characters: Choi Yeonjun (TXT), Choi Soobin (TXT)
themes: best friends having a heart-to-heart, it gets deep real fast, Soobin has depression, Yeonjun is an acting therapist rn, happy(ish) ending
warnings: mentions of cigarettes, alcohol, depression, possible suicidal thoughts, mentions of wanting to stop
a/n: the gif is too happy for the fic i'm sorry, this is p much a self therapy post so i'm sorry about that. Please, if you struggle with depressive thoughts, and feel that this might harm you in some way, please don't read it.
nets: @kflixnet @k-radio
The night sky was clear and the smoke slowly rose, illuminated by the street lights below, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol hanging in the air around the duo standing at the window of the 7th floor. The week had been long, and the night even longer, tears being split on the floor, pooling around them like the ocean.
Maybe the heart to heart had come too late, too drunk to make sense but too sober to forget. Soobin was standing on the left, his tall frame hunched over the windowsill and he looked at the bushes and trees swaying underneath him, looking so close he could touch them. One hand dangled loosely, all feeling being lost in the static noise in his fingertips, the other hand resting softly on the windowsill, fingers clenched around a half burnt cigarette. He never thought himself the type to smoke until life had taken him by the arm and force fed him heartbreak and death, making him chew and swallow until he was full, but the plate in front never seemed to fucking empty, always full with a new kind of pain.
The man on the right stood with his back to the world, a can of whatever alcohol he could find in his hand, wanting to forget the faces he wore during the day, the faces he had to wear until he was alone with Soobin. A year his senior, Yeonjun always felt responsible for what the younger had to go through, feeling inadequate in his shielding but knowing he had to face it some day. Maybe not that young however. His head tilted back until he could feel the breeze on his hair, blowing it out of shape. His limbs felt heavy as he pulled the can to his lips, taking a gulp before his arm swung down, liquid sloshing on the floor around his feet. He didn’t care. Right now, the world felt secondary, the only things that were real was the breeze and the warmth coming from the boy next to him.
“I hate life.”
The words came out soft and delicate, whispered to the wind like a lover. Yeonjuns neck felt stiff as he forced his head up to look at his friend, his head down low. The wind stroked his face, caressing and taking the tears away like a graceful waterfall. He sniffed, bringing his head back up with a chuckle, taking a drag from the cigarette with a look of peace.
“I really fucking hate life. It’s beyond just a hatred for my life, it’s a hatred for existing now,” his shoulders shook when he took a breath.
“It can’t be that bad right? I mean, you’ve got this place, you’ve got me,” a slight push by Yeonjun to Soobins arm, an attempt to get him out of his daydream. “How bad could it really be?”
The younger shook his head again and tried to take a steady breath but found his ribs too tight for anything other than a sharp inhale. Another drag settled his nerves, flicking the ash off the end.
“I’m just tired dude. It’s so exhausting to exist. I’m so tired all the time. I just want it all to stop.” He wandered back into the apartment, finding it hard to drag his feet to the counter where the alcohol sat. His mind felt like sludge, he couldn’t form a coherent thought without it being dragged down and smothered.
Yeonjun stared at his friend with worry, approaching slowly. The drink made him stumble, and he put his can down again just so he didn’t spill it all over the floor.
“Wanna talk about it?” Yeonjun pushed slightly, scared in case he said the wrong thing.
“Is there even anything to talk about? Just forget I fucking said anything.”
“Soo, if you brought it up it matters. You don't seem to be doing good and I’m worried, so just talk please.”
“I just feel empty. Nothing matters anymore nothing even makes sense, I try and find things to do but why do I pretend I can be anything other than a husk? I’m so tired of trying to be okay and pretending that things are entertaining and happy and so fucking fun when all I want to do is lie down until I give up. I can’t wait till I just stop being.” The words came out on a stumble, none of them feeling right as he spoke but there wasn't much else he could say.
Yeonjun stumbled back a step, feeling like he'd been shot in the neck. The tears were falling silently from Soobins face now, leaving so many trails down to his neck, some falling to the floor. The breeze picked up outside, causing some papers and books to flicker inside, the chill sending a shiver up Yeonjun’s back and arms.
“Please, if you know anything that can help stop this, let me know. But as it is, I just can't see any reason for this right now, no reason for me not to just stop.” The words were dripping malice like poison, the last word hitting harder than any physical blow. He knew it was selfish, but Yeonjun couldn't help but feel hurt that he wasn't considered a reason for Soobin to be happy. He considered them to be best friends, maybe even more but it didn't feel like it when Soobin was standing in front of him like this, trying to goad him into leaving him alone.
Soobin felt like a mess. He was never the type to speak out, to raise his voice or be so cruel to his friend when he was right in front of him, but something inside him was twisting until it felt like he was folding into himself, becoming something he’d never felt before. He was sure he would snap and break before the night was over, ruining himself into something so messy he would never be the same.
“I… Soobin, please,” Yeonjun reached for his friend, unsure what to say. His arms were wrapping around the taller boy when Soobin pulled back, just a step but it hurt Yeonjun even further. His arms hung for a second in the air before they slowly fell, tears coming to his own eyes.
“How can I help you? You need something Soo, and I want to help you. Please let me.” his hands went to reach out to his friend again, stopping just short of touching his wrists. Their eyes hadn’t left each other in what felt like an age, and Soobin’s face crumpled and his body followed suit, collapsing on the floor, hands clutching his face while he rocked back and forth on his knees.
Yeonjun finally held his friend, trying to wrap his whole body around him, just so he might be protected for one more moment from the world. They rocked together, both boys sobbing around each other. Soobin had never felt so small, every problem had been building up until he was in a self built mansion of hurt and issue, no exit in sight and no reason to hunt for one in the piles of lies.
“I can't think of the future anymore. I can't think of what will happen tomorrow, or a week from now. I don't see myself living past 22 or growing old. I’m scared of growing old and of next year and everything. I can't see myself happy.” More words began pouring out like a leaky tap, coating his tongue and making him feel like a liar even though every word was so true he felt it in his very soul. “I don't think I can even see me leaving tonight.”
Yeonjun’s breath hitched, and he held his friend tighter, scared that if he let go, then Soobins thoughts would come true.
“We can just take this one step at a time okay? Just past tonight, and then we can go from there. You can make it out of this Soobin, you are one of the strongest people I know, and we can make this last okay? One thing at a time.” He wasn't sure if his words were coming out fully, his entire body was numb and it was spreading to his fingers and tongue. He just kept holding his friend like it was all he was made to do, just to be there for him.
The night was long, and the tears were plentiful. Yeonjun had convinced Soobin to finally go to bed, staying by his side the entire time for fear of what would happen if he turned away for a second. He refused to sleep, and he could feel his hangover coming over him halfway through the night.
Soobin fell asleep after the longest time, exhaustion feeling bone deep. When he woke up, it was to Yeonjun with a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal ready. He stayed while his friend ate, making small jokes every now and then. Yeonjun was still terrified of their conversations, of the meaning behind some of the words and what it could do in the future.
Yeonjun stayed with Soobin all day, acting as a lifeline for all he was worth. The future was uncertain, and nobody could tell what would come next for them. But for these two boys in their own world, in a small flat stories up from the rest of the world? Contained in their own bubble for as long as it took for the youngest, who had never looked so small in his friends eyes, to feel like he could face everything again. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, until he could find a way out of the dark that seemed to be so large around him. Just one step.
a/n: it is 1 in the fucking morning why am i up writing this anyways!!!! it's officially been 1 year since user daegall came to be!!!!! thank you so so much for all your support and for reading my works even if i don't post that consistently <3
for my first year anniversay, i dont think im going to do much unfortunately :( i have a physics test sigh so it's just a small recreation of my first work that blew up!!! ( [19:00] ) once again, thank you all for being here for me, especially my dearest moots and mutuals, without you guys i would have given up on writing a long time ago 3
To sum up your thoughts on Lee Donghyuck, you would say mixed.
On one end, you hated him, or at least that's what you think you felt about him. And on the other, you have nothing but adoration for him.
You have to thank Lee Jeno later for bailing on you and teaming up with Renjun instead of you, if it weren't for him, you wouldn't have to go up to Donghyuck and ask him to be your partner.
Turns out the boy who accidentally tripped you into a bucket of mop water had regretted his actions with all his heart, turns out all he wanted to do was get your attention.
You have to say, he has a very strange way of trying to make friends.
And now, here you are, in the very playground he had apologized to you, in the very same position you found yourself accepting his very sincere apology.
"So," Donghyuck starts, picking on a few flowers that grew from the ground. "what did you want to tell me?"
His voice is soft, tired from all the schoolwork you had told him to do with you, and his eyes are glossy with curiosity glazing them.
Right, how are you supposed to tell someone you have a massive crush on them? Scratch that, how are you supposed to tell the very person who you swore to hate that you actually probably maybe love them?
Your fingers entangle with the grass below you, feeling the fresh dew from the previous rain spreading against your palms. It's oddly satisfying, and it relaxes you a little bit.
"Right, um," You trail off, your eyes leaving his to advert tot he small daisy in Donghyuck's hands, watching as he twirls it between his fingers with care. That's probably how you feel right now, your insides twisting and churning at the thought of a rejection. Your feelings are but hanging on a single, thin thread, all in the hands of your companion, and he has no idea he has it there.
"This is going to be completely out of the blue, actually."
Should you just say it? Build it up? God, you're so nervous.
"Okay, I maybe have a tiny bit of feelings for you?"
You had went for the first option, which you are doubting as the previously calm and content expression on Donghyuck's face completely whipped off, and instead a shocked expression repleaces it.
His fingers stop twirling the daisy, you notice, having no confidence to look up at his eyes. Is he perhaps going to drop the daisy? Crush it?
The daisy is all you can see, all you can think of, because the daisy could very much be like your feelings for him, its fate all up to him.
"-and I know this isn't exactly the ideal confession, we're sitting in wet grass, in an abandoned playground, and there's barely a sky, but I really do mean it, Hyuck. I have feelings for you."
One moment your eyes are on the daisy, and the next they're moving back up to look into Donghyuck's eyes to see his reaction.
One glance back down, and the daisy is gone. Instead of having it in his hold, it's in his lap, his hands tangling together, you note how he picks at the skin of his thumb.
One moment passes, and another, and another, until you're not so sure if you're dreaming or this is reality. Your heart is pounding in your chest, it resonates through your ears, pulses blood quickly through your body until you're sure it's all by your cheeks.
What if Donghyuck doesn't feel the same?
Suddenly, a soft, gently touch at your hand shocks you, and you whip your head up to see Donghyuck had grabbed your hand, extending your hand out to him.
His fingers run against your palm, straightening out your hand, before he places something right in the middle. Just as he takes his hand away, you realize it's the daisy he had plucked from before.
He was returning the feelings.
With a chaste smile, Donghyuck brings his hand back up to intertwine your pinkies together, tightly bringing them to a lock, his skin warm against yours.
Your head slowly picks up from staring at the daisy in your palm, where you find the brightest eyes you've ever seen.
"I may have a tiny bit of feelings for you too, Y/n,"
pairing: non-idol! seonghwa x gn! reader genre: fluff, enemies to lovers, college au wc: 757 warnings: profanities, mentions of asthma ! notes: for @hopexclouds ! you didn't mention any member so i figured it had to be your bias <3
au + trope + prompt game :: college!au + enemies to lovers + “it’s just so hard not to fall in love with you.” !
"y/n, I need you to shut the fuck up before I stitch your lips, yeah?" Seonghwa mumbles under his breath, hand unconsciously gripping the pen he has been fiddling with for the past hour.
"Make me," You stick your tongue out at him, "Anyway, Joong, as I was saying.." Ang you continue your rambling to Hongjoong, who did nothing but stare at you as if you were his whole world. It wasn't a secret that you were his crush, yet you stayed oblivious because your eyes were only on one man.
Seonghwa just sits there as he works on the group paper, having come to the library late so he was left to his own part of the paper. He feels the jealousy burning in the pit of his stomach, rolling his eyes so hard that he thinks he's seen his brain.
"You just hate me to your guts, don't you?" You ask out of nowhere that one time you see him strolling the hallways, a teasing smirk he wanted to kiss out of your face.
"I'd like you if you were less annoying," He finally answers, but one under his breath, just one of the many questions when he crossed into you in the hallway.
"Too bad I like you then," You winked, walking backward to tick him off a little bit more as you eyed him from head to toe as if you were assessing him with your eyes.
He just chuckles— he hated it. Hated how it slips out of your lips so naturally, too naturally that it looks like you were only playing with him. He hated how even though he thinks your banters were only a joke, his heart still doesn't forget to skip a beat whenever you made a way to say that you liked him.
"Too bad I hate you," Seonghwa raises his brow, scurrying to a corner as he left you exaggeratedly clutching your chest, then chuckling to catch up to him once more.
"Hey, hate is too big of a word, Hwa," You lecture, shaking your head. "I'd say you just still haven't— why'd you stop?" You stop on your tracks, hopping back to where he suddenly halted.
Seonghwa was stoned, frozen. He looked ahead, stabilizing his breath— he also hated the way his heart would beat abnormally whenever the nickname left your lips.
You worriedly looked at him, waving your hands in front of his face but nothing. So when he suddenly scurries to his next class, he hurriedly dragged a seat from the very back of the room as he groans at himself.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You drag the chair beside him, getting his attention.
"Why are you here?" He furrows his brows, scoffing in disbelief. "You don't have this class."
"Do you have asthma? Do you need inhalers? Nebulizer? CPR?" You cup his face, examining every inch of it as if it gave hints to his feelings.
"...I think I might just need CPR from you.." Seonghwa mumbles while he stares right through your eyes, feeling his ears burning up. "Fuck, I said that out loud,"
As he pressed his eyes tightly, he failed to see how your face went from shocked to smug, squealing internally as you stop yourself from smiling too much.
"You know... It's just so hard not to fall in love with you," You say with a teasing smile, looking at him as if you had just won the lotto, biting your thumb excitedly.
"Yeah, and me same to you," He mumbles once more, hissing when he realized that he was speaking his mind.
"This! Is what I like most about you," You finally squeal, clapping your hands in tiny as you look at Seonghwa lovingly.
"y/n?" You hear your name being called in the front, and you immediately perk at the sudden silence engulfing the room— it was the professor glaring at you. "You passed this subject, what are you even doing here?"
"None, sir!" You smile at him, standing up. "I thought this was room 34B," You chuckle, glancing at Seonghwa.
"34B is on the other building, are you not good at directions?" It was a rather rhetorical question, one he wanted to just mumble but he was failed to do so.
"I originally wasn't, sir," You giggle again, bowing in apology as you crouch to Seonghwa's level. "But I definitely found my way to you," You whisper as Seonghwa wriggles in embarrassment, but not that he didn't like it, he's absolutely swooned.
permanent taglist: @sunlightwoo @babygay-stay @90s-belladonna @grassbutneo @cosmiclele @moonieric @shingisimp @changmin-wrlds @kurosism (to be on my taglist: open!)
a/n. hi 👋🏻 i wrote this in a few hours because i felt soft in that moment idk :'') hope you enjoy this lighthearted fic <3
The doorbell rang and you fumbled with the strap of your bag, putting it around you in a hurry as you checked yourself one last time before exiting the house.
Taking a deep breath, you sprayed a bit of perfume, feeling nervous for your first date with what you thought would have remained your best friend. Yet, nothing ever goes as planned.
As you were about to step out of your room you suddenly remembered to take the keys with you, unless you wanted to be locked out of your own house.
"No son, don't worry! She's just absent-minded. Wait." You heard you father laugh and talk loudly right down the stairs and you speedily fixed the laces of your left shoe, which definitely weren't collaborating in making you be on time.
"Y/n!" Your father shouted from the bottom of the staircase and you replied with just as much energy, telling him you were coming.
You run down the stairs and as you looked up to the front door your heart skipped a beat.
Ni-ki was standing in all his full beautiful form, leaning on the doorframe, chatting happily with your father. A few strands of his black hair fell forward on his captivating eyes, he wore a simple white t-shirt with on top a blue and white striped shirt and some jeans. He was dressed casually, yet to you he always looked perfect.
His eyes widened a bit seeing you, mouth agape at the sight of you all dressed up for him.
He recomposed himself quickly remembering your father was still there eyeing the two of you with a smile.
Ni-ki gave you a big grin, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Ready?" He asked you excited.
You nodded full of energy. "Ready."
"Have fun and stay safe, remember to come home by–"
"Bye dad!" You quickly got a hold of Ni-ki's arm, dragging him away from the entrance of your house while your dad was shouting goodbye from the doorstep.
Waiving up a hand to bid goodbye to your father, Ni-ki laughed at your antics.
He suddenly halted, almost making you trip as your hand was still gripping his arm tightly.
"Why are you running?" He asked nonchalantly, coming to intertwine your hands together, definitely a more natural look for two people going on a date instead of one dragging the other like they're being kidnapped.
"Sorry. I was embarrassed." You mumbled still looking at your hands, leisurely walking on the empty road. The beating of your heart resounded in your ears and your cheeks slowly heated up.
His eyes settled on where you were watching so persistently and realized.
"Oh... I'm sorry–" As he was excusing himself for the inconsiderate action he opened his hand to let go of yours. However, the moment you felt him slip you held his hand tighter, shaking your head violently. "No absolutely. Let's go."
He smiled widely and with his heart at peace you two walked towards the arcade.
It was funny how both your friendship and both your relationship started there.
"Who beat my record in centipede!?" A kid nervously shouted once in front of the much bigger game machine.
You were playing a few meters away and heard the boy cry his frustration out, while you subtly chuckled under your breath.
You smiled at the memory resurfacing once you came in sight of the old arcade.
As you entered you greeted the same old man who watched the two of you grow up together– a genuine smile appeared on the man's face, watching as you two laughed at some random jokes.
"Okay! If I win this game you have to grant me a wish and if you win, well… vice versa." You stated as you took place on one side of the air hockey table, snapping your fingers ready to play.
Ni-ki chuckled and raised one eyebrow up in challenge. "Bet." He agreed, taking his spot on the other side– hand gripping firmly the knob of the mallet. His eyes turned darker the moment you were about to insert a coin to make the game start.
Feeling slightly more nervous now, you activated the game hesitantly and your hand hovered over the big start button unsure.
"Don't throw it like last time." You forewarned as the stinging pain resurfaced and you felt your pinky pulsate at the memory.
"You placed your hand wrong."
"Oh so you're blaming me now."
"Let's just start the game." He concluded subtly laughing at your annoyed expression.
It obviously wasn't the first time you two had played with the air hockey table and it was a matter of fact that Ni-ki had never lost a match.
Even so, you were always the one to ask to play it, each time wanting to gain your vengeance.
Well, that didn't happen yet.
"Okay, I'm going! I'm gonna press it!" You spoke louder, moving slowly your hand on top of the button, trying hard to fool the boy who was staring at you with a big smile– patiently waiting for you to be done with whatever you were doing.
As you pressed it you ran back to your spot, ready to kick the little puck sliding on the table.
The game ended in a minute and you weren't sure how but you managed to score something like fifteen points. Which was great until you looked at the scoreboard. The big yellow flashing numbers indicated the final results which unmistakably hinted to your defeat.
Ni-ki cheered to himself— a fist up in the air in sign of victory. When he landed his eyes on your blank expression, having lost for the umpteenth time, he started laughing heartily.
"You're so funny." He said holding his stomach and advancing towards you.
"I didn't even do anything– oh wait I lost." You replied, still emotionless watching him look at you amusedly.
You quickly changed the topic and run towards another game. "Who arrives last is a loser." You shouted delighted, and he immediately followed suit.
Time elapsed and before you knew it, the sun had already set, leaving a beautiful mesmerizing pink and purple line on the horizon.
You both put back down the guns used for the shooting game, chuckling and nudging each other at the hilarious moments you had while playing.
"Wait here." You heard him say out of the blue, leaving you next to the entrance, right in front of the counter where the owner was cleaning the surface of the table.
"I'm glad you two are still friends." He said smiling brightly.
You smiled back, placing your elbows on top of the counter. "Oh, actually, I'm afraid to announce that we are not friends anymore."
The man was surprised but nodded contently like a proud parent. "I wish you the best."
You thanked him with a small smile on your lips, and your gaze turned to the window where the sky was a pure magnificent piece of art. Your heart started to beat faster as your stomach fluttered thinking back to the beautiful afternoon you spent with your loved one.
Your friendship was strong but not strong enough to allow you to repress your true feelings. Feelings that grew with you both.
Love. Love is too weak of a word to describe what you two felt.
"Surprise!" Your vision was blocked due to the stuffed animal that no other than Ni-ki had placed in front of you. Giggling at the cute leopard plushie you thanked him, taking it in your embrace.
"You didn't have to." You told him softly as the two of you bid goodbye to the owner and exited the arcade.
He shrugged his shoulders, smiling sweetly at you. "Now every time you look at it, it will remind you of me." He dearly said as you wrapped your arm around his.
"Cute." You said as you held up high the plushie in your hands.
Ni-ki hummed. "Cute." He echoed as he stared down at you from the side.
You suddenly halted gasping. "I almost forgot!"
Ni-ki stopped and looked at you with a puzzled expression.
"You won the air hockey game, so I have to grant you a wish." You told him sighing.
He pondered for a brief moment, faking his thinking since he already knew what he wanted to ask you.
"I... have only one request."
You nodded, stepping in front of him to face him.
Ni-ki adored when you looked at him attentively and ready to listen to him. You were his comfort, his shoulder to cry on, his happy pill. You were always there for him and he did the same for you.
"Stay with me forever."
You stared at him with bated breath. It was a dream come true, as if your world got lighten up suddenly and the other missing half, the emptiness you felt was finally filled. You two were joined at the hip but hearing him say that, made sparks of happiness boom inside your heart.
You know how they say time is only a human construct and in that moment you felt as if both time and space suddenly did not exist anymore. You wanted to be stuck in that fantasy in that parallel world forever, but it was reality and that filled your heart even more with joy. You were ready to risk it all for him, although you did commit to it the moment you two became best friends.
You nodded your head smiling brightly as the sky darkened– the street lamps turned on to illuminate the road.
Ni-ki knew in his mind that if it wasn’t for you he wouldn’t have been able to share this feeling with anyone else. It was just you and him.
incl. in the sixth ss jungwon's face is at the top for some reason ??? idk pls ignore
SUMMARY | sunghoon's confused because you're a human, and you shouldn't be able to see his demon dog. let alone the way his eyes flash red and the way his veins pump something other than blood around his body. scared that you'll leak his secret to the rest of the world, sunghoon tries to use the flirting skills he's learned from jake to woo you into silence.
DETAILS ▸ 488 words · jaehyun x reader · fluff(?) · parents!au
CONTENT WARNINGS ▸ mentions food !
GELA SAYS ▸ so..... after weeks of experiencing writer’s block and a lot of breakdowns, this is all i’ve got lol inspired by this tiktok vid !
Having 3 year old twins who want to be next to you 24/7, it was a challenge putting them to sleep. Despite playing with them the whole day, Dasom and Jaejin have a lot of energy stored inside their bodies— plenty enough to keep them up past their usual bedtime which was at 7:30. Tonight, while getting ready for bed, you craved something after seeing it for the nth time on your TikTok FYP; McDonald’s.
As a parent, you try your best to serve healthy foods to your kids, which means to you, eating the same food because like they say, you are your kids’ role model. You didn’t ban any fast food in your home, you were just trying to limit it to the kids. So when you told Jaehyun that you were craving for some burger, nuggets and fries, he immediately got out of bed and grabbed his keys— he was out of the door in seconds.
You quietly peeked through the door of the kids’ room, the two were out like a light. Carefully, you left the door ajar and made light steps towards the front door. Jaehyun greets you with a big smile on his face, dimples popping out as he holds the bag of food in his hands. Successfully, the two of you retreat back to your room without making any noise that could wake up the kids.
“I missed this so much,” You say, taking a bite of the chicken nugget. “Thanks for agreeing to buy these.”
Jaehyun nodded his head, taking a piece of fries. “Remember the days when we didn’t have to hide in our bedroom whenever we buy fast food?”
“Yeah, the last time we ordered food without two toddlers running after us was when they were still infants.” You chuckle, “Those big babies won’t leave us alone.”
You and Jaehyun ate the rest while watching the movie you’ve been dying to watch. After the movie, Jaehyun made sure not to leave any traces of the food you ate. Discarding it immediately to the trash and slept.
The next morning, while getting ready for work and the kids to daycare, your son, Jaejin approaches you with a pout.
“Is there something wrong, baby?” You ask, kneeling to meet his eyes and brushed his thick, healthy hair.
“You and daddy ate McDonald’s last night…”
“What…? How did—” You stopped mid sentence when you saw your toddler holding one of the sauces that you didn’t consume last night. You told Jaehyun to get rid of them, “Well, we did. How about we eat McDonald’s for dinner tonight to make it up to you?”
Jaejin nods his head happily and runs back to the kitchen, just in time, Jaehyun comes out of the room. “Jaejin saw the sauce, we’re having McDonald’s again.”
“Damn, I hid that sauce on the highest fridge cabinet.” Jaehyun sighed, “he’s like a K9 on duty.”
๑ treats you like a kid whether your older or not, he always felt obligated to take care of you, even when you were kids. Need help tying￼ your shoes? Sunghoons there. Hungry? Sunghoon is in the kitchen cooking ramyeon. Can't reach something? Sunghoon is there!! Holds your hand wherever you two go in public, expect head pats at any possible time. This worsened when you started dating, especially if there's a height difference. The height difference definitely influences his protective behavior towards you. He could be cuddling with you in bed and would tell you that it's almost midnight and that you should go to sleep.
๑ teases you this was a given honestly, he likes getting a reaction out of you. This probably happens more often when he's feeling neglected by you, so he'll bring up some embarrassing moment of yours from years ago. When he finally gets your attention, he'll have the silliest grin on his face. Even if you're complaining, he'll be laughing his ass off. Definitely one of his favorite things to do with you
๑ checks to see if you're with him while you two were going to school together, you had a habit of holding onto the excess strap dangling from his backpack. One, so you wouldn't get lost in crowds. Two, you would tug at the strap to get Sunghoon to drop his backpack. Whenever Sunghoon felt a tug, even though he knew it was you, he would still check on you to make sure you didn't get carried away by the crowd. This habit eventually transferred over to whenever you were walking behind him. Even if you two were holding hands he would be glancing over every 3 minutes or so just to make sure he didn't grab some 30 year-olds hand instead of yours.
synopsis: for as long as you’ve been on jyp university’s badminton team, your team’s main rivals have been hybe university. the rivalry goes way back, and as the team captain, you’re well aware of your team’s disdain towards the hybe team - but it just so happens that you’re secretly dating hybe’s team captain, yang jungwon. and since tournament season is coming up soon, the rivalry between hybe and jyp is stronger than ever, and you and jungwon both know that if the secret got out, conflicts would arise. you’ve heard of enemies pretending to be lovers, but have you heard of lovers pretending to be enemies?
genre: smau, fluff, crack, angst but only a teeny bit i Think, secret relationship
pairing: badminton team captain! jungwon x badminton team captain! fem reader
warnings: swearing, some players on the hybe / jyp team arent actually under those companies irl its just for Plot, some badminton terms might be wrong since im coached in cantonese please bear w me i used google to translate some stuff he says to me, ages are adjusted slightly bc . theyre in university, ignore timestamps
taglist (CLOSED!): @c9tnoos @ja4hyvn @shinsou-rii @sqnwo @isaluv @primorange @ryuflix @bearseulgs @baekhyunstruly @jalnandanz @yanqsfairy @yizhoutv @acciomylove @w3bqrl @yenart @missmadwoman @floverful @xtra-cheese @wonyofanclub @soobnny @minhyunct @hakuyeo @hobistigma @ncityy04 @hyuckslytherin @kyutiepeachy @son9oi @rikibae @oureris @chillfilms @yeonjunsleftboob @jungwonniecore @yjwfav @youreverydayzebra @liliansun @ily-cuz-i @clarakyunisageek @kuro-kuromi @enhacolor @nyfwyeonjun @mitsukifilms @yunatic0 @venusmir @luvarots @jungwoniics @tomorrowbymoa-together @mygnolia @leenthepanda @ilvaussie @sugastapes @odetoyeonjun
previous. ♡ next. ☆ masterlist. 🏸
authors note: guys lets go fight seolhee together!! second update of today bc . i wanna work on blue birthday for tmr and the day after so idk if i can update then
☆.｡.:* as an idol, you have a myriad of responsibilities. among these are maintaining a good image and pleasing the fans, having a stan twt acc? maybe not so much. not that you and sunoo are admitting to anything. then again, you don’t exactly expect to find each other as fan accs undercover and you equally don’t expect to start catching feelings.
synopsis: for as long as you’ve been on jyp university’s badminton team, your team’s main rivals have been hybe university. the rivalry goes way back, and as the team captain, you’re well aware of your team’s disdain towards the hybe team - but it just so happens that you’re secretly dating hybe’s team captain, yang jungwon. and since tournament season is coming up soon, the rivalry between hybe and jyp is stronger than ever, and you and jungwon both know that if the secret got out, conflicts would arise. you’ve heard of enemies pretending to be lovers, but have you heard of lovers pretending to be enemies?
genre: smau, fluff, crack, angst but only a teeny bit i Think, secret relationship
pairing: badminton team captain! jungwon x badminton team captain! fem reader
warnings: swearing, some players on the hybe / jyp team arent actually under those companies irl its just for Plot, some badminton terms might be wrong since im coached in cantonese please bear w me i used google to translate some stuff he says to me, ages are adjusted slightly bc . theyre in university, ignore timestamps
taglist (CLOSED!): @c9tnoos @ja4hyvn @shinsou-rii @sqnwo @isaluv @primorange @ryuflix @bearseulgs @baekhyunstruly @jalnandanz @yanqsfairy @yizhoutv @acciomylove @w3bqrl @yenart @missmadwoman @floverful @xtra-cheese @wonyofanclub @soobnny @minhyunct @hakuyeo @hobistigma @ncityy04 @hyuckslytherin @kyutiepeachy @son9oi @rikibae @oureris @chillfilms @yeonjunsleftboob @jungwonniecore @yjwfav @youreverydayzebra @liliansun @ily-cuz-i @clarakyunisageek @kuro-kuromi @enhacolor @nyfwyeonjun @mitsukifilms @yunatic0 @venusmir @luvarots @jungwoniics @tomorrowby-moatogether @mygnolia @leenthepanda @ilvaussie @sugastapes @odetoyeonjun @arikiu
previous. ♡ next. ☆ masterlist. 🏸
authors note: woah woah woah woah woah .. lets pump it up !!! also shits gonna start going like. Real downhill from now i think 😟😟😟😟
tumblr is based on a system of reblogs, not likes. please reblog my work.
warnings : choking, back scratching, penetrative sex, melancholy ! yeo, angst, smut, mentions of not wanting to wake up at the end
wc : 1k
a/n : lyrics are put into the dialogue/paragraphs. beginning and ending of the fic is the beginning and ending of the song wasted times by the weeknd
wasted times. i slept with someone else. she wasn’t even half of you, reminiscing how i felt.
leaving yeosang was a difficult decision, but a smart one. he had no time for you and you had no time to put up with his bullshit excuses. the constant screaming and crying, begging him to meet for a dinner that would have gone sour anyway. it’s exactly how he found himself fucking into some random girl he had been meeting up with for some time now. her nails dug into his back too hard and her moans were too shrill. she just wasn’t you.
she moaned so loud in his ear that he swore that he was going to go deaf if she didn’t shut up soon. he slammed his lips against hers, quieting her down before placing a hand on her throat, squeezing long enough to make her eyes go droopy.
“yeo…yeosang..” she whined quietly, so he let go of her again, going back to pinpointing his anger on her cunt. “slut.” he groaned against her. none of this was enjoyable for him, she just wasn’t you.
he wanted to leave.
he didn’t know why he was putting up with bad sex, with a bitch who did nothing but make his ears bleed. he thought of you as his cock slid in and out of her. his pretty whore...well, ex-whore. yeosang just wanted her to shut the fuck up, so he could imagine your moans instead, let them incinerate into his brain.
he wanted so badly to call you. let you know that his dick was still an option. he’d taken the time to memorize the way your body functioned, there was no way he'd let any of that go.
but there was no way you’d take him back now. it was too late and he was sure that you had probably moved on, so why did he pull that girl off of him ? telling her to get out, and never come back. why didn’t he feel sorry when he saw the very apparent tears rolling down her face ?
you were the answer in his mind, constantly reminding him of yourself every time he looked at something with any kind of significance. months later and he was still wrapped around your finger, despite you being unknown to it. yeosang sat back down on his bed, wrapping his hand around his cock as he thought of you once more.
he thought of you on your knees, pulling down the zipper of his pants with your teeth, unbuttoning his jeans gently and taking his cock out to suck on like a lollipop. you always liked to tease first, dragging your tongue down his shaft before teasing the tip of your tongue at the tip of his dick.
you were so incredibly dirty with it. spit everywhere as his pre-cum coated your lips. he missed you.
yeosang let out a shaky breath as he thought of you, hands moving over his cock faster. he occasionally rubbed over his tip with his thumb, trying to pretend it was your dangerous tongue that had always brought him to an extent of anger.
“y/n..” he groaned to himself, moaning your name aloud to himself. he gripped the sheet next to him, crumpling the satin in his hand. yeosang’s eyes rolled back into his head involuntarily, seeing white as he came closer to reaching his eyes.
this was pathetic. a man like him would get his dick wet constantly. he never needed to do this himself. a slight sense of shame filled him as continued to pump his dick, awaiting the mess that was soon going to coat his fingers.
as he got closer to his orgasm, yeosang thought of you riding him; tits bouncing in his face. only you could ever recall the starry look in his eyes when he stared up at you. admiring the glazed look in his eyes, his mouth apart as he ached to take one bud in his mouth.
she wasn’t even half of you, he thought to himself.
dick twitching in his hand as his orgasm approached him. “fuck, y/n..” he groaned as he came in his hand. ropes of cum coating his hand and the floor.
he cursed in disgust, knowing he’d have to clean it off the floor. then, he stared at his hand, looking at how his fingers were coated with his cum.
y/n would have licked it off for me.
he clenched at his jaw, cursing himself for allowing you this much control over him. he walked to the bathroom, ignoring the ache in his hips as he went to clean off his hands.
running his hands under the faucet, he couldn’t help but allow his thoughts to wander again.
“ye-yeosang, please.” you cried underneath him.
clawing at his back hard enough to leave marks, but never enough to make him bleed. you moaned loud enough for his dick to twitch inside you, but not loud enough for him to get annoyed.
your cunt was so tight, squeezing him just enough and he liked best when he’d take a finger and rub over your clit, making you convulse in his hold.
“yes, baby ?” he asked you. “what are you saying ‘please’ for ?”
“y-you fuck me so well, daddy.” you praised him. yeosang smiled to himself, kissing your neck and praising you with compliments.
you always loved him so much, didn’t you ?
and that’s exactly what yeosang had failed to see. valuing his work and career over you, giving up time with you for another employee dinner. he angrily shut the faucet off, walking over to the guest bedroom instead. he didn’t feel like changing the sheets right now.
he crashed onto the bed. it wasn’t as comfy as his, but had it really been comfy since you left ?
there weren’t many thoughts in his head as he let himself go. sleep over taking him, making his eyes droop due to the fatigue he hadn’t felt until now.
i don’t wanna wake up.
i don’t wanna wake up.
i don’t wanna wake up…
if you ain’t laying next to me.
tagging : @strangertides @luvaffaire @bunnybubkook @ateezbabysitters @aesmstar @hxneyboy @perfectlysane24 @hwasrie @leicy0756 @earth-to-leiki @malewife-supremacy @swimmingkpopblog @mitsuxii @rdiamond2727 @yeodoodle @baekhvuns ns @woahhwa @hongjoongshiddies 3 @appachicken @pinkchampagne2 @yuufiles 3 @rielleluvs + send an ask or dm to be removed from the taglist + @koffeenet @kflixnet @getoswhore
▌ꫂꯥ➣ title | when snow falls
▌ꫂꯥ➣ genre | fluff, slight angst, minor arguments, slice of life, snow day
▌ꫂꯥ➣ characters | Jaehyun x reader
▌ꫂꯥ➣ summary | it's snow and all you want to do is play in the snow with your sleepy boyfriend.
▌ꫂꯥ➣ warnings | suggestive dialogue
▌ꫂꯥ➣ word count | 1.7k
▌ꫂꯥ➣ author’s notes | last night, it started snowing at my house, something i haven't seen in three years. while outside, i couldn't help but to imagine what it would be like with jaehyun. thus, when i got back inside, i started this fic. hope you enjoy!
▌ꫂꯥ➣ tag list | @treasuretaeil @hachanbaecon @jisungsblackhairissuperior @nschit @jaesspresso
❝The first snow is like the first love❞ — Lara Biyuts
- - - -
It was late when the movie came to an end, the credits darkening the screen, making the dim living room that much darker. You sat there watching the credits roll for another moment or two before grabbing the remote from off the coffee table and switching off the television. You slid up on the couch to prepare yourself to stand, taking the extra time to arch your back and stretch your arms wide above your head to wake up the muscles that had been asleep since your last bathroom break two hours ago. A small yawn slipped past your lips as you pulled yourself off the couch, grabbing the empty popcorn bowl and empty soda cans off the coffee table to dispose of them properly in the kitchen.
You tiptoed the few steps it took to get into the small, open kitchen where you placed the popcorn bowl in the sink to be washed in the morning and lifted the recycling bin lid to toss in two aluminum cans. You checked the latch on the back door, ensuring it was secure, more out of habit than paranoia, and returned quietly to the living room to finish shutting the drapes that your boyfriend had been careless with when you’d first asked him to do it.
You padded quietly over to the drapes, detangling one with quick motions and letting it fall while you worked on the other. As you let the first drape fall, you absentmindedly glanced out of the window, expecting to see your normal street view. Your driveway leading to the road where the street lamp shined brightly through the night. Your neighbor’s houses across the road, most likely harboring a forgotten bike on the front lawn. Perhaps you’d even see the neighborhood cat wandering around as it usually did. However, though you saw everything you’d expected to see, what you didn’t expect was for everything to be coated in a wonderful white powder.
A small squeal left your lips. There was no way this was real! You hadn’t seen snow in nearly four years! But as you let out a small squeak of pain from your hand pinching hard into your left arm, your mouth couldn’t help but to form a smile.
“Jaehyun!” you called gleefully, never taking your eyes off the window.
When you hadn’t heard a response after a few moments, you spun around to see the man in question still sprawled out on the couch, mouth hanging half open and slightly drooling on the throw pillow he’d dubbed his “nap pillow.” He was still exactly as you’d left him. Dead to the world. His only movement being the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. While typically, you would only wake him long enough to drag him into a much more comfortable bed, tonight, you had no regard for his comfort.
“Jaehyun! Get up!” you called again, none too quietly.
This time, his breathing stuttered and his shoulders rolled, seeking a more comfortable position.
“What,” he mumbled grumpily, his consciousness already fading before he’d even gotten the word out.
“Get up! It’s snowing!” you cheeped.
You glanced back out the window. Sending it a warning glare, almost daring the white powder to be a sleepy allusion. When it had been warned, you paced across the room to the already back asleep Jaehyun and grabbed his shoulder firmly, shaking lightly.
“Get up! It’s snowing! We’ve got to go outside!”
He grumbled. “Why? It’ll be there in the morning.”
He had a valid point, but you couldn’t wait til morning.
“Get up, get up, get up!” you chanted, shaking his shoulder harder.
He grumbled again, deep in his chest, but this time, he shifted beneath your incessant shaking, slowly pulling himself to sit up, stretching his limbs out above his head.
Satisfied that he was now awake, you jumped up from the couch.
“Let’s go outside! We have to dance in the snow!” you squealed.
He let out another grumble and you turned back to face him, a grumpy frown spread across your lips.
“The snow will still be there in the morning. It will be cold out there and it’s already midnight. Let’s go to bed,” he reasoned.
A pout replaced the frown.
“But it’s falling right now! Can you 100% guarantee me that it will still be falling in the morning?” You crossed your arms and waited for his response, to which he sighed.
“No, I can’t, but it will still be on the ground, just as good. C’mon, we’re both tired. If you’re that insistent, then go out by yourself. I want to go to bed!”
You shook your head. “I don’t want to dance alone!”
He huffed and leaned back against the couch, letting his eyes close once more as if the conversation was over. Your eyes narrowed.
“Jung fucking Jaehyun! Get your ass off that couch and come play in the snow with me!” you seethed, a scowl plastered across your face.
He opened his eyes and glanced at you before turning his head away and closing his eyes again. You let out a small growl, frustration filling your veins. You felt childish for getting so frustrated but… it never snowed anywhere even close to where you lived! It only happened once every five years! Chances like these didn’t come around often, and the last few times they had, you’d missed the opportunity to dance in the falling snow with the man you loved! You’d be damned if you missed it this time all because your boyfriend was too fucking stubborn to get his ass off the couch for a damn hour!
You grabbed the throw pillow that Jaehyun had been drooling on before you’d woken him and hit him in the head with it, causing him to jump, eyes wide.
“Did you just-”
“Dance with me for an hour, then you can go to bed!” you reasoned.
“It’s too damn cold out there!”
You hit him again.
“Put on that coat Johnny bought you last year!”
“I’m not leaving this warm, cozy house!” he argued.
“Oh my God! Jaehyun I-”
“That‘s not the first time you’ve said that,” he cut you off, a dirty smirk spreading across his face.
You stared at him blankly, lost at how he’d taken your frustration and turned it into a dirty joke?
“What the fuck, Jae?!” you yelped.
“Not the first time I’ve heard that either,” he replied coyly.
You smacked him in the head with the pillow.
“I swear, if you don’t get dressed and get your ass outside in the fucking snow with me, I will smother you in your sleep!” you threatened.
“Not the first time you tried to smother me,” he smirked with a wink.
“Well you’ll enjoy this time a lot less,” you retorted.
“I wouldn’t count on that,” he smirked as he got up off the couch with a grunt like he was some middle-aged man with stiff joints.
“You get to keep me outside for 30 minutes? Take it or leave it?”
It took you a moment to fully grasp what he was saying before a grin spread. 30 minutes was better than nothing.
“Your coat and boots are in the closet!” you informed, dashing off toward your shared bedroom to dig out your own coat.
- - - -
After finally getting dressed enough to go out in the snow without getting too cold too quickly, you both were out the door, a smile blossoming across your face as soon as the chilly wind blowing large flakes of snow brushed across your cheeks. You clasped Jaehyun’s hand in yours and pulled him off the doorstep and into the snow-covered yard that seemed to have turned into a winter wonderland.
“It’s so beautiful,” you whispered, taking in the mesmerizing surroundings.
Your yard was completely covered in the white blanket. The streetlamp at the edge of the driveway beamed off the snow, creating just enough light to cast the surroundings in a dim glow. The light from your porch illuminated the fast-falling snowflakes that settled all around you; flakes of ice creating a bed in your hair, creating a messy crown as you surveyed your kingdom and, more importantly, your king.
You turned to face Jaehyun with a loving smile.
“Dance with me,” you whispered.
He returned the smile and settled one of his gloved hands on your waist, the other taking your hand and stepping forward, leading you into the beam of the porch light. He twirled you out and spun you back in, your back pressing against his chest, your arms crossed over your torso as you both swayed.
“I love you,” he whispered, spinning you around again to face him.
You followed his lead around in a small circle beneath the spotlight.
“I love you too,” you responded, leaning up to press a soft kiss against his lips.
He twirled you around, bringing him back to him and dipped you, your left leg lifting into the air as you breathed out a gasp at the unexpected move. Your breath visible in the cold as Jaehyun leaned down to greet you, pressing his lips against yours as he supported most of your body weight in his arms, making you feel weightless, floaty, and oh so in love. Snow fell around you, brushing against your cheeks and landing delicately in your hair. Your arms wound around Jaehyun’s neck to tug him closer in the cold night.
When he pulled away, he pulled you back up slowly and it took a moment to regain your footing, feeling a bit dizzy after such a perfect moment.
“Thank you for dragging me out here,” he whispered, twirling you again before drawing you to his chest.
The cold was already starting to get too much, but as he held you close, you couldn’t imagine going back inside. That is, until loose, freezing snow fell down the back of your pajama shirt, dropping down your spine as you let out a loud shriek, wrenching yourself away from Jaehyun. As you wiggled and squirmed, letting out small shrieks whilst flopping the back of your shirt up in an attempt at getting the snow off your skin and out of your shirt, Jaehyun doubled over in hysterical laughter, nearly losing his footing and faceplanting as he cackled.
“That’s for hitting me with that damn pillow!” he yelled out through his roaring laughter.
SUMMARY | you hate jungwon—like a lot. everyone at your school knows it at this point. so why is it the minute you see him shed a tear, you feel bad? with this new found guilt, you're able to see new sides of jungwon that your anger blinded you from before. it doesn't take you long to realise that you don't hate these new sides of him as much as you'd like to.
PAIRING | jungwon x fem!reader
WORD COUNT | 18.2k (IM SORRY AHA)
GENRE | slow burn!!! enemies to lovers au, high school au, fluff, angst
WARNINGS | profanity, violence, vandalism, jungwon is vv mean, mentions of alcohol & sex (for sunghoon only)
FEATURING | second lead sunghoon, heeseung is mentioned and ITZY !
A/N | IT'S FINALLY HEREEEE!!!!! this has took me nearly two months to write im so happy it's finally out omg,, the blood sweat and tears i have put myself through for this fic is awful . so pls . enjoy :( also thanks to nadia & may for beta reading !!
you: chemistry club??? really?
jung_1: i wanted the piano club
you: so what?? me going isn't going to stop u
jung_1: u think i wanna see your face every day after school?
class is enough smh
you: so u signed me up for chem?
jung_1: it was the only one left lol
jung_1: k lol
From what you can remember, Jungwon hasn't always been like this. You've tried to sit down and pinpoint a date back to when this all started, but the best you could come up with was when he blew out your candle at your eleventh birthday party. That was the first and last time you had ever invited him over to your house.
The two of you are neighbours, and yet you've never had a single decent conversation with the guy in your entire life. Ever since the two of you were little, Jungwon always found a way to laugh at you, talk shit about you or do something to purposely annoy you. Your friends always warned you not to do anything back, that he was only doing it to draw out a reaction, but it was so hard not to whenever you saw his stupid face. The fact that he's so popular in school doesn't help either. Whenever you complain about him to anyone, you're always met with the same thing: "But he's so nice to me." "He's not like that with me." "You must have done something to upset him, Jungwon is the sweetest."
Yeah, sweetest pain in your ass. There is literally nothing about him that you like. It's clear to everyone that you hate Jungwon.
Sitting on your chair, you rest your chin on your palm as you stare at the whiteboard. You're fuming, to say the very least. Written on the board are everyone's names under the club they'd be joining as soon as the bell rings. Yours is supposed to be under piano club but instead it's under chemistry with only one other person who signed up. You barely even know who he is.
"Who's Sunghoon?" Your friend, Yuna, whispers.
You recognise the name (being in the same school for 3 years, it would be kind of rude not to) but you don’t really know who he is. “I think it’s the guy that ice skates.”
"He's so cute," Yuna gawks, "you're lucky you're gonna be alone with him for the rest of the year."
You scrunch your face at your friend, before letting out a long sigh. "Yeah, doing chemistry." Fuck Jungwon, signing you up for a club that you're already failing in class, just so he can go to piano. You purposefully ran to the piano club stand so that you could sign it before him, but that asshole must have rubbed out your name and written his instead. As much as you despise him, you have to admit that was a clever thing to do.
Yuna slaps you lightly, "Maybe you can get him to tutor you for free. I heard he gets people to pay him ₩75,000 per hour."
"No, I'm pretty sure the point of chemistry club is to have fun. He's probably gonna be a nerd the entire time," you grumble into your palm, already miserable about the hours and hours you're going to have to spend with a science nerd. There must have been dozens of clubs with spaces still available; Jungwon could have picked another music club, a sports club, literature, art, history, debate, politics, or even maths for God's sake. But the boy chose chemistry. He knows that you're failing all three of your sciences, so not only did he remove you from your favourite club, he put you into your worst enemy—second to Jungwon. God, did you want to pull out his stupid black hair right then.
“You’re not going to let him win this one, are you?” Yuna deadpans, probably bored from your endless war with Jungwon. You don’t blame her, if the tables were turned, you’d probably say the same things she does. “Just leave it.” “If you ignore him he’ll stop.” “Be the bigger person.” Blah blah blah. It would be humiliating to let Jungwon get away with anything. You can’t even imagine it, coming into school everyday and hearing him laugh at you as if he has the upper hand. You would never ever let that happen, not even over your dead body.
Brushing your hair out of your face, you chuckle breathlessly. “As if.” There is absolutely no way in hell that you would let Jungwon get away with ruining your after school club for the rest of the year. You had to come up with something big, something that would make him suffer just as much—no, more—for the whole year, too.
Sadly, you didn't have enough time to come up with a plan.
"Okay, so why is a fluoride ion bigger than a sodium ion?"
You groan loudly, whacking your head against the table for what feels like the fiftieth time. You've been in this room for ten minutes with Sunghoon, and he's already managed to make it boring as hell. Optimistic, you came into this room hoping that Sunghoon would come up with some cool science-y project for the two of you to do. Instead, his idea of fun is extra homework. The guy seriously brought question packs for you two to do for a whole hour.
What a joke.
"Sunghoon, why are you asking me like I know?"
He gives you a judgemental look, and at this point you're too bored to care about how stupid he thinks you are. You should be practising the piano and making keyboard remixes on the iMacs, not memorising the periodic table with a nerd.
"Come on," he breaks into a nervous giggle, "this is like, the third question. We haven't even gotten to the hard part yet."
No. There's no way he's taking this club seriously. Dramatically, you push back your chair and glare at him. "You know what, I'm going to go get something to drink. You answer some questions while I'm gone, yeah?" You fake smile at him, unable to look at his nerdy face any longer. God, you hate science kids.
Skipping out of the classroom, you make your way to the vending machine. You need a warm drink to calm your stress down but the cafeteria is too far away so a bottle of apple juice should do. Anything that gives you an excuse to stay away from Sunghoon so that you can focus on your plan to get your revenge on–
"Oh, Y/N! What a coincidence!"
There it is, that dreaded, child-like voice you've grown to hate. Turning around, you're met with his half closed eyes and grin so upturned you can see his baby teeth. If you weren't in the middle of paying for your drink you would have slapped that smirk right off his face. Okay, maybe not, but it's really pissing you off.
"Yeah right, you probably came here to laugh at me." You grumble, fumbling with the vending machine that's choosing not to be on your side today.
He smiles again, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging like the oh so innocent boy he is. "I just wanted to check up on how you're doing in your new club. I understand, Y/N," he puts a hand on his chest, pouting, "I really do. Chemistry isn't for everyone."
You whip your head at him immediately, causing him to snort into his hand and break into a laughter that echoes in the empty hallway. "Wow, Jungwon, you're so funny. Don't think for a second that I'm going to let you get away with this."
He comes closer and leans his elbow on the machine so that his head is right above yours, his eyes locking right onto you. Every time he gets close, you're reminded of when Yuna tells you to take a good look at him to see what all the girls in your school sees. But all you can see is an arrogant, stuck up piece of shit—his only entertainment being getting on your nerves. You can see why someone would find him attractive. But his personality is so strong that it practically covers all of his charm to you.
"Admit it," he laughs, "you can't beat me this time. This is one of the best things I've done, I'm kinda' proud of this one. I mean, nothing beats the–"
"Shut up, I am going to beat you. As soon as school's over, I'm coming up with something." You scowl, punching the vending machine so that it will let your bottle fall.
Jungwon coos at you, finding this whole situation amusing. "Aw, is it that hard that it's taking up all your brain space?" He asks in a baby voice. "You can't think of a plan better than mine because you're so busy trying to figure out what O stands for?"
Too focused on the stupid machine, you ignore the menacing voice coming from your left. You've smacked it, shaken it, kicked it, you're not really sure what else there is to do.
Jungwon pushes you out of the way and resets your order, making your jaw drop as you see your bottle that was so close to falling go back to its spot. You shove him back, annoyed that he thinks he can do whatever he wants just because he's stronger than you. "Hey, that was–"
Jungwon sighs dramatically, before bringing out his wallet from his pocket and pulling out a credit card.
"Show off." You mumble, crossing your arms as you watch him dial his order.
"The machine clearly doesn't like you." He smirks, as his coke falls immediately.
You try to hold back how shocked you are, and the urge to ask him to order for you. But with the way Jungwon snickers at you, you can tell he already knows. It isn't like he's going to order for you anyway.
And you're right, because here he is, popping open his can and sipping it right in front of you. He's acting like he's in a commercial for the drink, all just to wind you up. But you can't let him win, you'll never let him win. So you stay, and watch him drink until the last drop and walk away slowly.
Absolute pain in your ass.
I hate Jungwon.
You're starting to get sick of starting all your diary entries with the same thing. Jungwon isn't even here; you're in your room, alone. There's nothing to remind you of him. Yet every night, you sit at your desk and scribble in your diary. And every night, you start off each entry reminding you that you hate him.
You flip through your diary entries of the past few weeks, and they're all starting to blur together. Each entry is almost as similar as the last. It's all the same thing—you hate Jungwon. You see him in the morning of school, your mood changes. You're reminded of him in your chemistry club, you get angry. You walk behind him on the way home from school, the two of you are arguing.
When the hell is this going to end?
To be honest, thinking about this is just making you hate him even more. The worst thing about this is that you can't even walk it off like you usually do at school. You're used to pacing the school corridors or the track field whenever he makes you really mad. But outside of school, you always meet him. It's either him, or his annoying and inappropriate older friends, or his evil dog. You'd rather rot in your room than risk having to waste your energy fighting with him, or running away from his dog, or pulling your skirt down from his friends.
You're trapped. He gets to enjoy his life while you're trapped at home, writing “I hate Jungwon” in your diary every single day. The power this guy holds over you is huge, and you just can't wait to move out to college to finally get rid of him.
Walking down the hallway, you bump into your chemistry partner of the past two weeks. To be honest, you don’t think you’ve ever seen this boy outside of the chemistry club, so seeing him now, walking tall, hands in his pockets and a lot of other students around him was quite a shock. You really thought he was nothing more than a nerd.
As soon as Sunghoon lays his eyes on you, he smiles widely and you can’t help the way your heart flutters a little at that. Did Jungwon really make you so angry about chemistry that you never noticed how good looking Sunghoon is? Or are you just that bad at it that you had no time to focus on Sunghoon’s looks? As he walks away from his friends and towards you, you gulp, brushing down your hair and skirt with your palms that are starting to sweat. You see this guy every single evening, what difference is it now?
“Hi Y/N,” he smiles, one hand sitting attractively in his pocket and another rubbing the back of his neck.
“Hi,” you reply, but your voice comes out as barely a whisper. You’re a little frightened at how shy you are in front of Sunghoon right now, when you were literally cursing him off in your head yesterday because he laughed at you for not knowing an equation.
He chuckles, and you swear your heart flips at the way his eyes crease when he does. “You know, I was starting to think that you didn’t even go to this school. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around.”
Well, at least the feeling is mutual. “Yeah, me neither. I didn’t realise you’re kinda popular.” You say as you eye his large group of friends that are all waiting for him. “It must be the ice skating, right?” You joke, mentally slapping yourself for being rude.
Sunghoon laughs anyway, and he leans forward when does, making your heart nearly jump out of your chest. “Yeah, either that or my brain.”
“Nerd.” You playfully roll your eyes, finally being able to mix together the Sunghoon that gets all excited when he’s got a hard question right, and the Sunghoon that’s standing in front of you right now.
A voice interrupts the two of you. He always does. Whenever you manage to find a little bit of peace at school, Yang Jungwon always finds a way to ruin it. You’re so close to getting him charged for stalking at this point. Both you and Sunghoon turn around to see who was clearing their throat, and you almost growl when you do.
“What do you want?” You snap, not giving him the time of day.
Jungwon tilts his head with an offended look on his face and a hand on his heart like he always does. “That’s rude, Y/N, I was just–”
“She said what do you want.” Sunghoon deadpans beside you out of nowhere.
Jungwon furrows his brows, as do you. Nobody has ever come between the two of you bickering before, this was new to the both of you. You decided to stay quiet and see what Jungwon would say, a little nervous at how this might all play out.
“What?” Jungwon chuckles, jutting out his chin to make himself appear taller. The two are practically the same height, but something about Sunghoon’s figure makes him seem so much taller than Jungwon. Are you about to witness an alpha brawl out?
Sunghoon doesn’t move, you don’t even think he’s breathing right now. His eyes are trained on Jungwon’s with a glare so intense even you’re a little scared. “Is there something you need to say to Y/N?”
Jungwon’s brows remain furrowed as his eyes narrow and an annoyed look spreads across his face. How ironic, he’s starting to look like you. You don’t think you’ve seen Jungwon this physically frustrated since the time his bike broke when he was thirteen and he tried to kick it but ended up spraining his ankle. He always looks amused. No matter the situation, Jungwon always has a smile on his face. Seeing him like this—threatened—caught you a little off guard.
“I can say whatever the hell I want to her, pretty boy.” He muttered, his face inches away from Sunghoon’s.
Someone behind you whispers something about their sexual tension, almost making you snort at the scene. You have to purse your lips together to stop yourself from laughing, because now you can’t unsee it.
“Well, too bad we have somewhere to be, don’t we, Y/N?” Sunghoon turns to you, and all of a sudden you can feel everyone’s eyes focusing on you.
You giggle awkwardly, before making eye contact with Jungwon. He’s never glared at you like this before, and for the first time you can think of, you feel small in front of him. “Uh, yeah, we should, uh, get going.”
Sunghoon grins at Jungwon as soon as you speak, and barges past his shoulder aggressively before pulling you by your wrist to go and follow him. For some reason, though, you can’t help but turn around to see Jungwon standing there, already looking right at you.
“Sooo,” you sit on a desk as Sunghoon closes the door to the empty classroom the two of you are hiding in behind him, “you gonna’ explain what just happened?”
Sunghoon leans on the desk right in front of you and looks at you blankly, like what just happened didn’t happen at all. “What? You didn’t like it?”
“Like what? Jungwon’s probably going to be so mad because of this.” It’s true, the bike incident when he was thirteen led to him being extra rude for the whole time he was injured. You figure this time it’s his pride that’s hurt, so he’s going to lash out at you until he makes himself feel better. You haven’t even gotten back at him yet for the chemistry club situation, so you really don’t want to be dealing with a moody Jungwon; you’re scared of how creative he’s going to be.
Out of nowhere, Sunghoon lets out a dramatic groan, throwing his head back in vexation as he does. “Come on, Y/N, aren’t you bored of it?”
Confused, you answer. “Of what?”
“This whole cat and mouse deal you have going on with Jungwon? I remember being in the same class as you in our freshman year of high school, and everyone in the class was sick and tired of you two bickering everyday. I thought it’d blow over eventually. How are you still letting this go on?”
You open your mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Of course you’re tired of it. Of course you want it to end. Of course you want nothing to do with Jungwon and you want a peaceful last year of school to focus on your exams and college. Of course you want to be able to hang out with your friends without thinking about Jungwon. Of course you want to write in your diary without mentioning him. Of course you’re sick of this all. But how the hell are you supposed to end it? You hate his guts and he hates yours. His pride may be thick but yours is definitely thicker.
This situation reminds you of the time you did try to be nice to Jungwon once, with the hopes all of this mess would end.
Your mum just got off the phone and suddenly bursted her way into the kitchen. A little startled at her fast movements, you followed her and sat on the counter. “Mum? What’s wrong?” Panicking, she gathered different ingredients and kitchenware to cook something, and you couldn’t be any more confused. “Mum! What’s going on?”
“The Yang family,” she started, already mixing away two eggs, “their son is sick. This is the only time she has ever asked me to do anything, Y/N. That family has looked down on us ever since we moved here, and not once has Mrs Yang ever asked for help. But she’s away, and her boy is at home sick without anyone to feed him. If I don’t make a good impression on that snobby little boy, they’ll think we’re incapable and cruel human beings. I have–”
“Okay, okay,” you laughed, not really thinking much of it. As far as you could care, Jungwon could starve. “As long as I’m not the one delivering it,” you mumbled, leaving the kitchen.
Of course you were the one delivering it.
Releasing a long sigh from the pit of your chest, you tried to put aside your pride and hatred to drop off the tray of food for Jungwon. You tried to remind yourself to have some humanity, that he was sick and alone and needed some food. The only thing that managed to help you push through was imagining him begging on his knees for food from you and you holding the tray away from his sick hands’ reach. A little evil, but it helped you press his doorbell.
When Jungwon opened the door, you could feel your heart sink to the ground. All those mischievous thoughts in your mind about teasing him flew out of your mind as soon as you got a good look at his face. He was extremely pale, and his eyes were red and glassy. He looked frail, like a single touch could knock him over. You gasped when you saw him, and immediately took a step inside to go and help him anyway you could.
“Hey, hey, are you okay?” You asked, placing the back of your palm on his head that was drenched in his sweat. “Oh, my God, you’re boiling. Jungwon, take your coat off.” Placing the tray on the ground, you tried to help him take off his coat but he wouldn’t budge. Looking back at him, he had a disgusted look on his face.
“What the hell are you doing? My mum said you came here to give me food, not baby me.” He shrugged his coat back on to stop it from sliding off his shoulder and snatched the tray up from the ground.
“What? I’m trying to help-”
“Who asked you to? Piss off, Y/N.”
Standing outside of his house, you were shocked. You were just trying to help him. You put aside the feelings you two had towards each other because he was sick. Even sick Jungwon is an asshole, you thought. That was when you made a mental note to never be nice to this guy ever again. He didn't deserve it.
“Y/N?” Sunghoon waves his hand in front of yours, forcing you out of your daydream.
You shake your head, “Oh, sorry. What were you saying?”
Sunghoon stares at you for quite a while without saying anything, letting you scan his features freely. His dark hair extends at the back of his neck, kind of like a mullet, and it suits him a lot. His eyebrows are sharp, and you inwardly frown at how they look better taken care of than yours. His eyes aren’t anything special, but they’re looking at you intently right now; they look heavy, like he has a lot to say. Sunghoon’s lips, however, God you could stare at them forever. They’re so pink and plumpy, he’s definitely a good kisser.
“Are you staring at my lips right now?” Your eyes snap back to Sunghoon’s eyes in horror that he caught you. He laughs at your reaction, so you follow, covering your mouth with a hand. “So what’s the deal with you and Jungwon?” He asks after the two of you have calmed down.
You shrug, wanting to avoid his question since you already ask yourself that every single day. “Nothing, really.”
“So, you just argue for fun? Masochism, I like it.” He chuckles, and you dart your eyes at him. “No, no I’m just saying, if you can’t even tell me why you two argue, what’s the point of doing it?”
It’s a genuine question. It’s a question Yuna has asked you, your teachers have asked you, the other girls in your friend group have asked you, your parents have asked you, but most importantly one that you’ve asked yourself countless times. And you’re annoyed because the answer is there is no answer. You don’t ever remember doing anything to offend Jungwon when he first moved into your neighbourhood or your school. You just remember him being a little shit, thinking he could walk all over and bully you. But your dad brought you up differently, to stand up for yourself. That’s why Jungwon’s always on offence, and you always seem to be on the defence.
“I never start anything,” you look at Sunghoon, and you find it heartwarming how he’s listening so intently, “He’s always the one that approaches me, so I just bite back. If I never did, I would be crushed by now.” You explain, fiddling with the edge of your sleeve.
“So Jungwon’s a bully?” Sunghoon asks, and your body suddenly feels tons heavier. You hate that word, it just doesn’t sound right.
“No, not a bully.”
“Sounds like it.” Sunghoon shrugs. “He’s mean to you so you’re mean back. Except it’s been going on for years.”
You get up from the desk and sit on another, feeling a little uncomfortable with this situation. “Um, I guess? It doesn’t bother me that much. It’s just becoming repetitive at this point. Today’s the first day he didn’t say something stupid. It was relieving, you know.” You explain, a smile unconsciously growing on your lips.
“Don’t worry,” Sunghoon comes over, his wide chest blocking your field of vision, “now that you’ve got me around, he won’t bother you as much.”
I had fun today.
It’s only half way through your diary entry that you notice you didn’t start it off with the infamous “I hate Jungwon.” Actually, reading the entry made you realise how little you even saw him today. The only time you spoke to him was when you were with Sunghoon. How long has it been since the two of you didn’t have a petty argument? You find yourself smiling down at your diary, a wave of relief washing over your body at the thought of Sunghoon being your first step to freedom.
You also find yourself smiling when you started scribbling down how fun your chemistry club was today. You and Sunghoon barely even finished a question, the two of you talking and laughing the entire time. He even promised that if he was ever free, he’d give you occasional free tutoring for chemistry. Life would be so much easier if Jungwon was more like Sunghoon, wouldn’t it?
Somebody should have warned you that your happiness is short lived, because while you were giving Yuna a detailed update of everything to do with Sunghoon, Jungwon’s voice echoed behind you. You promise yourself that one day, you need to creep up behind him and his friends and cut them off because this was really starting to piss you off.
You and Yuna turn around, both you offering him the exact same defeated look.
“That Sunghoon guy,” Jungwon starts, taking slow steps towards you. “Since when did you two get close?”
Yuna scoffs loudly, putting a hand on her hip. “Why? You jealous, Yang?” Yeah, as if he would be. He’s probably jealous of you, seeing that tension between them yesterday.
Jungwon laughs sarcastically before turning back to you so fast you had to flinch your head backwards. He was a little too close for your liking so you stepped back. “Yeah, you wish. No, I’m just asking because he’s an asshole, and I don’t want to have to talk to him every time I wanna annoy you.”
You push his shoulder away from you and laugh in disbelief. “Well, why don’t you just stop trying to annoy me then, huh?” You could tell what you said threw Jungwon off guard a little by the way he twitched his brows. This is the first time you’ve ever seen him take a second to come up with something to say, usually it’s second nature to him. You smirked, thanking God for giving you the upper hand today. “Aww, are you insecure, Jungwon? Does Sunghoon make you insecure?” You ask in that irritating baby voice he always uses on you. “Are you jealous because you’ll never have hair as good as his? Or because you’ll never be as good looking as him? Are you sad that–”
“Y/N, I’m not the one that attracts the opposite sex through pity.”
That shuts you up completely, and your confidence withers to bits. He’s got that same disgusted look on his face as that day you went to visit him. It’s not like he’s never said something as harsh as that before, so you’re not really sure why this is affecting you so much. As embarrassing as it is to admit, that really hurt.
“First, he has to witness how horrible you are at chemistry. Then he saw you speaking to me, and probably felt bad for you. And let’s not even mention your looks.” Jungwon continues, peeling off every layer you’ve been forced to wrap around yourself ever since you met him. Slowly, he’s stripping away your pride, your dignity, and even your self esteem. “You think I’m jealous of a guy that sleeps around so much he probably has STDs? I think our fighting has made you forget that I also get girls, Y/N. I just don’t flout them for attention like he does.”
“Let’s go,” Yuna whispers, tugging on your sleeve. Your eyes are on the ground, unable to meet Jungwon’s. You’ve never felt so insignificant and helpless in front of him before, your body is unable to catch up with all these new emotions. “Come on, Y/N.”
The two of you are walking down the hallway, making your way to the bathroom. Tears are pooling in your eyes, something Jungwon has never managed to make happen. You feel so stupid, so stupid for letting him break you after all these years. All these years you wasted arguing with him almost every single day of your life. For what? What did either of you get out of it? You’ve never even stopped for a second to consider the words that you two were saying to each other, how much you were hurting each other. Well, you doubt you’ve ever really hurt Jungwon. He’s probably jumping up and down right now, cheering at the thought of finally winning. You just hope this means that it’s all over. You’re exhausted.
“Y/N?” Sunghoon’s voice appears just as you’re about to follow Yuna into the bathroom.
You feel your breath grow heavier at the sound of his voice, humiliation rippling throughout your body. Maybe that’s why this affected you so much. Maybe it’s because Jungwon was calling you an idiot for thinking Sunghoon liked you. Because apparently he’s just another popular boy. And vecause apparently, he's just been fooling you.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Hurriedly, he walks up to you and places a hand atop your head, his doe eyes boring right into yours. You want to push him away so hard and tell him to go find another girl to play with, but all you can do is stare back at him. “Look, come here.” He pulls you away from the safe space of the female bathroom and right into the disabled ones.
You don’t know why, but as soon as Sunghoon locks the door, your tears start falling against your will. On instinct, you turn away and bring a hand to stop yourself from sobbing audibly. If what Jungwon said is true, you cannot let Sunghoon see you crying. You’ve read enough romance books to know that bad boys love it when a girl is vulnerable. But Sunghoon doesn’t speak; you’re not even sure he moves. The room is silent, albeit your quick breaths and occasional sobs. At this point, you’re just letting your body move on its own. Your mum always tells you it’s best to cry it out, to let your emotions ride out their course. So you decide to stay there and continue to cry into your already soaked hands.
Once you’re done wiping away your cheeks and rubbing your eyes, you make your way to the mirror to see what you look like. If Sunghoon wasn’t in the room you would have cried all over again just from seeing your reflection. “Ugh, I’m a mess.”
Sunghoon giggles, and lifts himself up from leaning against the door to come stand behind you. Gently, he brushes away strands of your hair from your face and fixes your collar for you. “I think,” he makes eye contact with you in the mirror, “you look just fine.”
Unfortunately, I still hate Jungwon.
“No, why are you starting it like that again?” Yuna huffs beside you, probably disappointed at your relapse. It’s been a week since Jungwon made you cry, and it’s been a calm week, too. You never told Sunghoon what happened, but he’s been staying by your side at school since. He likes to call himself your personal bullmastiff, and that he scares away Jungwon who’s only a sheep. Although you’re still terrified that what Jungwon said about Sunghoon being a manwhore is true, there’s still a part of you that hopes it isn’t. You’re hoping he isn’t just hanging around to get in your pants.
“Because I’m mad, Yuna. If we’re really ending this, I can’t be the only one that’s upset about it. I need to think of one final thing to get back at him. Something that will really hurt him.” You explain, really disappointed in how much you’ve been lacking this school year. You haven’t gotten him back once, and it’s frustrating you.
“Hm, what about his motorbike?” Yuna asks, an evil glint to her eyes.
“No.” You shake your head. “No way. I would love to, believe me–”
“So why not?”
“Because his parents would kill me!”
“Oh come on, that bike costs to them what a piece of gum costs to us, Y/N.”
“No, I heard him tell his friend. You know that pervert, Heeseung? Yeah, they were talking about it and Jungwon was saying that it’s from a limited series and that his parents had to fly out to Thailand to bid for it.” You whisper, for some reason you don’t really know. “Thailand, Yuna.”
“Okay, why don’t we wear masks? We can get Sunghoon to help us, too. You know, like them ski masks.” Yuna motions the mask with her hands, a persuasive look on her face. You’re tempted to, you really are. The thought of taking the only thing that Jungwon seems to have human feelings for away from him is very tempting.
“But wait, he wouldn’t know it’s me.”
“Uh, Y/N, that’s a good thing? If he knows it’s you, you’d be sued.”
“Oh, yeah, true.”
“We can enjoy our victory from afar, okay?”
You suck in a deep breath. “Okay.”
This may be the worst idea you’ve ever thought of in your entire life.
Here you are, standing in between Sunghoon (who Yuna had to convince for hours to come along) and Yuna. The three of you are wearing your skii masks, but Sunghoon is too much of a cheapskate to buy a new one so he’s wearing his dad’s bright blue mask and making the three of you look stupid.
“Okay, on the count of three–”
“No wait!” Sunghoon’s voice squeaks as he whisper-shouts.
You and Yuna whip your heads into his direction, stunned at his voice crack. “Sunghoon, you’re the only guy here!” You whisper-shout back. “You can’t be the scared one.”
“I have never broken the law before, if I get caught doing this my parents are going to kill me, Y/N.” He panics, yet neither of you can take him seriously with his idiotic mask on.
“What are you talking about? I’m pretty sure you broke about five laws driving us here in your mum’s car.” You snap, before looking at Yuna. “But maybe he’s r–”
“No, guys it’s now or never.” Yuna whispers, before tugging on both yours and Sunghoon’s sleeves, running ahead. Your veins are booming so loud you’re worried someone will be able to hear it. Arriving at the tail of the motorcycle, you raise a trembling finger to touch it. You gasp when you do, already mentally hearing the sounds of sirens coming closer and closer.
Yuna pulls out a hairpin and shoves it into the keyhole of the motorcycle while you and Sunghoon crouch and cower behind her, failing to keep a proper look out. This feels so wrong, but it’s too late to go back now. Sunghoon’s stupid mask is probably plastered all over the CCTVs already. You’ll probably need a miracle to not get yourself landed in prison.
Yuna whimpers as she struggles to switch on the engine. You’re starting to panic even more now, the thought of this all going horribly wrong circling your mind repeatedly. “It’s not working!” She yells, and you and Sunghoon look at each other with wide eyes.
“Go help her!” You motion at him, your heart drumming louder than it ever has before.
“What do you mean go help her, why don’t you go help her?!” Sunghoon doesn't budge and only tightens his hold on the tail of the motorcycle.
“No, I’m keeping look out!”
“No you’re not, you’re looking at me!”
“Will you two shut up and come help me?!” Yuna screams, and you shoot up to go over and help her. It’s useless, though. No matter how much the two of you twist and turn the hairpin, the engine doesn’t turn on. “Why isn’t it working? We practised this like a thousand times!”
“I don’t know! Maybe because it’s a limited edition?!” You scream back, the plan blowing up in your face.
“Fuck!” Yuna slams the head of the bike in anger as you start to lose control of your breaths. “I think I’ve broken the keyhole.”
You groan loudly, closing your eyes to think of a way to fix this. Trying so hard to calm yourself down, you attempt to come up with another plan. It’s either that or the three of you need to escape—now
But as always, Jungwon’s voice interrupts you. His timing is probably his only positive attribute.
“Hey!” He barks at the other end of the road, making you and Yuna look at each other like you’ve seen a ghost. He’s running as fast as he can, so much so you can see his forehead shining under the street lights.
“Let’s ditch the bike!”
“No! We can’t let this all be for nothing!”
“Out of the way ladies!” Sunghoon’s voice appears out of nowhere, and you turn to see him standing over the bike with a large pole in his hands. Oh, my God. Instinctively, you and Yuna jump off the bike and run behind Sunghoon to watch him do his dirty work.
You poke out your head, trying to catch your breath and a glimpse of Jungwon. “He’s close, hurry up!”
“No!” Jungwon screams, reaching his arms out, dread written all over his little baby face. “Stop, please!”
Sunghoon ignores him and draws back the pole before slamming it against the metal of the motorcycle. He hits it again and again, parts flying all over the place each time. He yells at every impact, like he was beating up a person.
Jungwon arrives, and you can't help but notice his breaths are shaky and the strands of hair sticking to his forehead. He pulls Sunghoon away from you and punches him right in the jaw, a roar ripping right from the bottom of his lungs. The light sensors of the neighbouring houses switch on, and some neighbours even come out to take a peek. With the rush of the scene flowing through your veins, and the fear that all of this is for nothing, you pick up the pole that fell out of Sunghoon’s hands and hit the bike yourself. Hearing Jungwon beg like that so helplessly for the first time in your life only fuels your anger even more. Each whack, each hit, your mind flashes back to the times Jungwon hurt you, the times Jungwon forced you to build another wall.
“What’s the point of going to the school dance? It’s not like anybody wants to go with you, anyway.” Whoops, there goes the headlight.
“Oh, my God, you might as well go home if you’re going to be dressed like that the entire trip. Stop embarrassing us.” Oh no, the brake is broken.
“You failed chemistry again? Look, guys, she got 10%! What a loser!” Aw man, now the gas tank is leaking.
Before you can damage the bike anymore, Yuna pulls you back into reality. She’s yelling something at you, but your eyes can’t help but focus on Jungwon struggling against Sunghoon’s hold.
“Please! No, please stop! I’ll give you anything you want, just get away from my bike!”
Your surroundings suddenly blur as Yuna pulls you towards the car you guys came in. She shoves you in while telling you something but you can’t shift your attention from Jungwon who’s now given up and is laying still on the floor. He isn’t even fighting Sunghoon anymore. He’s just still, the base of his palms rubbing his eyes as his tears roll off his cheeks and fall onto the floor.
You made Jungwon cry. You made Yang Jungwon cry.
You're ashamed. You can't even step outside your house without making sure your hood is well over your head, hiding your face for anyone to see. There's no way anyone in the neighbourhood could know that it was you, right? You were completely covered; it could have been any two girls and a guy who smashed Jungwon's precious bike and brought him to tears.
Literal freaking tears.
In all the years you two have fought, Jungwon only ever smiles. He grins, or laughs that really annoying laugh where he throws his head back and stamps his feet on the floor. He pretends to be upset by putting a hand on his heart and squeezing his eyes shut, letting out an exaggerated gasp. He pretends to be mad by putting his hands on his hips and tilting his head so far sideways his hair looks like it's about to fall off. Jungwon is expressive, he enjoys winding you up by acting out his emotions—real or fake—dramatically. You've always hated it, but now you're praying that you're going to meet him on your way to school and he'll pretend to whine about how much you hurt him last night.
You shift your weight from one foot to the other, waiting at the end of the road for Jungwon to appear. You're not really sure why. What are you even going to say if you see him? You can't even apologise for what you've done, his parents would definitely put you behind bars. The wait is killing you, impatience stirring in your stomach at an outrageous speed. Gulping, you contemplate whether you should go knock on his door or not. Maybe he's oversleeping because he's tired from last night. Maybe if you knock, he'll wake up and nag at you for babying him like he did before.
Without really thinking, you head straight to his front door step with your bottom lip tucked between your teeth. Breathing in, you press the doorbell. His house is huge, and the noise the doorbell makes almost frightens you out of your skin. The loud ring echoes in your mind loudly as you tap your foot on the ground and keep your eyes locked onto the door. You press it again. And again. And again.
And then you wait.
But Jungwon never comes out. Nobody does. Not him, his sister or his parents. You're even hoping some sort of maid will come and open the door. But nobody does. You're trying not to overthink the situation: maybe he's just being a teenage boy and angry that his bike is broken so he's decided to skip school today.
The thought calms you down a little bit, so you turn around to leave. While turning back to the entrance, something shiny catches your eye around the corner of Jungwon's front yard. Curious, you scuttle towards it and poke your head around to see what it is. Your heart drops when you do. There it is. Jungwon's motorcycle that you smashed to pieces last night. Laying next to it, is an open box of tools, an unfinished cup of coffee, and Jungwon's jacket that he always wears under his blazer. The guilt at the pit of your stomach spreads around your body, squeezing your heart and scraping at your throat. Did he really stay up all night trying to fix it all by himself?
Did you go too far?
"Come on, you're being weird." Sunghoon crosses his arms, not shifting his gaze away from you.
Usually, you appreciate his attentiveness because it makes you feel special and gets you all shy, but today it isn’t doing you any good. You chuckle breathlessly and pull the sheet of paper towards you. "So I just need to calculate the mass of this mole, right? Using this equation?"
Sunghoon sighs, "Y/N, you know you can tell me what's wrong, right?"
You look up to meet his heavy gaze, his face already so close to yours. "No? Just because you chose to follow me around at school doesn't mean we're best friends, Sunghoon. It doesn't mean I can pour my heart out to you."
His expression doesn't falter, a blank look sitting on his face. "Then what are we?"
You pause, not really knowing how to answer that question. You're aware that he gives you butterflies, and that you find him attractive. But what about what Jungwon said about him sleeping around? Hasn't Sunghoon stayed around long enough for it to be more than that? Or is that all you guys are - good friends? But then why would Sunghoon ask that question?
Confused and already emotionally drained from your crime yesterday, you scrunch up the question sheet in your hand and get up from your chair. Without saying a word to Sunghoon, you leave.
At home, you’re lying on your couch, flicking through the channels on the television. Nothing is exciting you since you can’t seem to pay attention to anything. There are only two things on your mind right now. Jungwon and Sunghoon.
As for Jungwon, you can’t stop picturing him in that little alleyway beside his house—sweating away, hurting himself trying to fix his motorcycle. He’s probably not eaten some real food in awhile, desperate to get it back to how it was before you and Yuna came up with that stupid plan. You groan into your hands, thinking about how you never thought you’d live to see the day you’d feel bad for Jungwon. Doesn’t he deserve this? Why does this bike mean so much to him? He can just fly out to Thailand and buy another one, right?
Then your thoughts suddenly shift to Sunghoon. If he really is the manwhore Jungwon pinned him out to be, how come he’s been nothing but supportive since you and Jungwon stopped talking to each other? There are no girls, you can’t see them. The only way it would be possible is if he has this whole other life outside of school. The partying, drinking and sex type of life. He said he’s never broken the law before, but he seemed pretty confident driving his mum’s car with one hand on the wheel and another on the radio. Do you even know Sunghoon? Sure, he’s a science nerd and likes to ice skate. But what else is there to him?
You sigh when the sound of the doorbell interrupts your thoughts. It’s 10pm, who could possibly be ringing at this time of night? Groggily, you get up, fixing your bun so you look a bit more appropriate for whoever it is that’s ruining your free time. Peering through the peephole, you’re only met with a man in a black hood who’s purposefully hiding his face from the door. A little worried, you call your mum over. “Mum! There’s a creepy man at the door!”
She hops out of the kitchen with a meat knife in one hand, a frying pan in the other and a terrified look on her face. “You take the knife,” she whispers, “and hide behind me while I hold the pan and see what this guy wants.”
“Wait, why am I holding the knife?” You point at yourself, your mum’s behaviour starting to affect you, too.
The doorbell rings again and you both flinch. “Because if he sees the knife in my hand he might attack. So you hide behind me, okay? I’m just going to open the door like an inch wide, don’t worry.” Her eyes are wide while she tries to convince you to follow through with her not-well-thought out plan.
You do anyway. “Okay.”
You take the knife from your mum before the two of you sneak towards the door. Hesitantly, she opens it, and the thought of her life being taken right before you flashes in your mind for a second. Right before she lets out a relieved laughter, a hand on her chest. “It’s just the Yangs’ kid, Y/N. Don’t scare me like that again.”
Jungwon? What the hell is he doing here? You poke your head out from beside her and see Jungwon looking down at his feet that are awkwardly kicking the floor. “I didn’t know it was him, sorry.” You mutter, furrowing your brows at him.
“I am so sorry, Jungwon. Is there something you need?” Your mum asks, widening the door. When he looks up, you can’t help but cringe. His eyebags are heavy, and his lips are so chapped they’re peeling. Not to mention how red and sore his eyes are, he’s struggling to even keep them open. He’s worse than the time you went to give him the tray of food. You don’t even realise that you two are staring at each other silently until your mum speaks up again. “Is something wrong?”
His eyes quickly divert to your mum’s and he clears his throat aggressively. “No, uh, I just wanted to know if your husband is here.”
Your mum shakes her head, “No, he’s visiting his brother right now. He won’t be back for a few days.”
“Can you call him?” You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jungwon speak so meekly before. It’s odd, and the thought that you may have broken him makes your toes curl.
“Yes, yes, what do you want me to say?”
“How to fix a motorcycle brake. I remember that he had one a few years ago, so I thought he’d know.”
“Oh! Was it your motorbike that got smashed by those teenagers?” Jungwon nods, his eyes falling to the ground again. “Ms Jung showed me her CCTV cameras and how horrible those kids were. Their parents really need to sort them out.” She tuts, pulling out her phone.
Even your mum is disgusted by your behaviour last night. Of course she is, what you did was way out of line. You play with your fingers as the guilt travels further, making you a lot more jittery than usual. “My dad’s break broke once and he showed me how to fix it. I can, uh, help if you want.” It’s the least you can do, an easy repair, indirectly apologise, and throw away this stupid guilt so you can focus on getting your school life back on track. Maybe after you help him fix his bike, the two of you can finally be even and put your pettiness in the past once and for all.
Jungwon only looks you in the eyes, not saying anything. They remind you of Sunghoons’; loud and heavy.
“Oh, okay, that’s perfect. You go and help him. I’ll bring some snacks later.” Your mum pushes you out of the house, and you curse her for doing so when all you’re wearing is a hoodie, a pair of cycling shorts, and slippers. “Bye!” She waves, shutting the door in your face before you can even speak.
Well, this is awkward. Turning around, you try to put on a smile to Jungwon, but his eyes flicker straight from your eyes to your mouth before he storms back to his house. You follow him with a huff, realising that this is going to be a long hour. Catching up to him, you throw your hood over your head and stuff your hands in your pockets to try and stay warm. “So,” you start, trying to get straight to the point, “if we’re lucky, all you’ll need to do is clean the pistons. You know, those little metal things that open and close w-”
“I know what a piston is.” He grumbles, opening his gate. “I would have done that if that girl didn’t smash it off my bike.”
Your eyes lower as he unknowingly mentions you, and try to shake off the feeling of guilt again. You never would have guessed this would have hurt him this much. But then again, isn’t that what you wanted? “Oh,” you chuckle awkwardly, “well then this is gonna take a long time.”
The two of you arrive at the corner, and that’s when you notice there are three more cups of coffee lying next to the bike. You purse your lips, trying to throw away the imagination of him desperately attempting to stay awake, pushing his body well past its limits all in order to fix what you broke.
“Okayyy,” you whisper, copying Jungwon by getting on your knees, followed by a hiss once you feel the cold rocky ground. Clearing your throat, you turn to him, who still has an emotionless look on his face. You really wish he would do something right now. You wouldn’t even mind it if he made fun of you. Staring at him like this, like an empty shell, is too much to bear. “So, where’s the brake?” You put out your hand, and Jungwon complies by giving it to you. Observing it, you’re relieved that it hasn’t been damaged too much, and that it’s okay to put it back on the bike. “First, we need to take the calipers off the bike.” You don’t explain what it is this time, since he got agitated when you did it before. “Should I do one side and you do the other?”
He nods, so you crawl over to the other side, and together, the two of you start working on the bike.
After around twenty minutes of silent working, you decide to ask a question that’s been on your mind since the second you saw him cry. “Jungwon?” You ask. He doesn’t respond, but you know that he hears you. “Why don’t you just get your parents to buy you another one?”
It takes him a while to reply, you assume he’s just busy with the clamps. “They can’t. There’s no more on sale.”
You’re aware that it sounds a bit harsh, but you still push. “Can’t they just buy another brand?”
Jungwon’s eyes meet yours through the tiny gaps between the motorcycle parts. “I don’t want another one.”
You sigh at his vague responses. “Okay, what about hiring someone to come and fix your bike? Or getting a friend, literally anyone-”
Abruptly, Jungwon throws the clamp onto the floor, the ring of the metal bouncing around your skull. “I didn’t ask you to come and help, you know? You offered. If you don’t want to, there’s nothing stopping you from leaving.” He spits, his eyes piercing into yours angrily.
You put your hands up in a feign defence. “I’m sorry, I was just asking.” You mutter under your breath, a little shocked at his reaction. “I’m okay with fixing the bike, it just looked like you didn’t wanna ask so I was telling you there are other options.”
Jungwon sighs, before picking up the clamp and getting back to work. “I know.” He mumbles, and you can hear the piston creaking under the pressure of his clamp hold. “I know there are other options, but I don’t trust any of them with this bike. I’ve known your dad for a while and I remember how much he cared about his bike, so I thought I’d just ask him to help.” The thought of Jungwon trusting your dad over his creepy friends makes you feel a lot better, but the sound of the piston about to snap distracts you.
Crawling back over, you return to Jungwon’s side. You don’t even notice that your thighs are touching each other when you reach out to take the clamp from his hands. He looks at you a little alarmed, but you respond with an awkward smile. “You’re putting too much pressure. You have to unstick one piston at a time, if you do it like that it’ll snap.” You explain, opting to do it yourself to save some time.
“How come you know how to fix a break?” He asks randomly, startling you a little bit.
You stay focused while you answer him, your eyes not moving from the clamp. “Sometimes my dad teaches me things like this. He says he does it because he doesn’t have a son.”
“What other things has he taught you?”
Since this is the first real conversation you’ve ever had with Jungwon, you decide not to question why he cares about your relationship with your dad so much. “How to ride a bike, how to play football, how to put up a shelf, how to fix a laptop that’s had water spilled on it.” You giggle at the last one, memories piling into your head. Jungwon doesn’t say anything else so you turn around to see why. He’s just staring at your hands working with the clamp, so you choose to fill in the tense silence. “The time he broke his break, he called me over while I was studying. I told him that it’s not important since a motorcycle break and a bike break are two completely different things and that this would never come in handy.” You face Jungwon again, and his eyes meet yours. “Turns out it did come in handy.”
There’s a moment, a long moment of comfortable silence with the two of you staring at each other. For the first time, you notice the shape of his eyes and how delicately pulled out they are. They’re kind of pretty, in a boyish sort of way. You can’t really believe you’ve been staring at these eyes for the past eight years without ever finding yourself swimming in them until now.
Jungwon scoffs, breaking eye contact before taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m surprised you didn’t turn out heavy handed since you were basically brought up as a boy,” he mutters against the cup.
With that, you unconsciously suck in such a deep breath of air. A wave of relief washes over your body as you let out an incredibly loud laugh at his comment. There he is, the asshole that is Yang Jungwon. You seriously thought you broke him, but hearing him say something so rude wiped away any and all of your doubt.
He’s back. And you couldn’t be more than happy about it.
Walking into school the next day, you’re a little bit anxious. You’re anxious because:
You might bump into Sunghoon and he might start asking scary questions again
You might bump into Jungwon and have to start fighting again
You don’t want either of those scenarios to happen. So when Sunghoon spots you and says goodbye to his friends, you panic and pull onto your friend’s sleeve. “Quick, pretend we’re having a really serious and private conversation.”
She panics and tries to think of something to say. “Uh, I made out with Sunghoon at Ryujin’s party!” With her eyes shut, in front of everyone in the hallway, your friend, Chaeryeong, admitted to sleeping with Sunghoon. You spot him from the corner of your eye, freezing once he heard what Chaeyoung said, and you wait for him to come over and ask why you two are making up shit about him. He doesn’t.
“Are you being serious right now? I said pretend, Chaeryeong.” Your hand slips away from hers as you look at her in pure disbelief.
“I’m sorry, it’s been on my mind a lot recently because he’s been hanging out with you so much. So when you said say something serious, that was the first thing I could think of.” She rushes, clearly panicked by your response.
“Wait,” you take a step closer to whisper, “When was this? Recently?”
She gives you a worried look, before turning around to see Sunghoon and then turning back to you. “Last, uh, Saturday?”
Saturday. Last Saturday. That was only four days ago. Four days ago you were FaceTiming him while he was helping you with your physics homework. Four days ago was when you asked if he could help you finally get over the Jungwon situation, and he told you that he really wanted to help because he couldn’t stand to see you so hurt. Four days ago was when you told Yuna you think you have a crush on him.
Stepping away, you give one last glane at Sunghoon. “I can't believe you,” you mutter, before turning around and storming away. You tell yourself the reason why you didn’t go up to him and scream in his face is because of the attention you would have gained, but it isn’t; you’re too scared to face him because you were already warned about him ages ago. As funny as it sounds, you should have listened to Jungwon.
“What?! Chaeryeong? Our Chaeryeong?” Yuna chokes on her water, surprised.
“Yeah,” you sigh, scribbling away in your notebook. “I’m not really bothered about that, I mean she can sleep with whoever she wants. It’s just, I really thought there was something between me and Sunghoon.”
Yuna kisses her teeth before shaking her head. “Even I thought there was. Why is he always with you if he’s sleeping with other girls?” Her body simultaneously shivers with yours. “That’s just gross.”
“Maybe he just sees me as a friend. You know in those romance books where the hot guy who gets all the girls appreciates the girl who doesn’t wanna have sex with him and likes hanging around with her?”
“Y/N, they always end up falling in love.”
“Oh. Well, that’s not happening, is it?” You slouch in your seat.
Jungwon walks into the room, and you smile at Yuna, happy to know that he’s back on his feet. You wait for him to say the same thing he always does when he walks past you to get to his seat. Anxiously, your foot taps on the ground as you nibble on your bottom lip, your eyes not moving from Jungwon’s.
Yuna taps you and leans in to whisper, “You can see it now, right?” Her eyebrows giggle, a huge smirk on her lips.
You cringe at what she said, refusing to let her silly thoughts get to your head. “Shut up,” you mutter, before turning back to see Jungwon talking to another classmate. You hate to admit it, but your eyes do linger on him a little longer. You can’t help but notice the long, dark strands of hair that almost cover his eyes. His nose and jawline are sharp, contrary to his soft and small lips. Your eyes trail down to his Adam's apple as he speaks, and you watch as it bobs up and down attentively. It’s strange that you’ve known Jungwon for so long, yet you’ve never actually taken the time out of your day to really look at him. Because he’s actually really good looking.
“See?” Yuna giggles, slapping your arm playfully. “You’re staring.”
Your head darts to her direction with wide eyes. “I’m just waiting for him to come over.”
“Nu-uh, you’re finally listening to me. I told you he gets girls.” She motions for you to lean in closer while she whispers. “Last year, I peeked into his locker on Valentine’s Day, and I counted thirteen letters, Y/N. Thir-teen.”
Thirteen girls gave Jungwon a love letter last year? You scoff, resting your chin on your palm as you look at him again. If they knew what you knew, that Jungwon is a total asshole, you bet they’d run far away from him. “I don’t get it. Is it just because of his looks? Are they that shallow?”
Yuna shrugs from beside you. “Well, I’ve heard a lot of good things about him.”
You laugh sarcastically, “Are you gonna talk about the time he helped that one new student when she dropped her books on the floor again?”
“Well, there’s that. But there are other things, too, that I’ve tried to tell you but you just turn down because you hate him so much. Like the time he stopped a boy from getting bullied. It was so cool, Y/N, he just shoved the bully in his shoulders and looked him right in the eyes and told him to fuck off.”
Something twists in your stomach at that word. It reminds you of when Sunghoon asked if
Jungwon is just a bully. You can’t be staring at him now, talking about all the good deeds he’s done and why all the girls in your school have a crush on him. He’s mean. He’s insulted you, belittled you, degraded you. You could go on and on about all the times Jungwon has hurt you and laughed in your face whenever he did. He’s a selfish, spoiled rich kid that derives entertainment from picking on you. And like all your friends warn you not to do, you react, dragging it out longer. Maybe if you just stayed silent in the first place, this would have never continued for so long.
Blinking, you suddenly realise that Jungwon is batting his eyes at you right in front of your face. You gasp, furrowing your eyes and jerking back once you realise how close his face is to yours. Shit, you spaced out and he caught you staring.
“What you staring at, number 23?” He asks, his old grin back on his face.
“Class ranks are up on the board.” He explains, and your heart drops to your feet when you realise what he’s saying. “You know,” Jungwon gets up, hands in his pockets as he peers down at you with that familiar evil glint in his eyes. “I thought signing you up for chemistry club would at least get you into the teens. But you only moved up one spot? One?”
Okay, you may have wanted normal Jungwon back, but did his first strike have to be so harsh? Getting up, you realise your legs are trembling. Something inside of you is telling you not to bite back this time, that it’s not worth it. If you truly want this war to end, then you have to be the bigger person and back down. Pursing your lips, you simply walk past him to follow the crowd of students into the hallway to see the class rankings.
“Oh. My. God, Y/N. You should have seen the look on his face!” Yuna laughs, but you can’t join her. It was embarrassing to let him talk down to you like that. You wish you said something, but this needs to end. This is the first step you need to take.
“Let’s just focus on our class rankings for now.” You say, approaching the wall.
Although Jungwon made fun of your rank, you have to hide a smile when you see it. It’s not high at all, but at least you’ve improved. With everything that’s been going on recently, you need something positive to cling onto. You pull out your phone to call your mum about your improvement, excited to hear about how proud she’ll be.
But a voice from behind stops you. You can feel the heat of his body so close to yours, and your heart immediately starts doing backflips. “23rd? That means I’m going to have to spend a lot more time tutoring you, right?” His voice is uplifted, and that pisses you off even more.
Turning around, you furrow your brows and fold your arms. “Really? Are you just going to pretend that–”
Sunghoon, with his hands buried in his pockets and his lips pursed, shrugs. “I asked you what we are, and you just left.”
That is very true. You did, quite rudely, leave. You erased that part of your day from your mind, and even avoided writing it down in your diary. All you needed was time, because the following week was when you and Yuna figured out what your feelings are towards him. Sighing, you answer. “I know.”
“I helped you break–” he pulls on your blazer to drag the two of you away from the crowd as he leans in to whisper, “I helped you break Jungwon's bike. I know you think that that's a normal thing for a guy like me, but it isn't. I don't go around, smashing people's things, you know. I did that for you, and all I got was a little thank you text.”
Everything he's saying is true, and that's frustrating you further.
“You can't be mad about who I sleep with, Y/N. I've been hovering around for so long, and still, the only guy you think of is Jungwon.”
“What are you even hanging around for, though? Jungwon he-he told me that you treat girls like trophies. I thought–” The eye contact Sunghoon holds with you is intense, he doesn't turn away once. You're too scared to break it because you've never seen him this serious before.
“So you believed him over me? Someone that you ‘hate’ over a friend? You didn't even bring that up with me, Y/N!" He whisper-shouts, pressing an arm against the lockers beside him so that he can lower his head to meet yours. “You need to ask yourself what's your deal with Jungwon, because I'm not sure you really know what it is.” Gently, he lets go of your blazer and dusts it down with his hands, causing you to blush intensely.
“You're gonna keep me up all night because of this, now, you know that, right?” You chuckle sarcastically, keeping your eyes on his hand that's lingering above yours.
He chuckles back, “I know.” His hand stops hovering, and goes back to his pocket.
Looking up at him, you smile endearingly. “We can still be friends, right? Even if whatever this is doesn't sort out the way we want it to, you'll still be my friend.”
"Ayyyyy,” Sunghoon laughs, but it seems forced, and presses a finger into your shoulder. “You're just saying that for the free tutoring lessons.”
I hate Jungwon.
You groan into your arms after you realise what you've just written, disappointed in yourself. It's embarrassing to admit that Sunghoon is right, that Jungwon is constantly on your mind. If it's not the awful things he's said, or the stupid pranks he's played, then it's the way he puckers his lips together when he snorts out a laughter, or the way he wiggles his brows at you to try and piss you off. You've probably never even scratched the surface of Jungwon's mind, yet he somehow lives in yours constantly.
A ping from your phone distracts you from your thoughts.
jung_1: my tire popped
jung_1: use your daddy skills to come and fix it
you: if u think u can jus tell me what to do ???? then you're vv wrong :/
jung_1: u came before what's wrong this time?
you: im busy
jung_1: so am i but i can't get anything done without my bike
you: u need to get it checked out professionally
ik u have some weird attachment issues to it but fixing the brakes and tires isn't enough to get that thing up and running again
jung_1: well, miss 23, unlike u i have a brain
fixing everything one at a time v slowly will work eventually
patience is key
so can u jus come already
you: what's in it for me?
jung_1: idk wtf
you: do i look like a dog to u
jung_1: idk??? u name it ill get whatever u want
you: ok fine whatever
After you get dressed to go to Jungwon's house, you scribble one last thing into your diary before you go.
Let's hope that when I come back, I won't be saying that I hate him again.
With a bag of food from your mum to give to Jungwon's parents, you ring his doorbell hesitantly. You will never get over the difference between your house and his despite the fact that you two live just a few houses away from each other. While yours is small and cosy with a garden full of roses and apple trees, Jungwon's stands tall—so modern that it doesn't even have a front garden, it's all just rock hard concrete.
Opening the door you're met with a sour face when Jungwon looks you up and down. “What's that?” He asks, pointing at your carrier bag.
You inwardly sigh, reminding yourself of the trouble he's putting himself through because of you. “Homemade kimbap.” You hand it to him and he takes it cautiously, eyeing the bag like you hid a bomb in it. “Relax, my mum made it.”
Jungwon's head pops right up when you say that, and you swear his lips are trying their best not to pull up into a smile. Clearing his throat, however, he returns to his normal bitter expression and brushes his hair out of his gaze. “Whatever, come inside while I get dressed.”
It's only when Jungwon mentions it that you look down and notice that he’s only wearing a pair of underwear. Making a mental note to never visit a teenage boy's house unannounced again, you awkwardly hop inside and sit on the kitchen counter that he directs you to wait at.
While Jungwon is away, you're left with the housemaid. You've always guessed that they had one, yet you've never seen her leave the house before. Anyone could mistake this for slavery, how scary.
“Are you Jungwon's friend?” She asks, opening the bag of kimbap that you brought. You nod, deciding it's best not to explain your confusing and infuriating situation to Jungwon's housemaid, and she smiles endearingly, taking out the food. “I'm surprised. He's only ever brought those two hooligans over.”
“Jeongseong and Heeseung?” You ask, chuckling.
She laughs with you at the mention of Jungwon's awful friends who you are secretly afraid of. “They're like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, them two. It's nice to see that some of his friends are sane.” As soon as she unwraps and sees the food, however, the housemaid gasps, a repelled look on her face.
“Is everything okay?” You ask, worried.
“Jungwon can't eat this, it isn't fresh.”
You open your mouth to explain that it had only just been cooked a few hours ago, but choose not to. This is Jungwon's rich and snobby lifestyle, there's no point arguing with someone who knows him a lot better than you do.
“What a waste,” she sighs, “I'll just have to throw it away.” You really want to yell at the woman for disrespecting your mother's food, but the thought of Jungwon's parents catching you screaming at their trusted maid through a secret camera and suing you scares you too much to do so.
But just before she's able to throw it away, Jungwon appears in a zipped up coat and joggers, an arm in front of the bin. “No, no, no, no, Mrs Kim, it's okay.” He says softly, a hand resting on her back as he smiles at her.
Smiles. Like, really smiles. He's acting so gentle around her it's scaring you. Lightly, he takes the dish from her hands and settles it on the middle counter opposite you. He doesn't look up, he just opens the tinfoil and lets his jaw drop slightly at the kimbap your mum forced you to roll for him. You'll never let him know that, though.
“Jungwon, it isn't fresh, you'll get sick.” Mrs Kim retorts, but he's already digging one out. You and Mrs Kim both silently watch Jungwon eat his food contently, and you hate to say it but he eats in such a cute way. His cheeks puff out and he takes such small nibbles of the food, like he's savouring it all.
“Your mum made this?” He asks, his eyes wide.
A little thrown off by him, you play with the strings of your jacket. “Uh, yeah. She just told me to bring this when I said I was coming over.” You answer awkwardly. He isn’t throwing any insults at you, and that’s something you still haven’t gotten used to.
He raises his brows while nodding, continuing to eat his food, leaving you and Mrs Kim standing beside each other in an odd silence. That is, until she leans in to whisper something to you. “He’s never eaten my kimbap so happily before, I wonder what your mum put in this one.” There’s a scowl on her face as bitterness lingers around her words.
You chuckle breathlessly, not really sure why Jungwon’s devouring your mum’s kimbap either. “It’s nothing special.”
Jungwon eyes the two of you before mumbling, “Stop staring.” and grabbing the rest of the food and making his way towards the door. You hesitantly scuttle behind him after giving Mrs Kim an undeserved bow. What a rude woman.
“How’d you pop it?” You ask, staring at the tire in horror as you realise the inner tube is punctured and this is going to be a very long job.
He chuckles, rubbing his hand at the nape of his neck, “Uh, I left my glass out and when I was pushing the bike it kinda just rolled over it.”
Sighing, you give him a defeated expression, “Seriously? You just added to the list of things that I’ve already broken.”
You have to stop your breath for a second in order to hide the look of down right fear on your face as you almost slipped the crime you committed. “List of things that need fixing, I mean.” You shake your head and tut, trying to act out feign annoyance. Slowly, you peer over to Jungwon to see if he’s caught on, and he’s just staring blankly. Clearing your throat, you decide changing the topic is your best option right now. “Uhm, do you have a puncture kit?”
Jungwon, after a very long staredown, eventually replies and hands over the kit to you. You have to thank the skies for not throwing you under the bus because that was way too close. Even your hands are shaking a little as you open the kit and get on your knees, the nerves making you very tense. You don’t even have the courage to start up a conversation, and so the two of you work in silence like you did the last time.
After about an hour in, Jungwon speaks up. “My parents bought this for me.”
Ignoring the way you jumped at the way his voice suddenly appeared out of nowhere, you scoff. “Well, it’s not like you’ve had to work a day in your life to earn enough money to buy this.”
The dark haired boy huffs, clearly vexed. “No, I mean, they actually bought it. Like it wasn’t just a written cheque, or money into my bank account, or bought online. They flew to Thailand with me to buy it.” He explains, and when you turn to him, his eyes are boring into yours.
“Okay, and?” You chuckle again, not really paying much mind to his words and focusing on your work instead. It’s just a bike, what is he trying to say that’s so important?
Abruptly, he brings his hand to his laps and flashes you an offended look. Worried that you’ve pressed the wrong buttons, you stop too, quietly letting him continue. “You asked why I only wanted your dad’s help. I’m answering you, okay?”
“Okay, I get it.”
“It’s- they don’t do that, they don’t go out with me for..me.” You still don’t have a clue what he’s talking about, but you nod anyway. “This bike, it’s the only reminder I have at this point that my parents love- not love, but, ugh, you know what I mean.” He rambles, playing with the strings of his tracksuit bottoms nervously.
Trying your very best to put the pieces together, you tilt your head and ask, “You don’t think your parents love you?”
“I mean, yeah,” he panics, “I’m sure they do, but they’re not like your parents, for example.”
“My parents?” Well, now you’re really lost.
Jungwon sighs, averting his gaze from you to the bike. “You know, like my dad never taught me the things yours did. My parents never dropped me off to school like yours did. My mum doesn’t even know how to cook..” He mumbles, his voice slowly drifting off with each sentence.
“Jungwon,” you furrow your brows, “Have you been..comparing your parents to mine all these years?” Now that you think about it, there have been many times where you would be talking to your parents, and from the corner of your eye you’d stop Jungwon staring. You’ve always brushed it off, not wanting to think about the boy any more than you needed to, but now you’re thinking that maybe you should have. It’s common knowledge that money doesn’t buy you happiness, and you and Yuna have always blamed Jungwon’s lavish lifestyle for his bitchiness. But lonliness? That’s soemthing you’ve never associated with him.
Jungwon lets out a groan, before picking up a screwdriver again. “No.” He mutters under his breath, before turning his back to you completely.
Not wanting to prod at the situation any further, you hesitantly get back to work, too.
It’s been three hours since the two of you started working on the bike. Out of fear that Jungwon had caught on to what you said about you being the culprit, you tried helping him fix the other parts of the motorcycle, too. (Albeit your lack of knowledge of how to do so.) The alleyway has been silent for hours, the only noises were your uncomfortable giggles, shaky breaths and your nails tapping against anything they could find. Jungwon didn’t ask about your slip up, so you are hoping to God that he has no doubt about you because that would just be a one way ticket to jail.
You don’t even realise that it’s 8pm, dark, and absolutely freezing until you find yourself shivering and brushing up your hands against your bare arms. Jungwon probably hears your chattering teeth as he looks over and juts his chin out at you. “You cold?” He asks, expressionless.
You nod immediately, standing up to stretch your legs and shake them to circulate some warmth around you. The only light the two of you have is the spotlight above you and it’s wearing out a little, making it difficult to see. “Just a little.”
Jungwon eyes your outfit, “You should have brought a coat,” he mutters, before doing the absolute unexpected.
Slack-jawed, you watch Jungwon unzip his puffer coat and hand it to you like it was normal for him to do so. With furrowed brows, you stand still, trying to find the catch behind his actions. “What?” He grumbles. “You’d rather freeze?”
Crossing your arms, you laugh at him. Seeing your breath fog up in the air, you start to reconsider declining his offer. “The last time you offered me a coat, Jungwon, it was from a dumpster. Everyone laughed at me because I had no idea and I wore it the entire PE session.” You explained, hoping he’d catch on to your lack of trust in him.
“Well, this isn’t from a dumpster, so just take it.” His arm is still extended, but you can’t bring yourself to take it from him.
“Just because I’ve come over to help you a few times,” you glare at him, “it doesn’t mean we’re friends now. This isn’t enough for me to forget everything you’ve done to me, Jungwon.” Saying this out loud to him for the first time feels weird. Neither of you have ever confronted each other about your situation. It’s always been avoided.
Jungwon pulls his arm back towards him, before taking a few steps towards you. “I never said we’re friends, just take the fucking coat.” He curses aggressively, making you flinch a little.
But the two of you are fully aware that you won’t back down from anything without a fight. “I don’t want your coat, Jungwon. It’s bad enough that I’m here, fixing something that you have enough money to do yourself. I don’t need your stupid pity either.”
Chuckling in disbelief, Jungwon rolls his eyes and shoves the coat into your arms. “Again, all I asked was for you to fix the tire. You chose to stay longer. I told you last time that you’re more than welcome to leave if you don’t wanna be here!” He yells at you.
Jungwon has never shouted at you before. It’s always been snarky comments and childish insults. This is new, and you’re not really sure how to react to it.
“Fine! I will leave! I can’t believe I fucking rolled that kimbap for you myself because I was scared you hadn’t eaten anything.” You shout back, throwing his coat on the floor before storming to his gate. “You’re never going to change, are you?” You mumble, while trying to open his gate.
Suddenly, you feel Jungwon’s hand belligerently pull your shoulder back so you can face him as his fingers tightly grip around your upper arm. His face is merely inches away from yours, eyes piercing right through you like a new found anger has lit inside of him. “I’ve not changed? I literally just offered you my coat.”
“Oh, wow, you’re such a saint, Jungwon.” You seethe, despite the fear running through your blood at the intensity of his glare. “What about me? Huh? I helped you fix half of your bike, I put up with the shitty chemistry club stunt you pulled on me, I helped make your food-”
“And I am trying my best to return the favour!” He snaps again, letting go of your arm.
It’s not until then that you notice a delivery driver parked right outside of Jungwon’s house. Looking over at him, you notice the bags of food in his hands as he awkwardly smiles at the two of you. Your gaze shifts between Jungwon and the driver a few times. “You ordered this?” You ask, pointing at the man who's given up smiling and is now impatiently waiting for you both to collect your food. “For us?”
“I don't like burgers.” He spits, picking up his coat off the ground to pull out his wallet.
While Jungwon is apologising and paying the delivery driver, you stare at your feet in regret. That was way too stubborn of you. Jungwon really was just trying to be helpful by giving you his coat, but you were too prideful to take it. You thought you were better than this, you thought you were better than him. Maybe this issue has always been a two-sided conflict and you've just been too angry to see otherwise.
“Here,” he hands you the bag, and this time you take it reluctantly.
Pulling out the box to open it, you're met with a fresh little burger meal. It's not much. Hell, it's nothing at all since you're sure Jungwon can afford way more than this cheap rubbish. But it still warps a guilt around your body so twisted you feel too sick to eat the meal.
A gasp falls from your lips as soon as it hits you; as soon as the realisation of why the bike Jungwon adores so much hits you. He’s connected to it emotionally. It’s the only form of love he’s ever gotten. And you broke it. You can’t believe you broke something so precious to someone. The silence is thick. You can't bring yourself to look at him. There's only one thing running through your mind right now.
He deserves to know what you did.
Your chest feels heavy as Jungwon goes back to sitting on the ground and working on his bike. Agitation punches at your heart while its beats echoes around your head.
He needs to know what you did.
Biting your nails, you turn around to face him. He's been working so hard for days, and it's all because of you. You went too far, and he's paying the consequences—when it should be you. Clearing your throat, you waste no time telling him.
“I did it.”
Jungwon's hands stop moving, but his gaze remains on the motorcycle.
“I broke your..I broke your motorbike.” You say hurriedly before nibbling on your bottom lip. He still doesn't move. “It wasn't just me, but I did pretty much most of it.”
You wait for him to lash out and scream at you, to call the police and have you locked away for life. You wait for him to cry, or yell, or insult you. Anything. But instead he does nothing.
He just quietly says. “Get out.”
“Jungwon, I'm so sorry, I wanted to tell–”
“I said get out.” His voice is low and empty.
He cuts you off by darting his head towards your direction and glowering at you. So you decide to leave.
I messed up. Big time.
With not enough energy in your system to write anymore in your diary due to the hours of homework you’ve just spent, you pull out your phone instead. Opening Instagram, you decide to aimlessly scroll through your friends’ stories.
First up is Ryujin—dolled up and singing into the camera with a few other girls you mildly recognise. There must be a party, you think. Swiping, you see a picture of Yeji and her boyfriend with red paper cups in their hands, smiling really cheesily. You chuckle at the photo, swiping up and replying to her story with “couple goals fr”. The next video on Yeji’s story, however, forces you to sit up in your chair.
While it seems like a normal video of a normal high school party with Yeji and Jisu dancing away and screaming to the music, your eyes can’t help but wander to the person dancing by themself in the background.
Yang Jungwon. And he’s alone.
This throws you off completely, because from the few parties you’ve visited and from what you’ve seen on people’s stories, Jungwon’s always been one of the lives of the party. He’s always in his huge group of school friends, dancing in the middle of the room, screaming into the microphones, spraying people with water guns. Jungwon was in fact one of the reasons you don’t go to parties often, because you can’t escape his loud personality. So seeing him in the corner, alone, with a bland expression on his face, you feel your heart sink.
And for some reason, you find yourself throwing on an outfit, fixing your hair, putting on some makeup and rushing out the doors.
“Hey!” Yeji approaches you, squeezing your side. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming, we would have got my man to pick you up!” She screams over the music, looking at you excitedly.
Before you can answer her, Yeji’s dragging you further into the house. “It’s been so long since you’ve come to a party, Y/N!” She cheers, putting down her drink to hold onto your other hand and start dancing with you. Smiling awkwardly, you dance along a little, but your eyes keep batting around the room, searching for that one familiar face. Yeji leans forward to yell into your ear, “Is something wrong?!”
You wince at the volume of her voice, flinching away in fear that she’ll damage your eardrum if she shouts any louder. “I’m fine! Have you seen-?!”
“Sunghoon?!” Yeji asks, both of your bodies still swaying along to the music. “Chaeryeong told us you broke it off with him! That’s why she’s over there with him now!” She points over to the kitchen where the two of them are. You watch as Chaeryeong giggles at whatever Sunghoon is saying, leaning into his taller frame and shyly touching his forearm.
Well, that was quick of him to move on.
Yeji holds onto both of your arms before looking into your eyes endearingly, “Do you still like him?! You know, we really need to talk about stuff like this more!” She explains as you squint your eyes, the LED flashing lights and blaring music making it difficult to focus on what she’s saying. “I miss our girly talks where we’d all talk about boys, and-!”
“Y/N!” Yuna appears from your left, immediately hugging you as she does. “You should have told me you were coming, we could have got Yeji’s boyfriend to pick you up!”
You and Yeji giggle at Yuna repeating the same phrase—realising that your whole friend group practically rely on Yeji’s boyfriend for travel. “It’s fine, I just came here for-!”
“Sunghoon?!” She asks, giving you an empathetic look. “He’s with Chaeryeong!”
Now why does everyone assume you’re here for Sunghoon?
“No, I’m here for Jungwon!”
“What?!” Both your friends yell in unison, animating their confusion with their furrowed brows and cringed noses.
Yuna eyes Yeji a little worriedly before she bends down to speak in your ear. “You’re not going to confess, are you?” Unfortunately, you haven’t given your best friend the news of what happened between you and your so-called-enemy, so you chuckle awkwardly when she asks. “Because my parents will kill me if they find out, Y/N.”
You shake your head and offer her a fake smile, “No, don’t worry, I just need to speak to him.”
Reluctantly, she lets you go and you search the house for Jungwon. But instead, you’re met with another distraction. Perfect.
You don’t even need to turn around to know that a certain black-haired tall boy is stoof behind you as you recognise the feeling of his chest almost pressed against your back. Sighing aggravatingly, you turn around to meet him. “Hey.”
Sunghoon takes a few seconds to respond, his eyes roaming your face and outfit longingly. “It’s been awhile!” He shouts, giggling at the awkwardness of having to speak over the music before stuffing his hands in his jean pockets. “You look really nice!”
“I said, you look really nice!” He repeats, this time a beautiful smile washing over his strong features. He grins at you, smiling so wide you get a perfect view of his teeth and tiny eyes.
“Thank you! So do you!” You laugh, but your smile turns sour once you remember your last conversation with him and the reason why you’re here.
Swiftly, Sunghoon pulls you by your waist, taking you by surprise. Keeping your attention on him distracted you from the shift in music from EDM to a much slower song, so when Sunghoon tugs you to dance with him, you’re panicking. His fingers hold you softly, barely touching you at all, and when you look up into his eyes, they’re already staring back down at you. He’s perfect; practically everything anyone wants in a partner. So why is Jungwon still the only person on your mind right now?
The room is a lot quieter now, so the two of you don’t need to scream in each other’s faces anymore. Thank God for that.
“Who did you dress up for, pretty?” Your cheeks can’t help but flare up at the pet name, and you have to purse your lips from smiling like a child. “It definitely wasn’t for me, was it?” There’s a sad smile to his lips, causing you to break the heavy eye contact.
“I just didn’t want to stick out, that’s all. It’d be weird if I came in normal clothes.” Mumbling, you notice the way Sunghoon lets go of your waist with one hand, only to interlock it with yours.
“So if you didn’t come here to party, why’d you come?” He asks, and all of a sudden the spinning is starting to make you a little dizzy.
You gaze up at him with round eyes, knowing full well that he’s aware of why you came here. You hate the fact that he’s forcing you to say it out loud—to come to terms with your emotions that you absolutely despise right now. Your life could be so much easier if you really did have feelings for Sunghoon (despite the fact that Chaeryeong likes him too, maybe that would have been a bit messy) because showing up to a loud, rowdy place like this for a boy who absolutely hates your guts is just too complicated for your heart to handle.
Liking Sunghoon would have been easier, and even though you’re dancing in his arms right now, you’re still choosing Jungwon.
“I need to tell him.”
“About the motorbike or about your feelings?”
You gulp, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I already told him about the bike. So now I need to apologise.”
“He’s hurt you, Y/N, really bad. I don’t get why you picked him.” His face is stern, making you tug your bottom lip between your teeth.
Slowly, you let go of Sunghoon’s hand, and take his other off your waist. Looking up at him, you offer him a heartfelt smile before resting your hands on his chest. You take in a deep breath before looking up at him directly and say, “Neither do I.”
And like the two of you are some characters ripped out of the pages of a novel, you break away from each other, time slowing down as you walk away from him. Seeing Chaeryeong latch onto him while you walk backwards puts you at ease a little, you hope he sees the charm in your friend, you really do.
You’ve been searching for Jungwon for around ten minutes now, and you figure he’s left since you can’t go too far in a house, can you? You end up proving yourself wrong, however, when you walk into the upstairs balcony and spot him staring into the view.
Quietly, you lean against the balcony beside him, keeping your eyes on him in case he makes an indication that he wants you to leave.
With his gaze locked onto the city, not even sparing you a glance, Jungwon sighs deeply. “What are you doing here?”
“I just needed some fresh air,” You lie, unable to muster up the courage to explain the real reason.
“Okay, well, I think you’ve breathed in enough and you can leave now.” He mutters through jarred teeth. He looks just as angry as the day you told him about the motorbike, the steam still whistling at the top of his head. His jaw is shut tight, making his jawline look sharp enough to stab you with, and his eyes are doing their own damage to the sky with how narrow he’s piercing them.
Turning to face him, you instinctively reach out your hand to hold his arm, “Jungwon, I’m sor-”
Of course he recoils his arm away and of course he gives you a disgusted look. It’s only natural—you kind of deserve this. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
His tone flicks a switch inside of you unknowingly as you retort, “I was just apologising?”
“No, you don’t get to apologise,” He points at you with one hand, his other leaning against the balcony frame. His brows are lowered and his tongue is occasionally poking the inside of his cheek. “You broke my..you broke my bike.” His voice breaks, and you notice the way his bottom lip quivers. “My bike. Do you know…do you know how many memories me and my parents made in Thailand? My dad taught me how to ride it, and my mum sat at the back of it while I drove on the beach and..” He sniffles, bringing up his hand to wipe at his eyes before turning away from you. “And then out of all people you ended up helping me fix it. You’re messed up, that’s-that’s not normal.” He mutters, in between quick and raspy breaths.
Watching the scene unfold in front of you, your eyes begin to tear up, too. You made Jungwon cry again. That’s twice. That’s one more than he’s done. Just when you thought you brought the old Jungwon back you broke him again. Seeing his shoulders shudder as he cries quietly into his hands has you clutching onto your chest tightly in hopes you don’t break, too.
“I’m sorry..” You whisper.
“You don’t get to say that!” He repeats, shouting into his hands.
“But, I mean it,” you say a little louder, wiping away the tears that managed to slip out to keep your voice as still as possible.
Hastily, Jungwon turns back around, “No, you don’t get to say that because..” The dark haired boy brings down his hands to reveal his face. You’ve never seen him like this; eyes soaked and his nose red and swollen. “Because it should be me. And that’s why I’m so mad.”
“It should be you? Apologising?” You ask, unconsciously inching towards him, unaware of how close your bodies are.
His eyes wander around your face for a little while before he sucks in a deep breath, “Yeah, whatever.” Sniffling, he turns his head back to the view of the city. “Obviously, you only did that because of me.”
“No, Jungwon, that was something personal to you. I-I went too far.”
Taking you by surprise, he groans into his hand loudly before looking back at you again. “You didn’t know that it was personal!” He yells, forcing you to jerk your head back a little with wide eyes. “You didn’t know that because we don’t know each other! We don’t-!” His chest heaves laboriously as his brown eyes bore deep into yours. “We’ve known each other for so long, longer than Heeseung or Jongseong or..Sunghoon.” He mumbles the last part, his lips forming into a pout.
“Yet we don’t know anything about each other?” You finish off his sentence, making sure to keep the eye contact this time, because now is the time to let it all out. Now is the time for the two of you to confront the stupid situation you’ve trapped yourselves in for years. “I know,” You whisper, before pursing your lips, trying not to spill out every thought running through your mind right now.
You spot the way the shape of Jungwon’s eyes change from slitting to more rounded. Theyre large and round at the front but pull out at the sides, similar to those of a cat. For some reason, his eyes are comforting.
“Yeah..” He lets out a shaky breath. “All I know is that you’re this girl that lives across the street that has the most perfect life.”
You scoff, “Well, if you call bad grades and single-”
“You have parents that hug you every morning when you leave the house for school. You have friends that will stick by you even when you ask them to do something as stupid as break your neighbour’s bike.” You both chuckle at that bit. “You’re just.. I’ve always wanted to have that. Sometimes I think of what it would be like if I switched places with you.”
Naturally, you respond with, “Well, if you had to deal with a certain someone that makes you hate leaving your house everyday, I don’t think you’d want to be me.” You laugh at your joke, before noticing the way Jungwon’s face drops. Shit—he’s the certain someone. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like-”
“No you did. That’s why you broke my bike.” He says firmly, and the urge to look away pushes through and you turn your head away from him.
You should know by now to always expect the unexpected when it comes from Jungwon. Because the next thing you hear is a muffled snort followed by a soft laughter. Looking back at him, you’re perplexed. Was this a joke? Was this all just another prank? Does he really have no feelings? Are the police waiting at the bottom of the house to lock you away for years?
Jungwon breaks into an even louder laughter when he sees your expression, resting his elbows on the balcony rail and burying his head into his hands to try and quieten himself down. “I’m sorry,” he giggles, shaking his head, “It’s just.. I was such an asshole to you. My bike getting broken was just karma if you think about it.”
“Are you saying you deserve it?” You ask doubtfully, scared you’re dipping into hot water.
“It feels like it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how shocked you were when I was being nice for once. Like, I was really that bad, huh?”
You join in on his laughter, “We shouldn’t be laughing about this.” You say, before taking another look at Jungwon and bursting into another fit of giggles with him at the same time.
This is weird. Your arms are bumping against each other, you’re laughing so much your cheeks and throat are sore, and you can’t stop gazing into Jungwon’s eyes as you both smile with each other. You know. You’ve known since Sunghoon told you that you think about Jungwon way more than you should. You’ve known since the first time your legs touched each other accidentally that day you were fixing his bike. You’ve known since the time you watched him happily munch away on your mum’s kimbap.
You know exactly why your heart is racing right now. Racing for the idiot you’ve been hating since you were eleven years old. Racing for your so-called-enemy of six years. Racing for the guy that just laughed about how badly he’s treated you. You’re so dumb, catching feelings for someone like Jungwon. Your cheeks should not be burning right now. He’s just Jungwon, you try to remind yourself.
Buried deep in your thoughts, you didn’t even realise the two of you have stopped laughing. It’s only now that you notice Jungwon’s eyes flickering between yours and your lips, and that he’s steadily leaning towards you. If your heart was racing before, it’s sprinting down a freaking marathon now. You stay still, waiting to see (or feel) whatever happens next. You’re too scared to initiate anything in case you freak the boy out and he backs away. Because what reason would he have to lean in right now? What reason would he have to like you back?
What reason would Yang Jungwon have to kiss you?
All of your questions fly out of the window as soon as his lips latch onto yours softly. Letting out a little gasp, although you were already expecting this, your hand flies to the balcony rail immediately. This is your first kiss. You always expected it to be more romantic; on a date with a guy in the park, or under a sakura tree at schoo. You never thought you’d kiss someone a few minutes after watching them cry their eyes out.
His lips are soft, though, so you close your eyes to feel them more. A hand reaches the back of your head as he tilts his head, a shaky breath blowing into yours. You can’t help but smile into the kiss, giggling at how inexperienced you both are. You both pull away, and you’re a little disappointed at the lack of..well..kissing there was. You’re pretty sure your lips are actually supposed to move in a kiss. So, pulling on every string of courage you have, you place your hands on either side of his shoulders and pull Jungwon in for a second round. This time, you tilt your head and open your lips a little, your stomach filling with butterflies when Jungwon lets out a sigh of relief against you. His movements are gentle, and the tenderness of his small lips opening and closing within yours causes your head to spin a little. He’s a little too good at this, his thumbs rubbing circles on either side of your waist making you feel all mushy inside.
You hate him. You hate how good he is at kissing even though it’s his first time.
Pulling away, you can’t help but cover your face. Jungwon giggles at you quietly, making your body heat up even more. You feel his hands clasp around your wrists as he prys them away from your face, shoving his right in yours. You’ve never seen this expression on his face before. His cheeks are bright red and puffed out, his lips are a little puffy and his eyes are rounder than you’ve ever seen them before. A genuine, really pretty smile sits on his lips as he speaks up again.
“We cannot tell anyone about this.”
A/N: AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT’S DONE!!!!!! pls pls pls lmk what u thought of this i would appreciate it so much !!!
꒰ summary ꒱ just a little something about a life (+ a little pinwheel)
꒰ author note ꒱ this is just an idea dump so there isn't any pairing. this is just a poetry but not so poetry kind of story so,,,,,read well :) it's poetry like but it's not one? inspired by seventeen's pinwheel and simple. might delete this because this is just random and idk what I'm doing
story is under the cut!
a pinwheel standing alone,
spinning as the wind blows.
seem so lonely,
as if waiting for someone to appear.
continued to spin,
even in the cold winter,
even when it was splashed with a pool of water.
looking at it as i stood,
why did it felt like i was looking at me?
the never-ending spinning,
felt like a never-ending pain.
but if i told myself, I'm fine.
am i really fine?
maybe it's a way to tell yourself you're fine.
even when you're not.
people only glance outside,
and ask if the wind is cold.
they just ask and pass by,
why ask if you’re going forget anyway?
if i tell myself that everything is a dream,
would it make me feel better?
or will it make me feel worse?
but in the end, i still have scars scattered on my heart,
so will that thought make any difference?
happiness is just a word.
but it's a dream that i wish to have,
that everyone wants to have.
nothing is easy,
not when this exit-less,
maze-like world exists.
but i exist in this world,
so is it my fault that,
the world is what it is right now?
everything and everyone i once adored,
made me thought they were my happiness
but i guess they aren't.
if we open our eyes and look a little closer,
does it look like a dream to you?
does the world look like a dream to you?
everyone as a child,
always thinking that life was amazing,
that life was easy.
now that we've grown up,
does it look easy to you ?
but even if things go hard,
it may seem sad,
but I'm here for you.
take a break when you need them.
try your best always, but maybe not sometimes.
because there's things you'll have to let go for awhile,
♡ ₇ ⊹ ˚. lover boys . . . valentine's day with enhypen ʾʾ ۫
pairing: ot7 & reader ･ genre: fluff, established relationships ･ warnings: none ･ terms of enderment used: my dear (jay), rainbow (jungwon), bun (ni-ki) ･ wc: 1.2k words
희승 𓄹 ࣪˖ heeseung
ohmygosh he'd take you to a cute little café to enjoy a nice brunch with you !! he's always been a pretty casual guy so he won't make a huge deal out of valentine's day but would still want you to feel special.
would probably take you around the block for a stroll and holds your hand the whole time because he's just so happy to be with you, enjoying each other's presence.
heeseung watched you adoringly, his hands clasped with yours as he swung your arms back and forth. you, on the other hand, marveled at your surroundings, never having explored the neighborhood as much as you would have wanted.
he sighed happily, a smile adorning his face and all he could do was look at the sky and wish on the sun, moon, and all the stars that this beautiful love and happiness would last for all eternity and beyond.
제이 𓄹 ࣪˖ jay
jay would start your day with a cute breakfast in bed :< he'd sit on the edge of your bed and insist on feeding you because he wants everything to be special for you.
gifts you an assorted bouquet of all your favorite flowers with a long, handwritten letter wherein he pours his heart out to you and it most definitely brings tears to your eyes because he's so sweet.
“my dear yn, you will have to forgive me for saying this but i did not fall in love with you, for falling in love makes it sound like i had no choice but to love you. but i chose to love you, with all my heart, i walked into our love with open arms and it is, therefore, that i want you to know how much i truly love and adore you. since the day i have met you, i found solace and warmth in your presence and happiness at the mere thought of you. even as i am writing this letter, i cannot keep a smile from my face for i love you so much and i promise to love you forever, regardless of any circumstances. yours forever and longer, jay.”
제이크 𓄹 ࣪˖ jake
first things first, he gives you beaded charm bracelet that he made just for you <3 he’s got the biggest smile on his face and he just lights up when you put it on oh my gosh he’s so proud of that bracelet because he also made one for himself and now you get to match all the time :((
i’m not going to lie, jake seems like the type to sprawl on the couch and cuddle you most of the day while you watch as many movies as possible except he’s mostly just telling you he loves you but !! when night falls, he takes you out to this fancy dinner and spoils you with everything you want and refuses to even hear your protesting because you deserve it all :<
"i made a bracelet for you!" jake's eyes lit up as he handed you a bracelet with all the beads in your favorite colors and little dangly charms that represented everything you liked. you wasted no time in strapping it onto your wrist right when he shows you another one, almost like yours.
upon closer inspection, you realize that your bracelets have a single matching charm– a heart– and jake grins happily at you. "now i can carry your heart everywhere i go and you can have mine everywhere you go!"
성훈 𓄹 ࣪˖ sunghoon
doesn’t really have a plan going into valentine’s day because he’d rather do whatever you wanted to do. it’s a day to celebrate love so he very much wants to celebrate you :<
but!! not having a plan doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a gift for you!! he got you a custom made music box :( and there’s little figures going ice skating just like you did on your first date :( and when you turn the music box dial, it plays your favorite song :((
you stare at the music box in your hand, observing it silently, eyes shining with wonder. and then, you turn the dial on the side and a familiarly sweet tune emanates from the box, the figurines on top spinning around in an ice skating waltz.
“do you like it?” sunghoon asks quietly, watching you intently. your lack of a reaction worries him and he can’t help but fret over whether you liked the gift or not but when you squeal and fly to hug him, he lets out a breathy chuckle and swears his face hurts from smiling.
선우 𓄹 ࣪˖ sunoo
he would so totally bake cookies with you :< just imagine piping pink frosting onto the heart-shaped cookies you baked together and decorating them with sugary sprinkles.
cuddles up with you on your couch, the both of you all wrapped in the biggest blanket he can find, watching a movie and munching on your cookies :( and then his head just naturally falls onto your shoulder and he's just staring up at you, admiring you silently throughout the rest of the movie.
“you’re so pretty,” sunoo mumbled, peering up at you absentmindedly. he poked your cheeks gently, squishing them between his hands to pucker his lips and kissed you sweetly.
you felt your cheeks heat up and you hid your face behind your hands. warmth spread throughout your body, butterflies swarming in your tummy but sunoo only cooed, fluttering kisses over your face and hands.
정원 𓄹 ࣪˖ jungwon
he takes you on an picnic ^^ he makes sure to get to the park first and set everything up so everything's just right when you get there and the moment you're in sight, his face lights up with the biggest smile ever.
the lunch basket is packed with all of your favorites and he's so proud of himself when you tell him everything was delicious awee :( and you would probably watch as the sky turns yellow and orange and red, just enjoying this beautiful time together.
your head lay comfortably on jungwon’s shoulder and you looked up at him with a gentle gaze. a warm shade of orange danced lightly over his face and when he met your eyes, his gaze reflected your own.
he leaned forward to kiss the tip of your nose and he offered you a soft smile. pulling you closer, he whispered quietly in your ear, “happy valentine’s day, rainbow.”
니키 𓄹 ࣪˖ ni-ki
oh gosh, the inner artist cheolsoo comes out on valentine's day. he's all proud as he gifts you a sketchbook filled with little sketches and paintings he's done of you, with cute notes written around them like "first date ^^" next to a sketch of you on your first date.
he wants to take so, so, so many pictures with you, he's so precious :( wears his fluffiest, warmest hoodie so that you cling to him and his heart bursts whenever he feels your arms wrap around him :( it's more of a lazy day-in and he takes lots of candid photographs of you as a gift for the next year :(
“bun?” you hummed, craning your neck to peek up at your boyfriend, who leaned up ever so slightly to nuzzle his nose against yours.
he pulled away with a loose grin sprawled over his face and shook his head, “nothing, i just wanted to look at you.”
permanent taglist ( send ask / dm to be added ) 𖡡 @soobin-chois @rosieeyy @enhacolor
[ =͟͟͞͞♡ incoming letter alert !! ] : not heart day yet but i just felt like writing this :3 as always, likes & reblogs / feedback are much appreciated !
─ [ ^_< ~ oh, what's this ? it's a reminder from lily ! ] : don't forget to give urself a hug today ^^ i'm so proud of you for everything u've accomplished & u should be proud of yourself too !!
summary: you always felt a strange connection to that quiet cafe worker who made ice-cream waffles behind the tall counter of your favourtie cafe. maybe you were too attached to the cafe or just really liked the atmosphere, but you came here at least 3 times a week. or maybe it was because of that cute worker. who knows?
genre: fluff, angst if you look very closely, soulmates au, strangers to lovers, cafe au
a/n: wow !!! xae writes fluff !!!! 😨😨 this is part of my bffie yun @amakumos's collab, "written in the stars" ! i've originally had this idea with jay but since i chose jake's spot in the collab, i had to adapt 3 so enjoy ahaha,,, im not the best at fluff so i hope this is good ! this was inspired by my own experience where i bought a waffle and burned 3 of my fingers on it. it was worth it though 🤓☝ i had lots of fun writing this and i would absolutely love to hear your feedback luvies !! enjoy <3
You were back here again.
The exact same cafe a few blocks away from your apartment. You had been here so many times - maybe way too many times - you know how many steps it takes to get to the doorstep of the small hidden cafe, tucked away in a brightly lit alleyway clearly meant for youngsters like you.
The cafe was simple, decorated with plants and wooden furniture. It was plain but had a homely feeling, that exact feeling that you hadn’t been successful at finding with other TikTok-famous cafes. The plain, simple look of the cafe highly contrasted with the colourful lights and crowds of people right outside it; a peaceful change of environment. Maybe that’s why there weren’t many people in the cafe, it didn’t exactly stand out. However, this meant that you had this cafe all to yourself - it was practically your second home. The number of times you had visited couldn’t be counted, from a minimum of 3 times a week to a maximum of 5 times a week. Maybe it was a little insane, just a little.
You couldn’t help it though, could you? Your usual order, an oreo waffle with 2 scoops of vanilla ice-cream delicately placed right in the centre, with a small mint leaf to top it off. You also sometimes got a medium caramel milkshake if you were feeling a little stressed or down. It was delicious, to say the least.
But the cherry on top? That one quiet worker who diligently made waffles behind the marbled counter.
He was cute. But that statement wouldn’t do his looks justice, now would it?
He was absolutely breathtaking. He had the cutest eyes and the fluffiest hair and the sweetest smile (which you just so happened to catch a second of, before it quickly faded away as if it had never happened).
You had somehow always felt a strange attraction to him, as if you were lovers in a past life or as if you had been best friends and forgot all about it. Or maybe you were soulmates, but that couldn’t be a possibility, could it? Were you this lucky, to have already found yours even when the fated mark hadn’t appeared?
Ah, yes. That mark. The mark that would appear on every individual on their 18th birthday. You had about a month left until you were 18, but strangely you weren’t as excited for it as your friends were. It wasn’t that amazing or special anyways. Why did you need someone else to complete your life? You were doing perfectly fine right now.
There was a burning curiosity at the back of your mind, though. Why didn’t he talk much? Everytime you tried to make small talk with him while he made your order, he either gave one word answers or just a small smile. It was odd, but maybe he just didn’t want to be distracted while making the waffles. Maybe you were trying too hard, but it felt like you were meant to know him. Maybe you were just being dramatic and maybe you just wanted your own silly main character moment. Strangers to lovers? Your favourite trope of all time, yet you knew something like that only existed in the world of fiction.
You tried not to let it bother you, and continued your routine of visiting the cafe regularly. The other baristas and cafe workers seemed to like you anyway, always asking the same questions such as “how was your day?” or something along the lines of those. Even though they were the same questions everyday, you always felt happy sharing snippets of your ups and downs, and having someone, even if they were a stranger, to talk to while they made your food.
Sometimes you tried to switch your order up, opting for a cookies and cream or a strawberry cheesecake scoop instead. But you never changed the oreo waffle that you always got without fail. It was their best, after all. No arguments.
Your regular order never changed, but so did your friendship (if you even had one) with the man behind the counter, unfortunately. You knew that his name was Jake and that he was in-charge of making all waffle ice-cream orders at the cafe, that he was your age as well, and that his birthday was 2 weeks after yours. That was all you knew, sadly, despite wanting to know more.
You weren’t a persistent person, if someone didn't seem interested, you would give up. But it wasn’t the same with Jake, to your surprise. You found yourself wanting to know him more and more, and you gave in to those wants. At the start, it didn’t seem promising, but after your 16th birthday, that strange connection to him grew even stronger.
The mark that appeared on your wrist was a small butterfly. A blue and pink one, to be exact. But then again, you weren’t that big on this whole soulmate thing. Maybe unless it was Jake. Just kidding. But not really.
You were absolutely gone for a man that made you waffles 4 times a week. Maybe this silly strangers to lovers fantasy that you played in your head every night would actually work out. He seemed to be getting more comfortable with you, sometimes taking the initiative to start a conversation first instead of waiting for you to say something.
You and Jake kept up this cute friendship for about 2 more weeks, and on the day before his birthday, you told him that you’d be back again the next day to wish him happy birthday.
“No, (name), it’s alright, you don’t have to. I know you’re busy, you can just come wherever you’re free.”
“I don’t have class tomorrow jake, it's Saturday! Have you forgotten?” you asked, smiling a little at his slightly flustered face.
“Alright then, if you want to.” he mumbled, looking down and fidgeting with his fingers.
If he was being honest, he was interested in you. He felt the same strange connection to you, as if there was an invisible string tying the two of you together. He did have the thought that maybe you were soulmates, but he brushed off this silly idea. His soulmate couldn’t be the person who befriended him willingly, right? He must have saved a country in his past life if this was true. He knew that you already had your birthmark, but you always wore long sleeves or sweaters when visiting the cafe; it got a little cold sometimes. Hence, he didn’t know what your birthmark looked like. However, he didn’t really know why there was someone who wanted to talk to him almost every day, and always tried to get to know him. He didn’t know why you thought he was different and why you wanted to befriend him. He knew that you were a quiet person in school, he had a friend in the same literature class as yours. Yet he was comforted in the knowledge that someone would always be there and care for him, even if he thought he didn't deserve it.
You were back at the small cafe again the next day - Jake’s birthday. You had brought a small cake with a candle on it to celebrate with him. He was a little reluctant to do so since he didn’t want to slack off work, but he ultimately caved in. The cafe had just opened, so there was no one there yet, and it would take a while for customers to arrive since it was a Saturday; people always slept until the afternoon.
You tried getting Jake to wear this colourful party hat (which he, of course, hated) but, again, wore it in the end, after you argued that no one would see him and that it was just one time on his birthday. He looked even more adorable, if that was even possible, and he quietly blew out the candle that you had lighted.
It was almost 12pm; the time that all soulmate marks appeared on everyone’s respective birthdays.
Jake said that he wanted to see it in private, and you understood - some things were meant to be seen by yourself first.
It was now 12.01pm, and Jake quietly walked out of the staff’s lounge at the back of the cafe. He was glancing at his wrist with the purest smile you’d ever seen.
How lucky. How lucky his soulmate would be. His soulmate that would not be you.
Or would it?
“How was it?” you asked him, trying to bury that small flame of hope on your chest. You shouldn’t get your hopes up, maybe you would be disappointed in the end. Why did you even feel this way? Didn’t you find the whole idea of soulmates useless?
“Great! The mark is cute.” he replies, a smile creeping back onto his face.
“What is it?”
“I think it’s a butterfly. Its blue and pink, too.”
Your smile froze. Please don’t get my hopes up, you thought to yourself.
“Oh, right. I never asked you what yours was. It completely slipped my mind. What is it? I bet it's adorable! I’d love to know who your soulmate is, but I doubt I'll be able to do so” Jake said, a grin on his face.
Little did you know, Jake was feeling the same thing you were now. He was trying to mask that hint of disappointment with his smile and words. Yet he was still hoping that the universe favoured him, and that you had the same mark as him. He wasn’t an idiot though, he knew that the chances of that happening was close to impossible.
You slowly rolled up the sleeve of your flannel, revealing the same butterfly as the one on Jake’s wrist. An exact carbon copy.
You locked eyes with Jake, his eyes widening as he stared back into yours.
warning(s). mentions of blood, bruises and bad parents.
summary. you and heeseung were two sadness-filled souls who needed help and were lucky enough to find each other to help mend your hearts, and eventually you couldn't help but fall in love.
you cursed under your breath when you saw that today the sky was clear of clouds and it had no intention of raining, just thinking about finding an excuse not to come home early other than the rain already made you want to cry.
but your future self would worry about that, right now you just wanted to free your mind and were looking for some empty room to clear your mind but they were filled with students, either cleaning up so they could leave or it was the student council members working alone to have a little more silence.
you sighed turning around to go up to the third floor of the school, you hadn't been in that room for several weeks but apparently it was your last option.
while you climbed the stairs that seemed endless, your head began to feel increasingly heavy before all the thoughts you had running, your mind, your heart and your whole body felt overwhelmed.
and there was nothing you could do to relieve that feeling.
when you finally visualized the door to the music room, you hurried inside even if your legs no longer had any strength and immediately rested your head on the door you had just closed, sighing once more and letting the tears begin to fall.
you were about to let out everything you were holding in your chest at that very moment but a noise behind you made you jump and sent a shiver down your spine, you turned your head quickly only to see a boy sitting nearby from the window with red, swollen eyes and some traces of tears on his cheeks.
yours began to burn like fire and shame took control over you forgetting all the thoughts that drowned you seconds ago, you wanted to run away from there and never see that boy again.
"I'm sorry!" you touched your cheeks because of how hot they were, thinking they might burn your hands "I'm leaving now, sorry-"
"no no no!" his voice surprised you, it sounded desperate, you stood still waiting for him to continue "I mean... it looks like you need to be here more than me so I'll go"
that comment only embarrassed you more, you hated being seen as vulnerable.
then he stood up from the chair where he was, grabbing his backpack and walked towards you to open the door, you were nervous but you couldn't let him go as if nothing had happened.
you felt bad seeing how another person suffered just like you, you could see in his eyes that he was screaming for help, and you knew it because you had the exact same look.
"wait" you took him gently by the arm, he looked at you confused and even you were surprised by your action, you had to stop embarrassing yourself. "you can stay... if you want" you released him, you got more nervous when you felt his look and that he didn't tell you anything. you hesitated what you wanted to say "sorry, I guess... sometimes it's better to have a company rather than be alone"
and there he also noticed the look in your eyes, the same one he saw in the mirror every morning, he looked away avoiding seeing them and just nodded, did his eyes really look that miserable too? had everyone been able to see it? or is it that no one cared?
he left his backpack on the floor and returned to the place where he was without saying anything, just looking towards the window, allowing himself to be distracted once again by the birds that were flying free among the clouds.
oh how he wished to be free too.
you stayed a few seconds longer standing at the door, great, he decided to stay but now it was a bit awkward. you decided to sit a little further away from him, right on the seat in front of the piano, normally you only went there when you felt like you couldn't take it anymore and being alone didn't help anymore, your fingertips dancing on the piano keys that so many tears of yours kept calmed you down and made you forget all your problems and worries for a few minutes.
if there was one thing you could thank your parents for, it was that they forced you to play it, since you had now found love in those keys.
you forgot about the boy who was a few meters from you and closing your eyes you began to play, it was a piece that began with slow notes but with time they increased their volume and intensity, it was one of your favorite pieces since it showed all the sadness and anguish that kept your heart, how each time it was becoming bigger and more difficult to bear.
you had forgotten everything around you, letting your body express itself freely in music.
when you finished you noticed that you had been crying all that time, you looked up and met the boy who now had his chair facing you instead of the window. your face turned red again, you wanted to hide behind the grand piano to dry your tears as fast as possible.
although it no longer made sense. both had seen the other cry.
"I'm sorry" you said it for both things, for having played the piano without knowing if it would bother him and for crying.
"why are you apologizing? that was... that was the most beautiful thing i heard in my life" you never played in front of people other than your parents, so hearing that didn't help your cheeks and your embarrassment.
now you were playing with the tips of your fingers because of the nerves.
"thanks" looking at him you managed to recognize him, realizing that you shared some classes but never got to speak, and although you tried to remember you didn't know what his name was "what's your name?" that question just came out of your mouth by itself.
"heeseung" he gave you a weak smile, he was cute, it was a pity that he couldn't smile sincerely "and you?"
"y/n" and you gave him an equally sad smile.
that day you had met lee heeseung, and you had a lot to learn from him.
but he had already learned something about you besides your name.
that day lee heeseung learned that you played the piano in a really beautiful way, he also learned that his heart relaxed and tried to find comfort among those old and worn keys, just like you.
and that's how it became a daily thing for both of you to get together in that music room, with you playing the piano and him listening attentively and then praising you for how well you did it.
both quickly gained trust, some days you used to talk about your days and had even opened up about your problems, but neither had given great details, and others simply remained silent looking at the sky through the window enjoying each other's company without having to say any.
it was nice to finally have someone by your side who could understand you so well, even though you both had your respective groups of friends, the connection you had formed between you was something different, you could tell your things without the fear of feeling judged, you just let off all that pressure in your chests and both knew you had needed it a long time ago.
your hearts felt much lighter and when saw each other you could have a respite from the stifling world around you. that room was special to you and your hearts.
you learned a lot about him and he about you.
they were small things but it really made a difference.
"you have something to do?"
you were ready to leave after spending another afternoon with heeseung, this time wanting to teach him how to play the piano, you still didn't give up even though he told you that he prefers to listen to you instead of learning it.
"not really, why?" the last thing you wanted to do was go home.
"perfect then" heeseung just smiled at you as he gently grabbed your wrist to drag you across the school to the exit.
you only left him because it was one of the few times you could see a really genuine smile on his face and you didn't want to ruin that, you smiled too.
"where are we going?"
you received no response and just let him lead you to wherever he was taking you.
you looked down for a second and looked at heeseung's hand he was carrying you with, it was hurt.
with your free hand you caressed it a little without even thinking about it, you wanted to ask him what had happened to him but when he tightened his grip on your wrist you understood that he didn't want to talk about it.
you learned that from heeseung too, when his body stiffened or he just held your hand tightly out of the blue, it was because he didn't really want to talk about it.
you stopped in front of a convenience store, he let go of your wrist and you felt a little sad because of the sudden cold you felt in your hand.
"did you bring me here just because you were hungry?" he just turned his face to smile at you and both entered.
you always see heeseung eat ramen, it was rare to see him eat anything else, but you noticed that he always chooses spicy flavors.
it was hard to tell what else he liked besides ramen, but at least now you knew that spicy was his favorite. you saved that information for when you wanted to buy him something.
you weren't hungry but still heeseung kept insisting on buying something because he refused to eat alone.
and now that you remember, he always waited for you to be with him to take out of his backpack what he had bought to share it with you. maybe he didn't like to eat alone.
"I'll buy you these, I know they're your favorites" he pulled a small package of mochi from a shelf and you couldn't refuse.
you couldn't say no to him or the mochi.
everything had been going well for a few weeks, until heeseung wanted to do something different.
"today I want to get some fresh air... is it okay if we go to the rooftop?"
that music room had been the only place in the whole school you used to get together to hang out, although you shared some classes you never had the opportunity to talk because of your friends, besides the fact that exam week was approaching and the teachers didn't stop giving more homework to study, you just shared a few glances and smiled at each other, that's why you thought it would be a good idea to get out of the routine a bit so you accepted his offer and walked together towards the stairs that led to the rooftop.
heeseung stopped abruptly in the middle of them making you almost hit your face against his backpack, you looked at him confused.
"nothing" he smiled at you and kept walking as if nothing.
you stayed stunned for a few seconds without moving, losing yourself in the little patch you gave him and that he still kept in his backpack, you ignored the strange feeling that traveled through your body, that was heeseung's first smile that didn't even had a single trace of sadness.
your stomach flipped.
you shook your head, he opened the heavy door for both. you closed your eyes tightly as you felt the sun hit your face, surprised that no one was there, both approached the edge of the rooftop that was protected by bars, trying to avoid any possible accident.
you took a deep breath letting out a long sigh at the same time and couldn't help but laugh at that.
and your heart skipped a beat without you letting it when you looked into his eyes.
and in that moment you knew you were fucked.
you knew his bambi eyes by heart as well as all his face, hair, body and his typical smile that lacked happiness, but you never saw him smile like a few minutes ago, you never saw him in the sunlight with its rays illuminating his face, now it shone much brighter and you discovered some details that you never knew were there at all, heeseung was always attractive but when you were with him you thought of so many other things that you never gave yourself the pleasure of observing him carefully.
you noticed the piercings he had in his ear, they were just as delicate as him, some marks on his face that were not visible in the dark, his eyelashes, the mole that was near his eye, and you also noticed his injured lip.
you worried about him but you didn't want to meddle too much, if he hadn't mentioned the subject to you before it was because he didn't want to talk about it.
still you were sure that he noticed the concern in your expression.
suddenly heeseung moved away from you to be able to sit in a shaded area, with his back against the fence and you had no choice but to follow in his footsteps, you hugged your backpack to be more comfortable and you were ready to get lost in the sky but his soft voice distracted you.
"I'm tired more than usual today, is it okay if I use your shoulder as a pillow?" you cursed your heart for starting to beat faster at that question, and you were getting scared by that weird feeling in your stomach that was getting bigger but you nodded anyway.
when you felt his head on your shoulder with his hair caressing your neck that tickled you, a wave of heat went through your entire spine.
you knew it.
you had fallen in love with lee heeseung.
and you felt bad for doing it, you felt that you had broken his trust, you didn't want him to see you as someone who took advantage of the state of vulnerability in which both of you were. you wanted to throw up, you wanted to run out of there and not speak to him again until you put your feelings in order.
or until you no longer felt anything for him.
even though the very idea of walking away from him was stupid, you knew you could never do it.
a small noise that came out from heeseung's mouth stopped all your thoughts.
he had fallen asleep, now his face was much more relaxed and you couldn't help but stay several minutes admiring his beauty, when all his features weren't puckered he was much prettier, a fleeting thought about kissing him crossed your mind and you quickly took your eyes off him of him, you were so stupid.
by that time you would have run away to your house but you didn't want to wake him up, surely he hadn't been sleeping well the last few days, you could see the dark circles under his eyes and how he was nodding off in class struggling to stay awake.
you were worried, but you would talk to him another time.
from that day it became more and more difficult for you to be near him, although at the same time you couldn't help but pay more attention to him than before.
that's how you realized that he really enjoyed music a lot, now you wanted to show him your favorite songs and have him do the same with you. you knew in his free time he learned to play the guitar due to the small wounds on the tips of his fingers, and so you could name thousands of things you discovered about him that you previously overlooked.
for a few days you didn't want to be with him because of that strong pressure in your chest that you felt just by seeing him, you made up excuses to be able to leave much earlier than usual or you weren't even able to speak normally with him like before.
"hey, do you want to do something after school?"
you weren't doing anything in particular, the day was gray and you were just enjoying each other's company, you touching the piano keys from time to time, not playing any particular piece.
"uh, I don't think I can. I have to... do something." you couldn't even look him in the eye.
"oh okay, can you tomorrow? i want to show you something" you felt bad for lying to him, you didn't want to do it but being close to him turned your whole world upside down.
you saw the excitement in his eyes at mentioning that and your heart ached, your conscience would feel worse than you imagined later.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can either… not this whole week actually" you bit your lip, the look he gave you only made you feel worse. "look at the time! I have to go" you rushed to get up.
"i will see you later!"
you literally ran away from there, you put your hand on your chest trying to make your heartbeat not hurt so much.
most were in class so you stopped in an empty hallway and with most of its classrooms empty, you leaned your back against the wall throwing your head back.
you wanted to cry.
you didn't even know what to do, lying to heeseung made you worse than you expected, your body and mind also suffered a lot because of that and being away from him was worse for both of you, but you didn't even like the feeling he left on your body, as if you had run a whole marathon just by thinking about him.
was this ok?
you laughed to yourself, you didn't even know what you meant by that question.
was it okay to walk away from heeseung like that? was it okay to want to erase all those feelings that you had saved? was it okay to be in love with him in the first place, knowing that neither of you was alright? why did you feel like you were taking advantage of his vulnerability? he was your friend because you both helped each other and found comfort in each other.
it wasn't right to feel that way about heeseung.
did you even know how he saw you? like a friend? a random girl he hung out with every afternoon? someone he could lean on because you were more pathetic than him?
you hugged your legs hiding your face between your knees, letting the tears come out, you were no longer able to contain them any longer.
your body gave a small jump at the sudden voice, you raised your head trying to wipe away your tears as fast as you could.
but you stopped when you saw who she was.
it was yuna. your friend. she was standing just a few feet away from you.
"are you okay? what happened?" she immediately reached down and held your hands in hers.
when you felt her warmth you wanted to cry again, you had forgotten the good friends you had because of everything that was going on in your head, you felt like a lousy friend.
you didn't deserve any of that.
"why do you apologize?" you closed your eyes, trying not to keep crying.
but yuna wrapped her arms around your body, hugging you. and you could only sob louder.
you had needed that so much.
you didn't know how long you stayed like that, didn't even care if someone saw you either, at that moment you just wanted to stay in yuna's arms and never leave again.
but you had to do it, when your breathing normalized and the tears stopped coming out of your eyes as if they were waterfalls, you loosened the grip you had on her clothes and moved your face away from her chest.
"do you want to talk about it?" you nodded without thinking. many thoughts crossed your mind in that second but you weren't able to say no.
you tried to explain everything to her as best you could, from the moment you met heeseung, how over time you got closer and closer, the moment you realized you fell in love with him and how you were ignoring him now.
it was there that you realized that your whole friendship with heeseung was almost like a secret, even if you never intended it to be.
"and I don't know what to do now, I feel like this broke his trust, he told me his problems and worries because he wanted me to help him, and I fall in love with him? I'm so tired of feeling like my heart is going to explode in anytime when I'm with him, I really don't want to tell him but I also don't want to keep ignoring him and make him feel like he's alone."
yuna nodded to all your words, she listened to you carefully from beginning to end, she didn't interrupt you at any time and you were grateful for that.
letting go of all that was like taking a great weight off your shoulders, even your heart didn't hurt so much anymore.
"are you really in love with him? or do you just think you are because he makes you feel good?" you frowned at her question.
"I'm definitely in love with him, I don't think my whole world turns upside down just because he comforts me" you were sure of your words.
"and then? why do you care so much if you're taking advantage of his trust? It's not like that y/n, just by talking about him your eyes shine and I can hear the love you feel for him" you looked into her eyes, she held your hand one more time "listen, I understand that you might be confused by the situation but you definitely didn't take advantage of anything, you also forget that you're vulnerable, besides didn't you tell me that you even hung out outside of school, doing normal things? I don't think you realized that you two are actually teenagers who enjoy each other's company without the need to feel like all your encounters are a therapy session" you both giggled at that "also, nobody ever chooses who to fall in love with, right?
you nodded at her question "thank you very much yuna, seriously" you couldn't help but hug her again.
"It's nothing... besides, you've been acting weird and ignoring us so I assumed something was wrong with you, so I'm happy you told me all this"
you wanted to beat yourself up at her words, you had been ignoring one of the most important people to you and now you're doing it to heeseung because you can't put your feelings in order.
"I'm so sorry" tears appeared at the edge of your eyes again but yuna just laughed at you.
"you don't have to worry, much less cry" with her hands she wiped away any tears that dared to come out "you just have to put all your feelings and thoughts in order. and next time try not to push people away from you, okay? that will only make things worse"
she always found the right words to tell you, you were very grateful to have her as a friend.
"and don't forget that eventually you'll have to tell heeseung how you feel. as hard as it is and even if he rejects you, I know you'll feel better later"
you didn't want to think about that at the moment, it was already too much for you in one day and you just wanted to get home to sleep.
"I don't promise anything"
you both got up from the floor sharing one last hug, and just at that moment the bell rang for the last class of the day.
the next day you avoided heeseung every time you saw him in class or in the hall, you still felt overwhelmed by all your feelings and although you already had your thoughts a little clearer, you still had to think a little more.
and you knew that being with heeseung would ruin everything.
you were spinning in your head for hours, your lips were already bleeding from how much you had bitten them and your body already felt exhausted even though not even half the day had passed. you were still undecided, but you ended up deciding not to go to the music room that afternoon.
maybe that was a mistake.
you didn't want to see him, you could hardly think straight and you were convinced it was for the best.
but now you couldn't stop thinking that heeseung might be feeling abandoned, you were seeing each other every day for months without fail, it had become normal for you and you enjoyed each other's presence even if you didn't say a single word for hours , you knew what he thought about being alone, and now the guilt was eating you alive, you were questioning if it would have been better to have seen him that day and declare yourself once and for all, even with the fear of being rejected impregnated deep inside your heart.
you could hardly sleep that night, the only thing you could think about was him and you only wished for the hours to pass so you could talk to him.
and so it was, the next day came and you didn't want to wait to talk to him so you tried it in class but he was with his friends and at no time did he turn to see you.
guess you deserved it.
but you were determined, so the only thing you could do at the moment was wait until the usual time when you went to the music room.
you were walking slowly now, wishing time would stop so you could breathe, but you couldn't take it back now. thousands of possible scenarios about what could happen went through your head and you memorized what you wanted to say.
but it was all in vain, he wasn't there.
your heart ached as if it had been hit, your stomach began to turn nonstop and everything you had eaten that day began to rise up your throat. you wondered if heeseung felt that way when he didn't see you there yesterday.
even though yuna made you realize it, it took a little more time for your head to understand, but now you could say it with total certainty, it wasn't bad to be in love with lee heeseung.
even so you still didn't want to tell him, but just thinking about the reaction your body had when you didn't see him there made you wonder if it would get much bigger if you kept keeping your feelings to yourself and swallowing the thousands of words you wanted to say to him.
you left the room to start looking at the others to see if he wasn't there. all you wished for was that he was still in school and not gone.
half an hour later and still no sign of heeseung, you went through most of the floors and halls but didn't find him or his friends to ask them if they knew anything, you were worried that he went home and you were about to give up but the moment you started to walk towards the exit, the rooftop came into your head.
you've never been so happy to see that brown hair and tall figure of him. he was standing looking at the sky next to the fence.
"heeseung?" he heard you but still didn't move, he didn't even move his eyes to look at you.
you resisted the desire you had to hug him and took steps forward until you were in front of him. you stayed for a few seconds looking at his exposed neck before gently touching his shoulder.
his gaze stopped focusing on the clouds in the sky to settle on your eyes, your whole body felt weak and your heart wanted to come out of your chest.
you could never get used to that, to everything that heeseung provoked in you just by looking into your eyes.
"hey" all the things you wanted to say were erased from your mind, now you didn't know what words to say and you felt awkward.
"did you finally decide to stop ignoring me?" his question took you by surprise.
"I wasn't..." you felt bad for lying again. you should stop doing it.
"yeah, whatever you say" he let out a bitter laugh and you just watched his expression carefully, he was hurt.
"I'm so sorry" it hurt you to see him like that, it hurt you to think that heeseung believed that you didn't want to be with him anymore, or that you left him alone.
"what happened? did i do something to upset you?" he looked away and now you felt a lump in your throat that wouldn't let you talk.
"no! It's not that... I could never be upset at you heeseung, it's just..." you couldn't finish your sentence, and you didn't want to keep lying.
"you left me alone yesterday, i was waiting for you" you saw how the tears came to his eyes, and that was your last straw.
"I'm really sorry, I never meant to do this but it's just-"
"it's okay, you don't have to explain anything to me" he stopped you from confessing all your feelings towards him, you thought that you would manage to get rid of the knot in your stomach but it seems that it wasn't time yet "and you don't have to lie to me either, just... if something's wrong try talk to me next time, okay? I don't want you to lock yourself and keep me away when you're not good"
his hands caressed yours carefully and you intertwined your fingers with his. you wanted to laugh at that moment, how were you going to be able to tell him that you were in love with him now? that you wanted to run away because you felt you were taking advantage of him? that you couldn't stand your foolish heart going crazy in his presence?
"yes, next time I will, I promise" you let out a big sigh.
"are you okay now?" his concern just made you want to cry.
"yes, i'm sorry again"
he didn't say anything, he just stared at your linked hands, and from one second to another you had your head resting on his chest, with his arms enclosing your waist in a soft and warm hug.
you hugged him a little tighter, not wanting even an inch to separate you. you inhaled his scent, the one you liked so much, you never wanted to let go of him.
you wanted to feel the warmth of his body against yours forever, to feel his arms caressing your waist, you wanted his scent to stay on you, you wanted to hear his heartbeat.
you wanted to be with him forever.
the following days continued as before, the only difference now was that now you had heeseung's number, which he had given it to you "in case something happened" and you spent class chatting about everything and anything, both had already received detention for being with the cell phone instead of paying attention to the class.
even now before entering the first class shared in the morning, he would approach you to give you a small chocolate or some sweet and each time it was a different one, sometimes he would leave it on your desk too.
"why are you doing this?" you asked him one morning that he gave you a chocolate with peanuts, one of your favorites.
"because I want to" he shrugged "besides chocolate reminds me of you"
you were embarrassed to think that maybe he said that because he realized how much you liked to buy yourself a chocolate to eat between classes or when you did homework.
when you met again hours later you thanked him and he asked for your opinion on a score from 1 to 10, and so he learned what kind of flavors were your favorites.
and you repaid him by buying him ramen from a store near your house every afternoon.
you were in the last class of the day, for some reason today you felt more tired than usual, you even almost fell asleep on your books if it wasn't for yuna who kept you awake by touching your shoulder whenever you had your eyes closed for more than two minutes.
the school bell finally rang and you let out the biggest sigh of all, you stretched out on your chair while you watched as yuna was already on her way to the door, she waited for you to be ready, but you didn't even have the chance to get up.
heeseung sat next to you, right where yuna was before and without saying a single word to you he put his arms around your waist while he rested his head on your chest. all the heat of your body was concentrated in your face and you could see how yuna was making fun of you from the door, she greeted you with her hand while you made all possible signs for her to come help you but you were ignored.
you tried to breathe normally to calm down, you didn't want heeseung to realize how fast your heart was beating even though you were sure he already heard it.
when heeseung settled better that's when you passed your arms over his body, caressing his back and playing with his hair from time to time, his eyes were closed and you did the same.
you were enjoying the moment so much, and adding the tiredness you felt, you almost fell asleep right there, in the empty room, listening to the other's breathing while the sunset painted the whole place.
"can I walk you home today?" his voice made you open your eyes, remembering that you were not in the comfort of your room.
It was hard for both but finally you separated, at that moment you hated everything in the world for not being able to stay like this as if nothing else existed.
but now that you think about it, he had never asked you that, when it got too late you left but you never knew if he did too or if he stayed a while longer.
you could see it in his face, you also noticed his body language and you thought that maybe that day he just needed someone's company much more than other days. you smiled at him with a playful little tap on the shoulder. ready to go.
heeseung hated that people showed him compassion, he knew that you realized something was wrong and if you were someone else he would have thought that the smile you gave him was pity but he knew it wasn't, after all you were the one only person who could understand it.
the way home was much quieter than you expected, heeseung was always able to come up with topics of conversation out of nowhere or make jokes about anything, but today there was something different about him.
though you chose to ignore it.
and maybe you should have asked, you should have done a lot of things at that time. but you didn't.
"thank you for walking me home today heeseung"
"it's nothing" you smiled sincerely at him and he did the same "see you later"
but you noticed a change in his eyes, and when you saw his back move away from you you wanted to run after him, you didn't want to leave him alone. something was happening.
but what would you do then? would you let him into your house? that would only be hell because of your parents, you could barely stand being there, you didn't want to drag him down with you.
you had to repress the desire to shout his name so he wouldn't leave, and when you couldn't see him anymore you wanted to hit yourself with the first thing you found.
it was always the same. you were always too coward to do what you really wanted out of fear, you wished you could be different, you wished you could run after heeseung and tell him everything you kept in your heart.
but you couldn't. because you were a coward and you always will be.
heeseung didn't go to school that day and he didn't answer your messages either, you were still worried about him but he didn't show any signs of life until now.
you wanted to leave him for today, maybe he was busy or had something important to do, you also remembered that he mentioned something about a field so there was a possibility that he went, right?
but the days went by, the worry was eating your mind and the nerves were about to drive you crazy, you needed to know about him, anything was fine. you would have already gone to his house to see if he was okay but you didn't know his address.
you didn't know what to do, you couldn't even concentrate in class anymore and you kept leaving him messages but he didn't even see them.
"y/n can you please calm down?" yuna was worried about you, she had seen the dark circles under your eyes and every day it was getting worse.
"I can't do that, I haven't heard from heeseung for over a week and the last time I saw him... he wasn't well"
she was silent, she wished she could help you but what could she do? not even you who were close to him knew.
"wait... why don't you ask his friends? they might know something, or they might know where he lives"
you didn't have time to think that you had already run away, yuna had shouted your name but that didn't matter to you, besides it was recess so you could easily find them.
when you were finally able to see two of his friends, you mustered all the courage in the world to get closer and remember their names.
"hey, sorry, I know you guys don't know me but has anyone heard about heeseung? I haven't heard from him for days"
they both looked at each other and then returned their gaze to you.
"he actually hasn't been replying to our messages either" the one you thought was named sunghoon told you.
"excuse me, but what is your name?" that was jay, you knew it from his glasses.
"I'm y/n" you saw how they both looked at each other again, if you weren't so worried you would have been embarrassed.
"oh I see, I'm sorry but we don't know anything about him either"
"I understand..." you had to do it "you... you don't know his address? I really need to see him" your hands were shaking and you kept biting your lip.
"oh yeah, just... take care of him, okay? we're worried too"
it didn't take long for them to give it to you and when you made sure to thank him at least ten times, you almost ran out of school, you still had classes and you knew your parents would kill you as soon as they found out but you couldn't care less.
his house was a bit far from the school but in less than you expected you were already at his door. you stopped for a few minutes as you leaned on your knees, your chest rising and falling trying to catch your breath.
you raised your chest and took a deep breath. you rang the doorbell at least 3 times but nobody came out, you had been so lost in your thoughts that you didn't realize that the door had been open all that time.
you didn't know whether to go in but the gut feeling you had since the morning made you act without thinking.
at first glance there was no one, you knew what you were doing was wrong and you just wanted to take a look and then leave and you would try to come another day, but the place was messy as if there had been a big fight and your concern only increased.
you slowly entered a room that was completely dark.
and that's where you saw him.
you immediately approached him, he was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, you could hardly see his face but as soon as he heard your voice he raised it.
"what are you doing here?"
"what do you mean? you've been missing for days, I didn't know anything about you and you didn't answer my messages, not even your friends knew what was going on with you... I was worried"
"I'm sorry... but you didn't have to bother, really"
you took his hands in yours, which you noticed were rough and his knuckles scraped, when your eyes got used to the darkness you could see his face well. you covered your mouth with one of your hands to avoid letting out a scream, you had a lump in your throat and the tears already wanted to come out of your eyes.
his face was very injured, his lip and one of his eyebrows were split, both of his cheeks and one of his eyes had very large bruises and he still had dried blood on various parts of his face and even on his clothes too.
"heeseung what... what happened to you?" you were scared to hear his answer, but he didn't say anything. "tell me something please, is this why you didn't go to school?"
if that was the reason you didn't even want to imagine how his face had been days before, thousands of things were happening through your body, on the one hand you didn't want to know what happened because you knew you would end up throwing up due to anguish.
"can I hug you?" his voice come out so weak and carried so much pain that you felt your heart breaking into little pieces.
you didn't hesitate and you already had his body wrapped in your arms, you closed your eyes tightly wishing that all this was a bad nightmare.
"you didn't reach out to me" he started to cry in your arms, you felt how his hands tightened your clothes not wanting to let you go "you left me alone that day and I... I needed you"
you hated that, you hated that heeseung blamed you for whatever happened, but he was right. you knew there was something wrong with him that day but you ignored it, you didn't go running after him, you let him go and now you don't know what happened, he was like this because of you.
nothing could break your heart more than knowing that you were a horrible person who abandoned someone who needed her.
who abandoned the person you loved.
your tears fell nonstop, ending up on heeseung's hair and body. you felt so bad, you were always a coward, and what use had that been to you? you only missed out on things you really wanted and worst of all, you hurt the people you loved the most.
you would never forgive yourself for that.
you both stayed crying in each other's arms for a long time, you didn't even know how long you had been like that but your body already felt numb from the position you were in.
when heeseung was able to calm down, he abruptly separated from your body, wanting to get up but he couldn't.
"you can leave me alone now, get out of here"
you wanted to hug him again but he moved your hands away from his body.
"I'm so sorry heeseung" you looked him in the eyes hoping he wanted to listen to you "I knew there was something wrong with you that day but I didn't do anything for you, I didn't even ask if you needed help and I... I'm so sorry" you had to take a few seconds for the lump in your throat to go "but I'm not going to leave you alone now, not again, I can't afford to do it after seeing what happened when I was a coward for not going after you"
he didn't say anything, he didn't even look up at you. you dried the tears that were still falling, you would do everything possible to be by his side.
"at least let me heal your wounds... please" you begged, though you weren't just referring to the ones on his face.
that moment was becoming eternal, his silence was slowly killing you. but when he nodded you took quick steps out of the room trying to find the bathroom and find whatever it was that you could help ease the pain.
when you returned to the room he was sitting on his bed, you went straight to the curtains to open them and let the light into the place.
you stood in front of him and you had to swallow hard when you saw him again more clearly, he was worse than you imagined. from the box you took out a small cotton ball to which you put alcohol and gently put it on his injured lip, he hissed due to the pain and ran his face away from your hand.
"It's ok" this time heeseung stayed still closing his eyes letting you do your thing, from time to time you could see him frown when you put a lot of pressure on the wounds and you had to be apologizing all the time "why are you crying?"
you brought one of your hands to your cheeks and they were wet, you hadn't even noticed.
you didn't want to answer, you knew that if you opened your mouth everything would be much worse and you couldn't control yourself.
heeseung slowly passes his arms over your waist to get you closer to his body, positioning you in the space between his legs, you were like that for a while until the position began to be uncomfortable for his neck, so he brought his hand up to your leg wanting to lift it and you instantly understood what he wanted. now you were sitting on his lap and he was fighting the urge to lay his head against your chest but he knew you couldn't heal him that way.
you were more nervous than before, your hands were shaking and your heart betrayed you in the silence, it was difficult not to look at his lips without wanting to kiss them and the closeness between your bodies didn't help.
"haven't you told your friends about this? they can help you" you decided to break the silence so as not to be tempted to kiss his lips, you also felt your heartbeat reaching his ears telling him all your secrets.
if you could do something, anything, to help him you would, you would have offered him to stay in your house for a while if he was okay with that but you knew that the situation in there wasn't much better.
"no... I never told anyone"
the cold breeze that entered through the window made your body shiver and at the same time took away all the tension you contained. it hurt to imagine all that he had to suffer alone.
but it wasn't going to be like that anymore, now you were there and you would do anything to help him.
"you should do it... I know you hate talking about your problems, I'm the same, but heeseung... you need help, you have to get out of here"
"and what can I do? they are my parents and I can't do anything for myself"
at that point you had already finished with all his open wounds, now it was time to put ointment on the bruises.
"we'll ask your friends for help too, they care about you, I can tell" As much as he disliked the idea, he knew you were right, it was time to tell them.
you remained in silence again, you felt like his gaze was on you making the simple task of moving your hand impossible. when you finally finished with his face you wanted to get away from him but heeseung tightened his grip on your waist.
"can I kiss you?"
you widened your eyes in surprise, you swore they could have gotten out of place, did you hear that right? you felt your cheeks turn red and heeseung's free hand was slowly climbing your neck.
"hm?" now he was looking at your lips with no shame, waiting for your answer.
"what?" the sudden ringing in your ears prevented you from thinking clearly. everything felt like a fever dream.
"I asked...can I kiss you?" his voice got deeper and the look in his eyes only made you fall for him even more.
now his hand was ending its journey on your cheek and you nodded slowly.
maybe time stopped when his lips met yours but the flutters only intensified. your heart pounded in your chest as you felt your body go numb. you could only focus on how soft you felt against his mouth, how addictively he invaded all your senses.
this was so unreal, if it was a dream you never wanted it to end. but you confirmed again that it wasn't when you felt his fingers dance on your waist. you curled your fingers through his hair as you gripped his shirt tightly, not wanting him to pull away from your body.
If there was one thing you hated at that moment, it was having to part from lack of air.
you looked into each other's eyes as you always did, as you had done thousands of times, but only now did both noticed the particular brightness they contained. you couldn't help but giggle when you saw him, his lips shone and his cheeks, despite the injuries, had a cute pink color.
you wanted to go back in time to change everything, so as not to have to see his face in that state in that intimate moment that you wanted to keep forever.
your head couldn't understand how with each passing second you fell more and more in love with lee heeseung.
"I've been wanting to do this for a long time" he hugged you and let his head rest on your shoulder as you stroked his hair lovingly.
"really?" you would never have thought that heeseung would reciprocate your feelings, you still felt dizzy and could only think of the ghost of his touch on your lips.
"yeah... but i was too scared to do it" you let out a small laugh, because that was the same reason you didn't.
you stayed like that for a few more minutes, just enjoying the other's touch, wanting to unite as one.
"I can hear how fast your heartbeat is going, so cute" he chuckled softly embarrassing you at how obvious your body was near him.
"shut up" you hit him playfully on the shoulder and he grabbed your hand to guide it to his chest, you could feel how his heart wanted to come out of there just like yours.
"I'm in love with you" he gently kissed your cheek "from the moment I heard you play the piano" he kept spreading kisses all over your face.
you closed your eyes tightly for a few seconds, how could he be so cute? wait, since he heard you play the piano? that was the first time you had seen each other.
"I'm in love with you too. from the moment we went to the rooftop" you saw him smile from ear to ear. you were so happy to finally see his real smile that you couldn't help but laugh a little.
"since that time and you never told me?" he pretended to be angry and his lips formed a pout, to which you stole a small peak.
"you didn't say anything either"
"true... but now I will" you turned your head in confusion "can I... be your boyfriend?" you've wanted to hear those words for a long time. and your heart seems to too.
"yes, only if you want to be mine" both laughed slightly, without taking your eyes off each other.
"deal" you couldn't say anything more because his lips interrupted you "now I will never leave your side"
heeseung kept his eyes half open, sneaking a guilty peek at you every time he came back for air, just to make sure this wasn't a product of his imagination.
"never do, please"
both still had many things to fix, but now you just wanted to be happy next to each other trying to recover all the happiness you couldn't have in years, although you had been since you met but were too stubborn to realize it.
your souls had finally found the comfort they needed so much and your hearts joined as one like your lips did.
and his lips were soft despite being bruised, you found yourself loving them just the same, loving their shape and taste.
and even up to that point both of you were still learning things about each other and about yourselves.
permanent taglist: @soobnny @ja4hyvn @yizhoutv @heejaies @jungwoniics @soobin-chois @w3bqrl @jakeyuni (send ask to be added!)
synopsis: 500 years after your passing, sunghoon still returns to sit under the tree where you two first met. with your passing, it seems as if all the glaze lilies are gone, but one day, the fields in qingce village are filled with them, and he sees those vibrant amber eyes that he so loves once again.
genre: angst, fluff, genshinverse au, reincarnation au
pairing: scaramouche! sunghoon x geo archon! gn reader
word count: 1.2k
warnings: mentions of death, heavy spoilers for illusion (i highly recommend u read it before this to understand what’s happening)
authors note: heyyyy bestfriends 😛 this is the promised part 2 of illusion (Please go read that fic first lol) that was originally supposed to be the ending!! i tweaked it here and there but yes hehe i hope u enjoy<3
taglist (send ask to be added) : @soobnny @c9tnoos @ja4hyvn @jaywon @shinsou-rii @sqnwo @dosiedior @primorange @0912005 @bearseulgs @baekhyunstruly @jalnandanz @yanqsfairy @yizhoutv @acciomylove @w3bqrl @yenart @woniedaze @missmadwoman @floverful @fairyofriki @annoyingbitch83 @itzxvaxella @wonjaems @oreoisa @soobzao @son9oi @ily-cuz-i @lumixen @hakuyeo @yubinism @hiqhkey @ferxanda @soobin-chois @heelvsme @bigtittietoji @clarakyunisageek @luvryuj1n @yvesismywife @mitsukifilms @meijiamikas @love-4-keum @yogurteume @iyeonjuni @karsohn @luvrjn
“I really miss you, you know.”
Sunghoon rests his head against the exact same tree where he met you 500 years ago. The glaze lily he ripped out of the grass is in bloom, and it’s the only glaze lily he’s ever seen ever since you died - most of them all withered after your passing.
Sunghoon doesn’t even dare to touch it. He thinks he’s going crazy. He’s talking to a flower.
A flower that reminds him of you.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. He glances at the flower, and all he can remember is how you gifted him a bouquet of the vibrant blue flowers years ago. “I didn’t need the gnosis. I thought I did, but now I know that feeling only a couple emotions was enough.”
Sunghoon keeps his promise to you. He learns about human emotions for you. He learns how to feel joy, sadness, and love.
But for the past 500 years, he has only felt longing.
“I put your gnosis away, if you would like to know. I think I have told you this before - it doesn’t feel right for me to have it.” he mumbles. Sunghoon realised that he felt emptier with the gnosis than without. All he can think about is that it’s supposed to be yours, not his.
“I made up with Minju. We talked… she told me stories about you. You would bring her sweets, because you knew she liked them.” he chuckles softly. “You brought me flowers, even though I didn’t know that I liked them then.”
A tear trickles down his cheek.
“Riki asked me where you were when I came back. I didn’t know how to tell him that you were… gone. He waited for you for weeks at the docks.” Sunghoon gazes at the flower. “We became quite close, I suppose.”
The sun is starting to set, and it reminds him that he should head home now.
You said this to him once.
“I should… go now,” he says to the flower. “Oh, and I moved to Qingce Village. You said it was pretty, so… yes. The people are nice there.”
“I will come back tomorrow. I think... I have time. I will always have time for you.”
He takes one last longing look at the glaze lily, and he starts to return home.
When he heads out the next day, Sunghoon is in awe.
For the first time in 500 years, he sees the first glaze lily aside from the one under the tree bloom. It’s beautiful - the vibrant blue hues allow him to remember when you tucked a glaze lily behind his ear.
He bends down to pick it.
You had done the same thing centuries before.
Sunghoon slowly realises that the entire field is suddenly full of glaze lilies. It’s strange - these flowers have not been seen in centuries, and suddenly they start appearing again?
Sunghoon doesn’t mind, though.
He picks one flower after another, until there’s no more left in sight. He decides he’ll take them home and put them in a vase before heading back to the tree.
He passes by the village chief, giving the old lady a wave, and he passes by children, who look on at the flowers in his hands with awe - they’ve never seen them before. Sunghoon tells the children what the flowers are called, and he offers one to a little girl who’s hand hesitatingly tries to grab one. Ever since Sunghoon moved to Qingce Village, he’s found that he has a soft spot for little kids - occasionally telling them about all that he’s witnessed on his travels.
He tells them about you, sometimes.
“Keep it,” he says, and he offers the girl a smile. “Keep it really safe, okay? It’s a special flower.” The little girl giggles. “Okay, Mr Sunghoon!” She runs off, and Sunghoon watches, the remaining glaze lilies still clutched tightly in his hands.
“You know, you could’ve sold that flower for a good price.”
Those words are all too familiar - they’re the same words you said to him when you two first met. The person speaking sounds like you as well.
Sunghoon thinks he might be hallucinating. He turns around, and the first thing he sees are the amber eyes that he missed oh so dearly, and it takes almost everything in him to not burst into tears. “(Name)?”
“How do you know my name?” you whisper.
So you don’t remember him. The thought of that makes his chest tighten in the slightest way, and he doesn’t even have a heart. “Just… a wild guess. You look familiar to someone I knew.” he lies.
“Oh, I see.” you hum. “What’s your name?”
“Your given name is… Hoon?” Sunghoon shakes his head frantically. “No, no! My name is Sunghoon, but I prefer if people call me Hoon.”
He lies. He hates being called Hoon unless it’s from you.
“Okay then, Hoon.” you chuckle. “So… what are you doing out here in Qingce Village?” you ask him, and Sunghoon smiles. “I live here, actually.”
“That’s nice. Qingce Village is really beautiful - I came to pick some glaze lilies myself, but turns out you’ve already taken them. I’ll come back some other time, then.”
Sunghoon immediately pushes the glaze lilies into your hands.
“Take them.” he says. You look at him, taken aback - there’s something about this man’s amethyst eyes that seem familiar. You shake your head, and you offer them back to him. “No, I couldn’t - there must be a reason why you picked all of them in the first place.” Sunghoon smiles.
“It’s okay. Take them.” He takes one of the flowers out of your hands and this time, he tucks the glaze lily behind your ear. Your heart is pounding incredibly fast - there’s something about this stranger that makes you feel like you’ve known him for a long time.
“You look pretty,” he mumbles. You feel your face heat up.
“Uh, thank you.” you can’t stop the giddy grin that threatens to spread across your lips. Sunghoon notices that the sun is starting to set.
“You should return home before it gets late,” he says.
This interaction feels incredibly familiar to you - but you can’t exactly put a finger on why that is the case.
“Ah… yes. Thank you for the flowers, by the way - they’re beautiful,” you say, smiling. You can’t help but focus your attention on Sunghoon’s eyes - they’re mesmerising.
You want to see him again. You want to get to know him better. A voice in your head tells you that you already know him well enough. “Um, before I go… I’ll see you around, right?”
Sunghoon smiles softly, and he nods. “Yes, you will.”
You leave Qingce Village with a bouquet of glaze lilies, and your heart beating a million miles per minute because of Sunghoon.
Sunghoon returns home, and he peers at the gnosis that he’s tucked away into a box. He smiles to himself - the first genuine smile in centuries, and he tucks it in his pocket. He’ll return it to you the next time you two meet, he decides.
SYNOPSIS : after hyunsuk lends you his blue crayon in elementary, you fell head over heels for him, which resulted in you confessing your undying love for him and stealing his first kiss when you two were just six. years pass and you two lose contact, but hyunsuk remembers the day very vividly and wishes himself a ‘happy anniversary’ every year, celebrating it as an inside joke.
on your 16th anniversary, as he blows out the candle on his cupcake, he wonders what you were doing and wishes to see you once again. who knew his wish would come true? that too, very soon as you walked into his university the very next day as a transfer student.
GENRE : college au, social media au, fluff, comedy-crack
PAIRING : performing arts major! choi hyunsuk x performing arts major! female reader
WARNING(S) : members aged up and down to match the ‘00, ‘01, ‘02 and ‘03 liners, swearing, please ignore times and dates on the pictures, there may be plotholes so yeah
START DATE : (hopefully) february 22
UPDATES : will be informed soon!
TAGLIST : open! just send me an ask!
PROFILES : broke boi suk and co. || therapy kids
01 : HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME
02 : DREAMS COME TRUE
chapters will be added later as the story progresses
maybe love can finally stay — lee heeseung. exes to lovers. angst to fluff
synposis. love retests the waters when you and your ex-boyfriend heeseung finally talk about why you broke up in a beach house reunion after putting your love to a rest four years ago (2k words)
It’s 2am and you can’t sleep.
It may or may not be because of the simple fact that you were in a beach house, seven years later in a reunion with your old friends from high school.
And it wouldn’t have been any trouble - it all should’ve been fine. Except for the minuscule detail that your ex-boyfriend whom you’ve known for almost the entirety of your life was present.
Inarguably, you should’ve been able to move on by now, but how can you when everything you see is the slightest reminder of what could have been?
He’s almost everywhere, on the tabloids, on your television, even your co-workers are talking about him, and you find that you can’t escape someone who had claimed a huge part of your life since your first year of high school.
The cool breeze of the ocean is enough to calm your raging thoughts for now.
The moon has quietly taken over the skies, offering you company as you sink into the cold sand, settling with the sound of the waves crashing into the tides. The air is cooler and the breeze stirs your thoughts away for a moment, lulling them to sleep and giving you a short moment to breathe.
Soft whispers are being carried by the wind, and the moon is asking if you’re okay as if it can feel the sharp pain in your sternum. And you want to tell her that nothing’s been fine for a while, and you miss the time when the blanketed sky didn’t remind you of Heeseung’s arms the night he had kissed you for the first time.
It only reminds you of him.
Through nights like this, Heeseung would’ve held you safely in his arms, kissing you over and over under the endless skies and the twinkling stars. His mouth would’ve spoken words of comfort, and you wouldn’t have been feeling this way.
And you think the moon is calling you stupid for being hung up on the boy you’d broken up with years ago, but you reason with her. You ask her, how could one not have loved the greatness in his eyes.
And as if she was granting you one final wish, quiet footsteps are heard, contrasting the crashing of the waves. You think you might be losing your mind when the silhouette draws closer and it reminds you of the familiar form of someone you had once called your lover.
Barely seeing through the darkness, you feel your chest tighten from the way his eyes are so easy to recognize, even in the inky night, and it’s still able to peek through the wall you’d been desperately trying to put up the moment you laid eyes on him again. You couldn’t move, not when he’s moving to sit beside you with his knees brought up to his chest.
“Look, you don’t have to talk to me. We’re all leaving tomorrow, and we can just forget we ever saw each oth-”
“I couldn’t sleep.” is all he says.
He doesn’t tell you that the reason why he can’t sleep is that, through nights of endless stars, he’s reminded of you. He’s reminded of the times he’d tried to reach out after the breakup. The unanswered calls and the unreturned efforts of seeing him when he came home from Seoul.
He’s reminded of when all he could do was chase the love he no longer had.
He breathes intensely, sitting there on the sand, the ocean and the moon and the sky blurring into the background the moment he finally looks at you - the way he’s been avoiding in fear of losing his composure. You don’t catch the way he’s gazing at you as if you weren’t real.
The last time he saw you were through blurry eyes and broken stares, almost four years ago. No one can blame him for thinking that the sight of you so near him might as well be a figment of his imagination.
“Guess your thing for the ocean never left, huh?”
Heeseung’s almost relieved at the thought of constancy. He couldn’t explain the immense emotions that coursed through his veins at the thought that he still knew you. Even after all these years.
Sure, you walked with a broader back now, a new sense of confidence surging through you, and you might have new sleeping patterns, new routines, new taste in music, but you still loved the ocean the same. You still wore your hair up the way you liked when you were with him, still leaving out the peas in your vegetables.
Love was still the same.
“Are you okay?”
He loses himself in your words, and he’s not sure if it’s from the way you said it, but something about the way you were looking at him, with the softest look he’s seen in a while, gives him the confidence to answer your question.
It’s a question he’s heard plenty of times before. It was one his friends (and his members later on when he had told them about you) had religiously asked him when you two had broken up. It’s a question he’s never learned to properly answer, stemming from when he’d overwork himself back in high school, he’s still being asked now. And he still doesn’t have an answer.
But he gives one for you. Albeit not accurately.
Heeseung can’t tell you that his soul is not satisfied that it has lost you. It’s not right if he says he’s been wondering, for the past four years, if things would have been easier if you were still by his side. Would it be okay if he told you that there’s been a burn settling in his heart that only started sparking again the moment he saw you at the reunion? Could he say he’s been wondering why you two didn’t last?
“I will be.” It’s an honest answer.
Heeseung knows he’d be fine in time. And you agree silently with his words, mirroring his position and bringing your legs towards your chest, chin tucked gently on it as the wind continues to blow through the two of you.
“Why didn’t you fight harder?”
He catches you off guard, and it’s a question you thought you always knew the answer for. And the look he gives you is almost as if he’s not expecting an answer, just pleading for relief. Anything to finally explain why it had ended the way it did. “I didn’t want to get in the way of your dreams.” It was the memorized answer sitting in the back of your head, but Heeseung’s pleading eyes weren't satisfied.
The break in his voice didn’t disguise the pain he was feeling. Then again, It’s the first time you two had talked about it after the breakup. “You were part of my dream, you know that. We could’ve pushed through anything.”
“I didn’t want it to come to the point where you’d have to choose between being an idol and me. I already knew your answer. And pushing through everything seemed so difficult at the time.” Your voice was a whisper, even when Heeseung needed it to be shouted at him.
“I never said it’d be easy to overcome, but I knew that if we tried, we would’ve been able to make it. You could’ve waited.”
“I didn’t want to put my life on hold. I didn’t know when you were going to come back, or if we’d be the same when you were away in a different city with a completely different lifestyle than mine.” You think he’s said enough, Heeseung’s let out everything he needed to tell you, but you didn’t know the last pain you’d have to suffer was reserved for today.
“I was going to ask you to marry me.”
And the thought that you’d let marriage with Heeseung slip away as quickly as you did with your relationship absolutely breaks you, especially when he’s looking directly at you, shedding tears he wasn’t aware were rolling down his cheeks. The crack in his voice tampered with the peace the evening breeze was trying to offer to the both of you.
You’re made aware of everything you’d decided to let go the moment you walked out on him four years ago and a sob itches at your throat for the life you could’ve had. When the first set of tears escape your eyes, Heeseung’s quick to pull you in his arms, hands finding the familiar path of your back and tracing the patterns he knew were quick to calm you down.
“I didn’t mean for us to end like this.” The words he’s hearing from you are heartbreaking. You sound utterly horrendous, defeated even. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t think we’d end like this either. I just thought we would never end. I thought we’d be able to do anything, follow each other through everything, and that’s that.”
Your heart is a large weight in your chest, and you think the weight of it would drag you straight down to the bottom of the water and drown you. It hurt you to know he was so willing to make things work with you.
“I’m so sorry.” He shushes you, bringing your cheeks in his hands and using his thumb to wipe away the tears that refuse to stop running.
“I’m proud of you, you know, for all that you’ve accomplished. I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you for reaching your dreams.” It’s the only time you’ve said those words out loud and it almost felt cathartic to finally be able to tell him how proud you are of him, especially with how much effort he’d put into his passion.
It's the first smile of the night, even when it’s mixed with messy tears and puffy eyes, and he smiles right back at you. Heeseung’s glad that, in a way, your heart still thinks about him. And he's left to wonder if you notice the way he kisses the necklace you had bought him on your first year anniversary every time he’d perform - without a fail. His lips always make contact with the metal, a reminder of the person who stuck with him through cruel training and took care of him when he overworked himself.
The feeling of you close and the sight of a smile on your lips is something Heeseung never wants to go away. “I wish we could start over. But the universe just doesn’t work that way, huh? Soon, we won’t see each other. We’ll leave this place, and that’ll be it.”
“But what if we could try again? What if this time we wouldn’t end?”
You notice how his eyes travel from your eyes to your lips, then back at your eyes. And the sight of his quivering lips, the most vulnerable you’ve seen him, has you sucking your breath.
“Do you think we’d be able to make it?”
The thumping of your heart grows louder when he’s leaning in, and you can feel the moon and the wind trying to calm the both of you down. When his forehead touches yours, you’re convinced you no longer knew how to breathe. “We’re worth a try.”
When his hand finds home on your cheeks for the second time that night, your eyes flutter closed and you allow your lips to meet in a slow burn of yearning. It’s slow, and deep, every possible emotion expressed in the way you two were kissing each other. Your touches take precedent in both your minds until all you know is each other.
In the distance somewhere, someone is singing at the two lovers, kissing under the same night that had blanked the same trees when they shared their first kiss, the same endless stars, the same people (albeit a little grown now).
In the distance, hope is revisited, and love gets a second chance.
note. posting something before exams next week :]
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