A/n: surprise agaiiiiiinnnnnn. I just felt like it wouldnt have been right to not include both of our characters experiences after the library incident so here ya go! id love to hear what you guys think will happen next!
RBTL Tag List: @bluejayboys @wonderlandless @introverted-stay24 @sunfics @deputyjuyeon @studioreader
Summary: True love has never come easy; life makes sure of that. From unrequited love to missed timing, does anyone have any hope at finding success- let alone pass History at the same time? All these questions leave young people wondering….will they still love me in the morning?
A/n: surpriseeeeee! thought id give yall a lil surprise update! I just wanted to get some chapters out now that my awful last week has finally finished. anyway! lemme know how you guys are liking the series! Tag List is Open <3
RBTL Tag List: @bluejayboys @wonderlandless @introverted-stay24 @sunfics @deputyjuyeon @studioreader
Summary: True love has never come easy; life makes sure of that. From unrequited love to missed timing, does anyone have any hope at finding success- let alone pass History at the same time? All these questions leave young people wondering….will they still love me in the morning?
“Wait wait wait-“ you exclaim before pressing your back against Hongjoong’s. A confused hum escapes his lips and he tenses for a moment before relaxing against your back. Before he could ask his question you quickly answered, “It’s just easier for me to listen to you talk in this position.” The statement wasn’t exactly a lie. If you had been facing Hongjoong you probably would’ve gotten lost in his eyes.
For a moment there’s silence before Hongjoong starts to talk. The position was actually comfortable for him too. He felt safe and not being able to see your expression made talking a little bit easier. He didn’t feel the need to be careful with his wording and just let his rant spill out. At one point he had started to cry and Hongjoong desperately hoped you hadn’t noticed. When his voice cracked in the middle of his sentence, he tensed but as you showed no reaction he quickly felt relieved.
Conversations like that happened often between you two. There was something about you that comforted Hongjoong and he was grateful to have you around. On the other hand, listening to Hongjoong’s deepest thoughts and desires and telling him yours only made your feelings for him blossom but for the most part, you kept your feelings about him to yourself.
Walking out of the classroom you expect to see Hongjoong waiting for you as usual but the red haired boy was nowhere in sight. Your eyebrows furrow slightly as you walk towards you locker, figuring he would be waiting for you there but again, he was nowhere to be found.
“Maybe he’s waiting at our spot.” You mumble to yourself, grabbing your books and placing them into your bag. The spot you two shared was towards the back of the school, near the school gardens, specifically under an oak tree.
Making your way over to the tree you stop in your tracks. Hongjoong was definitely there but he was there with someone, someone who wasn’t you. A wave of hurt overcame your body as you slowly walk away from the spot and towards home.
The next day, you do your best to steer clear of Hongjoong. Unfortunately, he catches you by your locker at the end of the day. There’s concern written all over his face as he speaks.
“Hey, where were you yesterday? Did- did something happen?” His voice is soft as he scans your face for anything unusual.
It takes you a moment to compose yourself but once you do, you shake your head. “No just a lot of homework is all. I’m sorry- I should’ve told you.” You were lying straight through your teeth. “We can go now though.” You were dying to know who that girl was with him yesterday and you figured the best way to do that was to talk to him under the tree.
Sitting beneath the tree you watched as the wind blew some of the now golden leaves off of their branches. The crisp air made you shiver a bit but before you could make a comment on the chilly weather you felt warmth surround you. Your eyebrows furrow but you’re soon met with the sweet smell of Hongjoong’s jacket, you couldn’t help but allow a soft smile to appear on your lips.
Hongjoong presses his back against yours and hums contently. For a moment the only sound that filled the air were his hums and the wind.
“Hongjoong.” You finally spoke after the brief moment of silence.
“Hm?” He replies, shifting a little bit to get more comfortable. Biting your lip you felt yourself hesitate before asking, “W-Who was that girl that you were with the other day?” The question hung in the air for what felt like an hour and you wondered if the male thought the question was intruding on his privacy.
“Her name is Hyemin, she was confessing to me yesterday.” You felt your heart shatter but you didn’t say anything, allowing him to continue. “I said no...she’s a sweet girl and everything but I have my eyes on someone else.” He spoke softly, a soft blush appearing on his face. Times like this he was glad you were facing the opposite direction. Before you got a chance to ask who, he says, “Can I tell you a secret?”
When you didn’t answer he assumed that was a silent yes. “The girl I have my eyes on, is you.” By the time the sentence came out of his mouth his face was all red and he felt a little flustered. You on the other hand, you were shocked and it clearly showed on your face, not that Hongjoong could see it.
“M-Me?” You finally spoke, your voice shaking in disbelief. Quickly, you turn around only to find Hongjoong looking back at you. His face was red and he quickly looked away when you made eye contact. A small chuckle escapes his lips at his actions, seeing someone who was usually so cool even when sharing his deepest feelings become flustered really amazed you.
Cupping his chin and turning his head to face you, you press a soft kiss against his lips before sitting back down and pressing your back against his, once again facing the other direction. A bright smile and soft blushes appear on both of your faces and you didn’t need to see each other to know that.
➪ summary: y/n finds out choi soobin kissed his ex.
➪ word count: 931
➪ pairing: choi soobin x reader
➪ warning: slight angst
a/n: it’s been awhile since i’ve posted here, but i’m back! i’ll try to post here more often! 😌
“why’d you do it..?” your voice quivered, resisting the urge to let a sob form.
“why’d i do what?” soobin’s soft yet concerned tone sounded in your ears, making it even harder to keep your tears from spilling over.
he had closed the door behind him quietly, throwing his bag to the ground before walking towards you, attempting to cup your face only for you to slap his hands away.
his worried brows had furrowed even more; it was a bit out of character for you to refuse his affection.
“you know what you did! don’t play dumb with me, choi soobin!”
why is he looking at me like that? why is he pretending it didn’t happen?
soobin hesitates, trying to figure out what the best approach was to this situation.
“y/n, i swear, i’m not playing dumb. i don’t know what you mean, genuinely.”
“liar!” you shut your eyes tightly in anguish, tears now escaping from their burrows.
“you kissed her! her of all people! why?!”
you look up to see soobin standing with his mouth agape, again, trying to find words to say.
his eyes were different now, they almost seemed to be filled with guilt.
“i didn’t kiss—“
“what do you mean you didn’t kiss her?! look at this!” your trembling hands held up your phone for him to see.
a picture of both soobin and his ex was now on display, showing that the two of them had shared a kiss at the library that was located just down the street from your shared apartment.
“how can you tell me you didn’t kiss her? your lips were touching, soobin!”
“y/n, calm down, please—“
“calm down? you want me to calm down?! you kissed your ex! how the hell am i supposed to calm down?! is this a joke to you?!”
“no, it’s not! can i please explain—”
“explain what? that i mean nothing to you? that i was just your play thing until you got your ex back? that all of your “i love you’s” to me were fake and—“
“they aren’t fake! you are not my play thing, y/n, you’re my absolute everything. can you just please, please, listen? can you listen to what i have to say? just for a minute? please?” his eyes were closed now, hands clasped in front of the two of you, pleading.
you were silent except for the small occasional sniffle and sob coming from your throat, waiting for him to continue.
“i didn’t kiss her, she kissed me. i didn’t have a say in it.” he started, slowly bringing both of his hands to his sides before explaining a bit more.
“she told me she still loved me, and i was going to turn her down, but she kissed me before i even had the chance to.”
“why didn’t you stop her? why didn’t you pull away?” you interrogated, pushing for a quick answer that would satisfy your aching heart.
“i was shocked, i didn’t know she’d go that far…” he trailed off, his eyes now on the floor between the two of you.
“if this was true then why didn’t you bother telling me?” you kept your eyes on him, studying his movements to see if he was lying to you, and so far, he seemed pretty genuine about everything.
“because you didn’t give me a chance to.” soobin stated simply, looking back up at you, causing your heart to squeeze painfully.
“i walked through the door to see you crying, i didn’t know what happened, so the kiss was the last thing on my mind. i didnt remember it until you reminded me, and even then, you wouldn’t let me explain what happened.”
it was your turn to look back at the floor, an overwhelming feeling of guilt taking over you.
“i’m not upset, y/n, i know you were worried. i would’ve been too if i were you.” he was now studying your body language, double checking to make sure you were okay.
“can i hug you?” soobin asked amidst the silence, making you flinch slightly from the sudden question.
“sorry.” he frowned as he had just accidentally scared you.
hearing him apologize caused you to sigh before wrapping your arms around him in a hug.
“you shouldn’t be apologizing dummy, i should be…” you mumbled against him. “i’m sorry.”
you felt his arms wrap around you as well as a kiss being placed onto the crown of your head.
“i forgive you.” he says softly, his hands gently rubbing small patterns along your back, which was something that had always managed to calm you down.
“can we make a promise though?” he asks quietly, trying his best not to accidentally scare you again.
“what is it?” you shifted a bit to pull away from the hug, hands still planted at soobin’s sides.
“can we promise to talk things through before assuming anything about each other?” he moved a stray hair away from your cheek as he awaited an answer.
“of course. again, i’m sorry for lashing out. i shouldn’t have reacted that way.”
“it’s okay, i understand.” he presses a few small kisses to your forehead, causing you to giggle.
“i love you, soobin.” you say, softly smiling up at him as he also returns the small smile.
“i love you too, y/n.” he says as he leans in to peck your lips before wrapping you in his arms once more, squeezing you gently.
you giggled again as you closed your eyes and relished his warmth, letting the silence overcome the two of you once more.
school kept going as normal, well. at least for y/n. jungwon on the other hand, is having a terrible time keeping in his newfound crush on his enemy. hes never noticed how beautiful you looked when you focused on different subjects. the way your eyes glitter when you finished a problem correctly, he loved it. every little thing you did, he now noticed.
the end of the day drew near, your eyes threatening to shut at any second now. science has always bored you but it was more than usual today. you ended up falling asleep, right on the desk. hearing a little tap, jungwon looked over to see you fast asleep, the pencil from your hand dropping. oh boy, here he is again, watching you sleep. but he couldn’t help it, you looked like an angel sleeping on a cloud. when the class ended, he quickly took out his phone and snapped a photo of you. okay, it does sound weird but he really could not help it. jungwon tapped you on the shoulder.
“y/n, wake up. class is over.”
you groaned and opened your eyes.
yawning, you asked, “how long was i out for?”
“not too long. maybe like 15 minutes.”
you hummed in response, gathering all of your things and getting ready to leave. you got up and waved a goodbye at jungwon. walking out, you thought to yourself.
A/N: Hi there! This is my first work and it's still in the works. I basically wanted to put smn on the blog to keep it from looking barren and also to test out if my tags are working. Enjoy!
Warnings - Guns and violence
Pairing - Choi Jongho x Reader
Genre - Mafia AU
Just as you left the place and were walking back to the parking lot, you thought you heard the cock of a gun and the next thing you knew, Bongsoon was tackling you to the ground after yelling “Get down!”
A shower of bullets followed it, hitting the car you both had ducked behind.
“W-What’s going on?! Are they shooting at us?!” You screamed, blanching as she pulled a glock out of her purse like she had been expecting this to happen. Her hands were shaking though, as she peeked out from behind the car and fired timid shots, each missing.
“Why are they shooting at us?! What the hell is going on?!” You shouted, grabbing her shoulder but she shrugged your grip off, shooting again and you just knew that she missed from the way her hand moved due to the recoil.
“Give me that!” You snarled, snatching the gun from her hands and peered over your cover before shooting at one of the armed men. He fell to the ground and your confidence went up, firing two more shots before the gun ran out and you went back to cowering beside her.
“What now?” You asked, voice small and she stayed silent for a moment until the sound of an engine sounded off and she sighed in relief.
A large car suddenly stopped in front of you, shielding the two of you from your attackers as more men clamoured out of the car and began shooting at them. Bongsoon quickly jumped into the car and left the door open, beckoning you to get in with her.
“Oh no, you must have lost your mind if you think I’m going anywhere with you!” You said, taking a step back and ended up colliding with something that grabbed your arms tightly before pressing a cloth to your face.
"Who am I?" is a question that keeps coming up in Y/N's mind. Impossible for her to remember anything from her past since she was found by her adoptive parents in the woods, at the gates of death. A new family, a new identity, that's what Y/N has to be content with. However, the traces from her past remains in her and comes back to haunt her every night. What is the tattoo on her wrist? Who is this man in her dream that seems like the only escape of the harsh reality she lives in? Would she finds answers if she found out who is this handsome stranger?
Genre: Mafia AU, smut, angst, fluff
TW series: Please, be aware that this story will contains a lot of triggering content such as smut, blood, death, murder, attempt of murder, betraying, drugs, rape, kidnapping, sexual assault, human trafficking, memory loss and symptoms of PTSD. Do not read if you are under a legal age or if you are sensible!
TW chapter: memory loss, attempt of murder on Y/N, dark past, short mention of PTSD symptoms, human trafficking and rape. Once again, the reader as a really dark past so please read with caution..
Everything feels just so empty. My heart, my mind, my memories…my life even is full of a heavy emptiness that I can’t get rid of.
Will I ever be able to pull the pieces of this unfinished puzzle together? Or is it just better to forget my past life and move on into a new one?
“Y/N? Honey, are you okay?” She waved her hand in front of my face, trying to catch my attention with a worried expression “Are you feeling sick maybe? Do you want some tea?”
“It’s okay mom” I smiled “I was just lost in my thoughts, as usual”
She nodded, her dark brown eyes full of compassion. She knew what I was referring to and even though she wanted to help me so bad, she couldn’t do anything for me, it was my own battle.
8 years ago, I was found by my parents in the woods, I was a bloody mess and when they brought me to the nearest hospital, the doctors said I was a miraculous child. I shouldn’t have survived, but I did.
When I woke up, the police were already by my side, asking me questions about had happened to me. The problem is that I had no memories, not even a single one.
“Who am I?” was my first question “Why does my body hurts so much?” was my second one.
I had been shot on my back, the bullet got stuck on my flesh and didn’t get all the way through my body, that’s why I was still alive. Whoever pulled the trigger wanted me dead, he targeted my heart and shot me when I was back facing him, when I was the most defenseless.
The doctors, the couple that I will call later my parents, the police…everyone had one question in mind “Who could try to kill a teenager?”
I stayed in the hospital during two months and I had rehabilitation during a whole year.
It would have been dangerous for me to search for my family, that’s for this reason that the police decided to hide my identity to the public. Fortunately, the couple who had found me in the woods welcomed me in their home, as a new member of their family.
So, now, I’m Lee Y/N, a 23 years old woman who is in her last year of college.
There are still a lot of inconsistencies in the police report. They concluded that I probably had been targeted by a mafia gang. They said that I must have witnessed something I shouldn’t have and that criminals tried to make sure I wouldn’t talk…Ever.
That’s it, not even a single research about the past me, nothing about my previous family and nothing about the tattoo on my wrist that shows what looks like a bar code with the numbers “1.18082014”
I just wish I could find the truth about my existence, wish I could erase my nightmares and live a peaceful life without the chains that still pulls me back to my unknown past.
“All good, students. The lesson ends now. Don’t think about partying the whole week-end, you have an exam on Monday” said the professor in a monotone tone.
I sighed in content and stretched my body, happy to see the end of the day.
I got up and left the facility, my legs carrying me without knowing where I was going. I saw in the distance one of my closest friend, she quickly noticed my presence and ran towards me with her usual demeanor “Yo, broo” she said, pushing me with her butt and making me lose my balance.
“You are so dumb, I swear” I laughed, pushing her back before hitting her playfully on her arm. She gasped and used all her acting skills to make me believe she was in real pain “Sorry, but I’m a better actress than you are” I giggled and started to head home.
“I know you are! Everyone sees you as a pure and untouched angel, they probably think you are still a virgin, but dude you are evil!”
Some people turned their heads towards our direction, intrigued by the noise my friend was making.
“Hyerin! Shut up already, will you?” I whispered yelled but she just shrugged it off without a care in the world “Are you working this weekend too?” I nodded.
“Jeez, Y/N. You need to take some rest too, how can you study and work at the same time?”
“I don’t study, it’s too easy for me”
“Right, you are a genius programmer” Hyerin rolled her eyes playfully “Why do you bother to get a degree while you could easily find a job with your skills?” she asked.
“My parents are…persistent” we both laughed after exchanging a knowing look. Parents could be stubborn when it comes to their child’s studies.
The weather was nice today, the sun was hidden by the grey clouds, it seemed like it could rain at any time. I couldn’t wait to smell this unique scent made by the meeting between rain and grass.
“Oh! Does it bother you if I come tomorrow with my boyfriend to the café you work at?” Hyerin asked after a few minutes passed in a pleasant silence “I could finally introduce you to him! It’s been two months already and you still have never met him” she cutely pouted while crossing her arms in a poor attempt to show her false annoyance.
I smiled and agreed to meet “the man of her life” as she liked to call her boyfriend.
After waving goodbye at Hyerin, I headed towards my home with light steps.
“Hey- Come back!”
I looked back and didn’t get the time to see his face before his chest crashed against my head, encircling my waist with his arms and hovering me with his much taller frame. I relaxed in his comforting grip, knowing I was in the safest place at the moment “How could you just leave me yesterday? I didn't even have the time to kiss you properly!” he whined before looking at me in the eye.
His tanned skin was perfectly matching his dark eyes and hair. His plump lips felt like an invitation, perfectly defined and – oh so kissable.
I passed my arms around his neck, attaching my body closer to his, and kissed him softly where he wanted me the most “happy now?” I chuckled.
His smile widened, showing his perfect white teeth. His sharp nose brushed against mine when I suddenly felt a warm feeling on my back. My head was dizzy, I was confused and scared, the man that was previously in front of me was long gone.
“I’m sorry miss, I’m so sorry. It’s not personal, I just have to get rid of you, or else I won’t be able to see the sunlight tomorrow either.” A much older voice came from behind me. I lost the little strength I had still left in my legs and fall loudly and heavily on the ground.
It hurts. It hurts so bad.
“No! Let me go!”
“Shut up you whore!” a slap came across the beautiful girl’s face, making her cheek get swollen and way bigger than it was supposed to be.
I’m scared. Where am I?
“Now, you are just an object for whoever buys you, get it?” I looked down at the fresh tattoo on my wrist
Everything was too quick for me. I was nauseous and struggling against the naked man on top of me, screaming, begging him to stop using me and my body.
“NO! STOP IT!”
“Y/N!! Y/N Wake up!!”
My eyes shot wide open as I took notice of my surroundings. My mom and dad were in front of me, the small light of my nightstand lighting the room the best it could.
I breathed heavily, sweat covering my body, my hair sticking on my face messily while my mom hugged me, whispering soft words on my ear even though I couldn’t quite understand them.
They stayed there with me as usual, making me drink water and preparing me a hot bath at 4 in the morning.
It was a common thing, these nightmares happened almost every day but fortunately, it wasn’t always that bad. However, sometimes, on the bad nights, I was screaming and kicking not only in my dreams but in the reality too.
Usually, my parents had to wake up my screaming self only once or twice a month, except in August when my nightmares were out of control.
I finally calmed down in the hot water, my head resting on the wall behind me while my body relaxed the more I smelled the lavender scent from the shower gel my mom specially bought for me.
I stayed a long time - as usual - I already knew I couldn’t be able to sleep again today so why would I bother with trying?
When I got out of the bathroom, my mom was there with a cup of tea and a small smile completing her perfectly well-aged face.
“Thank you…” I smiled weakly at her, not able to hide the guilt I was feeling. I knew they hadn’t get enough sleep since I came into their lives, but they didn’t even once blame me for it. They were always so supportive and caring that I couldn’t help but feel my heart aches.
“Dad went back to sleep, do you want me to keep you company or-”
“Nope, I’m fine now and well awake! You need to sleep too, mom. Go! Quickly!” I cut her off, pushing her towards her bedroom with a small laugh.
I soon came back in the living room with the cup of tea my mom had previously made for me. I smiled after the first sip, it was a chamomile tea, my favorite.
I took my computer from my schoolbag and settled myself comfortably on the couch, waiting for the computer to load completely before using it.
My fingers danced at a delicate pace against the keyboard keys in a small tapping sound that I grow to like over the years. I did the same thing as I did every time I had a nightmare, taking a hot bath, opening my computer, drinking my tea, and hacking the site of the national police force in search of clues concerning my life of before. It had become a routine for me, I knew it was bad to hack an official website from the government but I had obviously no consideration when it came to the police. They didn’t even bother to try to find who I was, why would I be easy on them? Plus, I was confident in my hacking skills, I knew I wouldn’t be caught that easily.
However, my research ended with the same failure over and over again. Searching for a teen girl who disappeared 8 years ago was like looking for a needle in a haystack – an impossible mission.
I hummed, not stopping my research when my mind finally processed the information “What the hell are you doing at this early hour Yubin?” I looked up to see my little brother preparing his hot milk “It’s already 7 am you dummy!” I gasped and checked on the hour. He was right, I didn’t see the time passed by.
“Did you take your medicine?” he asked, not stopping what he was doing “I will, I don’t need a baby to remind me this!” I pulled out my tongue teasingly.
“I’m not a baby! I’m seventeen!” he scoffed and crossed his arms “Say the one who still drinks hot milk in the morning” I chuckled before closing my computer.
“I don’t like coffee neither do I like tea! You’re the one with shitty taste! Who drinks chamomile tea?”
“Hey! Language young man! And shut up, you are going to wake mom and dad up!” I said back, putting a finger on my mouth to shush him.
“I hate you”
“I know, I love you too baby bro~”
“I’m not…huh, whatever” he shook his head in a disapproving way and sat down to take his breakfast.
I stood up and quickly dressed in simple clothes, a red top, and black pants before heading back to the living room to eat with my brother.
“So, how is your girlfriend doing? Did you do the naughty with her yet?” I asked before I filled my mouth with a piece of bread.
My brother choked on his milk and coughed loudly “Careful kid! Don’t choke on your milk, what a shitty way to die” I hit his back to help him swallowed correctly “Why are you asking me this kind of stuff?? That’s…That’s!”
“That’s a natural thing, there’s no shame about sex, dude. Take it easy”
Yubin stuttered, his face and ears red. It was a cute sight but I hadn’t the chance to enjoy it for too long, he quickly stood up and ran away from our home, probably joining his girlfriend.
“Well, I should probably get ready for work”
How are you guys doing? It’s been a long time since I last uploaded something. I finished “Until Death do us part” but my dumb computer deleted everything I’ve wrote. Yes I hate myself for this...
I started a new series a while ago. I have wrote 4 chapters for now and it’s a mafia series - yes again lol.
This story has A LOT of dark themes, it was not easy to write and it’s probably not easier to read so please be careful.
Also, if you want to be added in the taglist, just let me know!
The rest of the week, Liv and I.M made an effort to focus on their work and pretend that everything was fine. Jooheon had tried to approach his friend and ask him hat had happened, but had not achieved anything. Meanwhile, Liv wrote to I.M several times, but she hadn't gotten much either, since he continued declining invitations saying that it was because of work.
Kihyun never meant to hurt them, but he knew that with both of them, that was the only way to make them react. Seeing I.M with the rest of the members and not only in his apartment made Kihyun thought that he had reconsidered his relationship. Just when he was about to talk to the rapper, he got a totally unexpected message.
Liv. "The house is already sold." The message had a photograph attached and Kihyun could see the girl's signature.
On the one hand, he thought that Liv had finally taken a huge step, but on the other, Kihyun remembered I.M’s comment about her last memories with her family being demolished.
Kihyun. "Are you okay?"
Liv. "I will.”
That day I.M didn’t get a message from Olivia, he was looking at his cellphone several times but there was nothing. At night, his notifications continued on zero, something that surprised him, since despite having a lot of work, they always talked at least a little. Even though he wrote to her, there was no answer. He didn't know whether to call her, give her space, or just ignore the situation. I.M was normally too calm, he dealt with his problems alone, but that day he felt a little uneasy, even a little anxious. Finally, when he managed to talk to her, he calmed down a bit. Liv sounded normal, exactly the same as always and that made him breathe easy. A few days later, they saw each other in the girl's apartment, and they didn't have a minute of seeing each other when they were already in bed making up for all the lost time.
Since the sale of the house Liv had not been able to sleep well, but when they were resting on the bed and she felt I.M's chest and felt his calm breathing again, she immediately fell asleep.
— Liv? — He asked when the girl didn’t answer him and when he saw her sleep, I.M smiled and hugged her a little tighter. The rapper was trying to grab a blanket from the floor when he looked at something on the table next to the bed, it was the papers for the sale of the house.
After putting them back in their place, I.M though about talking about it with his girl, at least try to ask how she felt. Despite being extremely discrete, he knew that something like that couldn't just be ignored, but Liv hadn't given him that confidence yet and he couldn't do anything, so he just hugged her and let her rest as much as she wanted.
— How long did I sleep? — Liv asked looking at the time on the rapper's watch. — No way, it’s been a long time, you almost have to go.
— Don't worry, you were tired, you've worked a lot. — He said kissing her forehead.
That night they weren't as smiling as always, I.M couldn't see her act like nothing when he knew she wasn't okay, but it frustrated him that he couldn't speak and it frustrated him even more to feel that she couldn't trust him. Chankyun had talked about many issues with her, even things that he didn’t talk with Jooheon; he imagined that Liv could understood that she could talk about anything with him too, but she never said anything related to her past or how she felt. The only time he felt the girl was being totally honest was when they were in bed or when they were composing.
Meanwhile, Liv perceived him quite tense and exactly the same happened the next times they saw each other. Moreover, Olivia realized that it was getting harder and harder to see him and the time they had was getting shorter.
One night, they were in the singer's apartment, they were working on a song and I.M felt it was time to try again to get her to speak, so he took her hand and sat her on his lap.
— Liv, these lyrics are really good, how long ago did you write them?
— I don’t remember, I have written several things for a long time. — She said playing with his hair, which was still very messy because they had been kissing a minute ago.
— Babe, you don't write lyrics like that without remembering when you did it.
— Maybe it was when I was living abroad.
— I have seen a lot of what you have written, this is different, this is recent. Did something happen, do you want to talk about something? — He asked wanting her to say something, at least the minimum to help her get it out; however, Liv practically jumped up from the chair.
— You promised you weren't going to ask.
— Liv, I haven't asked anything since we started, but this is different, you're suffering right now, you wrote it recently, talk to me, at least try, please.
— You've been away for weeks, I've barely managed to see you, now you want us to talk? You don't speak either, don't make me do it, Changkyun.
— I'm not forcing you! I'm asking you to do it because you worry me.
— If you were concerned you would not be ignoring me as you have. You haven't even looked me in the eye since Kihyun spoke to you! I asked you if he had said anything else to you and you said no.
— Because nothing else happened, I have told you several times. — He said also getting up and avoiding being near her because he remembered everything Kihyun had told him and all the reasons why he must have finished their relationship for a long time and had not been able to do it.
— What did he say? — She asked approaching him. — Why are you acting like this? You haven't wanted to see me, and when you do, you don’t look as before.
— I've had too much work, Liv, I warned you from the beginning that I could not be your boyfriend.
— I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend! I'm asking you what's wrong with you!
— I have no fucking idea what we have, I don't understand what this is! I don’t understand you either! You ask me to see you, but as long as I try to approach you in a way other than in bed, you don't say a word. Look how you got over a stupid question about writing a song.
— We agreed that we would not talk about this, that you would not ask.
— We also agreed that this would be something casual and we have seen each other for months, we are getting too involved. No, I’m sorry, I AM getting too involved.
— Is that it then? Do you want us not to see each other anymore?
— I don't know, Liv, I don't know what I want because I don't even understand what we're doing.
— Kyun. — She said taking his face and feeling a frightful cold when she realized that things could end. — Listen to me, please. You're right, we complicated things too much, maybe composing involved more things than we had thought. We can stop, if you think that complicates things, we can stop. If you really want something totally casual, that's fine, I promise not to write to you for something else, or look for you, or get more confused.
— I just want to know what I am doing wrong, tell me, I’ll work on that.
— There’s nothing wrong with you, I love seeing you, but you look so worried every time we’re together.
— Why if we get along so well and you show me something totally different when you're in my arms do you act like that later? It’s like you’re blocking me and I have no idea why, Liv.
— How do you want me to act differently if you keep telling me that you can't be my boyfriend? How do you ask me to change when one day you avoid me and the next you are kissing me? I don't understand you either, I'm not used to this.
— You do exactly the same!
— I have not stopped seeing you, I have never ignored you! You know that I am always willing to see you even for a few minutes.
— A few minutes in which you are not totally honest. — He said making the girl cover her face and try to calm down because the discussion was getting bigger and bigger.
Changkyun needed to finish that now, with that discussion he had realized that Kihyun was right, he wanted something more. He wanted to be with her well, but knowing that they couldn’t because, or the things of Liv's family would come to light, or because she just didn't give him a chance, he felt like frustration was eating him alive.
— I am offering you something different if it is what you want, something in which there is no commitment, if this is how I can be with you, then it is fine.
— Liv, this is not a good idea, it will only distance us more, that’s not what I want.
— Babe, if I spoke a little more, if I opened up a little more, would that change things? Would you stop worrying about what has made you act like this lately? - That question affected Changkyun a lot, because it wasn't just about Liv changing, he was also tormented by everything that Kihyun had warned him about. The idol's silence was enough for Olivia to understand.
— "You really want to go." - Olivia thought beginning to despair.
— Let's try it, please. — She begged looking at him in such a way that Changkyun just couldn't say no even though deep down he knew they were making a mistake.
I.M sighed and finished by nodding, the truth was that he didn't want to let her go either, and although he did not like the idea, he knew that for the moment they had to separate themselves at least a little. In a matter of minutes the girl had gathered all her things, including the notebook where she had her songs with the arrangements.
— Liv, I don’t want to be apart from you, I really don’t. I wasn’t ignoring you, not on purpose. — I. M said before getting one last kiss from Liv.
Liv already had a great relationship with the group she worked with, but now that she had a little more free time because she didn't see Changkyun that much, she grew closer to them. There had already been photos of her with the members, and even funny videos of her practices, so little by little she was becoming more known. Of course, she got several invitations from other members of the staff, producers, and even other idols, but she preferred not to complicate herself further, since the situation with I.M was quite difficult to handle to add another person.
Meanwhile, Changkyun had concentrated on his music and was trying to handle things with Liv in the best way, trying not to think so much, but when they were together and he saw her leaving quickly, he couldn't deny that it affected him. He missed more than he expected the closeness and intimacy he had with her. They both tried to get a little of that when they had sex, but something else was definitely missing.
— How is your knee? — He asked one night before the girl left the apartment, he hadn't even had time to put his shirt on when Liv was practically at the door. — Your injury, is it better?
— Sometimes it hurts a little, nothing serious. — Liv had realized that when they finished, I.M had left his hand on her knee for a moment, trying to caress her but that was when she got up from the bed to leave.
— A while ago it hurt you, I'm sorry, I think I was a little rough.
— It’s alright, don’t worry. - She said laughing and seeing him with a little color in his cheeks as he dressed. — I like it. — Changkyun put his shirt backwards when he heard that and Liv couldn't help feeling her heart a little warmer. Despite everything, he still had extremely tender moments and it was one of the things she missed the most.
— You don't have to go so fast, you can stay to eat. — He said almost begging.
— I have to go, the boys are waiting for me to celebrate the birthday of one of them. — When I.M heard that, he changed his face because he already knew who the birthday person was, he had seen it on all social media, it was the main dancer of the group, one with whom Liv spent a lot of time. In fact, he had already mistakenly seen several notifications of the idol on Liv's phone.— I’m sorry.
— It's okay.
— Kihyun invited me to eat with him and the others tomorrow, does it bother you?
— Liv, of course it doesn't bother me. Why should I care if you go to that birthday?
— I wasn’t talking about the birthday, I was talking about eating with you and the others tomorrow.
— Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.
When Olivia felt the tension in the room she knew it was time to go; after all, she had promised that moments like that would be over.
— Ok, then I’ll go.
— Ok, see you tomorrow. — Changkyun passed her straight into the living room, but the rapper coughed in a way that didn’t sound fine at all.
— Are you ok?
— Yes, it's just a cold. — He answered preparing a whiskey.
— What are you doing? You shouldn’t be drinking alcohol if you’re sick.
— I just need something warm. You should go, you’ll be late to the party.
— Stop being so stubborn, you’re sick! My god, Changkyun, you’re burning! — She said placing her hand on his forehead. The girl knew where everything was in the apartment, so she looked for something that could help I.M; luckily, there were some pills he had bought for her a day when she wasn’t feeling right. — Drink this, and no more alcohol for you. — Why didn't you tell me you didn't feel good? — She asked while putting a cold washcloth on his forehead.
— You wouldn't have come, you would’ve told me that I had to rest.
— So little do you know me? I would never have left you alone, of course I would have come, but with medications. — She answered making him smile.
— What about your party?
— That can wait, let’s go to bed.
After having been changing the washcloths for a while, Changkyun looked at her and sighed deeply.
— I don't think I have told you enough how beautiful you are, Liv.
— Wow… — She said softly and laughing. — Fever makes you a romantic.
— I mean it, especially when you blush, like in this moment.
— I’m not blushing!
— Of course you are. — He said laughing too. — But you’re right, I should've told you, now you’ll get sick too.
— That’s nothing.
— Nothing? Did you already forget what happened the last time we got sick together? We almost died.
— Don’t be so dramatic.
— Liv, we couldn’t get out of this apartment for three days.
— It wasn’t that bad. — She said remembering how much they had taken care of each other. — We even finished a book and saw twice your favorite movie.
I.M remembered those days perfectly, they had been working on a song but none of them felt good. Changkyun barely could go buy food and medicine for both of them. For three full days they were together, and despite being ill, they had smiled every minute because they had realized how dramatic both of them could because of a flu.
As they felt so bad, their dynamic was very funny to see, at times they were hugging, but at others they argued over illogical things. The most frequent fights they had were because Liv turned on all the lights every time she went to the kitchen and I.M said it made his headache worse, which was totally untrue. The other reason was because Liv was totally convinced that every time she returned he had taken her pillow and had replaced it with the most uncomfortable one, but that was not true either since I.M was too busy complaining about the light. They had stopped arguing about those things when the girl didn’t turn on any light and ended up hitting her leg. Changkyun I.M was so distraught that he did not know how else to apologize. He even promised her that they’ll never sleep again without a light. In fact, the next time Liv got to the apartment she found a new lamp and some new pillows equally soft.
— I still have the scar. — She said showing him a small mark on her leg where she had hit the bed.
— I’m sorry. — He answered caressing her.
— It seems that there’s no more fever. Do you feel better?
— Yes, thank you.
— I’ll prepare you something to eat, wait here. You need to rest.
— Don’t worry about that; besides, there’s nothing to eat.
— Then I’ll order something. — She said taking out her cellphone and I.M saw all the notifications of her friends.
— No, Liv, it’s ok, you have plans, go. I’ll be fine.
— I don’t wanna go. I mean, not with you like this. — Olivia corrected herself as fast as she could, she had promised I.M that she would give him space and she would keep it. — Please call one of the guys, tell Kihyun to come.
— Promise you’ll do it.
— Fine, but I’ll call Jooheon, Kihyun is always upset.
Olivia leaned in until they were so close that their lips touched, she closed her eyes as she felt his hands touching her neck and bringing her even closer until their lips found each other. Changkyun was practically begging her to stay with that kiss, but again the words failed them and after a while the girl had already left.
— Did you call Kihyun? — Jooheon asked when he was already in the apartment with his friend and they heard a knock on the door.
— Of course not.
When Jooheon opened it, it was a guy delivering a fairly large package of food.
— Excellent! You ordered food, I’m starving.
— I didn't order anything. — Changkyun said getting up and seeing what it was. It was enough for him to see the restaurant the food came from to know that it had been Olivia who had sent it to him. She had bought the same plates they had ordered when they got sick together. — It was Liv.
Jooheon opened the fridge to get something to drink, but after seeing that it was full of food, he looked at I.M confused.
— I thought she would stay... — Changkyun explained looking away.
— Why didn't you tell her you had food here?
— She had a party, I didn't want to compromise her.
— What the hell is going on between you two? Are you together or not?
— I already explained to you, she had an idiot's birthday party. Also, things with her have changed a lot.
— Aw, so cute! The baby of the group is jealous and saying bad words! — Jooheon said laughing, but when he saw I.M's murderous look, he stopped. — I mean… What do you mean that they have changed?
— Everything got complicated and we thought it was better to change some things, you know… to not get so involved.
— Does that mean you only see each other to fuck? — He asked directly and I.M lowered his gaze while nodding. — What is that shit? If you like each other, get along and love each other, why aren't you together like normal people? Well, you know, with the precautions of the case. So far you have been careful, you can go on like this.
— It's not that easy. Also, Kihyun already knows and is right in many things he said.
— Kihyun doesn't know shit. — He said with a mouth full of food but too serious. — Go back together with her and stop acting weird, you make me nervous.
— We are together, in a way, I think.
— What did Kihyun put in your head, huh? Come on, tell me, I bet it doesn't make sense and it has a solution.
I.M looked at him unsure because he didn't want to talk too much, not because of Jooheon, but out of respect for Liv. As best he could, he talked a bit about what was happening without going into much detail.
— Well, maybe Kihyun is a bit right.
— Thanks, man. You’re helping a lot.
— What I mean is that you have to be careful to avoid rumors. And yes, he is right, you can’t offer to be a typical boyfriend, but you can offer her who you really are, and that is enough. If you really want to be together, you will find the way. However, I think it may have been a mistake to change the terms so radically. Unless you both feel good about what you have now. You really don't want anything serious? Are you feeling better now knowing that there are no strings attached?
— No. — He said sincerely. — But I feel less guilty than before, I feel that we could do less harm.
— You feel less guilty because you are not facing anything, not your problems, not hers. You're taking the easy way and I think the connection you have with Liv is something that deserves a little more of your effort, bro. Kihyun is right, you have to grow up, you have to fix a lot of things, but you can do that without having to push her away.
— I don't know how to get her to trust me.
— Start by trusting yourself, then you can ask others. That girl has put up with you for months, she has endured you disappearing indefinitely for no logical reason, she was even willing to change a whole dynamic you had in order to stay with you. Changkyun, don't be so blind, of course she trusts you. - He said hitting him on the shoulder.
— Now you just have to think about how to fix that stupidity you did when you agreed to have something without ties to anything. Can you imagine all the dates she could’ve had in this time and you here talking to me?
— Shut up.
— I'm serious, dude! I mean, have you seen the woman next to you?
— Jooheon, stop.
— I only say it so that you think things better.
Jooheon didn't even bother to hide his smile for the rest of the night when he saw his friend furious. I.M responded with monosyllables and looked at his cell phone every time, undecided whether to write to her or not.
- Shit, I'll go to sleep, my head hurts. - I.M said getting up in a bad mood and leaving Jooheon laughing maliciously in the room.
The next day, Changkyun returned early to the house he shared with the other members. He still wasn't feeling quite well, but he had so much on his mind that he hadn't paid much attention to the cold. When it was a little late, he took a book and being as sneaky as possible, he sat down to read in the living room, waiting for Olivia to arrive so that he could be the one to open the door for her. Of course, such effort only made Jooheon and Kihyun laugh.
— Why has I.M been sitting there all afternoon? Did he drink again? — Shownu asked Jooheon as he poured himself some water.
— I think he’s just reading.
— Huh? Why doesn’t he read in his room like he always do?— Asked the leader.
— Why is I.M dressed? — Hyungwon asked this time looking at the youngest of the group as if he did not know him.
— Oh! You're right, he's not naked… — Shownu said even more surprised.
— Well, another day, another weirdness of the maknae. — Hyunwon said returning to his room with Jooheon and Shownu.
As soon as the rapper heard a knock on the door, he jumped off the couch. He had no one to compete with, they were all in their rooms, but still he walked too fast to the door. When he opened and saw the girl, he couldn't even say hello properly because he was stunned looking at her. Since they had not been on a date for a long time and only saw each other for bed, Changkyun had forgotten how good she looked when she got ready to go out.
— Hi! — Liv said without getting too close, she didn't know if the others were close.
— Hello — I.M responded as if on automatic but without stopping to smile totally enthralled at her.
— You look much better than yesterday. — She said very happy, since that had had her quite worried. — I didn't expect you to open up.
— I was going to the kitchen and I heard the door.
— I'm glad you did, tho. I brought something for you. — She said handing him a bag and when I.M took it and saw his jacket he lost his smile completely. —It had been at my house for a long time, I thought you might need it, more so now that you're a little sick.
— You didn't have to give it back to me.— He said with a slightly hoarse voice.
— But it's yours ... and yesterday you had nothing to wear warm. Besides, you haven't been to my house for a long time.
— That does not mean that ...
Fortunately, Minhyuk came closer when he saw the open door and ended the awkward moment for the couple.
— Just look who deigned to visit us! — Minhyuk said laughing. — Come in, Liv, it's cold out here! Excuse I.M's bad manners. — He said jokingly but Changkyun hadn't taken his gaze away from the jacket, thinking that there was a lot of Olivia's things in his apartment but he hadn't thought that maybe she would want them back. — I.M, are you going to come in or are you going to stay there?
After a while Liv was eating with the group. They congratulated her on the excellent job she was doing as a choreographer. However, Kihyun noticed the silence of the youngest, he also noticed that he and Liv practically did not make eye contact and it seemed something strange, because he knew that they kept seeing each other from time to time.
— I’ve seen several videos and photographs of you with the group, it seems that you get along quite well. — Kihyun commented.
— They are all very sweet and funny, I think sometimes they see me as one more member, they even insist that I go to the celebrations. Oh! Don’t get jealous, they are not as funny as you stealing roosters. — She said tickling Kihyun, who looked at her in the funniest way for having mentioned that again and making everyone laugh.
— Hey, now that you say that, I've seen a lot of photos too! Especially with the main dancer. — Minhyun said winking at her and causing everyone, except Changkyun, to laugh.
— We spend a lot of time together because of the position he has in the group. — Olivia tried to explain but the other members didn't believe her and continued teasing her. Of course Changkyun was not laughing, his lips did not move an inch, only to drink from his glass.
— Come on, Liv, you can be honest with us. Are you dating anyone? You have been here for a long time, you have met many people, it is impossible that you did not have at least a little fun.
— Hyungwon, you're talking about my sister, shut up. — Kihyun said while Jooheon saw his best friend raising his eyebrows, as if wanting to tell him that he had warned him.
— Leave her, Kihyun! I want to know. — Minhyuk said insisting.
— I want to know too. - Shownu said paying more attention.
— I think you are making her feel uncomfortable, don't be so reckless. — Changkyun said with a tone of voice that was scary.
— You’re wrong. Right, Liv? Look at her, she's smiling! She hasn't even denied it. — Hyungwon said. — Maybe is because we discovered the person she likes.
— She is smiling so as not to send you to hell for not leaving her alone.
— Of course not! — Liv said trying to fix the situation. — What exactly do you want to know, eh? — She asked following their game; other way, they could continue with it all night.
— What do you think of the dancer? Is something going on with him or are they just rumors? — Minhyuk asked smiling mischievously.
— Rumors, are there rumors?
— Well yes, a couple, especially after the photos he uploaded yesterday of his birthday, look. — He said handing him his cell phone.
— But in the photo we all come out, even people from the staff.
— But it's you who is by his side. — Minhyuk said looking at the photograph well. — And not only in his, another member uploaded this, look. — He said showing one where Liv approached with the cake. — Come on, come on, tell us what's going on there, is he treating you well or do we have to teach him a few things?
— Hyung, you can't even defend yourself, look at this guy’s muscles, he could kill you. - Jooheon said trying to stop the conversation. - Besides, Liv already said it, they are very friends.
— Yes, we have become very close, but that's it. You seem like a bunch of annoying older brothers, I think even worse than Kihyun.
Olivia tried to look at I.M, but he had his gaze fixed on the photograph.
— You would make a good couple with him. He's very handsome, and nice, I met him recently, I think he's a good choice, Liv. — Shownu said.
— Besides, it wouldn't be that complicated, you see each other every day, you get along ... — Hyungwon said raising his eyebrows and making her laugh a little, she was really desperate to change the subject as soon as possible.
— I.M is right, you’re making her feel uncomfortable, you know how annoying rumors can be. — Kihyun said taking the girl's hand and immediately the others apologized. — Anyway, the important thing is that you are doing very well and they too, there will be even have a few concerts in South America, right? I read it recently.
— Yes, next week we will go to Brazil.
— We will go? - Changkyun asked confused. — Will you go too?
— Of course she will go, they would be crazy if they leave the main choreographer behind. — Jooheon said kicking him to make him react and stop acting like that.
— The company decided that it would be better if I go with them so that everything went in the best way.
— Congratulations, Liv! Brazil is wonderful, you’ll have fun. If you go to Chile too, take the opportunity to try a few wines. In fact, we recently got some new bottles, we have them in the second floor. I.M, why don't you accompany her so she can choose the one she likes the most? — Jooheon asked sounding as natural as possible.
— Of course. — The youngest answered getting up, but he did it so seriously that even Shownu, who never noticed anything, noticed the tense atmosphere.
— You don't have to bother, I can drink anything.
— It's not a bother, come on. — He said waiting for her.
— What about I.M today? He's acting really weird. — Minhyuk said.
— I think he’s sick.— Jooheon replied downplaying the issue.
— Kyun, what's wrong with you? Relax a little. — Liv said, closing the door so they wouldn't be heard.
— Brazil? Are you going to Brazil and you didn't tell me anything? Did you decide it when you were celebrating your friend's birthday?
— Why didn't you tell me you'd be leaving?
— Why do I have to tell you what I'm doing? You didn't want me to keep talking to you so often.
— I didn't want you to disappear and act like we don't know each other!
— What? Changkyun, you and I decided to change things, I'm just doing what you wanted.
— I didn't ask you to disappear from my life! We were going to try to have something different to make things work, I didn’t know that I would stop hearing from you. Yesterday you were with me, you were in my bed. Liv, we have been together for months, I don't care how, but we are together. Why didn't you tell me you'd be leaving?
— I didn’t want to continue overwhelming you with my things, you were sick, it was not the time to talk about that. It's a quick tour, it won't be long.
— And when would I know that you were going to be on the other side of the world?
— You didn't have to know, sometimes weeks go by without seeing each other.
— And who was the one who proposed this, eh?
— Changkyun, this is not fair. — She said looking very disappointed. — I proposed it to you because I didn't want you to break up with me.
— I'm going to tell you what is not fair, it isn’t fair that you treat me like a stranger, like any idiot you see from time to time. I warned you that if we did this we were only going to separate more! One night you are with me taking care of me and the next night you come to return my things, I find out that you are going to leave and that everyone thinks that you have a perfect relationship with another person.
— I don't have a perfect relationship with anyone! I can't even have a relationship with the only person I care!
— I'm just trying to make things work out between us!
— I'm trying too, Olivia!
— No! — She said pushing him away from her. — You have limited yourself to judge and question every decision I have made! I've never had a relationship like this, Changkyun, I made mistakes, you're right, but I try to do my best to be able to continue with you.
— Is that, or that really the one who wanted to change the terms of what we had was you to be able to continue doing your things freely without letting me be part of your life?
— You're an asshole.— She said so impressed and angry that when she went out she hit him with her shoulder.
Olivia passed quickly by the table and asked the group for a moment so she could make a call. She needed to get out for a breath or she would end up arguing with I.M in front of everyone. After a while Changkyun returned with a bottle of wine that he practically drank by himself. When dinner was about to end, Shownu received a call that would change the plans for the night.
— It was Wonho, he's at a party near here, he says the place is safe, there are no cameras and they are trustworthy people.
— Who is he with? — Jooheon asked.
— He told me that there are several people who have already introduced us.
— I totally pass, the last time we went to a party with Wonho's friends I needed rehydration salts for three days in a row. — Hyunwon said trembling just with the memory.
— Hyungwon is right. Tell him if he wants, we'll see him tomorrow. — Minhyuk said convinced not to go.
— I could go for a while. Liv, it's still early, come with us. — Kihyun said but Olivia was not very sure, the fight with I.M had been quite intense.
— Ki, I'm not in the mood for a party, I worked a lot today.
— You see how you are? You say yes to your other friends, you even brought the birthday cake to that dancer guy, but now when is about us, you don't want.
— Kihyun, is enough with that topic. I don't know anyone at that party and...
— You know us! You know Wonho, when I told him we were with you he said to invite you too. — Shownu commented.
— Also, I'm sure you will meet old friends, many of Wonho's acquaintances were training in the United States at the same time you were there.— Kihyun said. — Jooheon, I.M, are you coming?
— Of course. — Jooheon replied looking at his best friend, who shook his head.
— I need to rest.
— What? Are we now elderly people? Don't be ridiculous, you're fine, you don't need to rest, you've done it all day. Let's go. — He said passing his arm over the rapper's shoulders. — Wonho will not forgive you if you reject him, you know him — I.M had been so discouraged by his discussion and had drunk so much, that he didn't even bother to say anything else. Also, before dinner he had taken a couple of pills for the flu, and he was already beginning to think that it had not been a good idea.
P : Qian Kun x Gn!reader | G : angst, one sided love | W : none ig?
A/N : wrote this even before I started writing here on tumblr lmfao so don't expect it to be that good.
"hey y/n" you drifted your vision to where you assumed the voice came from.
"hello Kun" you replied with smile before looking back up to the night sky dazzling and twinkling with stars.
"the stars are so pretty, aren't they?" he exclaimed sitting himself beside you.
"yes they are" you said,letting out a giggle
"so pretty, just like you" Kun says looking into your eyes with a big grin on his face.
you felt your smile disappear at his statement "Kun, you know i can't accept your feeling" you watched how happiness from his eyes was slowly drained at your words.
"I'm sorry" you looked down, trying your best to avoid his gaze.
"don't be" he let's out a rather sad chuckle " i don't expect you to like me back" he said trying to hide his pain with his usual smile but you could see right through it.
you heart breaks to see him like this. He was a such a kind and selfless man, always putting the people around him before him. His heart was ten times the universe. His touch was softer than a feather and his hugs felt like home.
He was so perfect yet you cannot love him.
of-course, the heart wants what it wants and cannot be helped. His heart wanted you while yours wanted someone else.
"I'm so sorry kun" you stood up "I really don't deserve your love, please Love someone appreciate your love and will love you the way you deserve"
Kun watched as you walked away, he wanted to take your advice but then again, the heart wants what it wants.
𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 !
@bluejaem @jaemotel @hoonluvs @ikigyu @yokshi-unbeliebubble @shotarology @yutabell @sweetylele @yurelic @mieohmy @alaeddis @skrtbabe @angelcob @milfhyun @tinysushimark @ahsshilee-me @swag-lisa @jenosuh @dimplehyunn @chaoticdreaminisode @baekybaeky @shrutiajit ( send an ask or dm to be added! )
[summary] jacob is slipping away and you don’t think you can hold onto it any longer
[a/n] i feel like this is all over the place but i hope you like this! maybe prepare your hearts...
Jacob’s slipping away. You could feel it when your cancelled plans keep coming up. He was making his way into the national team, knowing that he was a rising star on the basketball court.
You knew you would end up here when you saw how much his team adored him, running up to him when their team won. Reporters and national recruiters were always there and so were you. Sometimes, you’d give him a smile and sometimes, you’d leave a text if he could meet you at his place because waiting to give him a hug on the court had been taking longer than before. No replies, you’d head home disappointed. You don’t hear his calls late at night when you’re already asleep, and it repeats.
You thought you both were doing just fine, still greatly in love even. Your beach getaway for your first anniversary was just a few weeks ago and how he kissed you like he could never let you go, you kept replaying it as if it was just yesterday. You still put in the effort to call him and sometimes leave a voice message about how proud you were of him, reminding to rest a lot because he deserves it. Hearing his voice in the morning was the best and you always thought it was enough if he can’t see you yet.
It’s just that these days, it doesn't feel the same anymore.
You’d come home from his games or at the end of your work days, eyes wetting your couch when you fall onto it. It became too much when Jacob never replies to your morning or night texts, nothing from him. You didn’t know how to fix this, if anything really. You tried to swallow your exhaustion and tried to get through your days because you didn’t want to lose him. You never did but it was surely coming. In your broken heart, you knew you had to do something when you dried your last tear away one night.
That same night, you finally answered Jacob’s call that you always missed. He sounded surprised through the silent call. When he whispered your name, you shut your eyes from any cries he might hear. You hummed softly though, then he asked if he could come over.
When you opened the door, Jacob wrapped his arms tightly behind you and snuggled at the nape of your neck. His warmth gushed through you as you took a deep breath, trying to familiarize this feeling.
His “I miss you” kissed your skin before you pulled him into your place. You didn’t say the same back, he hadn’t noticed. As you both were cuddling on the couch, he told you that he was accepted into a national team that he had been wanting to be in. You were proud of him but you knew it only meant that he was going to keep moving away from you.
“You have such a big future in front of you.” You commented, slipping a tiny smile that hid the cracks in your heart. You sighed softly before you looked at him. Your eyes lingered in his as he smiled at your caress on his face. “Do you see me in it too?”
His smile broke and his lips parted, as if he was thinking. The long pause made you look miserable. You bit your lower lips to stop any tears from forming but it was hard. Your eyes were getting wet when your voice cracked.
“Jacob, I think we should end it here.” You nodded as if he would agree. “Let’s break up.”
"My efforts go unnoticed on the daily.” You shut your eyes, shouting quietly like a whisper. Jacob’s eyes widened as you continued. “No responses to messages or calls. When I meet up with you, your mind is always somewhere else… I'm sick of trying anymore."
Jacob heard your sniff and it broke his heart to see you trying to hold in your tears. "But I haven't tried."
"That's why." You sighed, looking down. It was so hard to look at the love of your life who was already far from the place you wanted to be with him. "You need to understand that maybe you're gonna hit big..." You paused, your breath shivering. “And that you don’t need me there like you are now.”
Your name slipped from his lips.
“Please don’t, Jacob.” You moved away from his hand that was coming up to wipe your tears away. “It’s too late now.”
He couldn’t tell if you meant the time or that it’s really over, but you got up on your feet, slipping out of his embrace.
“I’m glad they chose you and I think you’ll do just as amazing as you are now in the national team. You keep doing your best, okay Jacob?” You encouraged but it was obvious that you were crying. Jacob held onto your wrist but you stopped him from saying anything because it would just bring you back to him. “I expect you to leave by morning. Please do well.”
You pushed his hand away and walked into your room as you cried quietly. Jacob sat there, wondering about how he had hurt you as covered his face and ran a hand through his hair. He doesn’t know how long he could stay but all he wanted to do was hug you right now but he can’t anymore.
You kept telling yourself in your mind that you did well because it would hurt you even more if you stayed. You’ll get over it eventually. You hope that this would make Jacob do even better without you there. Maybe you’ll cheer for him from afar because you won't be at his side anymore. That’d be the best you could do for him now.
[Pairing]: Fem! Reader x Choi Yeonjun ft. second male lead Juyeon.
[Synopsis]: The story picks up after having met Yeonjun through a mutual acquaintance. You quickly bonded over your similarities and basically fell for him on the spot. As your relationship progressed you found out that you weren’t the only woman in his life, but no matter how hard you tried, leaving him was harder than you thought.
[Idol Cameos]: Aespa’s Karina, The Boyz’s Juyeon, Ateez’s Wooyoung, special guest: Odi.
[Genre]: Angst. (No smut this time)
[Word count]: 11.3k
[Warning]: Mentions of loss of appetite, toxic relationships, heartbreak, broken families, and drug use
[Disclaimer]: If anyone ever treats you like this, run. I am in no shape or form trying to romanticize this behavior or imply that Yeonjun is like this nor am I shipping him with other idols or assuming anyones sexuality. Please remember that it’s fiction.
LISTEN TO THE SNEAKY LINK PLAYLIST HERE ❗️
“JUYEON PLEASE, WAIT!” you were running after him, completely out of breath once you were able to catch up. You held on to the edge of his sleeve for leverage, trying to regulate your breathing as he finally stopped in his tracks to turn around and look at you.
The look in his eyes was one you hadn’t seen before. He was past being disappointed and sad because he was livid. His eyes holding a gaze so dark and venomous that it made you let go of him to take a step back.
You’d be buried 6 feet under if looks could kill, that’s for sure. “I-I couldn’t find the right moment to tell you, I didn’t know how to bring it up I’m so sorry.” You had tears in your eyes by now, everything about this was fucked up. And you weren’t ready to face Yeonjun again either after that whole shitshow back at the club.
Juyeon didn’t seem to be fazed by the look in your eyes as he kept staring at you angrily. He furrowed his brows, scoffing at your comment. “So? Does that mean you were just being friendly this whole time? You should have drawn a line between us, but you didn’t. Hell, you asked me to stay this afternoon,” he hisses.
“…I…I never implied that it was anything more than friendly conversation. You were the one saying you wanted to be friends and take things slow?” You try to defend yourself, and even though you might be right; saying this to him in a situation as dire as the one you were in right now is the most toxic thing you could’ve said.
You basically told him you gave him zero reasons to think that your behavior towards him was romantically implied…but you both knew that was a lie. You just didn’t know what other card to play in order to keep him in your life.
“So, it’s my fault. That’s what you’re saying?”
“No.” you sigh. “I just…I realized I could have handled it better but I…” you pause, trying to find the words to explain why you were so afraid to tell him as he stared into your soul with a dark gaze. “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
His facial expression remained unchanged, except he took a step closer to you in response, looking down at your insecure and breakable state. “If I’m not the one you want then why care about what I think?”
“No, please. Enlighten me,” he says cocking an eyebrow at you.
You groan in defeat; he’s going to make you say it and you had no reason to lie to him anymore. You knew, he knew. But it hadn’t been put into words yet.
“You...you offer stability I’ve never had. I know you’d never intentionally hurt me no matter how bad things get because you’ve been here for me. It’s…it’s hard to let go of when I’ve never had that.”
His stiff and angry demeanor suddenly softened, as exhaustion washed over him.
“Then let me treat you right. I’ll help you get over that asshole by being everything he can never be. He’s a fucking mess. He has abandonment issues, a crazy ex-girlfriend, he doesn’t come from any type of great family. Let’s face it sweetheart, if you stay with him, you’ll end up just like him.”
You stare at him in disbelief, unable to wrap your head around his words. Juyeon, the one guy you thought that didn’t have a vicious bone in his body had been silently observing and was using every fact he ever checked against you in the moment.
He wasn’t lying but hearing him burn Yeonjun at the stake like that angered you for some reason. It’s not like Yeonjun chose to have mommy issues. He has been making the biggest effort to treat you right lately. It seemed unfair, just like what you told Yeonjun before you ran out on him.
“Because he doesn’t deserve to be treated the way you treated me.”
Your own words ring through your head painfully so. Shit. Shit. Shit.
You fucked up.
You fucked up bad.
You ran out on Yeonjun but now that you’ve caught up with Juyeon you suddenly feel like punching him in the face for using Yeonjun’s troubles and traumas against him in an attempt to win you over.
It’s like you didn’t know what side to pick. When you were with Yeonjun all you could think about is Juyeon, but now that you’re with Juyeon all you can think about is Yeonjun and the absolute shock on his features when you embarrassed him in front of dozens of people.
It’s like you don’t know who to be mad at anymore. You, them, the universe? It was all too much to handle and to be really honest the best option now was to just run and never look back, though that wasn’t an option cause shit like that only happened in the movies.
Juyeon noticed your drop in energy and watched you battle your thoughts as you stared at your own feet. It was way too cold out in this autumn breeze and you stiffen as chills run down your spine.
Juyeon sighed, taking a step closer to then place his hands on each side of your face. He dominantly made you look up at him, tightening his hold on you by lacing his fingers through your hair. “You don’t love me like you love him. And that’s okay.”
You gulp at his words, bashfully trying to avoid eye contact because you couldn’t take more confrontation. He moved in front of your line of sight again, getting even closer so you couldn’t possibly look any other way. He had you trapped, and somehow you didn’t feel threatened because you knew he’d never try to hurt you. As his breath fanned your face you look up at him with teary eyes.
You might as well be naked right now because you were feeling vulnerable as fuck. And somehow you knew this was goodbye.
“But when he leaves you like I know he will, I’ll be here to pick up the pieces y/n. You’re worth it because just so you know...it was love at first sight for me.”
Juyeon's reason for giving you chance after chance was because of that sole reason. He felt like he could save you from yourself by offering a piece of himself. Taking the step to be vulnerable with someone was a big one in his book, which made it even harder to let go of you. He just couldn’t help the way he felt, even if the world told him you were no good for him he was always going to take his own advice.
A single tear escapes your eye, and he is quick to wipe it away with his thumb. His gaze falls to your lips but except for the shaky exhale you let out you don’t stop him from inching his face closer to yours, and that’s when it happened. Again.
His firm yet soft lips peck your own ever so slightly before he deepens the kiss. One of his hands travelled down your body to grab your waist as the other stays tangled in your hair as he slowly yet feverishly starts to devour you at his own, passionately slow pace.
It’s like time stopped on the boulevard. The cold breeze that bothered you so much earlier was nowhere to be found as heat rose to your cheeks. Your heart thumping in your chest wildly as you were locked under Juyeon’s spell. He was the first to pull away, closing his eyes as he leaned his forehead against yours but all you could do was stare at him wide-eyed.
What did you just do…?
Even if it was just a kiss, even if it was a brief moment of weakness. It was still incredibly wrong.
He slowly opened his eyes and seeing the shock written across your features he knew enough. This kiss didn’t change anything for you. Not as much as it changed things for him because he came to realize just how much he still cared, and just how much he still wanted you if that wasn’t clear enough by now. The good times he had with you outweighed the bad, and that kiss only reminded him of the good times you did have together.
His words and actions have always stayed the same. He’s always had an odd loyalty towards you and maybe that constant confirmation tricked you into thinking that you cared for him just as deeply as he cared for you.
Briefly, just very briefly as you looked at Juyeon you suddenly understood why Yeonjun fucked around with you behind Karina’s back for as long as he did. It must have felt the exact same way to him, and then it hit you like a fucking brick wall. You turned into Yeonjun. Because right now you were the cheater, not him.
The difference in this situation however is that you couldn’t call your feelings for Juyeon love, it was comfort. A safety net at the bottomless pit that were your feelings for Yeonjun. If Yeonjun would push you off a cliff, Juyeon would be there to catch you. And as fucked up as it sounds, it’s what made you keep him around.
Juyeon was your Karina and just because of that sole fact, you knew that this is where you draw the line.
“I-” you stutter, unable to finish your sentence because nothing was making sense to you in the moment. You had some soul searching to do, but if you were sure about anything it was that you were not going down the same road twice. No matter how badly you wanted Juyeon close for comfort, you weren’t going to switch from being the other woman to having a second man when you of all people knew how much that hurts, for everyone involved.
“I can’t.” your voice cracks, and so does Juyeon’s heart. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
He nods understandingly, a small yet sad smile on his face. “I know,” he says, trying to comfort you by wiping your tears but it was of no use. They kept falling and falling, one after the other. He knew he wasn’t your first choice ever since he found out about your relationship with Yeonjun, and no matter how badly he wanted to move on from you, he was probably going to wait until you come back to him, because he was sure you would.
He could fix you. He could make you happy and live happily ever after with you and he was sure of it, but the timing wasn’t right.
“Please just…forget about me. Please.” You beg of him with heavy breaths, yet he simply shook his head with the same sad, yet soft smile tugging at his lips.
Karina held out her hand for Yeonjun as they locked eyes. Yeonjun’s fists unclenched in an instance, looking from her hand to her eyes while he let out a shaky exhale.
Soobin and Mirae held their breaths, waiting to see how Yeonjun would respond to Karina’s gesture but to both of their surprise, he brushed past her, bumping his shoulder into hers as he walked out of the club with big strides and a wounded yet blank mind.
Soobin looked at Mirae with shock written across his features to match Karina’s at his rejection, but they couldn’t be bothered with sticking around to watch her take the L as they basically sprinted after Yeonjun.
“Hyung!” Soobin yelled while they ran after him. He was able to catch up with his long legs, but Mirae was having trouble keeping up with them on her high heels, putting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. “I’m gonna look for y/n!” She yelled after Soobin, knowing that Yeonjun would have enough support from Soobin alone accompanied by the fact that she had no idea where you went or how you were doing right now.
Soobin looked back, giving Mirae a simple nod followed by a quick phone gesture to his ear to signal her to call him once damage control had been done. In no time he caught up with Yeonjun, yanking him back by his shoulder rather roughly to get him to talk. “Hyung, where are you going?” Soobin asks with his eyes on full alarm. Yeonjun slowly turned around. He was biting his lip and seemed scarily calm as they made eye contact. “Home.” He replied without emotion.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Yeonjun interrupts him, warning Soobin to stop asking questions.
They fiercely looked into each other’s eyes for a second as they stood on the pavement of a busy intersection. The city was bursting with nightlife, but all the sounds of oncoming traffic, the chatter of people, and music coming from random places were muted out as tension built in their heads.
Soobin angrily pursed his lips together, furrowing his eyebrows as he grabbed Yeonjun by his hand to keep him from walking away again while also holding out his free hand to hail a taxi at the same time. He hated how stubborn and closed off his best friend was. Even though he’d literally die for him, he wanted to kill him right now.
“You wanted to go home, then let’s go home.” Soobin huffs as a taxi pulled up next to them. He opened the door, basically shoving Yeonjun inside the back seat before getting in himself.
Yeonjun glared at him angrily but didn’t say anything as Soobin communicated with the taxi driver on where to go.
Meanwhile, Mirae was about to give up looking for you. You weren’t answering your phone and her feet were killing her at this point. She plopped herself down on a random wooden bench on the busy boulevard and groaned, rubbing her ankles to relieve the tension in her feet. When she looked up her eyes widen in surprise as she saw you, alone, on the bench right across from her.
Mirae’s gasped, immediately getting up to clumsily stumble over to you just to see that you were crying. “Y/n…” Mirae was careful not to startle you in the process of approaching you but once you locked eyes with her you started sobbing even harder.
Mirae wrapped you into the comfort of her arms, letting you bury your face in her neck as you cried your heart's content out. “...It’s ok sweetie, it’s ok.” Mirae tried to comfort you to her best ability even though she was still buzzed from all the pre-drinking, as were you. All of your emotions were heightened as the alcohol pumped through your veins. “I’m the worst person on the planet.” You wail. “I hurt t-them b-both.”
Mirae bit her lip, rubbing your back with comforting up and down motions as you started to ramble. “He went with her, didn’t he?” you ask, detaching yourself from Mirae to look her in the eye.
“…Yeonjun left,” Mirae explains, wiping your tears away with her thumbs. “He left alone.”
You swallow harshly, unable to wrap your mind around this new info. “H-he what? But Karina…she-” you stop yourself before you say too much, however, Mirae had already sobered up enough to the point where she could tell you were keeping something from her.
“Y/n…the truth. Now.” She warns you, grabbing your chin to make you look at her. “I saw your inner battle when Juyeon and Yeonjun were pulling on you from both sides, but when you saw Karina behind Yeonjun…you suddenly snapped at him and went after Juyeon. What’s her role in all of this? What the fuck is going on? And where the FUCK is Juyeon. Is he ok? Is he mad at you?”
Her questions were an extra whirlwind to your already messed up thought process but if anything was registering to you correctly, it was the fact that someone needed to know the truth about this whole situation immediately, so you started explaining, from start to finish.
It took a while for her to fully understand, she kept asking questions you didn’t have all the answers to, but you couldn’t blame her. She was absolutely overwhelmed with what your life had turned into, It was bad. Way worse than she could have ever imagined.
“...Y/n…you’re telling me that Karina has been weaponizing Yeonjun’s traumas…and you just loaded her gun for her?”
“Mirae. I’m scared of that bitch, and you should be too,” you mumble under your breath.
“It’s not funny y/n. He needs to know.” Mirae says staring into your soul, making sure you heard what she said. “You should’ve told him the minute she came to you.”
“Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. I know that. I fucking know.” You groan, burying your face in your hands.
“No, I mean he needs to know now.” She says sternly. “If he falls back into toxicity with Karina, then that’s on you. I understand that he’s said and done a lot of questionable things but this thing with his mom is beyond that. He doesn’t deserve this type of pain. No one does.”
You nod at Mirae’s words. You knew that. You really did. But keeping this shit from him for as long as you did was going to come with consequences. By telling him you’d risk the fact that he’d never want to see your fucking face again, and that probability was only amplified by tonight events.
“I really thought that if I told him…that he’d never want to go to London to find his mom because he’d hate Karina forever.” You explain, making Mirae pout at your reasoning, making her shake her head at you.
‘You’re looking at this one-sided. It’s not just about his mom. It’s about Karina being a master manipulator and you just falling for it because you still feel guilty for stealing her man. If you love him like you say you do you wouldn’t want him to fall back into toxic comfort. He’d live a lie with her. For the rest of his fucking life.” She says raising her voice and waving her arms around to get her point across, and it was working because you were getting stares from bystanders.
You sigh, giving yourself a second to think.
“I didn’t tell him because I love him Mirae…who the fuck am I to keep him away from his mother. I want him to get answers, I want him to find her so he can close that chapter for good. Karina is the only one with information on his mom’s whereabouts. I really thought that if I gave her the opening to squirm back into his life tonight that it’d all be fixed. But he…he rejected her.” You think out loud as you stare into nothingness.
“You can’t predict how people will feel or act. You can’t draw conclusions based on your own emotions because you haven’t told him. And until you do, every possible outcome in your head is just that…a possibility. You don’t know his side of the story because you never gave him a chance to have one.”
You bite your lip. Knowing full well how right she is and that you’re going to have to face him sooner than later. The only card Karina has left to play is by outing herself. All Karina can do is hurt you by telling him about all of this first including the fact you’ve been lying to him too.
Which meant that you had to beat her to it.
“Here you guys are. What the fuck!” Wooyoung screeches as he runs to the two of you from a distance.
Both of your heads snap in his direction and when he sees you, he lifts your chin with his index finger. “Are you okay?”
It was a simple question, a yes or no would have sufficed but Wooyoung noticed how hard you were trying to keep it together. He sighed, kneeling down in front of you so he could pull you into a hug. He knew better than to bombard you with questions. No matter how playful, mean, and sarcastic Wooyoung can be, he was still one of your best friends. He’d do anything to protect you which was evident in the way he held you right now.
Mirae bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying with you. She put her hand on your back as she saw new tears fall from the corners of your eyes. Being in the know made seeing you break down for the nth’ time tonight so much heavier.
Your friends were hurting with you, doing their best to be there for you and suddenly you regret not telling them earlier more than ever.
If only they knew, maybe none of this would’ve happened. You really thought that fighting these battles on your own was the way to survive. But seeing how badly that played out for you, you took a mental note to never do that again, ever. Cause look where it got you.
“Tell me about everything later. Let’s get you two home first, Ok?” Wooyoung says as he let go of you, wiping your tears and run-out mascara stains with his thumbs similar to how Juyeon was trying to comfort you not long ago. Thinking of him made your stomach turn in regret, making you wonder how he’s doing and where he’s at right now.
You wish things were different, but they simply aren’t. The only way to somehow fix what you’ve broken is by picking up the pieces one by one and the only way to do this was to be honest with every single person in your life going forward. Starting with Yeonjun…even if he’d never look at you the same.
You take a deep breath, nodding as you straighten out your posture after wiping away your own tears away aggressively, “Ok.”
“Don’t you think you should talk to her?” Soobin says leaning against Yeonjun’s bedroom door. He was watching Yeonjun walk around his room while he was getting ready for bed. Soobin’s eyes landed on a random bra on the floor that he could only imagine to be yours as a mere remnant to just one night before, where everything between you two was harmonious and close to perfect.
Soobin quickly looked away, feeling like he was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to, and averted his attention back on Yeonjun’s figure.
“She made her choice,” Yeonjun says putting on a clean shirt as he looked at his tired self in the mirror.
“…I don’t think it’s that simple.”
“Look Soobin, I appreciate your concern. I really do. But I’m going to smoke a shit ton of weed, get some sleep and deal with the aftermath of this night tomorrow.” He stayed quiet for a second, as did Soobin. But Yeonjun found himself rambling soon enough. Unable to hide his thoughts and frustrations from his best friend. “The worst part about what y/n said, is that I can’t deny it and I don’t really want to think about that right now.”
“…You’ve been nothing but good to her lately. What she said was uncalled for. She can’t keep using your past against you in arguments because she decided to stay despite it all. You’ll never be able to move forward otherwise.” Soobin defends Yeonjun’s right to feel bitter absentmindedly as flashbacks from tonight blur his vision while he stares into the void. Yeonjun watched Soobin zone out, knowing that he was replaying tonight’s events in his had like a bad movie.
“I’d like to be alone.” Yeonjun sighs, giving Soobin a pleading look to leave him be. Even though Soobin’s worry was sweet, Yeonjun didn’t need yet another person to look at him like he was a beaten-up puppy. Even though he should be angry with you, he wasn’t, oddly enough. Yeonjun was just confused and hurt. Hurt that you didn’t pick him over Juyeon when your history with Juyeon doesn’t even come close to compare to what you guys have…or had.
Soobin bit his lip, contemplating on his next move but he decided to walk up to Yeonjun and give him a hug. It was the last thing Yeonjun expected, but as he felt the younger ones’ arms tighten around him, he relaxed, letting Soobin comfort him.
“I won’t ever leave you hyung,” Soobin whispers into the hug, making Yeonjun close his eyes at his unexpected words. It struck a nerve, and when Yeonjun fell asleep that night all he could think about was his mom. The bitter memories of waking up one day to an empty home as an eight-year-old replayed in his memory.
Little Yeonjun searching through every room of the house with a trembling lip and big scared eyes showed up in his dreams. He had this dream quite often and was fully aware of the fact that it was a dream, but he could never move or wake up. His body forced him to relive the worst day in his life in a state of paralysis.
Little Yeonjun eventually ran down the street to get help, but when he got to the porch of Karina’s house and rang the doorbell multiple times it wasn’t her who opened the door like it always was, because this time; it was you.
Yeonjun’s eyes shoot open as he starts to go into full hyperventilation mode. He was gulping for air, clutching onto his chest to calm himself down but nothing was working. He clumsily got up, accidentally knocking the lamp off of his nightstand which made glass shatter everywhere.
Soobin, who wasn’t able to sleep either heard something shatter from the other room and was immediately on his feet to run to Yeonjun’s bedroom.
The door flung open, and Soobin was met with the sight of Yeonjun having a full-fledged panic attack since he couldn’t make sense of his surroundings in the darkness. Yeonjun hovered over his bed and Soobin quickly turned on the light before he leaped over to Yeonjun to trap him in his arms from behind. “Hey! Hey! It’s me. Hyung it’s me. Calm down. It’s okay.” Soobin says in an attempt to snap Yeonjun back to reality, and it was working somehow. Soobin bit his lip, looking at the shattered glass on the floor with worry as he felt Yeonjun’s hold on his arms tighten. He quickly checked if Yeonjun was hurt or bleeding and to his relief; he wasn’t.
Yeonjun’s ears started ringing as he came back to his senses, his vision becoming less blurry as he held onto Soobin’s forearms. He followed Soobin’s regular breathing pattern and was able to regain his composure slowly, but he was still shaking, letting Soobin cradle him like a child as the little spoon when they laid back down on the bed.
Yeonjun closed his tired eyes again, allowing himself to fall back to sleep knowing that he wasn’t alone anymore.
It was 10 AM and you were literally shaking as Mirae held your hand. She offered to come with you to Yeonjun and Soobin’s shared apartment so she could occupy Soobin for the sake of giving both you and Yeonjun some privacy, but now that you were here at their front door, anxiety started eating you alive.
“I can’t do this.” You say under your breath.
“Yes, you can. Come on.” Mirae nudged your shoulder with her own to spur you on to ring the doorbell and without thinking any further, you did it.
The silence that followed was absolutely excruciating. Mirae grabbed your hand, squeezing it in an attempt to give you strength but when you heard the door unlock your heart started racing even more.
Soobin stood tall in the door opening, laying eyes on you first and then on Mirae. He looked tired, and you found yourself checking for hints of anger in his eyes, but he wasn’t upset with you.
He smacked his bunny-like lips together, fully opening the door so you could both walk in without a word but Mirae didn’t walk in when you did. Instead, she grabbed Soobin’s hand, and he instantly got what she meant.
Soobin quickly grabbed his keys, giving you one last look before leaving the apartment.
“…He’s in the kitchen.” He simply remarks and your mouth grows dry, knowing that there was just one more door between you and Yeonjun right now. “Text me,” Mirae says and you nod at her before Soobin and herself walk out, closing the door behind them.
You had shivers running down your spine as you stood glued to the floor in their hallway. You could hear him opening cabinets, turning on the stove, and grabbing a plate. It reminded you of all the times you woke up in his bed when he’d already been up to cook both of you some breakfast. However, this time you couldn’t just wrap your arms around him from behind and tease him with kisses as he smiled to himself.
This time you had no idea how he’d react upon seeing you again and that uncertainty only amplified your worries of facing him.
You needed a few more seconds to build up the confidence to go up to him, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath as you slowly twist the door handle to walk into their living room and kitchen area.
The hairs on your neck stood up straight when you saw him with his back facing you while he was cutting up some vegetables. You slowly approached in silence, biting your lip and nervously picking at your cuticles as you did so. He didn’t notice your presence yet, and soon you realize you had to call out his name to get his attention.
Your voice was hoarse and barely audible, but he could distinguish that voice in a crowd of thousands. He froze, tightening the hold he had on the knife he was using out of shock.
You held your breath, waiting for him to turn around, but he didn’t.
He put the knife down, looking down at the floor with sadness as he leaned his palms on the counter. You don’t know where the confidence was coming from, but you decided to walk towards him. You were standing next to him right now, laying eyes on him for the first time since last night.
He had bags under his eyes that matched yours, and when you tried to reach for his hand he pulled away. He might as well have punched you in the face because it’d hurt just the same as this simple gesture of rejection.
“Can we talk…please.” You mumble, but when he didn’t respond again you felt yourself choke up. “Please,” you beg. Your voice cracked and it finally made him lay eyes on you.
The reason why he wasn’t looking at you wasn’t because he was angry. It was because he was scared. He was scared you’d look exactly the same as the you he saw in his nightmare. You boldly caress his cheek, tugging at his chin to make him look at you and when he did, he immediately relaxed, a shaky exhale leaving his lips as a sign of relief.
You didn’t notice his anxiety, you thought he was just mad at you, so you quickly took your hands off of him, clearing your throat. “Let’s sit down,” you suggest, and he simply nodded, turning off the stove to then follow you to the couch.
“I’m sorry for what I said last night. You didn’t deserve that.” You say avoiding eye contact as you stare at your fingers in your lap. You could feel his eyes burn into you, but he still wasn’t saying anything.
“I just...” you start, but you stop yourself to take a deep breath. Where the fuck do you even begin?
“Do you regret choosing to be with me over him?” Yeonjun spoke up for the first time since you walked in, and your ears perked up at the sound of his voice, looking at him in disbelief.
“No,” you say with determination. “No. I love you.”
Yeonjun’s shoulders fell, hearing you say those words to him again felt surreal. Especially since he thought he’d lost you to Juyeon.
“In a way, what I said…was true…” you start knowing you weren’t really helping yourself here. It made Yeonjun nod to himself, so you were quick to start explaining some more. “I didn’t want to hurt Juyeon because he doesn’t deserve it. But I lead him on to believe that he still had a shot with me. Which was wrong”
Yeonjun completely ignored your previous statement, needing to know just one thing “Did you fuck around with him while we were official?”
“No, I didn’t.”
Yeonjun visibly relaxed at your honesty. The one thing that was ironically eating at him subconsciously was the probability of you cheating on him with Juyeon.
“Do you have feelings for him?”
This questioned flustered you more than it should have and Yeonjun noticed your hesitation before you answered. “I think I confused liking the way he treated me with having feelings for him, but no. I don’t think so…”
“Then why didn’t you tell him we were dating?” he asked, ignoring your indecisive answer.
His question made you look up at him and seeing the insecurity in your eyes made him feel bad for you for some reason. He scooted closer to you, reaching out to hold your hand to encourage you to speak but what you had to tell him next was what was going to change your relationship forever.
“I selfishly wanted him close for comfort for when you left me.” You explain.
That was the last thing Yeonjun expected to hear. Shock overtook his features and he immediately grabbed your face to make you look at him. “Why would I leave you y/n?”
Tears started filling the brims of your eyes as you stared into his dilated pupils. “Because I lied to you,” you timidly admit.
Yeonjun was completely lost at this point, unable to understand what was happening or what had you so upset right now.
“…About what baby?” he pouted, caressing your cheek softly. His loving touches were too much right now. It was suffocating you to know you were going to rip his heart out with your next sentence.
He still looked at you with so much love and adoration, and that’s what hurt the most.
You took a deep breath and proceed to take his hands off your face, looking up to sniff your tears back so they wouldn’t fall.
Yeonjun straightened out his posture in an instant at the mention of his ex’s name. He looked at you intensely, patiently waiting for you to continue.
“Karina knows where your mom is. She has known for years.”
Yeonjun froze, his hold on your hands loosening as your words registered. He suddenly looked very pale, and you were seriously concerned he was going to faint.
“Yeonjun, I’m so sorry…” your voice came out like a whisper as you eyed his reaction, but he just looked down, his pupils darting back and forth at a complete loss for words.
You didn’t know what else to do other than to keep explaining so you carefully continued. “She told me the night she came to my apartment. She has known about if for years and hadn’t told you because she was afraid that you’d leave her to go look for your mother but when she realized she lost you…she…”
Yeonjun’s eyes shoot up as realization hits him. “…London,” he says interrupting you.
You nod, and all of the puzzle pieces started falling into place. The reason why you were so upset that night, the unexplainable letter from school, Karina’s attempt to lure him back multiple times. It all made sense. Karina was slowly using the knowledge she had about his mother to slither her way back into his life. She was going to pretend to be his savior when in reality she was his devil in disguise.
“…She told me that if I just backed off that you’d be able to get back together so you could travel to London with her and find your mom.”
Yeonjun got up, turning his back to you as he covered his mouth in pure disbelief.
This can’t be true. Karina would never hurt him like this. She’s the only one who witnessed first-hand what his mothers’ disappearance has done to him over all of these years. She’s the only one who could fully comprehend the pain he went through, so it was extremely hard to wrap his mind around what you were telling him. For years she pretended to not know a thing, even when they were still in a happy and healthy relationship before Yeonjun met you.
“I wanted to tell you. I swear, I just…I didn’t want you to choose me over her when she’s the one who you need in order to find your mom.”
Yeonjun was fine until you said that. His head snapped in your direction, anger creeping up his senses as he realized how long you’ve known about this. His breathing started to get ragged as he balled his fists, and somehow it scared you.
“That’s not your decision to make. You should have fucking told me the minute you found out.” He bites back, fire spitting from his gaze.
You wince at his words as he starts pacing back and forth. “I came running to you that night, you lied to me so easily and kept me next to you for all this time when you had no plans of staying with me!?”
He was raising his voice at you by now and you were just taking the verbal beating. It was the least you deserved, but his anger was getting scarier by the second. You wished Mirae was here, or Soobin. Just anyone really.
“I thought I was doing the right thing…” you softly explain, but when you hear him scoff to mock you, your eyes find his again.
“You’re no fucking better than her.” He says as he stares into your soul, making you gasp at his words.
“Yeonjun…” you got on your feet in a split second, trying to get him to calm down but he pushed your hand off of him when you tried to touch his arm.
“Leave,” he says through his teeth
“Yeonjun, please.” You beg with wide eyes. No. This can’t be how it ends.
This can’t be it.
“Fucking leave y/n!” he yells at you again this time, you knew better than to test his limits, but you weren’t going to give up so easily. “I don’t want to leave you.” You held your ground, but it didn’t impress him one bit.
He smiled like a fucking psychopath, walking towards you with his face just inches away from yours. “It was so fucking easy for you to leave last night, I’m sure you’ll find your way out.”
He brushed past you and slammed the door to his bedroom behind him, leaving you completely hollowed out and numb, glued to the living room floor as your breathing starts to grow irregular.
After a few agonizing seconds of silence, you drag your feet to his bedroom door with tears in your eyes. As you hovered your hand over the door handle, deep down inside you knew that there was no way that he’d listen to you right now.
You had to give him time. Every muscle in your body was trying to force you to stay but you fought against the urge to disturb him, knowing that he needed and wanted to be alone.
Yeonjun had his face buried in his hands as he sat on the edge of his bed. He wished to wake up from this nightmare. Hoping that his sleep paralysis from last night was still in full effect but when he heard the front door open and close, knowing that you had left, he broke down completely, letting the tears he’s held in for so long finally flow freely.
A few days had passed since that day and you still hadn’t heard anything from Yeonjun nor Karina.
You could barely eat or sleep. And when you did fall asleep it was usually past 6 or 7 AM which made you wake up at ungodly hours. You were in bed past 3 PM for the third day in a row, letting your depressive episode consume you as you were watching another season of your favorite comfort show to escape reality.
You absolutely hated yourself.
You missed Yeonjun. You missed his smile, the sound of his laugh, and the feeling of his touch. You craved for the taste of his lips and were desperately wondering how he was doing but you didn’t know how to talk to him anymore after what happened.
Your daydream got disturbed as you hear your doorbell ring, and it took everything in you to get out of your bed. Your neighbors asked you to accept a package on their behalf since they wouldn’t be home so you could only assume it to be the mailman at your door.
You drag your feet to your front door and open it with a blank facial expression but when you see who’s in front of you, you almost want to start crying. Something you’ve done too much of in the past couple of days.
“…Hey, can I come in?” Soobin says as he stares at you with pity. You swallow harshly, wanting to hug him for comfort but you decided against it, stepping aside so you could let him in.
You didn’t know how he found out where you lived, you could only assume it to be Mirae’s doing but you didn’t care. You were actually really happy to see him because Soobin was the only person you could ask about Yeonjun.
He stepped inside, looking around your neglected apartment. The last time you did the dishes was 3 days ago, and a vacuum hadn’t touched your floors in a while either.
He sighed, taking the stack of schoolbooks off of your couch and placed them on your salon table so he could sit down. You eyed him nervously, not knowing what to do or say. “C-can I get you anything? Water maybe?” you ask, but Soobin simply shook his head, patting the empty space next to him on your couch to get you to sit down, so you just complied without thought.
“I don’t think I have to ask you how you’re doing?” he starts, and you scoff in response.
“Please…tell me he’s doing ok.” You look at Soobin intently, hoping that he’d answer you with a smile, but he simply shook his head with pursed lips, and it made you swallow harshly as you avoided eye contact. You should’ve known better.
“Mirae told me, and hyung also told me bits and pieces of what happened. But y/n, please. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even if you kept the truth from him, it doesn’t compare to what Karina has done. You could’ve made better decisions, sure. But the choices you made were out of love for him. And I’m sure he’ll realize that with time.”
You let his words register, raking your hands through your hair with a loud sigh “I just want him to be okay.”
Soobin pouts at your words, petting your hair and making his hand stop at your back in an attempt to console you. “He’s going to talk to Karina’s parents today.”
You lift your head, looking at Soobin in shock at this new information. “What?”
“He’s going to confront them about it. I offered to come with him, but he told me no, so I came to check on you instead.”
You nod, giving him a faint smile to thank him. You could only hope for that meeting to go well, but it’s not like you could ask him about it either.
“Oh, and before I forget.” He grabs his phone, clearing his throat to read his messages out loud.
“Mirae told me to tell you that…uhm...” he stopped for a second but continued anyway. “Bitch pick up your fucking phone when I call you. Wooyoung and I are worried sick. If you don’t respond we’ll kick your door in.” he recites mimicking Mirae’s mannerisms in an attempt to make you laugh and it worked because you chuckled with an amused glint in your eyes.
Soobin smirked to himself upon seeing you smile as well and simply put his and on your knee.
“Give him some time, he’ll come around. I know for a fact that he still loves you y/n. Don’t worry about him too much okay? He’s a fighter. He’s been through worse than this.”
You nod at his words. You know he’ll be okay somehow, but it’s incredibly hard to believe that he still loves you.
Yeonjun stood outside of the massive double doors of the house that Karina used to call home before she moved out for college. He wasn’t as nervous as he thought he’d be. After all, the people that live here have been more of a family to him than his own. The door opened briefly after he rang the doorbell, and he was met with the bright smile of Karina’s mother.
“Yeonjun! Wow, it’s been so long. How have you been?” She wrapped him in for a tight hug which made him chuckle and relax in her hold. Karina and Yeonjun have broken up for quite some time now but it doesn’t seem like her parents know about it.
“I uh…I’ve been busy but I’m doing alright,” Yeonjun answers as he follows her mother into the house. They stop at the living room where her father was seated in his regular large chair, reading the newspaper as he sipped on some expensive aged whiskey.
“Yeonjun! Son. How are you?” he excitedly exclaims as he got up to greet him with a hug.
“I’m ok. It’s nice to see you again.” Yeonjun smiled at him fondly.
“Sit down Jun-ah, I’ll get you some tea.” Her mother tells him as she pushes him down on the couch. He nodded, awkwardly scratching his head to then place his hands on his thighs.
“What brings you here? And where is Karina?” Her dad asked with concern.
Yeonjun raised his eyebrows, also straightening out his posture to look more invested in the conversation.
“I needed to talk to you both about something…without her.”
At that, her mother returned with a pot of freshly brewed green tea and the cookies he loved as a child. He smiled at her warmly as she poured him a cup. Quickly thanking her before taking a small sip to then put the cup down on the massive coffee table in front of him.
Karina’s mom sat next to her husband right across from Yeonjun and waited for Yeonjun to speak up, but she noticed his nerves. “I uh…” he began but was quickly interrupted by Karina’s father.
“You know you don’t have to ask; you have our permission.” He hummed with humor in his tone but when he saw Yeonjun’s facial expression harden he stopped smiling.
“I…I’m not marrying Karina.”
“Oh, we know that. You guys are still in college, there’s no rush.” Her mother chimes in trying to lighten the mood but Yeonjun shook his head.
“I’m not going to marry her after college either…w-we broke up some time ago.”
This revelation had both of their mouths fall agape. This was the last thing they expected to hear, especially since their daughter lied to their faces so easily every time they asked her about Yeonjun’s whereabouts.
Breaking up with Karina wasn’t just breaking up with her. It was breaking up with her whole family that he had grown so incredibly fond of. Even though he had done the unforgivable prior to her, he would never get back to her after everything she’s done.
“W-what happened?” Her mom asks in utter disbelief, getting up to sit next to Yeonjun. She grabbed his hands and looked at him with concern.
“We grew apart and we both made some unforgivable mistakes.”
He decided to spare them the details, but he was here for more than just saying goodbye.
“…Karina has kept my mothers’ whereabouts from me, and I recently found out about it.”
He eyed their reaction, but they seemed to be just as startled as him when he first found out.
“She what!?” her mother exclaimed.
“Honey calm down.” Her father says softly. “I don’t understand. A while back she came to us for help. She told us you didn’t want any contact with your mom after we found her location. We were trying to be mindful of your wishes and never mentioned it again, but she suddenly mentioned something about the two of you going to London to find her so of course, we tried to help in any way we could.” He rationalizes.
Yeonjun’s eyes widened at her fathers’ words. He tried not to, but he felt himself getting angry again.
“Yeonjun…I don’t know what to say I’m so sorry.” Her mother caressed his back, but then her father stood up from his chair, unexpectedly walking out of the room.
It stayed quiet for a while as they sat there. Karina’s mother was suppressing her anger towards her daughter and suddenly, her father emerged out of nowhere with a thick binder.
He set it down in front of Yeonjun and sat back down on his chair. “This is everything we know about your mother. She’s good at staying off the grid but the last thing we found out is that she teaches arts at a high school in Central London.”
Yeonjun looked at the binder with glassy eyes. She really has a whole new life without him, and it hurt more than he thought it would have.
Why didn’t she just take him with her? What made her leave the country? He wanted answers. And he wanted them now because nothing else was keeping him here.
“Yeonjun. You can still go without Karina if you want.” Her mother offered, and it made Yeonjun look at her in surprise.
“Yes. It’s the least we can do.” Her father agreed. “We’ll fund the whole thing, don’t even think about the money. If you still want to go, you will have our full support.” He says walking over to Yeonjun, sitting beside him just like his wife.
Yeonjun bit the inside of his cheek. Suddenly his brain was showing images of you. He sighed, rubbing his temples to release the tension that was building in his head.
“I…I don’t know,” He said lost in thought. “What if she doesn’t want to be found.”
“…Yeonjun, even so. She owes you an explanation. You’re a grown man now and living with an unanswered question of this size will haunt you forever.” Karina’s mother states, moving a stray piece of his hair behind his ear lovingly.
Her motherly gesture made him unknowingly lean into her touch, which made her look at him with a sad glint in her eyes.
“I don’t want to push you to make a decision right away. But the new semester in London starts in about two weeks. If you decide to go, you’d have to leave by next week to get settled.” Her father explained to his best ability, hoping that he wasn’t overwhelming Yeonjun by telling him all of these things at once.
It’s a big choice to make with too little time, but Yeonjun deep down knew he had to go. Soobin would understand his decision. He was sure of it.
“I also hope you know that no matter what your relationship with Karina is, you’ll always have a home with us. We love you like family Yeonjun. That won’t change, I promise you.”
Her mother says warmly, putting her hand back on his back for comfort. How could a girl that came from a family this loving turn out to be so cunning and damaged as Karina was? It made no sense to him.
Yeonjun sighed, looking at both of Karina’s parents one by one to remember their faces.
“Okay, I’ll go,” he says.
Soobin was in extreme pout mode all day as he helped Yeonjun pack his necessities, though he was trying not to be too much of a Debby downer for Yeonjun’s sake. For the first time in a while, Yeonjun seemed okay. He was smiling again and seemed genuinely excited to leave for London tomorrow.
If the reason for his study abroad wasn’t as loaded with angst, Soobin would’ve been more excited for Yeonjun, but he was mostly worried. Especially since Yeonjun hadn’t talked to you or told you about any of this, which meant that Soobin was worried for you too.
“Did you study some British slang before you’re going? You’re going to have to fit in somehow.” Soobin says as he plops himself down on Yeonjun’s bed.
“All I need to know is the word peng.” Yeonjun says smiling to himself with mischief as he folded one of his shirts to put into his suitcase.
“What’s that?” Soobin asks with a snicker.
“It’s like, hot, or attractive.” Yeonjun casually explained, giving Soobin a flirty wink.
Well shit, Yeonjun was already expanding his vocabulary to live like a single man in Central London, and Soobin doesn’t know why but it bothered him. Yeonjun hadn’t made an effort to see or speak to you yet, and even though It’s his right to avoid you, he wished Yeonjun wouldn’t run from his feelings anymore.
He’s been down that road before, and it led to the messiest breakup in history.
This whole study abroad thing was timed perfectly for Yeonjun. Leaving in the middle of a crisis was a convenient perk and having to see your face would only make leaving so much harder.
“So…did you tell y/n?” Soobin tried carefully, but when Yeonjun’s movements froze he knew he fucked up.
“No.” he stoically replied.
“I went to see her a week ago.” Soobin tried again, but this time he had Yeonjun’s full attention.
“What? Why? And why didn’t you tell me?” He asks with wide eyes
“Dude you had too much going on with getting everything ready for the exchange, and you just got back from Karina’s parents’ house that day, I didn’t want to burden you with it.”
“So, you decided to do it now? While I’m packing?”
“…. Uhm…yeah…sorry.” Soobin pouts.
Yeonjun bit his lip, curiosity getting the better of him. He had been living on automatic pilot for the past week, shutting down his emotions in order to forget about you but it wasn’t working. All he could think about was you. Literally.
“How was she?” Yeonjun asks under his breath, which made Soobin sit up straight, surprised by the fact that he wanted to know.
“A fucking mess. Just like you. She’s handling it differently. She looked depressed, she lost weight. She wasn’t taking care of herself or her surroundings. It was really sad to see actually. Mirae says she’s doing better now and going to school again, but she also said that y/n is a master at hiding her emotions. Just like you.” Soobin explains, rolling his eyes at the last part.
Yeonjun sighed, looking at the box next to his bedroom door with all of your stuff in it. He was going to ask Soobin to deliver it to you but maybe he had to drop it off himself.
“…You know she never intended to hurt you,” Soobin says in your defense once again, and it made Yeonjun groan in annoyance. It was already hard for him to leave, so why was his best friend making it even harder.
“Why are you so hell-bent on saving my relationship? I’m leaving. End of story.”
“I know that. But wouldn’t it be nice to talk to her before you left? I’ve grown to care for her since she was here all the time, and hyung…you were so happy with her. I just…I really think you should talk to her before you leave. For both of your sakes.” Soobin states with determination, hoping that for once in his life, Yeonjun will listen to him.
He sighed, folding up the last article of clothing to put in his suitcase. “I know,” Yeonjun says, staring at the box with your stuff one more time. “I’ll go see her tonight.”
You and Wooyoung were on your couch, doing Korean facemasks as you watched a murder mystery drama with boxes of Chinese take-out on your laps.
Mirae and Wooyoung had been babysitting you during the weekends, and today it was Woo’s turn. They were hoping you wouldn’t notice how they filled your free days with plans to occupy your mind, but no matter how slick they thought they were being, you noticed their efforts to keep you distracted from the first night they tried to do so.
You didn’t complain or confront them about it because, to be honest, it was nice having them around because it worked. They were distracting you, and even though Yeonjun still occupied every corner of your mind, living started to become bearable again.
“How long till we take these off?” Wooyoung asks, patting his skin gently to get the kinks out of his mask.
“Ten more minutes.” You say with your mouth full, chewing on the way too salty black bean noodles. You were finally getting your appetite back, which meant you were eating anything and everything in sight.
“I’m impatient.” Wooyoung pouts, which made you chuckle at him. “I know, but if you wanna age prettily you’re going to have to keep it on for ten more minutes.” You say waving your chopsticks in his face. He playfully glared at you and kept eye contact while trying to take a bite of his food, but it went terribly wrong as the noodle sticks to the outer layer of his facemask.
You cackle in response, the sound of your laughter filling the room which made Wooyoung stare at you fondly. He was happy to see you were doing better day by day, but when you saw the sentiment on his features you warned him.
“Don’t…ask me how I’m doing…” you tell him. Making Woo nod in response to your pleading tone.
At that, your doorbell rang unexpectedly. Saving you from having to talk about your feelings.
The sound made Wooyoung immediately get up to answer the door for you.
“Did you order more food?” He asks insinuatingly, but you shook your head no and looked back at him from your couch to see what was going on.
Wooyoung looked through the peeping hole of your door and froze. “What the f-”
He looked back at you in bewilderment and you immediately got up. “What?” you ask wide-eyed. After all of these murder-mystery episodes, Wooyoung’s tone and body language were scaring you.
“It’s…It’s Yeonjun.” Wooyoung whisper-screams.
Your mind went blank, as did your facial expression because you had no idea what to do.
“Oh my god. What? Why is he here?” you whisper with wide eyes to match Wooyoung’s.
“Bitch I don’t know!? Open the door!”
“Ok, ok, but go into my room,” you hiss
“What? No.” Wooyoung says in protest. If it was going to be juicy, messy, or both. He wanted to stick around to find out.
“Quick! Just go into my room you nosey asshole.” You say as you push him inside of your bedroom. Closing the door on a pouty, crossed armed Wooyoung, but you couldn’t care less.
He was going to eavesdrop anyway.
You straightened out your clothes, making a quick twirl to check your surroundings, and took a deep yet uncontrolled breath before you opened the door.
Yeonjun was almost going to knock but when you opened the door and locked eyes, he looked at you with equally dilated pupils, though he was staring at you for a different reason.
“Uhm…hey…you…you have a little something on your face.” He says pointing to your facemask and you almost want to evaporate on the spot. You quickly rip the thing off, throwing it on your counter before you stepped aside to let him in.
Embarrassment flushed to your ears and he couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile that you immediately noticed. If he’s smiling he’s not mad…right?
“W-what are you doing here?” you ask with insecurity evident on your features.
He sighed, staring at you for the first time in a while. He had hoped that seeing you would make leaving easier, but it had the opposite effect. He wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms right now, even after everything.
"I came to talk to you about something. If that’s alright with you.” He says snapping out of it once you tilted your head in confusion at his silence.
“Y-yes, of course. Let’s sit down.”
He put the box of your stuff that he was holding down on your dinner table, but you were too entranced by him standing in front of you right now to notice. You were staring at him like you were seeing a ghost, and he couldn’t blame you. This must all be just as confusing to you as it is to him.
He proceeded to follow you to your couch. The simple piece of furniture held so many memories. You talked, laughed, cried, and fucked on this thing more than once, and it was incredibly hard not to think about those moments as he sat down with you, with a little more distance than usual.
You looked at him with expectation but Yeonjun didn’t know where to start. “I uhm…” he swallowed harshly, looking at you from head to toe. Soobin wasn’t kidding when he said you lost weight, and suddenly his stomach turned in regret. “I’m sorry for the way I yelled at you. I realize now that you were trying to protect me, even if your choices might not have been the best ones, I know you didn’t have malicious intent…not like Karina. And I’m sorry for comparing her to you. I was out of line.”
You had no idea where his apology was coming from, so you just stared at him with your mouth agape, unable to wrap your mind around his words. “Don’t apologize, please. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one that should be apologizing. Yeonjun I’m so, so sorry. I-” You stop your rambling as your eyes land on the box of your stuff.
Silence filled the room as realization hit. He wasn’t here to mend your relationship. He was here to close a chapter by being the bigger person.
He was saying goodbye.
Yeonjun smiled at you softly as your eyes darted from the box to his face. He had scooted closer to you to put his hand on your cheek, carefully caressing your soft skin as he stared into your eyes.
“I’m leaving for London tomorrow, alone.” He added the latter part to make you understand that Karina wasn’t coming. But your mouth grew dry at the sudden turn of events.
“I wanted to see you one more time before I left.” He says as he sees the brims of your eyes fill with tears. “…I need to do this. I’m sorry for telling you this late, I just…didn’t know how. And with everything that happened I just…”
“No,” your voice cracked. “I completely understand, you didn’t have to tell me in person but I’m glad you did.” Your lip started trembling, which made him lean in to kiss your forehead with his eyes closed, wrapping his arms around your fragile figure to hold you close one more time.
You were trying your hardest not to fully break down, but you literally had no more tears left to cry. You were exhausted, mentally and physically. And if he had to leave to come back to you as a better and more mature version of himself then so be it, because you had to grow the fuck up and do the exact same thing yourself as well.
Maybe this was for the best, but you didn’t realize that yet as you clung onto him, soft sobs escaping your lips which broke his heart. “Yeonjun I-”
He stopped you from talking by pulling back to kiss you on your lips. His fingers tangled into your hair and you immediately gave in once his lips made contact with yours. He kissed you with fervor as both of your hearts started to beat faster and faster. You held onto his wrists for leverage as the kiss continued but before things could get too heated, he found the strength to pull away.
“Don’t tell me you love me, because I’ll stay.” He whispers with his forehead pressed against yours.
“But I do…I still do, nothing changed” you choke out, you weren’t trying to get him to stay, but you needed him to know how you felt before he left.
He bitterly smiled to himself and that’s when you noticed that he was crying too. You sit up in shock, wiping his tears away with your thumbs but he grabbed a hold of your wrist, kissing the inside of your palm before he let go of you completely.
“I’ll miss you.” He says before getting up reluctantly.
“Yeonjun no, don’t leave like this. Please.” You manage to get out between sobs. You followed him to your front door with big strides, stopping once he turned around to look at you once more, but he wishes he hadn’t.
You looked absolutely broken. Yeonjun wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in his embrace, whisper sweet nothings to you until you had calmed down, and cradle you until you fell asleep in his arms, but he knew he could do none of that right now.
He bit his lip, pulling you towards him one more time to softly peck your lips again.
You closed your eyes in defeat, standing frozen on your feet with tears streaming down your face, and when you heard your front door open and close your legs give out.
You open your eyes to see that he was gone, and that’s when the pain from the past week came to the surface in waves that were too unbearable to handle.
Wooyoung was with you in no time, wrapping you up in his arms on your apartment floor as you wept like a baby. Your sobs turned to pained wales as reality came crashing down.
Just you having to deal with the aftermath of your own mistakes. Alone.
➵ taeyong x rich girl! reader, summer au, angst, tiniest bit of fluff. (ft. other nct members).
➵ summary: Taeyong had always known better than to put his heart on the line, at least until he met you.
➵ word count: 1.8k
➵ warnings: mentions of harassment, mc has very questionable intentions, alcohol, cheating, please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes whoops. also remember this is fiction and I do not encourage the toxic behaviors portrayed in this piece by any of the characters.
➵ a/n: this is for the resonance beach collab hosted by @amorajae. thank you so much for having me! this was so much fun♡
feedback is greatly appreciated, so please, let me know what you think!
Taeyong always knew better. He always knew better than his friends, who loved him and sometimes hated him for it all the same, although he would never be the type of person to say ‘I told you so’.
Taeyong always knew better because he had to. Guarding himself, having things under control, being aware of every possible outcome was a survival instinct at this point.
And knowing better always worked out for him, until you came along.
Working for rich people was not worth it, unless like him, you were desperate enough for the money. 1 out of 5 times these folks spoke to him they were polite enough to acknowledge he was a human being and not just some sort of robot at their service, and he absolutely loathed it.
But when Doyoung told him he had a job for him at Resonance Club, Taeyong couldn’t say no. It was one of the most exclusive resorts in the country, and he knew he would get a good enough salary, that every time he got called stupid or a married man or woman insinuated themself to him, he’d be able to think about the paycheck just to hold on to his patience a little bit longer.
Teaching kids to swim was simple enough and he found himself actually enjoying the job. Most of the children were still sweet and caring, uncorrupted by their parents and their money, and the life of luxury that awaited them one years to come. Lily was one of them, barely four years old and only caring about learning enough from Taeyong to be like The Little Mermaid on an upcoming trip to the beach, Taeyong adored her. And he found himself adoring you too soon enough.
“You’re his favorite cousin,” he told you one day as Lily ran into the house after the maid, to get her after lesson snack. He was still shirtless and his dark hair dripped on the ground.
“I don’t think she has much choice but to say that,” you laughed, looking back at him over your sunglasses. It hadn’t been the first time you “supervised” Lily’s lessons even though Go-Eun, the maid/nanny told you she could it herself. “I’m her only cousin.”
Taeyong chuckled softly. “Trust me, kids aren’t afraid to let you know if they don’t like you. She loves you.”
“She loves you too, you’re all she talks about over dinner.” your lavish smile was effortless at this point. “No wonder, if you’re such a good instructor, and amazing with kids.”
“Ah, thank you,” Taeyong smiled back, shyer than he thought he’d feel. He couldn’t lie to himself and say he didn’t pay attention to you. Not when you paraded around the pool in those pretty swimsuits and smiled at him like that.
But he had rules: Rule #1 of working for rich people is not falling in love with rich people. Or, you know, just not falling in love with your employers in general is a good rule to live by. And Taeyong followed it perfectly.
“No problem,” you smiled at him once again, removing your sunglasses. “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” you pushed, hoping this would finally lead where you wanted.
Normally, it wasn’t that hard to have these young employees (or the older ones, for that matter) after you. It was flattering as much as it was annoying at times, of course they saw you as their entrance ticket to the life of luxury you lived, even if it was for a short while. Or the arm candy they could parade around their friends to brag about how they had the dumb rich girl drooling over them.
But it had taken a while for Taeyong to approach you, and the thrill of it was too appealing to let it go without even trying.
“See you tomorrow, Miss,” was all he replied, running a hand through his wet hair before turning around to get his stuff.
Taeyong always knew better. Until he didn’t.
“SHH!” Taeyong’s hand covered your mouth quickly to smother your giggles. The night was calm and quiet, the silence only broken by your laughter which only grew with Taeyong’s panic. “You’re going to get us caught,”
"What are you afraid of?” you questioned, rising an eyebrow. The light of the candles on the floor barely made your features visible, but it was as far as you could risk it without attracting anyone’s attention to the guest house.
“Well, for a starters, I have a job to keep,” Taeyong showed you one finger, a silver ring on it catching a glint from the flames. “And your dad is pretty scary, if you ask me. Or anyone at Resonance.”
“Ah, he’s alright,” you shrugged. He was right in being scared of one of the owners of Resonance Club catching him with his precious daughter, things could get ugly very quickly. “I will protect you, pretty boy.” You teased. He hated that nickname, a lot of the Resonance members had started calling him that after he landed the lifeguard job a few weeks back.
It could or could not have been thanks to you putting in a word for him with your dad that they offered him the job in the first place. You just wanted another excuse to see him, other than Lily’s swimming lessons at your house.
And not long after that, you finally had him at the palm of your hand.
The first time Taeyong had snuck through the garden gate and into the guest house, his heart was on his throat. He had never felt that way, because he had never done such thing. He was Lee Taeyong, who never took this sort of risks no matter how hard he found it to keep a girl out of his mind.
He’d done it almost every night since then, because the way his heart raced when you kissed him didn’t compare to anything he’d ever felt before. Not even to the fear of losing his job, and making Doyoung lose his, or earning a beat from your father’s cronies if he found out what he did with his daughter while he was inside the main house a few meters away.
Taeyong rolled his eyes at you. “Don’t call me that, please,” he groaned but added a soft laugh. The hand that was still holding your face pulled you closer to him, his thumb caressing your lower lip.
It reminded him you were one of them every time you called him that. You were not like him, and if he let himself forget that, the damage would be too big.
“Fine,” you let out and exaggerated sight, smirking when Taeyong shook his head. “Kiss me already, prett—”
Taeyong finally cut you off with his lips on yours. Tentative and slow as always, like he was afraid you would reject his advance, although it was always you who begged him for more, or simply pulled him so close to you it was actually painful how the angles of your bodies fit each other.
“Call me whatever you want,” Taeyong whispered then, his warmth breath against the shell of your ear. “Whatever you want.”
He would be whatever you wanted him to be, and that scared him a lot less than he would have thought.
Keeping it a secret made it even more fun. Seeing your friends so desperate to attract Taeyong’s attention, making up excuses to talk to him, or just straight up flirting with him only to face his blatant rejection made you feel like you held some sort of power over them.
Power that finally belonged to you, that had nothing to do with your family’s last name or money. But an advantage that you earned yourself. And although you knew it wouldn’t last, you hoped you’d have a little more time to enjoy it.
“Please Taeyong,” Doyoung sighed, “Lucas bailed and we need someone to take his spot. I’m sure they won’t mind, they love you.”
“They don’t love me,” Taeyong scoffed, “Are you sure you won’t get in trouble for it? It’s like I’m taking every job there is.”
Doyoung groaned. “Please, they’ll fire me if there aren’t enough bartenders to keep these people drunk.”
“Fine,” Taeyong nodded, one night wouldn’t hurt. Maybe if he put enough alcohol on their already expensive drinks, he’d a hundred dollar tip by accident.
The Resonance Club Midsummer Party was a big deal, but what wasn’t a big deal with these people? They took any excuse to throw their money to a pile of fire just for the fun of watching it burn AND knowing they had enough to keep doing that for weeks, months even.
Your hand slid across the bar, your red nails catching the light as you clicked them against the surface. Your sly smile, lips matching the crimson in your hands, made Taeyong’s heart race.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” you commented casually, getting his full attention while other guests yelled at his fellow bartender for their drinks to come out quicker. “Who are you and why are you apparently good at everything? Even bartending.”
Taeyong shrugged. “What can I get you, Miss?” he replied instead, keeping his smile innocent and polite, although his mind had wandered places he rather not come back from.
“Anything you want,” you smiled, nails clicking again. You could feel the eyes on your back, your group friends holding their breaths, waiting to see if your interaction with the ‘pretty boy’ would be any more successful than any of theirs had ever been.
“Cranberry vodka for the lady, and whiskey—neat— for me,” the boy wasn’t unlike any other at the party that night. Hair slicked back, Rolex on his wrist and a twisted smile Taeyong had seen a million times before, but somehow he knew something was different about him.
“Jaehyun?” the word came out of you like a gasp, a sudden panic making your throat bob. “I thought you were in the States—”
“Isn’t my girl happy to see me?” the boy, Jaehyun, continued barely looking away from you to raise an eyebrow at Taeyong who wasn’t rushing to deliver the drinks he’d been requested. “I missed you, baby.”
Taeyong chuckled to himself. Had he been the type of person to say ‘I told you so’, he would have said it to the mirror like a mantra.
“I missed you too,” you answered, letting Jaehyun wrap his arm around your waist. Not another word coming out of your mouth as Taeyong slid both glasses towards you.
Yet Taeyong smiled at you as his eyes wandered to Jaehyun’s hand going to your lower back, he knew, because Taeyong always knew. And he knew his heart was breaking and yours had never beat for him, not really.
summary: He was bad news; it was in fact known all around your campus and yet you caved into his arms. Now you’re reminiscing about your old moments together while sitting on the bus during a rainy day.
song of the day: Troubled Paradise by Slayyyter
The paragraph in bold italic is from the past moments that no longer has association to the present. hope it isn't too confusing as I tried something new.
You sometimes wonder why you made the mistake of falling for someone like him. Someone like Kim Hongjoong.
The steps you took approached the bus stop getting closer as you let your mind wander around ever so pathetically and sadly. You took a big breath as you finally reached the bus stop and impatiently waited for the bus to arrive which will be in 3 minutes.
Soon enough, the transportation stops in front of you before you quickly rush to get into the bus and find a seat where you can rethink about your life situation and how you let yourself fall so low again. And you did, which you chose to be at the very back, occupied with your earphone that plays music to suit your mood as the bus closes its door as the weather starts to cry, maybe they are sad for you too.
And they do have the rights because in fact, it’s a very tragic love story that ended with you being in a deep misery.
As long as you grew up, you remember yourself not having much exposure to the outside world. You were always by yourself with a few friends who are as devoted to books and studies as you are. Your parents hardly let you have fun too. And that is why, you were able to immediately get accepted into all 5 colleges just after 4 days of applying.
The rain drops, which are imprinted onto the bus’ window at your side that sit nearby, reminds you of the first time you met Hongjoong. Despite having a reputation as a sinner, he was sweet, incredibly funny and oh, so kind. And so, you chose to ignore all the rumors and the cries of many girls who were dumped by him because you were blinded by love.
You were the happiest when he asked you to be his partner. You couldn’t fathom the excitement of finally being someone to someone, and most importantly, a guy who everyone warned you about.
“Sooyoung, you wouldn’t believe who just asked me out!” You squealed like a little girl as the three of you, Sooyoung and San, walked into the restaurant.
“Oh girl…. don’t tell me it’s him.” She expressed her deep disappointment in your choice and you were stunned, as you weren’t expecting that kind of reaction coming from her.
“I mean… we’re both happy for you but don’t say we didn’t warn you.” San warned you as your group of friends find a place to settle and order food.
“Yah. If he ever dares hurting you, we both will be at his doorstep.” Sooyoung gave a response and you know deep down that they both weren’t pleased by who your boyfriend is.
The start of every relationship is beautiful; beyond each imaginations and what they could’ve asked for. Hongjoong spoiled you, making you feel like the only person in the world. He shared his pain, laugh, happiness and stress with you. It didn’t take long before you completely worshipped him as your entire being and every breath you took, you only saw him. He had you wrapped around his finger. And he returned the same to you, which made your heart delighted.
He was your first love, it doesn’t matter what kind of past he has. At least he was yours now. One word from him and you'll be ready to do as he pleases.
“I want this fish plushie!” You poured, pointing at the fish in the machine as he chuckled before pointing at the one that wasn’t in the color you wanted.
“This?” His eyes attentively moved along with the medal of the machine that grabbed the little bears and every kind of plushies in there.
“No!” Your sour face made him chuckle.
“I’m just kidding! I know you wanted the one in pink.” He teased before going back to grab the plushie in the wanted color and when the sound of the said animal hit the machine as it rolled down and dropped, you were more than ecstatic and kissed him on his cheek.
That was the first time you’ve ever kissed him in public space.
His obvious affection and your secret hidden way of showing one was a perfect combination. Something he’d never tell you but he found it adorable. You both continued to spend more time together, sticking as if you were glue, so attached to him.
Your friends noticed how happy he made you and they apologized for getting the wrong perception based on the rumors, which you told them it’s fine and that they were looking out for you. And they began to like him too.
San and Hongjoong began to hang out and sometimes the 5 of you, which includes Yuri, who is the one Sooyoung was seeing, spent all night gaming with no plan to rest at all.
“I’d fucking crash you in this!” You yelled out with your boyfriend’s body seated so close to you on the couch. Your hands gripped on the controller tightly as your eyes did not back away from the screen, afraid that Hongjoong would come back to kill your character.
“You won’t, you fucking suck at this!” He exclaimed and for a moment, you almost dropped your controller and smashed it against his skull instead of focusing on defeating his character who stood so smugly in a hill of mountain.
“God, look at them.” Yuri gushed to Sooyoung while looking at you and your boyfriend. “That’s some true love shit.” Your best friend agrees with her date while swooning over how adorable you two are.
And there came the moment when everything started to fall apart. He became cold, distant and avoidant and you were hoping that the sweet Hongjoong you knew would come back again and reassure you that everything is fine. You being you, tried everything in your power to see him one last time.
“Joongie, should we go on a picnic today?” You asked with a smile on your face, having just gotten back from your course and now walking out of the campus. “We both are free and it’s sunny today. I checked the weath—”
“No.” His answer was firm, cut clear and no beating around the bush. It took you by surprise that this was the first time he ever rejected an offer like that as he usually would love to spend time together with you.
And he walked away, leaving you clueless and dumbfounded. That was the first sign that you should’ve taken, not just nodding your head and thinking he wasn’t in the mood and needing his personal space.
The heavy rain that sympathized with your tragic love story, along with the time that comes within reminded of the gap that started to get more and more obvious as it progressed into your relationship. By the time you noticed, it has been 6 months. 21 September marked your half a year anniversary together.
You received nothing, not even a single text to make up for it. In fact, your phone notifications were dry and you were overly excited that your phone was ringing with a call while you were reading a book and tossing your electronic device away from you. You had hoped that he would apologize about his lack of presence in your life lately and perhaps, how busy he was.
Only to meet with Sooyoung’s voice from the other line.
“Y/N! Let’s go out as the 4 of us. It's Yuri’s birthday today and I planned to surprise her!” She exclaimed with so much enthusiasm that you almost smashed your phone to the ground due to frustration that it wasn’t.
“What time will you pick me up?” Your voice was tender, not showing a hint of excitement for the get together after days of haven’t met each other.
“7:30 pm. I’ll pick my girlfriend up later at 8.” She spoke sharply and noticed the lack of happiness in your voice but saved it to ask after the gathering ended.
You had the best time of your life but socializing wore you out. You weren’t the one to help plan out the surprise but your heart swells at how much effort your best friend planned to make her girlfriend. And it reminded you of your own boyfriend, which you didn’t bring up during the conversation until Yuri asked you.
“How’s Hongjoong and you?” Yuri threw the question ever so blatantly and it made you shocked as it was out of nowhere nor anybody saw it coming.
“G-good.” You were on the edge, struggling a bit to respond to her question but thankfully kept your demeanor in check which Yuri didn’t suspect but San did notice and raise a brow in your hesitation to answer, as if you were trying to cover something up. And all of you continued to bite down on your meal.
A group of people, specifically 8, who sat in front of you before made their ways to leave the bus, leaving you and perhaps, merely 15 more including you (you counted out of boredom and curiosity) remaining on your seats as you noticed the bus hadn’t reached its destination. You sigh in relief as you begin to think more.
And the storm that rang so loudly that it startled you, catching you off guard by surprise. In a way to remind you that your first ever relationship was a disaster, just like the ruined and watered weather that shared your pain, to which you’d never have the heart to express to others how hard it was for you to simply face the reality.
Your relationship with him began to show all the signs of unpleasantness. But you being you, couldn’t bring yourself to leave nor acknowledge that what he’s been doing was hurting you. He had you wrapped you around his finger and he knows it.
“Y/N, i told you that she’s just a friend!” His frustration was obvious and you weren’t buying it at first. You were convinced that you’ve been a possessive lover but even you knew that his so called girl best friend is way too close to be considered as a pair of people who are in just a platonic relationship.
“Then why did you look way too friendly with her?” You yelled back with your raising higher as the time dragged itself. “Call me a jealous bitch all you want but we both know that gesture is way too friendly for fuck sake!” And there came tears that rolled down on your reddened face.
“Why can’t I just have female friends? You’re just my partner, not my fucking mom!”
This caught you by surprise, and he must’ve realized that it was too harsh as he took a step closer to you and approached your body before tightly hugging it and whispered out ‘I’m sorry’ a million times and promised to mark up for the lost time and you let him, just like a fool you were.
The constant cycle of him using you and making you feel as if you were that possessive partner only made your paranoia worsen up. You didn’t know when you became so miserable and the only way to distract yourself from all the constant toxicity that started to reveal itself was to study and you had no direct plan on how to control the situation. At least that’s what you thought of it.
God led you to your fate and saved you from being potentially blinded further by his perfect smile and cold yet warm aura as you were on your way to surprise him on his birthday, which will be tomorrow. Unfortunately, it rained so hard that you had to stay inside the shop and as you were choosing your outfits, you caught a glimpse of your boyfriend at the other section, kissing his said female friend that he told you not to worry about.
You felt you went numb. And you couldn’t physically move. You bite down on your tears as you watch them both serenading one another with the biggest crack in your heart. Your head was spinning but that didn’t stop you from texting Hongjoong to come to the back of the shop to have a discussion. His brows were furrowed together until he caught your figure not so far away from him.
The bus finally reached your destination and it had stopped raining, as if it was waiting to dry off despite it being 7 pm by the time you did. You get up from your seat, hurriedly to get off the bus and it wouldn’t take long before you reached your apartment complex.
You quicken your pace as you let your mind wander off to how your relationship ended. And you were thankful you did even if it’s a messy way.
“She won. I’m not her.” You stared him straight into his eye, telling him you were serious. The tears that were threatening to spilled from the time you first witnessed his unfaithfulness is now display at its mercy,
“Baby please-” He was trying to reason with you but you didn’t buy into it. “I hope you didn’t use her like you did with me. Fuck you.” And you ran out of the store, having bought your clothes instead of his.
The rain that mixed with the salty tear of yours as you took each step to get away from where you were reflected how you take each step in a chilly weather to finally rest in the comfort of your tiny apartment with your slightly less aching heart, compared to the one from when you were a pathetic, hopeless mess.
Quickly, you reach your apartment. And although you’ll never be able to wipe him off from your consciousness, it’s a lesson to learned. And you smile off bitterly.
That kiss meant everything to me, as did you. I was looking forward to asking you out the next day, but was given this letter instead. I truly do miss you, but I understand that you weren’t able to come back, which still to this perplexes me.
I had thought Hyunjae spiked the punch bowl and not you, so that was quite the shocker. That makes you even cooler, besides being so kind and the only one willing to sit and listen to me talk. Which reminds me, thank you for always being there for me.
I don’t know if you knew, but I only shared all the random news with you because I knew you would listen. You were the only one interested enough to humor me, so thank you for that. Thank you for being my friend and subsequently my very first love.
I know if you were still here, we would have been happy. I would have taken you to my secret hiding place I found my first year on campus. Still to this day, no one knows of it since it’s underground. I think you would have enjoyed being in silence with me.
I hope that wherever you are that you are doing well and safe. Thank you for being my friend and for loving me. I want you to know that I will never forget about you, you were one of my best memories. I hope that whatever direction you walk in, that you never look back.
I know you may have lied to me, but I forgive you because I love you. I always have, ever since the day we met. I may not know where you are, but trust me, I miss you. I miss your lame responses to my arguably as lame jokes, but that’s besides the point.
I’m sorry if I caused you any distress when I saw you. I didn’t mean to place any blame on you, I was just hurt that I didn’t know. When you left it felt like half my heart had also left with you. But I had to get used to it, I had to get used to the fact that no one else could stand my jokes like you.
No matter how lame I was, you always humored me and entertained my dumb ideas and even going as far as bringing them to life. I will never forget the day you showed up as chucky to class. Thank you for making the last year of university less boring.
That letter you wrote me, I could feel the pain through your words. I keep that letter near my bedside table and read it before I sleep. I miss you so much that it pains me, but I have to move on, I can’t keep waiting for you forever. I asked that girl out from the library, but she said no, so I guess my chances with her are close to nothing.
Thank you for everything, Y/n. I wish you luck with that ever it is that you are doing. I love you. Stay curious okay? I always loved that complex brain of yours, it’s so interesting how you think.
I hope you’re in a safe place, I am so sorry for my father. He never told me why he ran after you and how he even knew you. Said it was for my safety that I didn’t get involved, which is impossible since you’re my friend and I care about you.
I don’t know where you are, but I thought I’d tell you I moved out as soon as I could. My fathers behavior ever since he saw you was strange. He would leave for days at a time claiming it was for “work” but each time he came back more and more disheveled. It scared my mother and I, so we decided it best that I left.
I am so much happier now, but would be much happier if you were by my side. Thank you for making work less miserable because after you left, I couldn’t last a day without wanting to bash my head in. I miss you. I don’t know where you are, but I love you and I trust that you’re okay.
I listened to you and I didn’t go searching for the mysterious guy who went searching for you. I am however worried about you, but I trust that you are safe, I trust that you haven’t gone searching for him and I trust that you are doing amazing things.
I miss my track buddy! Practice has never been the same since you left, but I found another partner! She’s amazing and incredibly talented! When I first met her I was like “Ohhh Y/n! You have some competition!”
Oh and guess what? I got first place on my 100 meter run! You said I could do it and I did! I did it! Kind of sad you weren’t there to see me, but I know you would be proud of me. Thank you so much for having so much faith and trust in me.
I hope that wherever you are that you are happy. I hope that you have someone as annoying as me to bother you. I love you, Y/n. I loved everything about you and I love that you were my best friend. Although I may never see you again, I know that you are always watching over me from afar.
You know the day after you left, I finally cleaned out my room and jeez… I am so sorry you had to stay there. I found so many mango juice boxes under the bed and a bowl of moldy ramen in the closet. Anyways, I miss you, I miss my bestie. I don’t know if I can ever see you again, but thank you for making my life less of a drab.
When I went back to the diner on bloom street, the waiter asked where you were. And… I didn’t know what to say, I broke down at the diner. I was so heartbroken since it had finally settled in that you were no longer with me. I don’t want to get into details, but they miss you too.
The waiter gave me free food and walked me home. He said something about the right person at the wrong time. I don’t know if I really believe in that, but I knew you were the right person at the right time. I would never change things between us because you will always be my bestie.
Thank you for the best years of my life. I hope whatever you are doing, that you are happy and have found someone new. I love you so much. I know we may never see each other, but know that you always have a special spot in my heart.
I never knew how much written words could impact. After reading these letters that had mysteriously appeared, my heart was never the same. Although I could not long for these boys, I knew they still loved me. I knew that I had a spot in their hearts and them in mine.
A/n: the next chapter will be the last of this series. thank you to everyone who have joined me on this journey. this was so much fun to write and i loved being so creative with this concept. i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!
A/N: This is just a little comfort story I wrote for myself. Been so busy with work and all, that when I did have the chance to rest, I find myself missing these two a lot. So here you go, I hope you guys enjoy this :)
Genre: Fluff, poly! au
Chanyeol x Reader, Baekhyun x Reader
"Chanyeollie, Baekhyunnie. Where are you guys? Come back, please don't go. Please don't leave me"
"Y/N? Wake up. Time for breakfast" you faintly heard a deep yet familiar voice calling you. Then, another famiiar voice rings in your ears but this time it's a more smoother, lighter, mischievous tone. " I guess she's having a nightmare. Look at her, she's sweating and squirming around"
At the same time, you vaguely felt someone gently shaking you awake and what felt like a soft fabric, tenderly grazed over your forehead and your cheeks. You distinctly heard footsteps leaving and the sound of the door closing but you're not so sure
It took you some time to wake up. You rubbed your eyes from tiredness. You looked to your right and saw Chanyeol sitting beside you holding a cloth, his face full of worry and concern
"Baby, you're finally awake. I tried to wake you up but you were crying and sweating. I managed to wipe most of it off. Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream? " he uttered while putting the cloth away
But you were not listening. You were still in a daze and still trying to figure out what happened and what you just dreamed a few moments ago. It looked so real, felt too real
It took you some time but you managed to snap out from your thoughts. "Yeah, sorry I zoned out there, Yeollie. It was dreadful. I had this nightmare where you and Baek were leaving me. You guys said that you found someone better and just left me like that. You guys were slowly fading away and when both of you turned to look at me one last time, your eyes looked so empty and dull. It literally felt like I was going through a really painful heartbreak" you explained while on the verge of tears
"Hey, hey, y/n. It's okay. It was all a bad dream. Having a nightmare sucks but I'm here. Baek and I won't go anywhere. We're here to stay. Come here, love" He softly said, pulling you into his chest for a tight hug while peppering you with kisses on your forehead
You've always loved his touch. They always managed to calm you down and make you feel safe. He then planted a light kiss on your lips. That's his way of reassuring you that everything is going to be okay
You were feeling better and thanked him but a quick glance around the room lets you know someone else isn't here and you were starting to get worried
"Yeollie, where's Baekhyunnie?" you started to panic, thinking the nightmare you had is about to come true
Baekhyun and Chanyeol are both your best friends and oddly enough, your lovers. Chanyeol was your best friend initially but he introduced you to Baekhyun, thinking the three of you would just be good friends but it quickly turned into something much more after getting to know more about each other. You started to fall for the both of them and the same could be said for them
Now, other people might disagree about the idea of a polyamorous relationship because they tend to be bad news but with these two, it's a bliss. It felt right and you guys are happy being each other's sides
Even though each of you expresses love in different ways, you guys would always take the time and effort to understand each other's love languages, always seen happily holding each other's hands
You guys have pretty much witnessed each other's highest and lowest moments together, always rooted and supported each other
"Ah don't worry, baby. He's making us breakfast. Turns out his cooking has improved ever since he went to that cooking class. Said he wanted to try some new recipe he learned" he chuckled
You sighed in relief while your lips started to curve into a smile
Baekhyun has been attending this cooking class nearby where you guys are living, for a few months now. He once mentioned how his cooking sucks and how he wants to improve. Knowing him, he's always up for a good challenge, always eager to learn and try new things
After a few minutes, you heard Baekhyun coming in, holding two plates of what looked like stacks of pancakes. They smell and look good you admit, and in cue, your stomach began to grumble with hunger
"Oh, y/n. You're up. Yeollie and I have been trying to wake you up for breakfast. We ordered some takeaways but it looked like we can save that for our lunch later. Thought I'd try out this new pancake and honey recipe. You guys are the first to try this though by the way. So, it might not taste good. Haha. Anyway, eat up. You guys must be hungry. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think" he excitedly said
God, they do taste as good as it looks. That cooking class sure was worth it, guess you have two chefs in your house now
"Hmmm, they tathe uhmehjing, Baek" you mumbled through a mouth full of pancakes. Not really a pretty sight but hey, they know you well by now. You waited until you finished chewing before you repeated "They taste amazing, gosh. I can say that your cooking has really improved a lot, Baekhyunnie"
"Hehe, thank you, baby. I see Chanyeol over here is enjoying it as well. He hasn't spoken ever since I came in with the pancakes" he chuckled while glancing over at the taller man whose mouth is also full of pancakes
When you were finished with your last bite, Baekhyun got curious and proceeded to ask you, "So, what did you dream about till it made my baby cry?"
So you told him everything. He listened attentively to every word you have to say. Most people would see that he's always playful and likes to joke around a lot but when he needs to, he'd be attentive and always comes up with the best advices
While Chanyeol's love language is undoubtedly physical touch, Baekhyun is more of a words of affirmation kind of person
"Look at me baby, Yeollie and I are not going anywhere, you hear me? We love you and we'll always do. You'll always hold a special place in our hearts. I don't know if we'll still be together in the future because I don't want to make promises I can't keep. But for now, I just want to make as many happy memories as I can with you guys. So long as we're alive, we're not going to leave you alone" he said seriously while cupping your cheeks with both of his hands
Chanyeol was nodding his head in agreement and by now, both him and Baekhyun were leaning in to hug you as tears started to flow. They always know how to comfort you, cheer you up, make you smile in their own different ways
It's beautiful to experience this kind of rare love with them. And for this, you're always thankful
After you guys pulled away from the hug, Baekhyun was back to his own playful self. "Last to leave the room has to clean up and do the dishes"
Of course with Chanyeol being the tallest, he was blessed with those long legs, making him the first. While Baekhyun being a fast runner, he was the second to leave which leaves you the last
Well, guess you'll be doing the dishes and the cleaning today
Not that you mind because you wouldn't trade them for anything