Ready to build. Ready to continue growing. Ready to love.
Nothing seems genuine these days. & that really sucks when you know you have a pure heart. When you know you’re different from this generation. Talking. Situationships. Commitment issues. Fear. Fear of missing out. Thinking that the grass might be greener somewhere else. These are the things that prevent the seed of love from growing.
How did it come to this? What happened to taking a chance? Nobody is perfect. I believe everyday we are growing & learning; the process never stops until we die. Are we going to be 100% ready for our person when they come into our lives? Probably not. As long as we can build together & pour into each other, that right there ladies & gentleman is the growth we long for. At least I know I do.
Transparency time: I used to want the baller man. Seeing that life glorified & thinking “that shit must be nice!”. Someone to essentially take care of me. But as I have grown my outlook has changed. You see back then, I didn’t know my purpose. Didn’t know what I wanted to do. But I knew that I wanted a man to save me like I see how these other women get saved. Love that life. But now, I’m confident in my gifts. I’m no longer holding them back. I know that in due time I will be able to provide that lifestyle for myself. (Oh, I can’t wait because I know it will be beautiful.) Now? All I want is peace. Intimacy. That deep connection. My person.
As a black woman, we are taught to be strong. Taught to not depend on a man. Taught to go get it on our own regardless the circumstances. Essentially, this is correct yes. But the way my heart is set up… I’m yearning for more. It’s the intimacy I crave. The companionship. The best friend. The believer. I know it’s not all rainbows and smiles all the time, but just knowing that your person will be there through the ups & downs. That’s what I crave.
It’s the little things. The little things will always matter more than material things. Simple, pure hearted gestures are what feeds my heart & soul like no other. Now though, it’s hard to believe that women like us exist. Just look at social media. Birkin this, Dior this, Benz that. Yeah that’s cool & all don’t get me wrong. Who doesn’t like nice things? But does all of that really matter if you still feel empty on the inside?
Pictured above is ALL my shit waiting on me to deal with it. ☝🏾😩
As a black woman I wasn’t always in spaces that cultivated me digging deep and dealing with my stuff. As is the story for most of us. I was taught to stuff things down and keep it moving, but frankly…… It was killing me! 😵 In the past four years I’ve been divorced, moved back home with my father, lost some friends, gained a few, fell in love, lost that relationship, and I’ve been trying to mend my children from all the stress and trauma we’ve endured. My body has been busy…. traveling, running, dating, eating, kicking it, etc, but my soul has been crying out! I’ve been in therapy consistently for a year now and things are finally starting to move (shit is getting real) because I’m being honest with myself and my therapist. I just wanna live a better more full life. Today I started a 30 juicing cleanse coupled with the work I’ve been doing in therapy….. Mind+Body+Soul👈🏾 I want them all aligned and healthy.
January 14￼ 2021
“Despite my human errors I’m a fucking celestial being on earth✨. I am in full accountability mode! I am seeking my highest self at all times!”-Me