I was thinking about how many sexualities i went through before knowing for sure what i am.
I always felt some kind of attraction to women, but it was never sexual, so it was hard for me to say that i am a lesbian. It started with a teacher i had a crush on. I was so young, probably younger than 7 years old. I just really liked her and to me she was the prettiest woman in the world. It was also my first heartbreak, i got really jealous when i found out that she had a husband, lol. Later, i never felt that kind of feelings for someone else, not even my friends, so maybe, i like older women or my friends aren't really my type.
During my teens, i never really cared about boys, but i had a friend who was crazy about them, she even cried when her crush didn't like her. I always thought that every boy was the same and none of them were good looking for her to be like this. Now this friend is a married lesbian. I think that she just tried to force herself to like men, because her mother is really homophobic, that's why they don't talk with each other anymore.
I also tried to force myself to like men, but never to the extreme she did. Maybe, because i'm kinda cold, my parents don't really question about my relationships. The only boys i could find attractive were in the animes, but later i found out that this is common between lesbians too. I even tried to like kpop boy groups, i had 1 or 2 photos of random boys so i could pretend that i liked them, but the girl groups are what really called my attention, i even started to listen to it again, because i fell in love with TWICE, after 2NE1's disband. I also talk about the men that everybody agrees about them being handsome, so people don't suspect me, like Henry Cavill, Michael B. Jordan, etc.
I wanted to believe that i was at least bisexual, then i saw what asexual is and i was, and still am, sure that i am asexual. Then i had to find how i could identify about my romantic feelings. For some time i believed that i don't care about gender, so i might be panromantic asexual, "pancake", there was also a time that i thought i just don't like anyone, so maybe i am aromantic. But, i still couldn't feel a thing for men. Even if i never came out or even dated, i needed to find my sexual identity, but i had to like men too, my only problem was that, i had to find a identity that could explain what kind of feelings i had towards men.
I don't know what made me try so hard to deny that i'm a lesbian. I know that my homophobic family is a reason. But maybe the way the lesbian community is seen by the general public. When we searched by the word "lesbian" on google, we would only find porn sites, i'm glad that they changed it, but this is just shows how they see us. Even here on tumblr, we can find men posting girls kissing or on each other naked, because they think it is hot and it turns them on. I didn't want people to think about me like this, i didn't want men to look at me like this or any way. It took me a while to realise that, because of all this, i had created a prejudice against the word lesbian, and i had to think that it wasn't my fault, but theirs. I'm not a fetish or am just pretending to call their attention. I don't want any kind of attention from them.
Being asexual didn't really help either, because since i didn't feel sexually attracted to women, i just felt what a straight woman would feel seeing another naked woman. I read stories about lesbians saying that they felt some kind of way when in a lingerie shop or when their girl friends would sit on their laps, but i never felt like this, i just thought "This one is cute" about the lingerie. Because of that, i really thought that i don't really "like like" women, i just find them cute and want to hug, kiss and cuddle with one and don't mind having a romantic relationship with a woman, after all, she would understand me better than a man would. Knowing that there are different types of attraction really helped me understand myself.
Now i know who i am, but it might change in the future just like it did in the past, i can find that i'm not really asexual, but demisexual, for example. It doesn't mean that who i am now, who i was in the past and who i will be in future aren't valid.
On the 12th of May, ten years ago, 2NE1 released their sixth Korean digital single, Lonely.
The song was a commercial success, peaking at number 1 on the Gaon Digital Chart in addition to topping all of the South Korean real-time digital charts following its release, achieving a perfect all-kill.
i know i haven’t been very active here, and before the latest posts, there hasn’t been any for years! i’m sorry for that. i’m active once again and i’ve been thinking of how to go about this blog. i was going to make a new blog about the whole group rather than a concentration on any one member. for example, this blog is for dara in particular. i was gonna make a new blog, but the idea came to mind to just rename this one and begin posting about the whole group here, sort of redirect the original focus from just dara to all of 2ne1! that would be easier and i have a few followers here. if i made a new blog, i’d start from zero again. i’m saying this all because i wanna update and also ask for anyone who sees this to PLEASE interact with this PLEASE in any way because i need to see if anyone is seeing this at all. since i haven’t posted in 1500 years and i also have very, very few followers to begin with, i’m not sure if any are active still. so please if you can, interact with this post so i can try my best to gauge the activity here. ily + pls stay safe and healthy. if you followed me years ago and are still on tumblr after all this time like me and see this, pls don’t hesitate to say hi or anything! ♡
On the 6th of May, twelve years ago, 2NE1 released their debut digital single, Fire. The song became a hit in all Korean charts following its release and instantly gained a huge success in South Korea, propelling the group to immediate fame.
The song was met with positive reception from music critics, who not only complemented its musical styles and 2NE1's charisma, but also credited "Fire" as one of the catalysts for the rapid expansion of the "fierce" and "independent" image in the industry's girl group scene.
The music video achieved one million views after less than a day, and it currently has over 50 million views.
YG stated "Jimmy Iovine (president of Interscope) highly praised 2NE1's leader, CL, as an incredibly talented artist full of potential after watching a video clip of her practicing" and that "he recently gave 2NE1 custom-made headphones as gifts." Those headphones can be seen in the "Fire" music video.