I have been really lazy for the last couple of days. Every single day I was thinking about writing.
Around two weeks ago we had a full year since I created this blog and posted my first post. It’s not the first blog I’ve ever had and it’s also not the longest I’ve written a blog so far, but it’s my first one not in my mother tongue and also, I guess it really became some sort of therapy for me.
This year was crazy, full of unexpected and unfortunately, disappointment. I am trying not to regret anything and I guess I am becoming better at that, but it’s a long journey.
I changed, in a way, but sometimes it feels as if I am constantly stuck in a one place.
So, I had a lot of thoughts during Rose’s party. It turned out better than I expected, which is good, I talked to my friends, we sang happy birthday for Black on midnight, and one of my friends kissed me.
Now, I know what you might be thinking, but I can assure you, we will not be together. Not just because I am moving away in literal two months, but also because we don’t match ith our characters AT ALL.
And if I learnt everything this year, it is to look whether you are compatible with your crushes, cause it might save you a lot of pain.
So, she’s a cutie, but she also loves feeling wanted and popular. There is nothing wrong with that, per se, cause I feel the same way, but she can be quite overbearing with her stories that seem impossible and the overall need to be liked and talked about. More talked about than liked.
So, apart from being a bit touchy-kissy, we didn’t do anything alse and soon separated. Besides that, I had a great time talking to my friends. We talked about my university, me moving abroad and Marigold and Black congratulated me and cheered me on, which was incredibly sweet of them.
I had to come home by bus though, because no cab wanted to pick us up. V slept in my house and in the morning I went to vote in our elections. Then, we went to my grandma’s house and V came back home.
To tell you the truth, V started being a tad bit more emotional with me, as she knows that I will be leaving, Because she had a long-ass arguement with Su, I became even more of her listener and I guess it must be scary to know that your best friend will be leaving. They are good now and yesterday we met up for a sleepover. We had lots of fun and today, when we were bidding our farewell, Su hugged me for a long time. It was, quite probably, the last time I’ve seen her before I will be leaving for my university in August.
Which means that we will see each other around Christmas.
Now that sounds crazy. After six years of seeing her Monday to Friday and then seeing her after classes or talking on our convo, knowing that I am saying goddbye to V and Su sounds weird and unfamiliar.
Two days after Rose’s party, she invited me for a sleepover. It was really out of nowhere, it was 21:30, I was already in my pajamas, reading a book, when she called and truly, I was so glad for that. On that day we had a meeting with our biology teacher, where eight people came and it was super nice and pleasant. We had lots of fun, laughed and gossiped and truly, I am so thankful we got that teacher for our senior year. She quite possibly has saved us.
However, as soon as the time came to come back home, I started feeling really uneasy. I didn’t feel like being alone and truly nothing arose my interest. I started reading two books and neither of them is captivating enough to make me really want to come back to reading them. One of them is way more interesting than another, but it’s the length that truly discourages me, cause it is around a thousand pages.
So, when Rose invited me I was really happy. I came round, we talked, drank some wine and ended up hugging while falling asleep, which was something I truly needed but didn’t know before. Rose is adorable and loving and life certainly wasn’t easy on her, but she feels things.
Now, I know that Rose isn’t interested in me romantically and honestly, I am not interested in her that way either, but I consider her beautiful and am going to miss her like crazy.
Her mom and sisters were amazingly nice to me and complimented me on a lot of things which made me love them from the very start. I got compliments on my glasses, hair and character, which made me really warm on the inside.
So, all in all, I have been having great fun. Then, a couple of days later, met up with V and other close friends of mine for an alcohol sleepover. We ate so much pizza, drank some beer and gossiped, but I ended up falling asleep at 2am anyways.
The days of staying up all night and feeling alright are long gone, it turns out.
The day after we were invited to a bonfire. Su and Opal couldn’t come, the same goes for Black and Marigold, which I guess is good cause I ended up bonding with others ana making good with what I had. It was a completely different party than all that I went to before, but in a good way, which I am happy for.
On that party, Gold started hitting on his ex-girlfriend again and although she claims that nothing unordinary is happening, she held another bonfire two days ago and spend ¾ of it glued to him, with him hugging her all the time. Good for them, I guess, but their relationship didn’t last long and I am just curious whether it would be better now.
Her bonfire was good but even fewer people came and I was incredibly tired for some unknown reason. She lives far away so I drove myself there and didn’t drink any alcoholic beverages for the night. I ended up coming home fast as I really didn’t have as much fun as I hoped.
It turns out that my extreme tiredness stems from the fact that I don’t sleep much, but I exercise a lot and my body is physically drained. What is more, when I am completely knackered, the possibility of me having nightmares increases, which only makes me even more tired.
I’ve been having quite a few bad ones recently and I’ve already had enough.
I am doing Chloe Ting’s workouts and I love them, because they are not as hard that they would discourage you, but they are demanding and you will be all sweaty and ore afterwards. Apart from that, I came back to the gym where I do cardio and I feel like that has the smallest effect on how my body looks like, but it is good for my stamina and how my body behaves. I started yoga as well, and yoga is somehwta in the middle when it comes to shaping my body, but it’s the best for clearing your head, relaxing, being thankful and making your body feel healthier and more stretched out.
As you can see, every single activity is better for achieving some particular results and not as good in other categories. That is why it’s important to mix your routines up and try new things. Still, I feel like I went way overboard which ended up doing more harm than good.
With that being said, I will go to sleep now, cause I feel like I need to so badly.