my boyfriend’s roomate may have been exposed to coronavirus– one of his coworkers tested positive, but with where he works, they’re all required to wear masks & clean until their hands fall off. still, I think my boyfriend & I are going to end up self-quarantined until we know for sure.
you defend my name in my absence,
learning how to hold onto the good in your raw open-wound of a
sinner. i defended your name in your absence
and knew names had nothing to do with
nothing, so simple as they squeak out a peak
of the pleasure in realizing this crazy little dream where
we can all get along? despite the arbitrations and the
numerous glitches sending us phases and lessons
showing their faces again and again until everything
melts away from the seed of a thought.
okay? sure. there are two conditions for my present
ability to love the idea of too much:
the fact that, one, I exist and it’s enough,
and the fact that two, so does he enough to call my bluff.
10. July and I’m watching a Barbie Christmas movie because that’s just how 2020 is
Hello everyone! Long time no see! I have been very busy during the past month. Exams are done (almost) and my final presentation is coming and I am on a pile of nerves. That is probably why this post is taking two days to write. That and for another reason.
My name is Nora and I want to remember yesterday forever and ever!
First of all, how have you been? Things have been a bit confusing here. People are starting to go out and places are now opened for a longer period of time. Life is slowly going back to normal even though we are a bit nervous and scared.
And now, the main reason for this post. I want to remember that day forever so I am going to write it down as many times as I need.
Finally, yesterday, I saw Cole for the first time since March and since he told me he was in love with me. It was really difficult because there were other people we know around us and we didn’t want them to know that we are kind of dating.
So first we kind of didn’t noticed each other on purpose and waited for our work to be done. But when we finally managed to be alone… I need to write this so bad! I want to remember it forever!
He just got close to me and opened his arms asking “may I?”. And as soon as I nooded, he hugged me with all the streght he had in himself. I felt the air being pulled out of my lungs but in such a good way that I just hugged him back.
First it felt a bit weird because I am used to being by myself the entire time and he just started to walk side by side with me. But soon enough he just wrapped his arm around my shoulder but he was super shy about it at first and so was I. I will never forget that I raised my hand still not sure of what I was doing, and the way I wrapped my fingers around his just to feel him close and how real he was and how he was mine… And the little kisses on my cheek were adorable!
I actually ended up taking us to a garden near by. I used to go there to read all the time when I had time and the weather was nice. We kind of started to walk and sat on a bench but a couple of people started to stare at us so we switched to another place where we could see if someone was coming close.
I must sound super cliche by saying this but he just leaned against a wall to be kind of sitted and I just rested against him. I made a huge deal acting like I was mad because he is taller than me but that is actually quite nice because as I am as high as his shoulder, it’s very comfortable and sweet. I can just rest my arms around his neck and hide my face there and he can hold me on my waist pretty easily.
This might sound silly but we were happy just by holding each other. At least I was very happy to do so. Although we didn’t kiss, I was just melting like butter. Cole treated me like a princess the whole time. He even spinned around with me like a crazy person but to see his smile for doing that, my heart just exploded.
But like all good things, it had to come to and end and as we are sort of hiding from our parents as well, we had to go back after only 3 hours. I kind of hugged him and didn’t want to go (any tears he remembers are only in his imagination) and then we left the garden. The rest of the time we had to run while we tried to hold hands and as Cole is a gentleman he makes sure to slow down so that I can keep up (I never thought of myself as short but dear lord I must have tiny legs or he is even taller than I thought).
When we reached the place where our parents where to pick us up, I told him to go first but I didn’t resist to call him one last time and to kiss his jawline. It might sound silly but he smiled so much that I started to chuckle and he kissed my neck.
And then he had to go and I waited for a minute before going as well. We got home and we were still missing each other… And we will always be. Because we worked for what we have. I feel it in my heart. Cole is my one and only. And I love him!
I just needed to keep this day in my mind forever. The first day I got to be with the boy I love and that loves me back!
Bulletin of the Syrian Mathematical Science and Weird Nonnative Mechanical Chance Science Society
Hello,
I have been really lazy for the last couple of days. Every single day I was thinking about writing.
Around two weeks ago we had a full year since I created this blog and posted my first post. It’s not the first blog I’ve ever had and it’s also not the longest I’ve written a blog so far, but it’s my first one not in my mother tongue and also, I guess it really became some sort of therapy for me.
This year was crazy, full of unexpected and unfortunately, disappointment. I am trying not to regret anything and I guess I am becoming better at that, but it’s a long journey.
I changed, in a way, but sometimes it feels as if I am constantly stuck in a one place.
So, I had a lot of thoughts during Rose’s party. It turned out better than I expected, which is good, I talked to my friends, we sang happy birthday for Black on midnight, and one of my friends kissed me.
Now, I know what you might be thinking, but I can assure you, we will not be together. Not just because I am moving away in literal two months, but also because we don’t match ith our characters AT ALL.
And if I learnt everything this year, it is to look whether you are compatible with your crushes, cause it might save you a lot of pain.
So, she’s a cutie, but she also loves feeling wanted and popular. There is nothing wrong with that, per se, cause I feel the same way, but she can be quite overbearing with her stories that seem impossible and the overall need to be liked and talked about. More talked about than liked.
So, apart from being a bit touchy-kissy, we didn’t do anything alse and soon separated. Besides that, I had a great time talking to my friends. We talked about my university, me moving abroad and Marigold and Black congratulated me and cheered me on, which was incredibly sweet of them.
I had to come home by bus though, because no cab wanted to pick us up. V slept in my house and in the morning I went to vote in our elections. Then, we went to my grandma’s house and V came back home.
To tell you the truth, V started being a tad bit more emotional with me, as she knows that I will be leaving, Because she had a long-ass arguement with Su, I became even more of her listener and I guess it must be scary to know that your best friend will be leaving. They are good now and yesterday we met up for a sleepover. We had lots of fun and today, when we were bidding our farewell, Su hugged me for a long time. It was, quite probably, the last time I’ve seen her before I will be leaving for my university in August.
Which means that we will see each other around Christmas.
Now that sounds crazy. After six years of seeing her Monday to Friday and then seeing her after classes or talking on our convo, knowing that I am saying goddbye to V and Su sounds weird and unfamiliar.
Two days after Rose’s party, she invited me for a sleepover. It was really out of nowhere, it was 21:30, I was already in my pajamas, reading a book, when she called and truly, I was so glad for that. On that day we had a meeting with our biology teacher, where eight people came and it was super nice and pleasant. We had lots of fun, laughed and gossiped and truly, I am so thankful we got that teacher for our senior year. She quite possibly has saved us.
However, as soon as the time came to come back home, I started feeling really uneasy. I didn’t feel like being alone and truly nothing arose my interest. I started reading two books and neither of them is captivating enough to make me really want to come back to reading them. One of them is way more interesting than another, but it’s the length that truly discourages me, cause it is around a thousand pages.
So, when Rose invited me I was really happy. I came round, we talked, drank some wine and ended up hugging while falling asleep, which was something I truly needed but didn’t know before. Rose is adorable and loving and life certainly wasn’t easy on her, but she feels things.
Now, I know that Rose isn’t interested in me romantically and honestly, I am not interested in her that way either, but I consider her beautiful and am going to miss her like crazy.
Her mom and sisters were amazingly nice to me and complimented me on a lot of things which made me love them from the very start. I got compliments on my glasses, hair and character, which made me really warm on the inside.
So, all in all, I have been having great fun. Then, a couple of days later, met up with V and other close friends of mine for an alcohol sleepover. We ate so much pizza, drank some beer and gossiped, but I ended up falling asleep at 2am anyways.
The days of staying up all night and feeling alright are long gone, it turns out.
The day after we were invited to a bonfire. Su and Opal couldn’t come, the same goes for Black and Marigold, which I guess is good cause I ended up bonding with others ana making good with what I had. It was a completely different party than all that I went to before, but in a good way, which I am happy for.
On that party, Gold started hitting on his ex-girlfriend again and although she claims that nothing unordinary is happening, she held another bonfire two days ago and spend ¾ of it glued to him, with him hugging her all the time. Good for them, I guess, but their relationship didn’t last long and I am just curious whether it would be better now.
Her bonfire was good but even fewer people came and I was incredibly tired for some unknown reason. She lives far away so I drove myself there and didn’t drink any alcoholic beverages for the night. I ended up coming home fast as I really didn’t have as much fun as I hoped.
It turns out that my extreme tiredness stems from the fact that I don’t sleep much, but I exercise a lot and my body is physically drained. What is more, when I am completely knackered, the possibility of me having nightmares increases, which only makes me even more tired.
I’ve been having quite a few bad ones recently and I’ve already had enough.
I am doing Chloe Ting’s workouts and I love them, because they are not as hard that they would discourage you, but they are demanding and you will be all sweaty and ore afterwards. Apart from that, I came back to the gym where I do cardio and I feel like that has the smallest effect on how my body looks like, but it is good for my stamina and how my body behaves. I started yoga as well, and yoga is somehwta in the middle when it comes to shaping my body, but it’s the best for clearing your head, relaxing, being thankful and making your body feel healthier and more stretched out.
As you can see, every single activity is better for achieving some particular results and not as good in other categories. That is why it’s important to mix your routines up and try new things. Still, I feel like I went way overboard which ended up doing more harm than good.
With that being said, I will go to sleep now, cause I feel like I need to so badly.
With love,
C
way too proud of my lunch
— so silly how emotional i get over such tiny accomplishments (like making a sauce from scratch), because i spent the majority of my life too depressed to do things like cook and care for myself
Sometimes I think about all the doctors who have told me my disability is “all in my head” or “just anxiety”, without running tests or listening to my symptoms, and it frustrates me so much that I want to cry. I was telling my partner about it, and he said - very matter-of-factly - “I know it’s not all in your head. But even if it was anxiety, it wouldn’t matter because you would still be suffering, and you would still deserve help.” And I thought, “Wow…he’s absolutely right.” Up until that point, I had worried that he would begin to suspect the same, and diminish my struggles in the same way that my past doctors had. I realized that I should have known that he was better than that.
In my case, blaming my struggles on mental illness was an easy way out for over-worked specialists who were trying to avoid taking on new cases. The consequences were that my epilepsy went untreated for a long time. But the truth is, more doctors (and more people in general!) need to understand that all disabilities are real disabilities. Anyone who is in pain is deserving of empathy, relief and good medical care. Suspected psychogenic origins don’t mean, “This patient is fine”, or “This patient is not my problem!” It just means that a different set of solutions will be necessary.
While my anger stemmed from the fact that I was being treated for the wrong condition, it hadn’t occurred to me that the doctors’ responses were totally inappropriate either way, because they were always used to diminish my experiences. As someone who has struggled with CPTSD, I know how crippling mental illness can be. I know it’s not to be taken lightly - ever. I’m grateful to my partner for pointing out the flaw in my thought process. Now I can be a better advocate in the future.
The last two days have so much information packed into them
Katie and I went camping on 7-7. We went to turkey run and camped on lot 256 with my yellow tent,
We went kayaking and got really burnt in the weirdest places haha, (I have a burn in the shape of Francis too lmao)
We sat outside and roasted hot dogs and talked about religion and a bunch of other stuff really deeply and it was a really good conversation. I feel like we had good dialogue (I talked too much as always tho) but it was so nice and refreshing
Last night, there were raccoons running around RIGHT NEXT TO OUR TENT for like an HOUR but it turned out to be a momma and babies which is pretty cute
I woke up like five times during the night but woke up next to her so I was happy
On 7-8, we went hiking on trails 3 and 5 and we were SO tired and sweaty by the end haha,
I wrote our initials on a fence
And then we got icecream and drove to her house,
We did some stuff when we got back and it was really really good and nice😍❤️
Afterward, we went to her grandma’s house and played That’s What She Said with her aunt, cousin, and best friend! It was a lot of fun and I had a really good time❤️
Proceedings of the 1st Workshop on Ornithological Theory, Entomological Snake Scrying, and Ungodly Research
