Harin sighed in content as she finished undressing
out of her stage outfit. It had been a
stressful week figuring out her dating situation and being with their
promotions starting up, the stress of it all was slowly starting to hit
her. But she felt like she could breathe
easier now and her sole focus was on making these promotions the best that she could.
But all she really wanted to do right now was go
back home and curl up and sleep until tomorrow.
There was a knock at the dressing room door and Harin called for them to
come in, thinking it was their manager or another staff member. She was very surprised to see her
parents reflection in the mirror.
another one 🖤 (unedited) inspired by the lyrics to happiest year of my life by jaymes young :)
I let out a shaky breathe as I climb the stairs up and step out on the grass. The chants of the opponent’s team fans immediately getting to my ears. It’s cold outside as we line up and do the hand shake thing with the opponent team. We circle up and the captain of the night let’s us know some last sentences before everyone of us gets on their position. And then the referee blows the whistle and I try to focus as I start attacking the opponents defenders. But nothing works. And then I get the ball and lose it a second after. It feels like my worst game up until that point of my career. But games like this have happened more than good ones lately and so I’m not necessarily surprised the coach decides to take me off during half time. I stay in the locker room longer than my team. As the second half starts off and I sit there with my head hang low. I think of better games, better moments in my life, just weeks ago. When things were simply different, when things were better.
And then I put myself together enough to the point I can get up and leave the locker room and walk through the tunnel. I sit down on the bench besides some of my team mates and try to follow up the game. The game finally goes better for my team and they score our first goal pretty soon, the next follows and we equalized soon after. I sigh as I could already hear the headlines of my horrible game in the news. The expectations were always high when it came to me and my playing more than in comparison to other players out of my team. And even though I felt honoured I gave the reporters and people stuff to talk about it also meant a whole lot of pressure as well.
I’m really on the ropes this time
I’ve been fighting all my life for youI never should have said goodbyeBut maybe that’s what stupid people do
The bus ride back home takes longer than it usually did. It’s late when we get to the stadium and one of my team mates takes me back home. He’s not complaining about me not saying anything anymore. It’s dark inside my apartment once I walked the stairs up and unlocked my front door. I sigh out as I put the light on and got out of my shoes. A headache was building up and my eyes felt like burning, my throat feels dry. And so I get in the kitchen and drink half of the water bottle down in one gulp. I rub my eyes and lean against the kitchen counter, slowly sliding it down and before I know it I sit down on the ground. And before I know it my burning eyes are filled with tears and then it’s only a moment later they roll down my cheeks. And I wonder when exactly I’ve made it to this point. My apartment has never felt bigger up to this point. And I’ve never felt lonelier up until this point either.
Her scent seemed to still be in the air, the scent of a slight hint of vanilla feeling more like home than anything else ever did. I missed her.
It hasn’t been long since our relationship ended. But long enough anyways.
‘Cause you gave me peace
And I wasted itI’m here to admitThat you were my medicineOh, I couldn’t quitAnd I’m down on my knees againAsking for nothing
Thinking back to a time when it was only the two of us. When I’ve had off days of my stressful everyday life and I spend them with her. When we spontaneously decided to wake up at 6 am and take a three hour ride to drive to the sea. Stoping by Mc Donald’s to get breakfast, sharing a cup of coffee. Lots of distracting kisses from her over the middle console. Giggles and laughs and the time flying by.
And her eyes lighting up when we parked the car in the first row of the small parking lot. And opening the door and battling each other in who’s running the fastest. I could’ve easily passed her because my legs were in comparison to hers longer. She wasn’t the most sportive person but I loved her groans when I suggested doing anything with sports. So I let her ran in front of me, picked her up once our feet reached sand and we made it close to the sea. We started lurching and then fell down together and we couldn’t even hold back our laughter as we laid on our backs and looked up to the blue sky.
We spend all day by the beach, a blanket under our butts. Cuddling, eating, writing letters for bottle messages, we knew would probably never be read by anyone again.
And it’s dark when we leave the beach, darker when we made it home. She passed out after an hour on the road, and I couldn’t stop smiling each time I looked over to her. She looked so peaceful like this and I fell more in love with her. Those were my happiest days.
Thank you for the happiest year of my life
Thank you for the happiest year of my life, oohOoh, ooh, ooh
I don’t know for how long I sit on the kitchen floor, but at some point I get up and get to my bedroom. I strip out of my clothes and slip under my bedsheets. I’m not that tired despite it being really late already. So I grab for my phone on the nightstand and scroll through my instagram feed. I hold in for a moment before I type in her name. I’m not surprised to see that I still couldn’t see her profile or her pictures anymore. But I still feel down and I still feel disappointed. I land on a few fan pages that still reposted her pictures and still made edits of our pictures together.
A smile crawled back on my lips as I looked at the pictures they reposted of her. A few selfies she apparently posted on her story, pictures with friends. Even pictures with fans as she was strolling through the city. She looked absolutely stunning in every single one of them. And so I accidentally double tap one of her selfies, where she’s grinning so wide, like she did on our best days. My eyes went wide as I do, but I don’t remove it either. I know what this means, but I like another one of her selfies and another edit of us. The fans knew or well they guessed we weren’t seeing each other anymore but this would cause more speculations than anything else.
Usually I wasn’t the one to add up to speculations and I really wasn’t a fan of my fans coming up with them. But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop myself.
Thinking back to a time when it was not one of our best days. When it was yelling at each other and endless discussions about things we didn’t seem to remember the next day.
When I found out one of my team mates texted her and she texted him back and I felt more jealous than I should. When I got mad and when it was more yelling. When I couldn’t see that her heart is too big and too pure to simply say no to him and put him off. She still hurt me with this.
When it was only fighting and hurting each other and me being the most hurt in this.
Don’t think I could forgive myself
I’m sorry for the ways that I used you
And I could care less right now
But you know, you hurt me pretty good too
But every fight also had a reconciliation and ours were the sweetest. I thought fights weren’t the worst thing in the world if I got to hold her again. If I get to kiss her again and again.
I didn’t think of an end.
Yeah, we made each other bleed
And we tasted it
I’m here to admit
That you were my medicine
Oh, love, I couldn’t quit
And I’m down on my knees again
Thinking back to a time when we had a home game, it was one of our best days. When I scored two goals. And I never thought I’d be this cheesy but I ended up dedicating one just for her. And it’s celebrating with the team and grinning and looking up to her seat and seeing her still there. And I wave at her and she sends me a kiss. And I hurry in taking a shower and getting dressed and then I’m on my way to see her. She looks as beautiful as ever as I spot her and I nearly run over to her and pick her up and she giggles and holds onto me. And all the people around us are in awe as they watch us. I kiss her and hope this moment never ends. Those were just some of my happy moments.
Thank you for the happiest year of my life
Oh, thank you for the happiest year of my life, ooh
I end up falling asleep with my phone still on, right beside me and when I wake up again it died down and I sighed out as I put it to charge. I groan out as I roll on my back and rub my eyes. My night was short and I feel grumpy as my phone vibrates beside me and I pick it up again. I stumble across a few messages of my friends and then my eyes went wide as I see her name on my phone and a new message from her. And my heart beats fast and loud against my chest as I’m nervous and afraid and its then that I know it’s not over, I’m not over her. And my eyes immediately fly over the words. She’s asking me why I liked pictures of her and that everyone was speculating if we were still talking with each other or not.
Even though I couldn’t give a shit about what other people thought of me or our relationship I knew she did. I knew how insecure she was and I know people now assuming and talking about us and her didn’t help. And I felt bad immediately so I typed in an apology. And told her I didn’t mean to hurt her and I’m sure both us found those words all to familiar.
🐻: are you having fun? I’m sitting on a bench and drinking coffee. it’s latte. Don’t drink just because it’s friday night. It’s only me and Moonkyu. He’s behind me wearing white pants. I’m not drinking. Have a good time, okay?! I always miss you. You know that, right?!