Today is the first time I’ve ever run more than 3 miles. I was aiming to run 4- but halfway through I decided to go for 5. I’m beyond surprised with myself! I got spotify premium today and listened to my first running playlist the whole way through.
I’m just a little girl! I can’t do this all on my own. Life is terrifying. I have to make my own decisions and be responsible for everything. Emotions, actions, life.
Lately it feels like everything is changing. Everything except for me I guess. So much has happened. Each day feels like 3 that somehow squeezed into 24 hours time. I don’t want to have to work so hard all the time. There are so many things I can’t even keep up with now.
I kept trying to bury myself in my work to avoid everything but it’s all coming after me now.
-2/16/2020
holy shit
this will not matter to anyone but I just found a Life Hack that will make me feel so much better
I have a tumblr because I like the content, but I have a Pinterest because I like the organization techniques
so all of the stuff I’ve saved for reference on tumblr has just been floating around in my likes for YEARS
but I just finally put two and two together and……..I can pin…..tumblr posts……to my Pinterest boards…………..
my life is infinitely more organized now, I’m in shock
It was the hardest thing, watching you stare into my eyes with a gaze so emotionless and calm I nearly wished you would have chosen to be mad instead. I talked and talked and talked; it felt like talking to a wall.
But you accepted it. And I let you go.
I cried. You didn’t, but I didn’t expect you to. You think it’s me, that I’m the reason this can’t work right now, that I need the space to figure things out.
Over time, maybe, hopefully, you’ll realize and see that it’s not just me.
It’s you, too.
I’ll lay in bed tonight and pray to the Creator above that you’ll realize that, and you’ll see the whys and hows, and that you’ll reach out to fix them.
This month has taught me to keep people at arm’s length including friends. I’ve learned that not every ‘friend’ has good intentions which is yikes. And this has taught me to start walking in silence and to stop oversharing my business. Fortunately, I’ve stepped into self confidence this month as well! After being in the shadows for YEARS I’ve been enjoying Aquarius season and having a boost in motivation. I’ve also been forgiving a LOT of people and it feels so liberating!! And I feel so much freedom and power for not staying upset over situations that happened months ago. We really growin’ love.
She’s right, they’re just guards.
The most elite? I do not need their little clubhouse to be the most elite.
FEBURARY 16TH 2020
it’s me again!!
guess what my dumb ass did? SHE BINGED AGAIN,, HMMM HOW CLASSIC OF HER
i saw an old friend last night for her bday and she is so skinny,, literally all of her friends are. i wanted to die a little when i noticed i was the fat friend.
they all do / did hard drugs and now they’re skinny asf,, i want to be skinny so bad. obviously restricting isn’t working.. or at least im not trying hard enough.
i need someone to talk to so i can stay accountable for the SHIT i do.
IF ANYONE WANTS TO TALK AND MAYBE BECOME FRIENDS FEEL FREE TO DM!
*please over 18, pro weed, sw 180+*
I went and laid down on the tennis court, cold, hard and empty to stare at the stars. Blinking, wandering, and alone, they’re not the stars I know. The sky is empty other than a few planes and satellites. What happened to the cicadas chirp? What happened to the sway of leaves? What happened to trickle of water? I’ve feel like I’ve lost earth’s song.
Random thought
Am I the only one that finds it extremely difficult to forgive yourself when you’ve done something wrong, especially to someone you love?
It makes me go to a really dark place in my mind, and it scares me to be honest.
This is something I’ll never tell you.
Loosing weight is so hard and it’s harder to stay motivated because I don’t see any progress even when I commit.
