____ identifying” people in my posts and comments and reposts.
Its because as far as I’m concerned, theres no “identifying” about it.
You identify as ____, you are ____ in my book, and saying “_____ identifying” is redundant and a waste of typing.
You identify as that?
Congrats,
you’re that.
how the internet has encouraged young women to look for sexual acceptance and flattery from whomever shows interest…
how the internet has led to the obsessive concern for one’s appearance as a sex object..
how the internet has created a steady stream of young women eager to enter the sexual marketplace (i.e. the popularity of creating “onlyfans” accounts)..
