When you have to waterboard your crush just to ask her out for dinner 🤷♀️
“You know Gary, I’m not gonna hurt you, because you’re the only one who treated me nice.”
🎬 Joker (2019)
Girls All Day
(aka a requiem for this poor fucker ^):
The soup was, as promised, absolutely delicious. It would have been the single best soup they’d ever tasted if not for the knowledge of what it was.
“See? I told you you’d enjoy it!” Prime said, grinning. “The cognitive dissonance only adds to the experience, or so I’m told. I’d never do anything so vulgar as eat with my mouth.” He watched then for moment. “Do you ever think about chewing? What that actually is? And that you do it in public?”
They stared at their soup.
“And how do you eat, Prime?” Catra asked.
“All the nutrients I need are brewed in a vat and ported directly in,” he said, showing her a port on his arm. “The same as my brothers.”
“Sure, that’s way less disgusting,” Catra replied
“I’m so glad you agree! I could fit you with a port if you’d prefer?”
Catra blinked. “I… I’ll stick with…uh…good ol’ mouth eating, thanks. It’s how I was raised.”
“Yes, we grew up eating,” Glimmer said quickly. “We grew up eating absolutely everything.”
“Are you sure? You absorb far more essential nutrients with the port method. And there’s no…nasty business on the tail end of the process.” Prime shuddered. “You need not fall victim to the brutality nature has inflicted on you, my dears. Just say the word.”
“We’ll uh…definitely keep that in mind,” Glimmer said, stirring her soup.
“Suit yourselves!” Prime said, leaning back in his chair. “Hardly anyone I ask chooses to go that route. It’s a mystery to me, honestly. All I want is to make things better for people. No one understands that.”
“I can’t imagine why, ” Catra said. “It seems obvious this is an intergalactic charity mission.”
Prime paused for a moment. Blinked. Then burst out laughing.
“A charity mission! Oh! Oh that’s good!’ he said, wiping all four of his eyes. "Charity. Oh, imagine. Heh heh. Your Lady has quite the sense of humor, Queen Glimmer. I see why you keep her around.”
“Yup, she’s a funny one,” Glimmer said.
“And she’s not entirely wrong!” Prime began, but then suddenly stopped. Turned towards an attendant clone and glared. “Will you tell your brothers to give me a moment’s PEACE?” He shouted at it, slamming his hand on the table. The clone flinched and shrunk away. “I. Have. Company!”
Glimmer and Catra stared at him.
“Excuse my outburst,” Prime said, smoothing his hair. “Tell me, have you ever had a pet cat?”
“Other than her?” Glimmer said.
“No no, I mean a full actual cat, not a half breed like whatever your Lady is. Four legs. They’re on almost every mammalian life-bearing planet, if you can believe it. Nature clearly favors that design,” he said. “In any case, have you ever had one? Either of you?”
“No,” Catra said flatly. “They weird me out.”
“My mother did,” Glimmer said softly. “She loved cats.”
“Ah. Then you will know how annoying they can be when they are hungry. How they scream, nonstop, until they are fed.” Prime turned to glare at the attendant clone, who averted his eyes. “My brothers are hungry, my dears. The poor things haven’t seen battle in months. It’s hard on them, they simply live for it. They’ve been longing to be allowed down to your planet and raze it to the ground. To kill every living thing. Isn’t that right?” he asked the attendant clone, who looked terrified. “Isn’t that right, you bloodthirtsy little things? Come here.”
The attendant, though clearly afraid, approached Prime without hesitation. The second he was within his reach Prime grabbed him quite brutally by the hair.
“Please excuse his inexcusable rudeness,” Prime said. The clone twitched in his grasp, green eyes wide with terror. “The cheek of him. Honestly.”
“He didn’t say anything,” Glimmer said quickly.
“Well not to you,” Prime said. “You can’t hear their every thought, but I can.”
“Was he…standing there thinking how he wants to destroy Etheria?” Catra asked.
“Not him specifically,” Prime said, narrowing his eyes at the clone. “No, this one is quite peaceful. Never seen battle. Rather likes being an attendant. Liked making your dress, and serving your food. Ah, you do like being near the fascinating pretty girls, don’t you?” he asked, shaking him by the hair. The clone made the tiniest of fearful whimpers. “ But you must understand, the clones are all the same. All connected. Their thoughts can be transmitted to me, as one, through the clone with the closest physical proximity. I can taste their bloodlust through this one. And at times like this, I must remind them they are being inexcusably rude.”
With that a long, scalpel-like blade shot out of an unforeseen slot in Prime’s forearm.
“No-” Glimmer protested, but it was too late. Prime put the blade directly into, and across, the clone’s throat, spraying blood across the table, into the soup, onto their clothes.
“There is nuance in conquering!” Prime shouted into the dying clone’s face. “Artistry! Subtlety! It’s not just kill, kill, kill all the time! Tell your brothers to grow the hell up!” Prime glanced towards the table and guests, ruined with blood. “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!” He shouted at the now very dead clone. “You’ve spoiled their meal! And Lady Catra’s gown! Imbecile!”
He threw the clone to the floor with a disgusted look.
“Oh, how they try me. Oh, the chore of rulership! The burden of it!" he moaned. "Queen Glimmer, you understand.”
Glimmer was wide-eyed, unable to respond in her shock.
“Such a trying time, keeping them at bay,” Prime said, gesturing to the dead clones littering the floor. “No manners. Ah well. That’s what I get for having a standing army,” he said, looking for something to wipe his hands on. “Could one of you mass produced morons get me a napkin or shall I use the tablecloth?” he shouted. “And some fresh soup for the ladies? Must I spell everything out for you?”
Four clones immediately presented Prime with napkins and the girls with new, unblooded soup.
“Speaking of unsubtle morons, how is your attendant performing?” Prime asked.
“Fine!” Glimmer said quickly.
“Perfect!” Catra added.
“Perfectly polite, he’s perfect,” Glimmer said. “Please don’t hurt him.”
“Don’t hurt him? Whyever not, didn’t he destroy a large portion of your planet with a garish fifty year ground war? I’m surprised you haven’t taken him out yourself, little Queen."
He eyed Glimmer suspiciously.
"It's… he's…he’s had excellent manners since you reconditioned him, Prime. The best. Excellent, uh…such excellent servants are difficult to come by.”
He shrugged. “Keeping him as a trophy then? Suit yourself. Make of him what you will. Humiliate him, keep him as a pet. Fuck him if you like. He’ll make you absolutely squeal,” he said. “Or I will, if you prefer.”
He grinned creepishly.
“I like girls,” Catra said.
“Me too,” Glimmer said quickly. “Girls all day.”
Catra looked up at Glimmer in surprise.
“We’re super into women,” Glimmer continued. “I mean like…boobs, amirite?”
“You are right,” Prime said.
“She is so right,” Catra said.
“Then we’re all in agreement,” Prime said, folding his hands on the bloodsoaked table. “Boobs.”
“Explenations kill feelings”
“Le spiegazioni uccidono le sensazioni”
- Effimero -
Save the planet, kill yourself , preferably after a killing spree.
Killing (2018) dir. Shinya Tsukamotom cinematography by Satoshi Hayashi
Viren was actually scared when he learned that Claudia killed a Xadian soldier in order to revive him.