#latenightthoughts Tumblr posts

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  • sometimes it feels like

    my chest is caved in

    and I can’t breathe

    I’m suffocating

    my heart pounds

    a mile per minute

    I get so shaky

    and weak

    I can’t believe

    something

    like that could ever

    happen to me

    I was so pure

    and innocent

    why me?

    why me?

    -

    I feel so dead inside when I think about the things you did to me

    I try to cope but sometimes my pain gets the best of me

    maybe one day I’ll get better and forget everything bad that’s ever happened to me….

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  • Enough

    Darling,

    I have seen you apologize to the table for bumping into it.

    I have listened to you talk on the phone for hours to cheer up your friends.

    I have watched you burn yourself at both ends to help family and strangers alike.

    I have never seen you be anything but kind and compassionate to others,

    So why can’t you be kind to yourself?

    If you showed yourself ten times the compassion you showed everyone else,

    it still would less than you deserved.

    You deserve the world darling,

    and I can only hope you see that someday.

    Until then I’ll just have to remind you:

    You are worth it.

    You are beautiful.

    You are enough.

    #spilled words#spilled ink#latenightthoughts#original#spilled thoughts#poem#spilled poetry#self love#self healing#self esteem #types of love #loveyourself#enough #you are beautiful #you are good enough #you are perfect #you are valid #you are not alone #you are enough #you are loved #andnothinghurtmydear#daily reminder#depression#anxiety#sleepsl
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    “ I find it comforting looking out to see street lights in the dead of night. It reminds me I’m not standing alone in darkness “ - @your-tender-embrace

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    This is me on the reg. Except without the filter.

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    Interesting post of the day.

    #is1wordforloveenough?

    I think having only one word for love (or limiting it to “love” and “in love”) leads to (or can lead to) a lot of mis-communication and a lack of (or less of) an understanding of ones own or someone else’s feelings of love.

    Not a lot of people (or maybe it’s just been people I’ve known) can actually grasp that you can love multiple people at once, in similar but ultimately different ways.

    Societal views and pressures for monogamous relationships (in my opinion) have limited people’s confidence, ability and understanding of sharing, truely sharing, love the love they feel.

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  • The most broken people in life are the same ones rooting for other people’s happiness.

    Because we can’t ever achieve it, but we live to see it in others.

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  • Sang mentari mungkin bisa membuat kamu menyadari kalau kamu tidak sendirian, tapi Sang Rembulan bisa membuat kamu menyadari kalau kamu hanyalah satu spesies yang sangat kecil dalam dunia yang begitu besar, tapi, kamu istimewa! :)

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  • This day is just keeps getting better and better. One thing happens and then another bs thing comes up. Mann what in the fuck…

    Also doesn’t help I get played over and over again.. it was a waste of my time talking to you. This is just great. Lead me on for what. One reason why I don’t mess around with the nonsense but rather settle down.

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  • Lately I’ve been thinking about running away. I’ve been thinking of how possible it is to completely disappear and start new some where else. I wonder how long it would take people to notice. I wonder if people would notice. Would people care? Regardless, I’ve been fascinated with the idea of being able to rebuild myself around those who have no idea who I used to be. Partly because it could help me figure that last part out as well.

    Over the last few years I’ve been really trying to do some discovering. I feel like I’ve spent way too long stuck in a constant loop of:
    1) Analyze the problem
    2) Come up with some sort of action plan
    3) Come up with some sort of schedule to accompany the idea found in step 2. 4) Be Content with having an idea.
    5) Follow for a couple days.

    This has been my life. However usually at step 5 most people change “A Couple Days” to “Follow for Life” AND, mine comes with a great big handy 6) Start the fuck over because of your Insecurities, Laziness, and sometimes Lack of Care. 

    So for the last couple of months I’ve been asking my self;
    1) Why are you so content with being mediocre?
    2) Why are you so lazy?
    3) Why are you so indecisive?
    4) Why are you so wasteful with your money?
    5) Why are you so destructive?
    6) Why are you so unmotivated?
    7) Why are you so insecure?
    8) What makes you, you?

    Answering these daily for the last couple of months was supposed to be a unique way to try and acknowledge my problems and after answering them I would attempt to go ahead and “Solve Them.” It’s pretty safe to say, no I didn’t actually answer these questions every day. probably close to weekly, but here goes.

    1) I’ve always thought I wanted to be the greatest at anything I set my mind to. Eventually, over the years just meeting certain criteria was sufficient too me.
    2) I really don’t do anything until I absolutely need to do it. Even then sometimes I hardly do. (For reference, I’ve stated and I quote “I Will lose X amount of weight this year, for at least 16 years now)
    3) Being so certain on something, that could eventually lead to disappointment or getting hurt that I can barely fucking choose what to eat on a date. (Fear of fighting, or date wouldn’t like the place to eat) So I differ.
    4) I have this fucking idea that people like me, but a lot of the time its because money hadn’t mattered much to me. So, with a lot of things, like buying for S/O, or friends/Family etc. or just buying shit in general was just whatever to me.
    5) I have a hard time believing that anything good in my life is actually just good. (fuck me, am i right?)
    6) Honestly, as much time as I’ve spent listening to self help, or self motivation speakers etc, I should be a walking fucking book. And yet here I am on fucking Tumblr complaining about my life and how bad I feel I have it. So.(Beats me) *Shrug*
    7) Shit, I’ve only wanted people to like me, the things I wear, the things I own, the things I listen to, the things I eat, almost every single fucking thing I do or think is influenced by the idea that “If you do this, people could like you more” 
    “If you wear that, people would find you attractive” So fucking superficial now that I think about it but *Shrug pt.2*
    8) This, is the one question I’ve not been able to complete. 

    Oh how I loathe the idea that I have no idea how to identify myself except for the words; Depressed, Unhealthy, Broke, and Lonely.

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    I kinda miss Tumblr - where I can reblog posts or upload photos without the thought of me having a messy “feed” or blog. Where everyone can share their thoughts without people judging them.

    I think people on Tumblr is the most genuine people. They don’t give a fck if you are popular or pretty.

    Anyways, I am rewatching Tokyo Ghoul, Sword Art Online and Attack On Titan. ANDDD, Peaky Blinders is a good series. Recommended!

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  • “I think the fuck not you trick ass bitch” - is probably one of my favorite quotes of all time lol.

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  • Friendships

    Did you ever have a friendship that you thought would last forever?

    That that person would be the person you would call if you needed to get rid of a dead body?

    A person you would get drunk with at family games and chill on the sidelines ruining everything?

    That person who was supposed to be your person for life?

    The person that you could text or call at any moment of the day to tell you the tea you couldn’t keep to yourself?

    What happens if you depended on that friendship, and it fell apart, for years you haven’t had anyone like this and you feel like you never will. No matter how hard you try the people you meet are selfish, only use you for money, are spoiled, are just downright mean. What then? Do you keeping waiting for your person?

    I’m not talking about the person you love, I’m talking about your PERSON. The Cristina yang to Meredith grey person. What happens if you had that already and it’s gone forever with memories because you grew up? Do you wait and maybe they weren’t truly your person and you will find another?

    Is there hope for that connection ?

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  • Warum sind Menschen so komisch und kompliziert. Man hat keinen Kontakt, weil man dem anderen nicht schreiben möchte, aus Angst zu nerven. Aus Angst, überhaupt wieder in das Leben das anderen zu treten. Aus Angst, irgendetwas kaputt zu machen. Aus Angst, sich selbst weh zu tun. Aus Angst, alte Wunden erneut aufzureißen. Trotzdem möchte man schreiben, um den Kontakt zu halten. Um doch irgendwie nicht ganz abzuschließen. Um den anderen trotzdem noch zu einem kleinen Teil seines Lebens zu machen. Um zu hören, ob alles gut bei dem anderen ist, ob alle so läuft, wie der andere sich es vorstellt. Menschen sind komisch und kompliziert und trotzdem entscheidet man sich dafür, nicht zu schreiben. Und wenn dann der andere auch so denkt, verliert man den Kontakt komplett und man ist sich schließlich fremd. Menschen werden zu Fremden, mit denen man vorher sein ganzes Leben geteilt hat. Zeiten ändern sich so schnell. In einem Moment ist jeder Moment schön. Das Leben ist aufeinmal schön. Und von einer Sekunde zur anderen ist alles anders. Man kennt sich nicht mehr. Man weiß nicht, ob es dem anderen gut geht. Was ihn bedrückt, was ihm an diesem Tag gutes passiert ist. Was sich generell geändert hat. Man steht im Dunkeln und endet in seinen Gedanken. Das ist das schlimmste. Die Gedanken. Die Erinnerungen, die einem Stück für Stück das Herz heraus reißen. Die dich langsam zu Grunde gehen lassen, weil du weißt, dass kein Mensch der Welt dich wieder in diesen Zustand bringen kann.

    Du fehlst. Ich denke jeden Tag an dich, auch wenn ich dir nach dem 25. nicht geschrieben habe. Es tut mir leid. Ich will nicht stören oder nerven.

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  • Been down this road before, this is all too familiar.

    Took a wrong turn back at highway 3,

    Now were staring out the window like, how did this come to be?

    Love burnt so strong we had visions of forever.

    Forgot the extinguisher, now those dreams burnt out the kitchen.

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  • “You said you loved me

    And I did too

    Now though it’s over

    I still love you”

    — John Legend, Heartbreaker

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  • Thoughts I Wish I Didn’t Think

    Do you ever look back at your life and are just amazed at how much has changed? In a day, a week, a month, or even a year? Not all of them are good. Not all of them are bad. Yet they happened all the same.

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  • I have this constant feeling like everything in my life is slipping out of my hands all at once and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

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  • Do you ever think about the last time you held her?

    Do you ever think about the last time you pressed your lips to hers?

    Played with her fingers as you drove 70 down the freeway?

    Walked into a dark room as she slept and just stared at the way the moonlight worshipped her body?

    Do you remember how the shape of her felt like a puzzle piece that you finally found?

    Do you remember how warm her skin felt against yours?

    Do you remember the last time she called you babe?

    Do you remember the last time you told her “I love you”?

    The way a mere touch from her fingertip made you melt?

    And how you never wanted it to end?

    Do you remember when you thought to yourself that this was your forever and now you’re haunted with every little detail and memory until the end of your time?

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  • you know the scenes in movies about outer space where someone always fucks up on the outside of the craft and they lose their grip on the harness or rope and space just issues them away into a

    wonderful

    beautiful

    vast

    seemingly

    empty

    black abyss?

    i want to feel that.

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