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Things i've done so far i'd forgotten part 3:
11. Them babies ♡
12. Sasori with a beach umbrella wearing a straw hat (?
14. Project to paint my room wall
17. Camping group leaders pairs
*Deidara bursting into bathroom without knocking, finds Konan wrapped in a towel sitting at the edge of the tub shaving her legs*
Deidara: Oh! I’m sorry, hm!
Konan: Don’t worry about it; I’m almost done.
Deidara: … can I ask you something?
Deidara: Does it hurt to do that?
Konan: Not really. Not so long as you do it carefully and don’t rush it. And I love the way it feels; there’s nothing in the world quite so comforting as soft, smooth legs.
Deidara, blushing: If … if I asked you to show me how to do that, would you —
Konan: *pats spot next to her*
*half an hour later*
Sasori: Oi; have you seen Deidara? I’ve been yelling for him for a while now.
Kakuzu: No. I can’t find Hidan either.
*they hear a noise from the bathroom, and push open the door. sitting either on the edge of or around the tub is Deidara, Hidan, Itachi and Tobi, all with one of Konan’s pink razors, carefully shaving their legs, as Konan watches*
Sasori: What in the world …
Kisame, having just walked up: Itachi??
Kakuzu: What’s going on here?
Hidan: Fuck off, asshole. My legs are gonna be goddamn velvet!
Deidara: Mine too, hm!
Tobi: Tobi’s legs are gonna be pretty!
Itachi: Not if you’re not more careful with that razor. Remember, gentle, even strokes, like Konan showed us.
Sasori, Kakuzu and Kisame:
kakuzu: “bed. now.”
18+/NSFW minors, please do not interact
it’s a stupid idea.
but here you are, dressed in lacy, green lingerie, the hint of a note peeking from between your breasts, and several oh so carefully placed between the thin layer of your panties and your skin.
you feel ridiculous, and you’re willing to bet you look even more so. sure, the book in your room may claim its tactics work for all men but your lover?
at least he’ll get a laugh out of it, at the very least.
you ease around the corner, stepping into the center of the small room he calls his treasury and take a deep breath.
“i thought i told you not to -” kakuzu growls, snapping his head up from the paper in his hand and to your shock, failing to finish his sentence.
a sudden boldness rushes over you and you all but skip to his side, gently taking the paper from his hands.
“i got you something,” you giggle, but it’s quick to become a gasp as kakuzu snatches it back and all but slams it down upon his desk, the polished wood cracking from the impact.
not a question, not a suggestion, a demand and a hunger in his eyes, the likes of which you’ve not seen before.
you’ll be lucky to be able to move come morning.
Count - Special Episode
Part 1 - Bonus Scene - Part 2 - Special Episode: Red
Your regularly scheduled, smutty programming will return in the next episode.
Hidan x Reader, Kakuzu x Reader
18+ Content. Minors, DNI!
Rope, bondage, canings, mentions of blood, descriptions of panic attacks. Not exactly angst, not quite fluff. Likely not required reading for the Count universe. Just a concept I wanted to explore.
Even hardened masochists have bad days.
"Damn, you look so fucking good in rope." Hidan licked his lips as he circled you hungrily, admiring the work his partner had put into decorating your body while casually rolling one of his favorite weapons in his palm. In an uncharacteristic display of patience, Hidan had waited while Kakuzu worked his magic and knotted you into the delicious display dangling in front of him. He had really outdone himself. Endless loops of crimson cotton rung your body like lashes of blood, knots and patterns linking the exotic shapes Kakuzu had created all over your torso and used to bind your arms behind your back, all linked together with one long thread of fate leading skyward. It had taken some serious effort to create this little work of art, but it was well worth the wait, though he did gripe loudly about it while his partner worked. He snickered to himself, wondering what kind of fight he could pick with Deidara about it.
Your head fell forward as you swung idly from the line erupting from behind your shoulder blades, swallowing hard and breathing heavily around the constriction hugging your ribs. Your big toes just barely swiped the cold floor below. While this wasn't a new sensation for you, it was new to your games with Hidan. Your previous play dates typically only involved enough restraints to keep you in one spot while he beat you bloody and you cackled and shook with possessed laughter.
With a throaty growl, Hidan readied the black, pointed pike in his hand, eyes ablaze with bloodlust as he decided just how he planned to paint you red. You really were Hidan's favorite toy, but from the moment that first strike cracked across your thighs and wasn't met with psychotic laughter and moaning, something seemed off. "What's the matter, babe? Playing hard to get today?" He taunted with a wicked smirk. You had gotten creative lately with how you chose to push Hidan's buttons when you wanted to rile him up, so he wondered if that was your game.
You sucked in a pained breath though grit teeth as the strike sent you swinging. The ropes constricting your chest tightened around your ribs with the additional motion of your pendulous arc. Ordinarily, this would have left you moaning and spitting mocking remarks to make Hidan question his masculinity, but today, your head wasn't in the right space. A shudder raced up your spine, bringing your stomach with it up into your throat. A word was trapped in your mouth by the force of the strikes that followed.
Red. The color Hidan loved painting you and the safeword Kakuzu insisted upon establishing after your first romp together as a group despite your protests that such a thing would never be needed. It hung in your head and burned your tongue as you choked on the one syllable you never wanted to have to say. Sound gurgled in your throat when you bit your tongue and tasted iron as Hidan ripped another purple lash across your skin. Deep breath, you told yourself, trying to settle into your usual masochistic headspace to savor the sensation. Despite your best efforts, you couldn't convince your brain to cooperate. A clammy heat flushed your body and left your skin feeling chilled from the beads of sweat rolling down your neck.
Annoyed with your continued silence, Hidan's eyes narrowed as he circled you again. Blood dripped down the backs of your thighs in neat little lines from the cane strikes that had already begun to heal. You were just mocking him today, using your kekkei genkai to further accelerate your healing as you were now. He could just about see the shimmer and color shift of his strikes as your nigh magical blood worked overtime to repair the damage. A snarl curled at his lips. That stupid ability of yours, infusing your blood with chakra, was something you told him you only did in emergent situations, as it came with some serious recoil. The heat it generated slicked your body with cold sweat and feverish shuddering. It had the potential to generate brain-damaging hyperthermia. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why you were torturing yourself like that now just to get a rise out of him. "What the fuck are you doing, blood bank?" He goaded with another strike aimed precisely on the same damaged stripe of skin as his last.
Stars erupted across your vision, bringing with them a crippling nausea that made you feel like you might pass out. Finally, you managed to choke out that little word in a raspy whisper. "Red."
Hidan froze, having a malfunction over what he thought he just heard. He dropped the metal pike and circled you, gripping your chin forcefully in his rough hand to point your gaze at him. "What did you just say?"
He was met with a paling, clammy face that he hardly recognized as the little snot that picked raunchy fights with him in the kitchen at least once a week. Heat ripped through your cheeks. It was a struggle to keep control of your ragged breathing. Saliva pooled beneath your tongue. You just couldn't handle it today. Maybe you were ill. Your head wasn't right, and your thoughts were spinning out of control, ricocheting with swirling madness around in your skull. You swallowed the feeling of sickness yawning through your throat and stammered out what in that moment felt like your admission of defeat. "R-red."
Hidan just stared at you, hardly believing what he was hearing. You never tapped out. It had almost become a joke between the two of you that he would never be able to hit you hard enough for you to cry uncle. He hadn't even swung that hard today, so he struggled to understand why you looked like you were going to vomit on his feet. "Kakuzu is going to be so pissed," he muttered to himself while taking one last, hard look at your hollow expression. Your face was all wrong. The gaspy, labored breathing rattling in your chest was all wrong. Without the giddy, psychotic laughter that usually followed his strikes, this was just unsatisfying. He tapped your cheek with an open hand, trying to get you to focus. "Hey, eyes up here, princess. No freaking out. I'm taking you down."
Your face began tingling in Hidan's grip as your constricted, uneven breathing began to get away from you. He lifted you up with one arm to create enough slack in the main line to unclip you from the metal loop you had been fastened to. Don't freak out, you repeated to yourself over and over again as you felt yourself doing just that.
"Fucking shit, you're boiling," Hidan hissed as your sweat-slicked skin contacted his bare chest while he unclipped you. Upon glancing down, he saw that the once plum colored lines he had left on your legs had nearly faded entirely. "Knock that chakra infusing shit off. Kakuzu said you'll cook your brain if you aren't careful." He slid you off of his shoulder onto the mercifully cold floor. The mention of his partner's name seemed to summon him from the gates of oblivion, as he crossed through the doorway as Hidan was swiftly working to untie you while you verged on hyperventilating.
"What the hell did you do now, Hidan?" Kakuzu gruffed in annoyance, only seeing your shuddering back from his vantage point.
"I don't fucking know, man. I didn't even hit her that hard, but she said 'red'," Hidan explained exasperatedly, fumbling with the knots. An uncomfortable lump sat in his throat that he didn't quite know how to swallow.
With his face now twisted in contempt, Kakuzu's heavy footsteps shook the cold, solid ground you were sitting on, bent over twisted legs with your arms still wrenched behind your back in their rope bindings. "She said what?"
"That fucking safeword you were all gung-ho about. She fucking used it." It was hard to tell if Hidan was irritated or concerned about the fact that you dropped that three letter bomb on his head.
A low growl rumbled in Kakuzu's chest as he dug into his pocket for a knife. "Then why the hell is she still tied up?"
"You're the one who yelled at me about how expensive this shit is! Untying these stupid knots is a lot of work!" Hidan snapped.
Their bickering hummed into the background as your ears started ringing and static pricked in your face. You hardly felt Kakuzu's thick hand slipping between your body and the loops of rope as he swiftly began cutting them off of you. Saliva still gathered in grotesque pools under your tongue that you struggled to swallow. The nausea of panic was firmly seated where your heart should have been, yawning open like a void that threatened to consume you. Pins, needles, static, clammy, feverish, cold. Your world had crumbled into the gross, overwhelming sensations that were crippling your body. Suddenly being able to inhale deeply when the constriction was removed from your ribs left you drunk on oxygen as your panicked breaths sucked in more than your body could handle.
"Get out of the way and bring me some ice," Kakuzu barked sharply, having decided that Hidan was incapable of dealing with you. The knife in his hand sliced through the last remaining lashes of wound cotton, and he swiftly tossed aside the shredded remains of the crimson threads that had bound you earlier. The heat radiating from your skin as you sat awkwardly on his floor, folded over your contorted legs was concerning, as was the fact that you were being quiet. You didn't really do quiet and were much like Hidan in that regard. You had a snide remark for most situations, yet now, there was silence.
You stared at the bleak, grey concrete below you, watching as it darkened with little circular splotches as sweat rolled down your nose and crashed into it, unable to really hear Kakuzu's voice as he tried to get your attention. Your ears hummed like you were underwater, all sound being drowned out by the roaring scream of your pulse. The heat was unbearable. You hadn't intended on going overboard with your blood trait, but the headspace you were occupying was two feet to the left of the snarky masochist you should have been, and the pain had just been intolerable. You thought that deadening it a bit might give you the chance to catch up and shift into a better mindset, but it only made things worse. You should have known better. Kakuzu would have never tied you up in the first place had you said anything about feeling off today, but you foolishly believed a little fun might screw your head on straight.
It still felt so hard to breathe, as though the ropes were still crushing your ribs. Your arms shook with the same shuddering force as the rest of your body, struggling to hold you upright. Chaos and noise filled your head in a cacophony of disorganized shreds of thought. That nauseous vice clenched around your heart again, threatening to pop it like a grape.
Kakuzu glared at you for a moment in order to decide his next move. The wide-eyed, vacant look on your sweaty, trembling face wasn't one he had seen on you in particular before, but it was one he had seen in one of his lifetimes. "Lie down," he gruffed, pressing a heavy hand between your shoulder blades to force you to lay on your stomach to alleviate some of the blistering heat radiating from your skin, ignoring your weak protests. Your heart was beating so wildly that he felt its crazed thumping through your back. The heavy hand began that slow, rhythmic tapping he had employed so many times before to soothe your frayed nerves after heavy sessions. "Count."
Sucking in gulps of air as he pinned you to the ground under that single, tapping hand, you closed your eyes, trying to focus, but failing.
"Out loud," he barked sternly, slowing down the beat further.
Your teeth chattered and voice wavered as you stumbled through the loop in a raspy whisper. "O-one… two… t-three… four… f-five…" You paused for another thick drink of air before starting again and repeating the grounding mantra continuously. It took several minutes, but the ringing in your ears slowly began to subside and the static clouding your eyes started to thin out.
"Tell me why you said 'red'," he instructed, never stopping the steady beat.
"Pain didn't feel right. Should have told you sooner," you admitted shakily to the floor beneath your face. "Didn't feel great today. Too tired. Head's on backwards," you slurred. "Thought some rope would help."
"And instead, it landed you here with a half-cooked brain and a panic attack," he chided harshly, pausing only to look up and snatch an ice pack from Hidan to place on top of your head. "Idiot." The last insult was intended for you but landed with less bite than it normally would. "You know better."
"Yeah, I know," you admitted defeatedly, swallowing back the waning nausea with a shaky breath and closing your eyes as you kept your focus on the rhythmic tapping on your back.
"Beating the snot out of you isn't as much fun if you aren't taunting me the entire time," Hidan snarked, crouching back down to your and Kakuzu's level.
With an annoyed snarl, Kakuzu wound up and landed a hard punch to the side of Hidan's head, sending him flying ten feet across the floor. "And you should know by now to cut the goddamn rope when your little plaything drops a safeword."
Hidan crashed ungracefully into Kakuzu's wall, leaving a distinct impression of his head on impact. "Ow, that fucking hurt, you jerk!" He bitched with one eye closed, rubbing the back of his head.
A little snort of a giggle snuck out of your nose as you continued to lie prone, letting the cool floor suck the heat from your skin. "Uh oh, Daddy's mad."
You could almost see Kakuzu's eye twitch through your closed lids. "Don't start with me, runt."
*in his office*
Nagato: *reading mission reports*
Deidara, bursting in: Leader! Kakuzu won’t let me have an advance on my Akatsuki pay! He says I just waste money on “pointless art”, hm!
Kakuzu: He does! And our group is in no position financially to be doling out advance pay anyways!
Nagato: Well, I —
Hidan, running into room: Oi, somebody hide me; I sacrificed some bastard that that fuckin’ plant freak was gonna eat, and now he wants my head! He already did this! *holds up bloodied, severed arm*
Kakuzu: You better be prepared to pay me if you expect me to reattach that for you, brat.
Nagato: Why would you —
Sasori: Is that damn brat in here?? Deidara, did you put a bomb in my new puppet?
Deidara: Did YOU put black hair dye in my shampoo to try and make me look like a damn Uchiha, hm?
Tobi: Senpai, there’s nothing wrong with being an Uchiha! Tobi … I mean Itachi is a good guy!
Deidara: Shut up Tobi! Go choke on all that candy you hoard under your bed!
Tobi: *starts crying*
Nagato: ENOUGH!! Deidara, no advance pay, and apologize to Sasori and Tobi; Sasori, no hair dye in the shampoo bottles, Kakuzu, sew Hidan’s arm back on, Zetsu, go OUTSIDE to find somebody to eat, Tobi, act like a damn adult! In fact ALL OF YOU START ACTING LIKE ADULTS OR IM USING MY RINNEGAN AND TRANSPORTING YOU ALL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION AND LEAVING YOU THERE TO DIE. Understood?! Now all of you GO BACK TO YOUR ROOMS and stay there QUIETLY the entire night!!!
Everyone: *hurriedly runs out of Nagato’s office*
Nagato, to himself: My god … what was I thinking, recruiting these immature lunatics?? I may as well call the Akatsuki a daycare, not a —
*a gentle knock on the door interrupts him*
Konan: Nagato? Do you have a moment?
Nagato, sighing: Let me guess; you’ve come to tell me the house is on fire?
Konan: N-no. I just wanted to bring you this. *sets a small, beautifully decorated cake down on his desk and kisses his cheek* Happy Birthday!
Nagato, visibly confused: Birthday? But it’s not — *looks at calendar on wall* Damn; it IS my birthday! I completely forgot!
Konan: *sits gently on his lap* Well, I didn’t. You work so hard and you do so much for me, for everybody. Put away your papers for one night and take a little time for yourself, okay?
Nagato: *pulling her close and resting his head against her chest* Thank you, angel. But “time for myself” would be better spent with you, dear.
Konan: Well, if you insist, then I —
*loud explosion down the hall, followed by Tobi screaming, Deidara cursing, and several people shouting for Nagato*
Nagato: … after putting the kids to bed, of course. Can you —
Konan: *kisses him* Don’t worry; I’ve already put the sleeping pills in their tea for the evening.
𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖊𝖗𝖘 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙 𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓𝖌𝖊
Please keep in mind that this event will not have it's separate masterlist! Since I don't think it will need it.
This event is named "Interactions", which basically works like this:
First you open up my askbox and choose to either request as an anon or not, (clearly)
You mention that this is for the Interaction event!
Please say what type of connection you have wuth the character,
Then say the character that you want to interact with, i will be writing as all the fandoms that i already have listed (aka Naruto, Genshin, Bnha. My OC Akuma is also up for interactions if aomeone wants to know smthn about him.)
And then PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SAY YOUR NAME!! Any name you go by, nickname, actual name. It will be easier for me to make the characters adress you!
Write the interaction itself, it can be just a question or smthn u want to say to the character. Or it can be in a style of roleplaying, actions included.
«I belive Kakuzu sold your scythe.»
There isn't much to say but, since there are certain ppl out there i need to state the obvious.
Characters that are HIGHLY underage (aka Konohamaru, Klee, Qiqi, Eri..) will be open only for Platonic. They are children and thinking about them more than friends is gross.
Very light NSFW is allowed, however nothing too extreme (for example nothing like making me write how a character fucks ur brains out.)
There is no limit of interactions that u can send in, but please include only one Interaction per ask.
That's all i wanted to clear up, if you will have any questions please ask me about them.
(partially random tags)
there's still something so funny about hidan's recruitment because he doesn't even have a real job in the organisation like treasure or informant, all he's got is that he's immortal etc, Pain was like 'kakuzu keeps fuckin killing members, so hopefully this will keep him busy' so it really is just hidan's job to annoy kakuzu