Name one thing more beautiful than a woman who doesn’t shave her legs, I’ll wait
Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo
Back in the ol’ libfem days, I remember that whenever I would see / be shown a picture of a trans woman, I would (to myself or others) purposely call the TIM a she / her, when talking about the dude. I knew that it was a man trying to look like a woman, and I showed my support by giving gender validation to that person when I knew it wasn’t true. My subconscious thought process was “this is a man I must refer to as a woman” and I didn’t notice or analyze that.
If there’s any cryptoterfs or just liberal feminists hate reading, I’ve been you. I know that deep cognitive dissonance of understanding the categorization of ‘woman’ and simultaneously calling males she / her because you feel you are supposed to. It doesn’t make you cool, or super woke to avoid ‘misgendering’ trans people.
Looking back I can see just how desperate I was for head pats from the woke community by including a man wearing makeup in the women’s group, by secretly identifying as non-binary because I didn’t conform to gender stereotypes. All because they were the dominant voices in the ‘queer’ community, the only group where I found other bisexual women and lesbians and I didn’t want to be excommunicated from that.
But it added up. I couldn’t fathom how ‘sex work’ was so empowering, how literally being a woman doing anything was super feminist just because it was a female doing things. I couldn’t explain to myself why it was illegal to sell every other organ but your uterus. Why it was okay to be transgender but not to be transracial. Why everything that was previously ‘womens’ had been changed to ‘gender’. Why we had to block terfs and couldn’t even so much as look at a post one of them had written because it was dangerous, when not any other ‘hate’ group was treated like that. What gender even was. What does it mean to be a woman, if it isn’t a female person?
It doesn’t have to be like that. You don’t have to rigorously control your thoughts, to submit to the cultural acceptance of using and brutalizing women under the guise of liberalism, to act like any cultural repression of women is okay because it’s a different culture. This is not normal.
You aren’t bad, or bigoted, or a nazi for having these thoughts, or reading these posts. There are lesbians and bisexual women who are not a part of the gender-worshipping community who will love and accept you - you don’t have to lose that sapphic connection.
Even still, I evaluate my beliefs and feel like I’m a bigot for thinking and saying these things. The cult-like thinking still ensnares me, and I’ve been a radical feminist for over a year and a half. (@auntiewanda has a great post on why the gender community qualifies as a cult.) I’m a brown bisexual woman and I’m terrified of being called a bigot. That’s idiotic. I see the ways other axises of oppression are leveraged against women like us, being hit over the head with the bigot or conservative or nazi labels just because we will not submit.
I promise you, it is nicer on this side. We treat each other with respect, and don’t send rape and death threats to those whose beliefs do not match ours. It is a continual process of unlearning the lies the queer community has taught us, vulnerable gay, lesbians and bisexuals yearning for family. We focus on fighting for all women, and everything that connects us. We celebrate womanhood, the existence of being female. Some of us are very worship-the-moon-and-pussy, some of us just trudge forward as women, recognizing that the basis for this connection is being of the female sex.
I can’t change anyone’s minds who are resistant to anything I have to say. All I would encourage you to do is research. Research the liberal feminist principles, radical feminist, men’s rights, conservatives. Get a well-rounded understanding of all political perspectives to form your own.
Hope to see you here.
L’un des enjeux majeurs du féminisme contemporain pourrait bien être sa capacité à produire des outils de compréhension du monde social capables d’en modifier le rapport de force : comprendre un monde dans lequel il pourra rester à même d’agir politiquement et de résister de façon solidaire. Pour ce faire, il a tout intérêt à perpétuer une certaine tradition de pensée qui a choisi de fabriquer ses propres outils d’analyse pour saisir la domination, mais aussi, et surtout, pour saisir les chemins de traverses, les espaces de rencontre des luttes, les coalitions solidaires comme les utopies.
De l'usage épistémologique et politique des catégories de « sexe » et de « race » dans les études sur le genre, Elsa Dorlin Dans Cahiers du Genre 2005/2 (n° 39), pages 83 à 105
“I believe that one can never leave home. I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of ones eyes and possible in the gristle of the ear lobe.”
Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter
I’ve seen a lot of intersectional aromantic discussions this week (yay!), but not if you’re aromantic and disabled.
I’m aromantic and disabled. In one aspect, my disability is a relief as people stopped harassing me to pursue romance. That’s abeism saying disabled people shouldn’t perpetuate their genes and die out quicker. It’s also ableism saying alloromantic disabled people shouldn’t have full access to society. But, and this is a big but, society also expects romantic partners to look after disabled people for free so society doesn’t have to. As a disabled aromantic, I’m missing a huge support network, of a live in carer and an additional family. I can’t exchange romantic feelings for basic care because I don’t have those feelings to tender. Factor in the aro-phobia of living costs based on two people co-habiting (usually sharing a bed/room) and being unable to work and relying on state income - how am I supposed to afford a place to live?
Please look out for your aromantic and disabled friends. We don’t have the same social support network because society doesn’t want us. In society you’re expected to be productive with your labour, be it exploitation for wages or giving birth. I can’t do one and have no interest in the other. That found family trope you love so much in fiction? Apply it to aromantic people and disabled people in real life.
‘Misogynistic, sexist and a bit rapey’: Calls for iconic movie Grease to be banned
If you like musicals about the 1950s, it’s because you want to rape women, apparently.