well i have filled the empty spots in my den for art projects...
The only thing I watch now are those YouTube nature documentaries that are like early 2000s and then also those nature videos where it's just 4k Ultra Mega Mostest HD and there's no voiceover it's just hours of nature footage
I'm not like, a super great fan of Lord of the Rings, but I did rewatch the trilogy a few days ago and I think about Faramir's last charge and the soundtrack that plays in that scene at least once a day. The layers I put on this scene. Sighs.
I got a nostril piercing yesterday and I can’t stop trying to mess with it
are there any fics where Mary wasn't killed (and/or John was killed instead?) some kind of canon divergence or dimension travel?
These three have the best gossip on the entire enterprise i can feel it in my blood
kexp performance of possum by night. literally peace on earth
Kinda sucks that Dream can’t even jokingly make a negative comment about something in MCC, without his twt stans taking that as an excuse to white-knight and harass people on his behalf
Side eyeing suuper hard
Had an not so lovely shopping experience today and I just know my parental f/os would have done better
tw alcohol / alcoholism ??? tw mother tw whatever i gotta dumb this somewhere
but consider this a warning I guess. I probably shouldn't even post this here but I'm gonna because my head is exploding and just writing this down in a word file is not enough right now.
This person said that she sometimes worried about my parent's alcohol use. To clarify, this person is my parent's age and was close enough to us when I was about age 14-20.
We were talking about my mom, mostly, and then about alcohol, but then she said "well, but I worried about your dad just as much, he had some accidents" and it's like I suddenly remembered - right, he fell down a stool once? had an accident with boiling water? All those things happened after my bed time so I was never there to actually know what happened. Silly accidents.
It took me years after moving out to even realize that maybe the amount my parents drank wasn't really normal.
But then I remembered (or actually re-remembered, because there's this image that's been in my brain for a couple weeks now, since the week A was sick and I was a triggered mess) (but it's also not like I didn't know it at all before that, it's just like I remember this situation in a new light?) - anyway. Then I remembered having to bring my mom wine in bed.
Or as some parts experience(d) it: "if I had too many emotions mom got sick and she went to bed and then we had to be very quiet and bring her wine".
The image is me, age 7-12?, very carefully walking up the stairs to be As Fucking Quiet As Possible with a glass of wine in my hands. I'd walk into my parents bedroom, very quietly put the glass on my mom's bedside table, and maybe (if I dared) say something like "here is your wine mom" and then maybe if I was lucky she'd reply something like "thank you" and then I'd be relieved??? All of this is SO fucking weird.
Anyway. I wanna go to bed because it's late (almost 1am) but there's a fair (?) near my house that closed at midnight and there's loud drunk people cycling past my house.
Also now my brain is telling me not to post this because I'm just begging for validation and I totally dramatized all of this for empathy points and I'm just a whiny pathetic bitch making shit worse than it was to further cement the fake story about how I supposedly have trauma and all that. But fuck that brain. I have a headache.
(Okay I will give into anti-posting brain and clarify that my parents were never actually drunk, they didn't get into drunk arguments or throw things or put me or my sister in any danger whatsoever. They just enjoyed maybe a couple glasses wine too much. I don't even know. I still struggle to know and understand what a 'normal' amount of drinking is. But there was no hard liquor or anything. And my parents never seemed hungover or anything. No neglect etc. Yes I'm over explaining and making things small but I just need everyone reading this to know that it really was no big deal, my brain is just... processing.)
I suddenly feel small and alone and so ashamed. Awakened some feelings I guess. Not having it. Will take a PRN and go to bed now.
Edit im adding this like an hour l after posting this and I'm all high from my prn now but I just remembered that sometimes when mom was in bed I would ask my dad if I could please bring g her wine????? Hmmmmm idk what to make of this I don't even trust my brain or "memories" tbh I hope I can sleep soon
everyone look at emis outfit for a next week post
NO, YOU DIDN'T @nyxsmp Art from last stream- alternate versions are up on the Discord!
I use lol and lmao as a coping mechanism at this point
I'm gonna be rambling about a dream cause its still hella fresh in my head lmao
Ight so in this dream I met a guy at my new university and I guess we were dating (?) And his first language was spanish with very very limited english.. And for some reason his ex gf liked me? Like she acted like she was my best friend fjfmd
Anyways she was still like friends with him and in my head I was like, why aren't they still together, they have a lot of chemistry and they both are fluent in spanish AND THEY HAVE A FUCKING BABY together
But nope, after my last exam (which I guess was the last one to graduate??) She told me in spanish what vows to tell him and I was like huh, I'm gonna butcher this what do you mean
And I guess I had kinda resolved to the fact that I was gonna MARRY him once school was done, and she kinda waved us goodbye and he walked me back to a limo where I suddenly had like a really elaborate dress on-- It looked sexe ngl-- And like half of each of our family was there, and we were gonna be driven to the venue and it was turning nighttime, and I was oddly excited (but lowkey nervous)
And just man what the fuck fjdkdks
The Amazing Spider-Man is so painful to watch, because there are pockets of good story! Like some scenes are legitimately really good! And some actors do a really good job! But oh my god they are between the most painfully boring stuff. I can't tell if its because they felt they couldn't re-do anything the original trilogy did, but god there were so many bad choices made in making that movie.
* / : reorganized muse roster. ( dw threads aren’t being dropped if a muse isn’t here !! )
* / : created a list of muses i can’t interact with. this is absolutely nothing against anyone’s writing or muse !! i might be exclusives with another writer. or it’s duplicate i can’t write against, since i’ve been developing my own portrayal extensively. i’ll copy / paste the list here for quick viewing :
* / aomine daiki * / dazai osamu * / eren yeager * / fushiguro megumi * / tomioka giyuu * / jason todd * / kageyama tobio * / miyuki kazuya * / nakahara chuuya * / oikawa tooru * / peter parker
* / : i’ve been even busier lately ( && i won’t have computer access in 2 wks ?? ) , so activity is slow && sporadic ; w; thank you for being patient !!